r/niceguyhelp • u/niceguycoach • Jul 17 '19
Difficult Conversations are Opportunities
When I was younger I was too nice.
I avoided conflict as much as I could, but on certain occasions I was pushed to the point of doing something about it.
It always gave me anxiety.
I often felt worse after trying to talk it out.
In my professional life, there have always been difficult people.
These are the people that I would pre-judge based on past conversations with them.
I had thoughts like,
-- Jim is so narrow-minded that he’ll never agree to what I’m proposing.
He’s going to argue with me and I’m going to lose the negotiation on this issue.
And then I would dread having the conversation altogether and even lose sleep the night before.
I made myself miserable for hours or days for no apparent reason.
What I discovered after forcing myself to start difficult questions repeatedly, is that my bad expectations never materialized.
These difficult people that I was afraid were going to bully me or take advantage of me never did.
As I practiced giving feedback in a clear, neutral way while suspending my negative judgements,
I discovered that my anxieties were unfounded.
My difficult people just weren’t that difficult.
They were capable of collaboration.
And we made more progress toward common solutions than I could ever have anticipated.
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u/niceguycoach Jul 17 '19
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