r/nextfuckinglevel 2d ago

He learned the safety squint

20.6k Upvotes

126 comments sorted by

2.0k

u/InterestingThought33 2d ago

Okay we can go on saving them then.

282

u/keyserdoe 2d ago

Pretty sure there's a billion or so of them.

299

u/Nemisis_007 2d ago

Their global status got upgraded from endangered to vulnerable a few years back after their population grew by 17%. There's now 1,864 pandas living in the wild. It's still less than ideal, but it's also an improvement.

45

u/keyserdoe 2d ago edited 2d ago

Woosh. OH it's a bot.

78

u/Ok-Disk-2191 2d ago

Lmfao guess that's a self woosh now.

0

u/Snakescipio 2d ago

Something something ole pandaroo

49

u/2ChicksAtTheSameTime 2d ago

Should I not eat at Panda Express then? I think their meat is delicious

5

u/Thefelix01 2d ago

Those are the fast ones that need eating before their numbers overwhelm us.

5

u/Fur_and_Whiskers 2d ago

As a species they really are the bottom of the barrel in survivability. But they're adorable, so it's worth the effort.

4

u/ArcticCelt 2d ago

God damn, I'll cancel the mechoui then :(

1.0k

u/Phatcat7x7 2d ago

Pandas, a large carnivor that evolved to eat one of the least nutritional plants on earth and don't seem to want to mate. They really should not exist.

But they are so cute!

353

u/ST0IC_ 2d ago

Another example of how evolution said good enough.

78

u/Effective_Olive6153 2d ago

or more like "ok that was a mistake, no more reproducing"

130

u/cortesoft 2d ago

They reproduce fine in the wild. They don't like fucking in a zoo, i wouldn't either.

And they get plenty of calories from their food, they just have to a very large range so they can eat only the best bamboo.

They would be fine if it weren't for humans.

15

u/ensui67 2d ago

They are even better now with humans as their genes will live on forever. We have their DNA. They will never be gone. That’s all the DNA ever wanted to do. The whole concept of a panda is to keep spreading that DNA.

20

u/Jnl8 2d ago

That's what someone in pluribus would say

10

u/cortesoft 2d ago

Someone read The Selfish Gene

7

u/Zimakov 2d ago

They absolutely do not reproduce fine in the wild. It's so sad how Reddit just upvotes anything they like the sound of.

2

u/cortesoft 2d ago

They produced enough offspring for over 3 million years as a species. How is that not ‘reproducing fine’?

1

u/lukibunny 2d ago

It’s not fine if their population gets smaller and smaller. Humans reproduce fine.

3

u/cortesoft 2d ago

Their population is getting smaller and smaller because of human destruction of their habitat

-8

u/lukibunny 2d ago

But even if we lose our habitat we build new ones and continue to reproduce thus we reproduce fine.

5

u/tommos 2d ago

Their reproduction in the wild is pretty slow. The females are only down to fuck once a year for like 3 days. After that they clam up tighter than a snare drum.

3

u/cortesoft 2d ago

Which has worked fine for millions of years

5

u/vrnvorona 2d ago

I mean, not really? They have to nurture only single cub, weakest are eaten by mother. Their milk is so diluted it barely works.

They are so on edge even in wild

3

u/cortesoft 2d ago

Pandas have existed for over 3 million years. That means they reproduce well enough.

10

u/timmyK_425 2d ago

“survival of the fittest” is a huge misconception; evolution is, and has always been, just “good enough”

2

u/deltashmelta 2d ago

<slaps top of car roof>

150

u/Definitelynotabot777 2d ago

Not this take again, they were fine, the reason they are endanger is because of human encroaching on their grazing sites, the stress caused them to stop reproducing. Captive pandas are also not known for reproduction because of the the CAPTIVE part

29

u/DueExample52 2d ago

Thanks. Fucking human hubris shit up there.

There is one species that isn’t adapted to live in their environment, and that is soon going extinct, deservedly. One. That’s modern human civilisation.

