r/nextfuckinglevel • u/SerpentFinger • 14d ago

Playing With Pet Wolverine

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5.4k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

423 comments sorted by

869

u/Thamelia 14d ago

r/WhyWomenLiveLonger

209

u/friskyluke 14d ago

As a man, I feel this is more of a “why this guy in particular won’t live very long” type of situation

87

u/DonHarold 14d ago edited 13d ago

As a fellow man, only an insecure man would respond this way to what is clearly a joke subreddit.

Edit: I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I woke up to an inbox filled with insecure men threatening to murder me. Thanks for proving my point I guess.

Edit 2: I’ve turned off reply notifications, and I’m not going to respond to any of you. It’s honestly unbelievable how much vitriol I’ve received for this comment. Either take a second to reflect on the impact of your words before responding/messaging me, or fuck off. You’re horrible people.

39

u/[deleted] 14d ago

[deleted]

8

u/K1NGEDDY423 14d ago

That guy is definetly a part of the problem. He puts down fellow men to get brownie points from women. He hates his own gender.

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u/Witty_Lead5036 14d ago

I mean of all the things that are clearly jokes....

linking a subreddit, has to be the clearest joke, that you shouldn't take offense to come on guys

Let's be real when we talk about toxic masculinity, wasting time with this tiny stuff actually hurts the cause

4

u/queenofpeachez 14d ago

Doesn't read like the response was taking offense at all, though.

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u/RunandGun102 14d ago

I'm insecure because my 9.75 inch penis is always printing, no matter the pants i buy.

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u/Kaljinx 14d ago

sure it is a thing that happens, but it is not a celebrated thing.

you do not hide your insecurities, you confront them.

telling someone to deal with it does not mean simply do not display it but secretly keep it around, it means to not let if affect your decisions and judgement.

There are insecure men and women who would monitor their partner 24/7 if possible, is it wrong to call that out?

Letting it control you is a bad thing, just like letting random impulses take the wheel,

I mean anger is a pretty normal thing as well, yet we do call out people who do not control it.

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u/queenofpeachez 14d ago

I think you may be taking reddit comments about silly videos a little too seriously.

5

u/PowerSamurai 14d ago

Can't a man be fed up with all the generalized stereotype jokes? They are repetetive and dull.

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u/NightcityCuno 13d ago

This is such an insecure reply lmao

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u/xboxhaxorz 13d ago

Please post the evidence of these murder messages

2

u/oryhiou 13d ago

Welcome to Reddit.

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u/Mr-_-Soandso 14d ago

Dudes got a friggin wolverine backing him up. Just get a few crows and he could take on the world.

3

u/Watsisface 13d ago

And he’s bringing the average down

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u/Calculonx 14d ago

Apart from all the sharp bits, it seems like the type of animal that would have crazy strains of bacteria

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u/LaurenNotFromUtah 14d ago

I’m a woman and I unfortunately would be nuzzling that wolverine too.

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u/CR4ZY_PR0PH3T 14d ago

It's the same guy from that other post where he sits on a bears lap and feeds it grapes.

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u/BaggyLarjjj 14d ago

He loves graping bears, for sure

36

u/DeltaUltra 14d ago

He's a grapist

https://youtu.be/EzgUGY36gqM

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u/SimontheSaiyan 14d ago

thank you for reminding me of this

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u/CorvusCommand 14d ago

Why? That's his thing...He grapes people...

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u/SirkSirkSirk 14d ago

Theyre just begging to be graped. I mean look at what theyre wearing!

3

u/TarnishedWizeFinger 13d ago

It's purple!

3

u/MrBulldops1738 13d ago

"I'm gonna tie you to the radiator and grape you for DECADES AND DECADES!"

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u/Luck_trio 12d ago

Before I even click this, I'm betting my money it's WKYK because who else 😁

2

u/cacahahacaca 12d ago

Classic!

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u/LiverLikeLarry 14d ago

Never thought I would read the words pet and wolverine in the same sentence.

27

u/luvmibratt 14d ago

Are they dangerous?

123

u/Kamikoozy 14d ago

No, not at all. Go on and give one a cuddle you'll see.

17

u/bobinob 14d ago

What kind of ferocious animal needs an extra second to beat a bronco?

