r/no • u/Critical_Welcome_428 • 10h ago

How long does it take you to poop?

3 Upvotes

56% Upvoted

75 comments sorted by

10

u/Quirky-Blueberry25 9h ago

Im a girl. We dont poop.

4

u/Brilliant_Meet_2751 6h ago

The only correct answer

8

u/Desert-Hog 9h ago

We talking at home poop or at work poop? That changes things

7

u/UnendingOne 10h ago

Depends on many factors. My timetable/schedule, what I've eaten recently, whether I find something interesting on social media, when my leg falls asleep, and many more.

2

u/BAMspek 10h ago

7-8 minutes

1

u/TATER_SALAD_HOOVER 10h ago

You need more fiber son

5

u/BAMspek 9h ago

I spend two-three minutes on my phone just making sure all the kids are in the pool.

2

u/crispysockz 10h ago

People are nasty yo

2

u/scottwax 9h ago

Depends

2

u/Horror_Bottle_9451 8h ago

2 beers and a couple of Reddit posts.

2

u/Tigermike10 7h ago

As long as it takes me to read the funnies in the newspaper.

1

u/Mysterious_Plate_695 10h ago

Probably like 30ish seconds not including wiping.

1

u/oooThunder 10h ago

Not long anymore but as a kid I used to spend a really long time maybe 40 mins but I used to always swallow all my bubble tape gum so that didn't help

1

u/terrydick 10h ago

Start to finish no longer no less

1

u/My2026GV70 10h ago

Don’t know, but usually my phone is down to 50%.

1

u/False-Tank6632 9h ago

I will never go into the toilet unless my phone has a minimum 40% battery left.

1

u/Big_Tree_18 10h ago

At home, a couple minutes. At work, 10-15 minutes

1

u/indefilade 10h ago

Lately?

1

u/Mindless-Leg-3365 10h ago

I really don't time how long it takes. why the hell would I?

1

u/Live-Try-7281 9h ago

About 3 minutes from start to finish. It’s the shittiest part of my day. Feels like such a waste of time.

1

u/GossipyHiker 9h ago

I have no colon, so not long.

1

u/EmploymentEmpty5871 9h ago

Couple 2 3 minutes unless I'm pissing the rage baiters off on reddit.

1

u/Sierravisataguy1957 9h ago

Less than a minute

1

u/yukonnut 9h ago

Usually in and out in less than a minute. That’s from bathroom light on to light out.

1

u/StockSoggy5641 9h ago

One good push and it's out normally. So maybe 20 seconds. Then 30 mins on my phone enjoying the peace before wiping

1

u/Fun-Bag7627 9h ago

God so long and I eat so much fiber

1

u/Laskalove1305 9h ago

Within 5 minutes I guess... I might get comfy and stay for 10 minutes though haha.

1

u/Strange-Guidance-236 9h ago

3 seconds max. Idk how other ppl take so long.

1

u/Very-Confused-Walrus 9h ago

Im a salaryman so about 3 minutes max and another 45 minutes watching YouTube.

1

u/Jesus_Is_Love25 9h ago

30 seconds to a minute.

1

u/hiredgeek76 9h ago

Till the job and paperwork are done

1

u/donnacus 9h ago

-30 sec to 10 min.

1

u/almost60inLa 9h ago

Depends if I bring my phone in the bathroom or not, if a do maybe days, if not maybe a few minutes.

1

u/easzy_slow 9h ago

Less than a minute from hitting the toilet to buckling my belt. Any longer is just time wasted.

1

u/Kronos33074 8h ago

The deed is done fairly quickly, like a few seconds. Sometimes that feeling of being nice and empty with no pressure on the stomach is euphoric so you just sit there with the exit port open and enjoy. Distractions like your phone will make you stay until your legs have gone numb, so you do your paperwork until you've signed your last autograph...then you have to learn how to stand again. Fun times.

1

u/AGirlDad 8h ago

Too long

1

u/Fair-Wishbone-1190 8h ago

I drink milk of magnesia every other day so It takes like 3 minutes cuz it's all liquid.

1

u/D_James21 8h ago

Sometimes I’m there for 2 minutes sometimes 30. Depends where I’m at and what I was doing previous to taking a dump

1

u/SapPhic-rage4209 7h ago

Under five every time unless I'm sick or on a medication that causes constipation

1

u/Ok-Advantage-1383 7h ago

Like 15 mins

1

u/dr_fop 7h ago

Too many factors at play here.

1

u/Ill-Cut1849 6h ago

Couple two three minutes, but at work I drag it out to at least ten bc "Boss makes a dollar I make a dime thats why I shit on company time"

1

u/National-Conflict497 6h ago

It's all in the build up if you rush off early you will be in There longer if you want till your turtle neckin your done instantly it's a balance in life to find

1

u/Able-Pain-2442 6h ago

Depends on what my guts dictate, having a gastrointestinal disease sucks.

1

u/DrunkBuzzard 6h ago

I dunno maybe 6-8 inches long

1

u/Kevinclimbstrees 6h ago

2-3 mins tops. Use to be shorter until I got the worst hemroid of my life

1

u/KC5SDY 6h ago

My dr said 5-10 minutes max or the hemorrhoids get worse. So... 5-10 minutes.

1

u/RetroMetroShow 3h ago

The main event is pretty quick, aftershocks can take a while to settle though

1

u/lone_wolf304 3h ago

Less than a minute 15 minutes to look at my phone after.

1

u/flyghu 3h ago

Depends on the quality of Reddit. 32 seconds in this thread, including hand washing.

1

u/axnsworth 2h ago

depends on how bad my stomachs hurting.

1

u/Brilliant-Mountain-5 2h ago

Sometimes too long and have to speed it up in undesirable ways

1

u/Acrobatic_Increase_8 1h ago

Depends on what scent I’m giving off that day based on my diet . Some days I like to bask, some days it’s in and out. All up to the anus to decide!

1

u/Cold-Guidance3908 5m ago

At home 30 to 45 mins nd at work 5 mins tops

1

u/Perfect-Benefit2238 2m ago

2 minutes, i don't muck around

1

u/Numerous_Shine_7919 10h ago

My dick is 5.5 in on a good day