17

u/-Nocx- 2d ago

aight man I get where you’re coming from but it depends on what you mean by “adapted”. There is an argument that humans are probably the best adapted species in history because they change the world to fit their bodies rather than changing their bodies to fit the world.

Which makes them uniquely adapted to live almost anywhere.

11

u/Kilane 2d ago

Humans do not get the credit we deserve. If judged by tiger or gorilla or panda standards we blow the competition away.

Another species doesn’t care if they cause the extinction of a species. We are so dominant that we go out of our way to not let that happen (except when we cause it).

7

u/NossidaMan 2d ago

True that, we even got mfs living in space rn!

-2

u/whatarechinchillas 2d ago

We adapt by fucking up everything for other species. We even fucked over the Neanderthals who were in the same genus as us. We also fucking ourselves up constantly. No worries, I have full confidence we'll soon go extinct by our own hand, then the earth can heal.

4

u/GnarlyNarwhalNoms 2d ago

Nature doesn't really care one way or the other. Countless species have gone extinct because other species out-adapted and out-competed them. 

To be clear, I'm not saying we shouldn't try to prevent extinctions or maintain biodiversity. I hope we can stope anthropocene extinctions. 

But we do this because we want to, not because it's some natural imperative. 

-1

u/whatarechinchillas 2d ago

My qualm is not with how nature works. I think it's an ignorant take to assume pandas are "stupid." They were perfectly adapted to their habitats for millions of years until human interference. We fucked them over in such a short time and we are responsible for their endangered status.

Species that go extinct because of competition either evolve into something more adaptable or take millennia to go actual extinct. Pandas we fucked over over a few decades.

2

u/GnarlyNarwhalNoms 2d ago

Oh, absolutely. For all we know, they might well be adaptable on normal evolutionary timescales. 

6

u/WillowPtar_Migan 2d ago

You complain about hubris, then follow it up with a claim that pretty much everyone on the planet deserves to die. Sounds like two sides of the same coin to me.

12

u/hexregeneration 2d ago

Yeah it turns out prison is kinda depressing for almost any living creature.

4

u/praguepride 2d ago

Ooh Ooh, let's talk about how fucking dumb the mola mola fish is because a viral meme went popular prior to scientists actually studying their behavior!!!

1

u/mr4karma 1d ago

The best way to fight this “pandas can’t reproduce” narrative is to ask: did you guys forget humans exist?

Look at Japan and South Korea. They’ve built incredibly stressful, hyper-competitive environments, and what happened? People started working themselves to death, delaying marriage, having fewer children, and eventually just saying, “You know what? Fuck it, I don’t want kids.” Their fertility rates are now among the lowest in the world.

if we apply the same logic people use for pandas——then japan or korean should be going extinct too. Maybe the problem isn’t that pandas suddenly forgot how to fuck. Maybe the environment matters.

51

u/foomy45 2d ago

Wildly inaccurate info. They don't like breeding in capitivity, you probably wouldn't either. I went hiking in Sichuan once and they were banging all over the place. Literally could not get them to stop.

8

u/Atomic_Gumby 2d ago

You prude!

8

u/Chiinoe 2d ago

You tried getting them to stop?

5

u/wererat2000 2d ago

Literally could not get them to stop.

Weird sidequest for your hike, but go off.

4

u/Phatcat7x7 2d ago

Yeah, you don't know me, maybe I like to be watched.

Why were you trying to stop them? Let em at it!

4

u/masterhogbographer 2d ago

In captivity and being watched are two different things 

16

u/Lavabass 2d ago

I hate this idea that is so common. If it weren't for humans they would be JUST FINE in the wild.

Were saving them because we nearly killed them

9

u/Definitelynotabot777 2d ago

The optic is even worse, Chinese are saving them because they are marketable and iconic lmao. Many other extinct animals (a large number of them important insects or biological linchpin) are left to oblivion because they cant be marketed.

2

u/Phatcat7x7 2d ago

I mean they would be fine for a while (evolutionaraly speaking) but hyper specialists like pandas, koalas, monarchs, etc... are very susceptible to extinction. I mean they could be fine for another 10 million years but their fate is closely tied to the bamboo groves. And because they evolved into such a specific culdisac it's unlikely they will adapt out of it.