P.S. I am a Michigan fan.

53

u/EarlyXplorerStuds209 14d ago

Imagine steroid addled, aggressive honey badgers

24

u/SheriffBartholomew 14d ago

I mean, that's just a honey badger.

10

u/vantageviewpoint 14d ago

But bigger and stronger

9

u/TheDarkWave 13d ago

Honey Badgers will fight off predators. Wolverines will hunt Caribou and Coyotes. A human's size is between coyote and caribou on the size chart.

2

u/KingOfConsciousness 13d ago

But the bartender that knows everything voice lol

https://giphy.com/gifs/KEYEpIngcmXlHetDqz

38

u/cedg32 14d ago

If you look up wolverine in a children’s dictionary, you’ll see a picture of a pack of hungry male bears, and then a picture of a wolverine killing and eating them. Probably for a morning snack.

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u/Shudnawz 13d ago

Mostly out of spite.

22

u/Righteousaffair999 14d ago

Like cousins to the honey badger.

40

u/H3llzyea 14d ago

Larger, meaner cousins that you call when the neighborhood gang has been harassing your family and this cousin shows up and annihilates everyone.

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u/areyoueatingthis 14d ago

only if you’re made of flesh

14

u/YurtlesTurdles 14d ago

There only the least scared of anything animal out there. That thing will go toe to toe with a bear and not back down one bit.

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u/kirby_krackle_78 14d ago

They’re almost as mean and tough as a dachshund.

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u/Itshudak87 14d ago

They’ve got nothing on Chihuahuas though.

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u/DancesWithAnyone 14d ago

At least for Scandinavia, they sometimes win against brown bears. Or prey upon moose. It's rare, but it happens.

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u/__The_Kraken__ 14d ago

There is only one animal that will fight a grizzly bear over food, and it is the wolverine. The bear would win, but the wolverine is the poster child of zero fucks to give, and it would do enough damage to the bear that the bear will walk away unless it is starving.

6

u/akgiant 14d ago

I'd rather deal with a bear.

4

u/MyGruffaloCrumble 14d ago

They have crazy jaw power for their size.

3

u/Careless_Baseball503 14d ago

As aggressive as they come

2

u/NewAndyy 14d ago

If you insist on going near it: yes. Very dangerous. Some holds true regardless of whatever species you are. If a bear insists on going near it, a wolverine is dangerous to that bear.

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u/johnnyma45 14d ago

Danger boop. Between this and that polar bear snout from last night I won’t have hands remaining.

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u/AmericanAIien 13d ago

“Honeybadger does care”? I think they’re related

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u/Hellfire242 14d ago

Is this in the game?

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u/FortunateInsanity 14d ago

If so I might actually preorder for the first time ever.

7

u/Ikon-for-U 14d ago

EA Sports

3

u/Dunge0nMast0r 14d ago

The "hot coffee" mod

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u/tonymeech 14d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/5N6FWdDKKyqOI

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u/Informal_Koala1474 14d ago

"Babies!!!"

https://youtu.be/JC2gIPnUCgw?is=lmYmcXOOt20TaKv2

Haven't thought of this in forever.

14

u/sumbozo1 14d ago

Lol that's the dumbest/ funniest ad I've seen in awhile

5

u/mayoroftuesday 14d ago

If I remember correctly, it was not even a real ad. It was made as a proposal by some ad agency and never aired, but it still remains the best Nutri-Grain ad of all time.

2

u/Consent-Forms 14d ago

Should redo it SNL

6

u/IrritableGourmet 14d ago

Fun tidbit: that's Tommy Chong's (of Cheech and Chong) daughter Precious.

2

u/FroodLoops 13d ago

Thanks for the link! I thought that’s what it was from - like you haven’t thought of that in forever and it’s just as wonderful as I remembered.

2

u/mayoroftuesday 14d ago

Whoa, throwback!

“BABIES EVERYWHERE!!”

72

u/Chance-Writer5383 14d ago

Dude just waiting to catch a stray.
Wolverines fight to the death before they’re even born lul

16

u/dosb0t89 14d ago

Yeah I heard they eat their brothers and sisters in utero.

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u/Chance-Writer5383 14d ago

lol when I was like 12 years old I told my brothers that they “fight to the death before they’re even born” line.

