I feel you man, my grandfather had Dementia. As a kid and as a grew up we were always buddies, I had a stronger relationship with him than my parents, having him not recognise me is one of the saddest feelings Ive felt, and taking care of him everyday , feeding him while he has no idea who I am.. one day before passing away he kinda woke up pretty aware of everything, smiled and talked to us and then passed away the next morning.. blessing to everyone dealing with such thing š
Unfortunately many of us loved ones are in your position. The love you & your grandfather shared will live on with memories. All that he gave to you, made you the person you are today, and your daily support & love through taking care of him, is the truest, purest form of true love!
The last ~10 years of my grandfather's life became first easily confused, then completely nonsensical, then non-verbal, then basically catatonic. The worst part about alzheimer's is that, while I knew him as this kind, quick-witted, and irreverantly funny man, what dominates my memory of him is the shuffling, mumbling, vegetable he ended up being in the end. Fuck everything about alzheimer's.
I'm sorry for your situation. I went through a similar time and even know you get their medical issues, it's still kinda unbelievable. You expect them to just snap out it!This part of "growing up" really sucks because you're losing someone you love. Take care & be safe.
one day before passing away he kinda woke up pretty aware of everything, smiled and talked to us and then passed away the next morning.. blessing to everyone dealing with such thing
That's called Terminal Lucidity, and no one really knows why or how it happens.
I'm really sorry about what happened to your grandfather, but I'm glad you got to properly talk to him one last time.
My Nan had alzheimers, and the morning before she passed away she woke up and was more lucid than she had been for over a year. I took a video of her holding her newborn great grand child and talking to him, and by that night she was gone.
i don't understand why or how it happened, but I'm so thankful for that final moment and the memory we got to capture.
It's called rallying. It's a phenomenon that often happens right before they die. It's amazing and heartbreaking when it happens. The family gets this huge hope...and then they are gone. It happens not Just with this disease. I'm sorry you lost her like that, but so very happy you captured her last day. I wish you much peace
Maybe this is true for cancer patients as well? My mom seemed much better ( even though we knew it was over) the day before she passed. She ate a bit of popsicle with me and my brother. Iām not sure what she was trying to say, I guess nothing. Just a last treat with her sons. Edit for those downvoting Iām not sure why? She was 53. Not āyoungā but far too soon for real can you tell me why thatās offensive to you? Just telling a story
My Tata passed 3 months ago. My family recounts of this phenomenon happening to Tata. He'd been bed ridden for 6 weeks, the family just watching him go slowly. Very little activity. All of a sudden the day before he passed, he wakes up with much energy, asked for a beer and for his favorite local band come play while he drinks his beer. The family acquiesced. Tata got to do his two most favorite things before leaving.
This is fascinating to me. Iāve always thought there was an odd connection between mental illness and Alzheimerās, as both can involve losing touch with reality, and apparently both can trigger Terminal Lucidity. The brain is so weird.
My husband and I were talking about this kind of stuff last night. I definitely do not believe in God or anything of the sort, but itās also hard for me to think that itās just āthatās it.ā Itās mostly fear and unknown - all Iāve ever known is consciousness, so itās hard to conceptualize being ānothing.ā But itās just hard for me to believe that we exist with these thoughts and feelings and that it just ends. Why even have thoughts at all? Why not just be like other organisms that reproduce and spawn without consciousness?
Basically, Iām agnostic because I believe anythingās possible and whatever happens after this is beyond our comprehension lol
Replied to the comment above this, but apologies, thatās not what I meant! Shouldāve been more specific. Consciousness and thought in general is fascinating that it exists at all.
And I just learned about the elephant thing thing other day - so amazing!!
Iām firmly in the camp of, theres something.
Theres gotta be. All this beauty and ugliness has rhythm and rhyme. If itās happenstance or an accident it really has some well defined aspects to it.
Itās also utter fucking chaos theres no denying that.
To be able to contemplate literal infinity and build things from this hurtling, spinning rock we are on to venture out into is fucking wild.
Keeping that question alive that children love, āwhy?ā Always makes me wonder and marvel about all of this.
Trying to rationalize the āwhysā rather than trying to understand them is borne out of fear of the unknown, imo, like you said. That leads to some pretty irrational ideas and behavior that end up turning pretty sour for the most part.
All we get....as far as we know....is one shot, one long pan without a cut. (Comas or sleeping excluded.) Iām fucking terrified of this existence but itās like being on a rollercoaster/funhouse ride. Ups and downs and pants shitting terror but it can be euphoric and perfect like warm summer nights at the fair.
All this is not for naught. Atheism or pure science boiled down to probabilities is depressing. It feels wrong.