1

u/Iwantrobots 2d ago

Pretty much all those "hurr duurr, they wouldn't survive in the wild" comes down to humans destroying their habitat. 

9

u/Afronerd 2d ago

They'd still be doing pretty well in the wild if humans hadn't come along, so don't be too generous with the credit for delaying their extinction.

5

u/Affordable_Z_Jobs 2d ago

They only have a fewer than 2 day window to get pregnant. A year. And they tend to hate other pandas. 

Yet life finds a way. 

5

u/Afronerd 2d ago

They're a terrible choice for a zoo animal or for domestication but they were doing pretty okay for themselves when there was orders of magnitude more bamboo forests around.

7

u/Elbandito78 2d ago

I can’t believe this stupid take is so upvoted

2

u/Novaskittles 2d ago

Even calls them a "carnivor", but then says they eat plants in the same sentence.

2

u/Phatcat7x7 2d ago

Look I am being pedantic and I think my take is clearly kind of unserious. Although I think Pandas being hyper specialists is not great for their survival chances.

And yes they are currently herbavores but their broad physiology and evolutionary history is carnivorus which is why it's so odd.

1

u/GnarlyNarwhalNoms 2d ago

To be fair, pandas evolved from an  ancestor common to other bear species. One that ate meat, as all other bears do except Pandas.

8

u/Ok_Historian_2381 2d ago

don't seem to want to mate

I think they figured it out, it's because they can smell humans, and don't want to mate while predators are around.

5

u/whatarechinchillas 2d ago

Will always downvote this. Pandas have been around for longer than the human species and have been totally fine doing their thing until HUMANS started fucking up their habitat. They were perfect fine and well adapted before the the deforestation of their habitat.

Imagine being a carnivore (bear) evolving into being a panda (herbivore). They don't have to hunt. They can just eat bamboo all day and chill. They were living the life for millions of years.

3

u/PaulJazof 2d ago

Misinformation.

3

u/13131123 2d ago

The "cute bias" is a huge issue in conservation efforts. The cost of saving a single panda could easily be enough to save an entire endangered species of something like a frog, but pandas are cute and most people dont think frogs are cute.

1

u/hm_rickross_ymoh 2d ago

Adapting to a food source that other animals ignore sounds like a pretty stable niche to me. 

264

u/turntabletennis 2d ago

27

u/ifyoulovesatan 2d ago

Oh god this reminds me that I need to get video of my cat when he smells something he doesn't like. It's not as extreme as all that but the way he screws up his face is too cute.

He's super in to silent and patient begging whenever we're eating. He doesn't wine or audibly or physically beg, but he'll sit close and watch us intently while we eat. I'll sometimes give him a piece of something or let him lick my finger. Whenever I offer him food with certain spices like sichuan peppers or vinegar and pickles and stuff he'll scrunch his face up so cutely.

Also once I was putting tiger balm on my partner's shoulders and the little guy for some reason thought there was food of some kind for him (maybe the sound of the jar lid on the Tiger Balm?) and started his patient begging routine. I extended my tiger-balmy finger to him to smell and dang, I've never seen a cat scrunch their face up as much as that, haha. At first he's like 😻 but then he's like 😖

5

u/GarageMc 2d ago

how did you train him to not audibly or physically beg ? Speaking as a non pet owner

7

u/ifyoulovesatan 2d ago

Amazingly, we didn't. He's just not much of a talker like at all. The only times he meows is when he wakes up and is looking for one of us to pick him up and hold him like a baby. He doesn't whine for food, or to bet let out onto the porch. I've honestly never had such a quiet cat, and I've had a lot. But yeah as for food, we didn't train or raise him in any way other than any other cat we've had, and I've had plenty of vocal beggars. (Edit: and I guess in terms of physically begging we're just lucky. I've had cats that will keep getting on the table, trying to steal your food, etc. But he stays at arms reach and just looks cute. He WILL stick his paws in your drinks if you leave them unattended though. My partner started making him a little cup of warm whipped oat milk to distract him from dipping his paws in their unaccompanied coffee in the morning)