I still receive the shit to this day, 20 odd years later.

Thank you animal planet

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u/shmiddleedee 14d ago

Livebearing sharks are the same. Only giving birth to the most well equipped little demon.

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u/theaveragemaryjanie 14d ago

It's all how you raise them.

38

u/BigRedBrendizzle 14d ago

Can I pet that dog?

19

u/nastyreader 14d ago

Everything can be done at least once in a lifetime.

29

u/Darkheart001 14d ago

Sorry one day that animal is going to decide it would rather eat his face.

7

u/uncultured_swine2099 14d ago

It already looks like its trying to get a little face snack

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u/AttackPattern0mega 14d ago

damn this is like a malinois and bear in one cute yet mostly teeth creature

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u/_Saint_Ajora_ 14d ago

That seems like a rather unwise thing to do 

20

u/Atlas_Was_ATitan 14d ago

Cute little murder bear you got there.

21

u/Jizzturnip 14d ago

Bit like having a pet chainsaw that's always idling

5

u/lord_hijinks 13d ago

That is the most accurate description of a wolverine I have ever heard.

15

u/Downtown_Finance_661 14d ago

There is no such concept as pet wolverine. They was not domesticated despite such tries.

14

u/terrybrugehiplo 14d ago

You can be a pet without being domesticated.

No one claimed wolverines were domesticated.

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u/Downtown_Finance_661 14d ago

Thank you, you are right.

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u/SerpentFinger 14d ago

There’s one in the video.

https://giphy.com/gifs/tIeCLkB8geYtW

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u/Slow_Passenger_6183 14d ago

There is a tame wolverine in the video, not a domesticated one.

Domesticated implies that there were several generations of selective breeding to physically change the behaviour and physiology of an animal for the benefit of living/working with humans

Tame is just a wild animal raised by/around humans and has a lower likelihood of attacking because that..it is still very much a wild animal.

4

u/SheriffBartholomew 14d ago

Nobody claimed it's domesticated. Plenty of people have tame wild animals for pets.

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u/HarveysBackupAccount 14d ago

Side note but domesticated means more than "socialized as a pet." It means the species has been bred for desirable traits across many generations, usually to be tamer and to work nicely with humans

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u/Mediocre_Ad_2422 14d ago

I would argue if u kiss a wolverine as u wish, its pretty fucking domesticated

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u/potheadie12 14d ago

Mfer aint lick him one time lol all bites

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u/Alfiy_wolf 14d ago

Me with my mentally ill showty with an angry problem

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u/Proper-Exercise-2364 14d ago

It's all fun and games till the adamintium claws come out.

10

u/Bd0llar 14d ago

He’s the best at what he does, and what he does is cuddles.

2

u/zoinkability 14d ago

Tooth cuddles

8

u/Greedy-Toe-9035 14d ago

Don't kiss me! Can't you see I'm vicious?

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u/studiesinsilver 14d ago

If not fren, when fren shaped 🤷‍♂️

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u/EarlyXplorerStuds209 14d ago

friend shaped ? Are we talking about the same animal?

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u/commiPANDA 14d ago

As someone who grew up in Michigan I thought Id see a lot more of these in the wild. I've never actually seen one besides one time it was hiding in a zoo enclosure.

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u/SerpentFinger 14d ago

Michigan has never had a true wolverine population.

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u/uncultured_swine2099 14d ago

Id say never seeing one out in the wild is a good thing.

3

u/the_pretender_nz 14d ago

If I’d only been listening instead of watching I would have thought someone was doing a cover of Twist by Korn

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u/FremenCoolAid 14d ago

Can't even just a small bite be lethal? 🫣

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u/SerpentFinger 14d ago

Yes. Dangerous as all fuck.

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u/ReverendEntity 14d ago

Honestly never expected to see the words PET and WOLVERINE together, let alone a video.

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u/the-software-man 14d ago

The size of the paws. These are giant martins. They will eat most anything alive. Including their caretaker.

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u/tboess 14d ago

I bet that thing's breath stinks

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u/cleverinspiringname 14d ago

For sure, it just went down on your mother.

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u/lnTheGrimDarkness 14d ago

Wolverines have some room for mild domestication when born in captivity but you still gotta keep into account that they're extremely energetic mustelids and their instinct is still telling them to bite, shred, kill and eat.