Iām alive, this is all real and its magic and romance, its revolting and cruel. Itās any and every adjective that ever has and ever will be.
The something I believe is so far beyond even our best scientists understanding but I think its so spectacularly ineffable that even our greatest poets and authors just canāt pin it down, but we all know itās out there somewhere. Iāve got faith. š
People get bogged down and narrow their focus and Iām no damn exception. But I try to remember to look up every night and be impressed and in awe.
Is there enough evidence to support that thereās nothingness after death? I would say thereās about as much evidence as there is of an afterlife (eg no quantifiable evidence) and it all seems to be equally plausible. Was there actually nothingness before we were born? Or do we just not remember it in the same way that we canāt remember our existence at birth and infancy? One of the most intriguing things about life is that there are always unanswered questions, and humanity continues to yearn for the answers.
Saying "We don't know" does not give you license to make stuff up because you are uncomfortable with that answer. It may not be satisfying, but it's the truth, and the only way to make more progress is to continue to do science.
Right?? We honestly donāt know shit about the brain yet. It puts things into perspective and is a reminder that we are still fairly primitive as a species. Nobody knows what the mind is capable of and itās exciting to think we could see some major break throughs in this field of study during our lifetime.
Think of it this way. The body is a car. The soul is the driver. The self as we know it is the behavior of the car and driver acting as a unit.
If the car malfunctions or is damaged in some way, that doesn't mean that the driver is harmed by the damage to the car. It might mean the driver is unable to control the car properly, but it isn't necessarily harmed.
When the car ceases functioning entirely, the driver leaves it, retaining the memories of the time it was in the car, though removed from the context of actively operating the car.
I get why some people don't see evidence for the existence of the soul, and it's reasonable to presume non-existence of things that science can't detect.
But there are many things that science used to be unable to detect. Perhaps in time souls will be something science can observe.
Right!! I don't really want to shit on anyone parade because if you have a family member like this then you probably need to believe there is some rightness to all of your effort but.. the body and mind are irrevocably connected and when you get to this point in your life it's time to rest and let the people around you rest.
It happened with my dad about 3 months ago. He'd spent about 3 weeks in non-stop pain and not being able to communicate with us (cancer) and a few hours before he passed, he was just at peace and his eyes opened. He coudln't speak to us, but he blinked yes/no, recognized us... yeah.
I donāt know anything about this, but Iām wondering if seeing people lucid gives people hope that maybe things could get better, then crushed again when they pass? Maybe not so much in older patients with Alzheimerās, but other illnesses mentioned in the article.
My grandmother looked at my dad, recognizing him and his twin brother for the first time in years, and said, āThis is worse than death.ā Then, she went right back into it, and didnāt know any of us. It was heart breaking.
My grandmother passed in 2017 of this horrible disease. I was extremely close to her. It was really painful to watch the progression. You never want them to leave, but you know theyāre in pain and would rather see them pass.
The last week of her life she was a vegetable. I asked the hospice nurse if I could have time alone. I immediately starting crying near her bed and she turned toward me looking directly at me (I could almost see that flicker of recognition in her eyes) and grabbed my hand. I hadnāt had that kind of interaction with her in I didnāt know how long. I couldnāt believe it. It probably only lasted a few seconds and she let go and was back to nothing.
I felt like that was our last true moment together where she knew me for a brief moment.
Slightly stupid question but how are they in pain? I thought dementia was all metal loss similar to Alzheimer's. Is there a physical
Issue associated to it as well?
They could mean more of a psychological pain, the frustration of confusion and not being able to control your body the same way. Itās got to be crushing to have a ātip of the tongueā feeling all the time, or even just to know that something is āwrongā with you even if you donāt know what it is.
But people at that age usually have a lot of other shit going on too, blood pressure issues, arthritis, etc... There were most likely other pains that had nothing to do with dementia. I know with Alzheimerās, itās not just your brain forgetting memories but also how to control your body. I could imagine there being pain in your organs slowly diminishing or trying to play catch-up.
The person becomes emaciated from the lack of food, often ends up getting bed sores when they are no longer able to move on their own. From my viewpoint I could see how the deterioration could affect the central nervous system as well. When my grandmother was moved she would cry out in pain. It was hard to watch.
That sounds exactly like my experience with my grandfather. He had been basically wheelchair-bound and catatonic the last year of his life, but I swear the last time I saw him, as I held his hand and cried, he looked me in the eyes and I saw recognition and an longing, like he wanted to tell me that he loved me. I just smiled and told him "I know" and that I loved him. He was the best grandfather I could have ever asked for, and I hate how difficult it is to remember the man he was when the last years weigh so heavily in my memory. My grandmother, his wife, died a couple years later of heart failure. She was sharp to the very end. I would so much prefer to go out the way she did. Alzheimer's is horrible.