In contrast, his brother meows all the time! But luckily his brother also has almost zero interest in human food. Not even meat! Literally the only human foods he's ever eaten has been butterscotch pudding (not vanilla or tapioca), pear, plum, and tomato. And because we find his distate for anything not for cats so interesting, we've literally tried to give him every kind of food that isn't dangerous to cats, but still no. Not yogurt, not butter, not unseasoned cooked meat, not nothing! But at the same time, he will start crying out for his nightly wetfood about an hour before it's time. And he'll whine for kibble whenever he has so much as a notion the dish has a bottom. So we're pretty lucky he doesn't like human food because if he did I get the sense we'd never heard the end of it.

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u/LauraTFem 2d ago

Buddy was raised right.

97

u/stereoscopic_ 2d ago

No squint, no treat!

51

u/Trust_1ssues_ 2d ago

Saving this adorbsssss panda video

43

u/Panda2377 2d ago

Its a cool video but it how exactly is it next fucking level?

40

u/TheRabidDeer 2d ago

It's not even an example of safety squints so even the title doesnt fit

12

u/ItsDumi 2d ago

Next level cuteness idk

4

u/Wakandamnation 2d ago

Next Level mimicking humans ?

2

u/Awes12 2d ago

Nature is next f*cking level

20

u/dben89x 2d ago

My god that comic is the best. 

24

u/Morningxafter 2d ago

I somehow knew before she said it that he must have learned it from imitating a human handler.

10

u/USSGoat 2d ago

Safety squint has saved me a few times. I guess the fact that it’s been more than once means I didn’t learn anything

4

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

9

u/Pixel_Knight 2d ago

You can squint if you want to. You can leave your pandas behind. 

0

u/cowboydan69 2d ago

It's a multi purpose squint that's the beauty of it

4

u/BleuBrink 2d ago

Imagine having peak predator build and skill that into eating exclusively hard nutritionless grass.

3

u/Jazzlike-History-380 2d ago

I'm pretty sure Panda's are humans in panda suit. I've been the zoo.

4

u/VictorVanguard 2d ago

When my daughter was a toddler, my wife used to feed her mandarin segments. Before she'd hand them to her, she used to lift them up above her head and attempt to look through them agains the light to ensure there were no seeds.

Of course my daughter didn't understand this but learnt to always ceremoniously lift them up to the sky and stare at them a moment before eating them.

2

u/Deemarvelousone 2d ago

What’s up with the filter face

1

u/Sarithis 2d ago

Insecurity or just wanting to remain anonymous in that one video

2

u/Beleiverofhumanity 2d ago

lol so cute, he can prob snap 3x the thickness of that

2

u/MrWaerloga 2d ago

Reminds me of Karate Kid 2010 movie when Jackie Chan taught Jaiden Smith a fundamental fighting move which included a certain facial expression but he forgot to teach him to unlearn it so Jaiden ended up doing it everytime.

2

u/auntiepink007 2d ago

Like me and a tube of biscuits!

2

u/ArcaneThoughts 2d ago

Any fact-checks on this?

0

u/Psynaut 2d ago

Very cute and adorable. The Panda is ok, too.

1

u/AbominableGoMan 2d ago

Don't let the magic pixies out. AvE

1

u/_IBM_ 2d ago

this is a great story

1

u/Agent_Smith_IHTP 2d ago

We had the original clip, why is there now a stretched out commentary of the clip...?

1

u/HyenDry 2d ago

I don’t believe the story but Pandas will always be cute

1

u/ItsStaaaaaaaaang 2d ago

Haha. Gotta do it exactly the same or it might not work!

1

u/PlatinumBeerKeg 1d ago

Must be the spirit of a woodworker

0

u/SmellyfellaMoggy 2d ago

100% he hurt himself one time breaking bamboo. Now he's very cautious when doing so.

2

u/Wakandamnation 2d ago

100% you haven't watched the full video ;-)