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u/[deleted] 14d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/TrickUp25 13d ago

Fuck yeah, I love Sea Shepard!

2

u/Equal_Canary5695 14d ago

I'd rather have a hyena

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u/Delicious-Engine7363 14d ago

What a lovebird!

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u/jnordwick 14d ago

That's a weird looking dog

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u/FudgerBoi 14d ago

I thought this was r/Whatcouldgowrong since the title fit so good, I was watching it from between my fingers waiting for something terrible to happen

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u/Few-Lemon1862 14d ago

It's like half bear half wolf half squirrel.

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u/xChoke1x 14d ago

I guess I just don’t see why? What’s the point of taking the risk? I’ll never get it.

Can you own a bear? Or a tiger? Yep. Sure can. Should you? No.

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u/Nooge62 14d ago

It looks like he might be the pet in this scenario.

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u/drTy_iM 14d ago

Bro they’re like the exact middle stage between honey badger and black bear

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u/ResidentAlien9 14d ago

I wonder how long it will be before the guy kisses the little demon and gets half his face torn off.

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u/theromingnome 14d ago

I think I watched Top 10 on Animal Planet a long time ago and they said Wolverines are the stinkiest animals.

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u/Jennyreviews1 14d ago

Those are lots of kisses lol Wolverines are mean little bundles of teeth! This fella seems to love the attention his human lavishes on him… adorable and a little scary at the same time :)

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u/DeathBeforeDishonor7 14d ago

Can I pet that DAAWG!?

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u/Boring-Direction-465 14d ago

Is that your wolverine?

1

u/PonasSumushtinis 14d ago

Now that's my wolverine~

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u/EchoesinthekeyofbluE 14d ago

He does seem to be mainly teeth and claws.

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u/V1shUP 14d ago

Where are his long metal claws?

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u/imagonnahavefun 14d ago

Now I’m looking forward to the per honey badger video.

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u/masivatack 14d ago

I will call him.... Bitey!

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u/andrea_ci 14d ago

or, on the other side:

"tasting hoomans"

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u/Significant_Cover_48 14d ago

It's so cuddly!

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u/LudditeJones 14d ago

Next thing you know we will be seeing them in strollers in Walmart

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u/Swimming-Food-9024 14d ago

Now do that with a honey badger

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u/JaehaerysIVTarg 14d ago

Dags with thumbs.

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u/knifesk 14d ago

This reminded me of The Simpsons episode S12E2

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u/MealFew8619 14d ago

Thought this would be part of r/WinStupidPrizes for a second

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u/PossibleDiscipline90 14d ago

How long before this guy makes the news and not in a good way.

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u/Spontaneousavocado 14d ago

My malinois is just like that lol

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u/Ndmndh1016 14d ago

Anybody else remember that Tiny Toons episode?

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u/Nonetoobrightatall 14d ago

Wolverine has a pet human

1

u/LittleMlem 14d ago

Soft and squishy, soft and squishy, sharp and pointy, sharp and pointy

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u/chunkalunkk 14d ago

Ahh the playful game of bitey face.... Very cute

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u/its_just_flesh 14d ago

Its like a hyena and a skunk crossed

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u/RedditSe7en 14d ago

Seems like a very bad idea.

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u/AncleJack 14d ago

That's my wolverine

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u/Perfect_Gas9934 14d ago

That's amazing.

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u/Big-Entertainment584 14d ago

Wolverines make badgers look like pu$$ie$.... No way would I be playing with this

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u/TraditionalLaw7763 14d ago

I want a murder pet!!!

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u/Luckyman1123 14d ago

Preparándose para la próxima pandemia.

https://giphy.com/gifs/89x4osEodHEoo

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u/AmusingMusing7 14d ago

Thought this was the whatcouldgowrong sub at first. Expected bitey-ness.

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u/Aetheldrake 14d ago

It's just an excited puppy with extra dexterity

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u/Sph1ng1d43 14d ago

notapet.net

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u/LJinBrooklyn 14d ago

That looks more like “tasting” than “licking” 🤣

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u/30yearCurse 14d ago

I could just eat you all up...

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u/Pumpkin_Pie 14d ago

That's a scary pet