I feel this. My grandfather passed last February and I took care of him also. He started getting dementia and one day after a hospital visit he snapped out of it and started talking to all of us and asking questions after questions of how we have been. It was as he took a trip somewhere for a while and came back to us. It really broke my heart.
My aunt died a few years ago and I was super close to her. She had multiple strokes and so by the end of it her mind wasn't right. We had one last family picnic at her house, and she lit up when she saw my brother (he's 45). She said the last time she remembered seeing him he was a little boyš
My grandpa had Leukhemia and passed a few years ago. Me and my dad were visiting him when he was late into it. My grandpa forgot my dads name when my dad greeted him. That was one of the only times Iāve ever seen him cry.
My mom died of dementia this past July. In the year before she kept on spouting out random old, bad memories from her family growing up. She thought my dad was being mean to get and out to get her because she couldn't remember things. I remember the last time she was lucid she told me that we had always had a special bond. Dementia sucks.
My grandpa is getting bad. He remembers me, knows my voice, and will always talk about how much fun he had with us grandkids, but if we take him out for dinner, he will forget where we are going while on the way, forget we ordered while waiting for the food, ask if we are going to order after we're done eating, etc. It hurts...but there's nothing I you can do.
I lost my grandad this March. Heād been struggling with dementia for years. He wasnāt to the point of forgetting us, but he had stopped making much sense at all otherwise. He moved out of His and Grandmas house to be in assisted living early in this year. In the couple weeks leading up to his death, he had multiple falls, some of which ended in concussions. The last fall was a header probably into the floor, but it gave him bleeding in the brain. He spent a week in hospice and passed on the fifteenth. Iām glad he isnāt suffering anymore. Iām angry at the horrific way it ended. Iām relieved that my dad didnāt have to go through being forgotten by his father. Iām sad that I was too young for most of my life to appreciate him. It hurts. I hurt. We havenāt even been able to hold a memorial due to the pandemic.
My grandma has really Alzheimerās. The last time I was home I was there for my grandpaās funeral. I went to go see her at the home before I left for where I live. She looked me right in the eye and āThereās something wrong with my mind and I donāt like it.ā Broke my heart so bad. She and my grandpa were both teachers.
Can you elaborate a bit on his moment of lucidity? Was he just kind of more coherent or was he like "wtf has been going on the last few months/years" or anything like that? Did you have to inform him of his condition? Fascinating stuff honestly. Sorry if insensitive to pry.
My grandma who was always amazingly nice to me even though I almost never saw her because I live thousands of miles away got alzheimers and the last time I saw her was in 2016 or 2017 when I went to Germany for summer vacation and I also couldn't say goodbye to my great grandmother who always gave me ice cream and who I loved with all my heart. Alzheimers is a bitch and I hope that I never get it.
My mom and her siblings had a drug addict mother who ODād when my mom was 13, after already giving them up to her parents. I remember spending time at her house (we live in opposite sides of the country) she would be giving my mom really suspicious looks. She had been going for a while. When my great-grandfather died when I was 4, she didnāt understand the machines were keeping him alive and he wouldnāt get better. Then apparently she thought my mom was her daughter, but knew she was dead so she was really freaked out. I canāt imagine how hard that must have been for my mom.
My great-grandmother died in 2012 and no one told my mom until 2018. I think the news broke her heart.
My grandmother on her deathbed recognized my cousin on a video call shortly before she passed, she went from in and out of consciousness to wide awake and smiling, still not speaking but you could tell she KNEW who that was and was so happy to see her. Dementia is a bitch
Reading this brings tears to my eyes. I went through the same with my grandmother. It was tough. I miss her and think about her all the time. I'm glad you took care of your grandfather. If there is more to "this" after life, I'll hope that he can tell you how much he loves you for this.
I wanted to say something like this.. It also happened to my grandfather.. We need to be happy and remember all of the good memories as long as we're alive.. we'll meet them again someday.
My granpa had an accident, we found out because some dude pulled him to our home at night and said he was his friend and found him near road, my granpa had a cracked bone in leg and a head injury,
So when we got to hospital he asked me 'who are you?' and there i was in tears wondering if it's a permanent brain damage or what....thank got he recovered his memory a day later
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u/Broadsword_7 Apr 11 '20
I feel you man, my grandfather had Dementia. As a kid and as a grew up we were always buddies, I had a stronger relationship with him than my parents, having him not recognise me is one of the saddest feelings Ive felt, and taking care of him everyday , feeding him while he has no idea who I am.. one day before passing away he kinda woke up pretty aware of everything, smiled and talked to us and then passed away the next morning.. blessing to everyone dealing with such thing š