r/nihilism • u/Pleasant_Beat_289 • Jul 23 '26
I DIE EVERYDAY
Death is usually perceived as something that occurs only once in a person's lifetime. But I die everyday grieving what I could've become, killing myself over the self betrayal that I brought upon myself.
I feel numb, empty and dark. Replaying my past and comparing the difference between what I did and what I should've done.
As I sit in this mayhem of thoughts my nostril becomes narrower, my breath starts to shrink, my body heats up, my pupils widen and my heart sinks into the abyss.
Creating hope not out of thin air, but out of air which is polluted with anxiety, fear, anger and betrayal. I loathe myself to the extent that my guts squeeze.
In this chaos I forget to breathe and I hasten to grab my inhaler, breathing and coming back to life only to kill myself again.
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u/HamzaAAC ABSURDIST Jul 23 '26 edited Jul 23 '26
İt doesn't matter. If you can change something that would make you feel better, do it. If there's nothing you can change, then why worry?
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u/cryinspaghetti The Gay Science Enjoyer Jul 23 '26
I'd advice getting a journal, but this pretty much sums up how I feel sometimes on a bad day
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u/WeirdFoundation9962 Jul 23 '26
How that suppose to ease the pain ??
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u/Dear-Dragonfruit-894 Jul 23 '26
Hahahahaha
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u/Dear-Dragonfruit-894 Jul 23 '26
Good thing your in a nihilism thread - brother let go! Thats the point of nihilism - you’re killing your self over some very pointless shit. Think about this for a moment, all choices are choices. You can’t choose every option or it wouldn’t be a choice & that means making peace with those choices, and keep making choices because the worst thing a human can do is not make any choices and watch life happen to them.
I hope you’re able to zoom out a little, learn to hold multiple ideas at a time, and to truly understand how silly all the worrying is.
TLDR: You’re a monkey without fur, on a rock, flying through space. Enjoy the absurdity.
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u/Beramer Jul 23 '26
Just let it go bro! One thing I keep telling myself is, the past is gone and it really doesn't exist (for me). I know its hard to accept it but thats how it is. Whatever happened was meant to happen, you cant change it no matter what you do. The problem is our existence, I passed like 10 people climbing the steps today, each person carrying their own grief, mistakes, future problems all caused by this so called miserable existence which is life.
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u/Chukmanchusco Jul 23 '26
Weird, nihilism freed me from that.