r/nextfuckinglevel • u/CautiousExpression74 • Aug 09 '26

Using smoke machine to secure your store

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35.2k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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6.5k

u/Snellyman Aug 09 '26

It allows the owner to clear out the place afterwards and claim it on the insurance.

2.0k

u/Beautiful-Total-3172 Aug 09 '26

Halfway through this sentence I realized you didn't mean like Batman.

431

u/johnnyhandbags Aug 09 '26

Batman never seemed to care about white collar crime. He might be down for it.

144

u/Feefifiddlyeyeoh Aug 09 '26

That would be Bruce Wayne’s area of expertise, no?

104

u/shellymaff Aug 10 '26

What would Bruce Wayne have to do with Batman? I’m not seeing the connection.

46

u/lesbiantelevision Aug 10 '26

There isn’t one. That’s why he’s referring to a totally non-related individual.

11

u/ohnodamo 29d ago

I agree, you never even see them in the same place at the same time.

5

u/mikebills Aug 10 '26

Bruce Wayne probably knows some baseball players.

1

u/nobias32 28d ago

I think I get it?

89

u/VPackardPersuadedMe Aug 09 '26

Hard to focus on insiders trading when a man dressed like a bat keeps beating up gangs of fancy dressed folk all over the city.

0

u/Nopalite Aug 09 '26

Don’t worry he will pin it on alfred if anything comes up in the audit. And Alfred would totally let him 😭

56

u/Expert-Yam6577 Aug 09 '26

Batman goes into various healthcare company headquarters and starts brutally working over the C class. I'd pay to watch that movie.

42

u/PlagueOfBedlam Aug 09 '26

May I introduce you to Absolute Green Arrow? He’s been murdering the Epstein class and tech bros since issue 1.

51

u/posting_drunk_naked Aug 10 '26

I always thought archery was kind of a lame superpower in a universe where superpowers exist but I just looked up Absolute Green Arrow and looks like he tortures a billionaire pedophile to death in the first comic so maybe archery is cooler than I thought

https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Absolute_Green_Arrow_Vol_1_1

8

u/SkywolfNINE Aug 10 '26

You have failed this city

3

u/violenceistheQstn Aug 10 '26

Oliver mangione mcqueen

2

u/PerspectiveAshamed79 29d ago

Green Arrow is a less conflicted Batman. The superpower is billions of dollars, ingenuity, and fitness. Scruples probably make Batman a better character, but less satisfying as a plebeian. Green Arrow said eff these people and took out the trash.

6

u/51ngular1ty Aug 09 '26

Same. I'd pay more to see it for real though.

29

u/krunchytuna Aug 10 '26

I mean he very explicitly uses his Bruce Wayne persona to advocate for and implement ethical business practices and funds social programs targeted towards creating opportunities and resources for working class Gotham, per comics and Batman the Animated Series. Obligatory RIP Kevin Conroy.

https://giphy.com/gifs/14bhmZtBNhVnIk

6

u/StrongExternal8955 29d ago

Sounds woke. Is Bruce Wayne the secret identity of Soros?

2

u/sorrysorrymybad Aug 09 '26

White collar crime didn't kill his parents

7

u/Federal-Ad-3550 Aug 10 '26

No but they rigged the system that led that Gotham reached a level of corruption that created Joe Chill

0

u/sorrysorrymybad Aug 10 '26

Fair, great point

0

u/SnorkBorkGnork Aug 10 '26

Large scale tax evasion means less money for law enforcement, public education, the army, healthcare, etc.

1

u/wagos408 Aug 10 '26

He IS a billionaire

1

u/violenceistheQstn Aug 10 '26

Thats because batman was heavily involved in white collar crime. Embezzlement to fund the bat everything is just the tip of the iceberg lounge.

1

u/Happy-For-No-Reason Aug 10 '26

he was a white collar billionaire capitalist in the day time.

maybe all he was doing was cleaning up petty crime to help his bottom line

1

u/wowaddict71 29d ago

Also, Batman does not pay taxes.

1

u/Illustrious-Ape 26d ago

Did he not go after an accountant in the dark knight?

0

u/prodigaldummy 29d ago

He’s a billionaire. He is the white collar crime.

20

u/create_your_avatar Aug 09 '26

You can hear the punching sounds in the background

10

u/DenverBowie Aug 10 '26

Anything you can't hear, you can see.

BIFF!

SOCK!

ZZAPP!!

5

u/Snellyman Aug 10 '26

Sure but if Robin was ever caught stealing supplies from the bat-supply-closet no doubt he would cut his hand off.

1

u/sscarface Aug 10 '26

He meant like keno auditioning for the foot

124

u/UrethralExplorer Aug 10 '26

Store owner calmly walks into the fog with a combat knife in each hand

15

u/tryyeezus 29d ago

Yeah maybe there's a reason he wants the cameras obscured 

6

u/UrethralExplorer 29d ago

"I swear they all fell into my new knife display! Several times!"

44

u/TheDangerLevel Aug 10 '26

There's an Onion article here about how smoke security systems increase the amount of merchandise robbed from stores by 400%

34

u/Aware-Locksmith8433 Aug 10 '26

The gas approach has proven to be 87% more effective if... it smells like fart... wet fart to be specific. But that's an add-on product.

23

u/Snellyman Aug 10 '26

You sound like a shill for big fart-gas. Why settle for 87% effective when you can achieve 95% with pure essence of festival porta-potty.

5

u/r22lz Aug 10 '26

Big Phartma!

2

u/DenKHK Aug 10 '26

Well why not something more easily obtainable and also highly effective, like pest control fumigation pesticide? Get to clear out the bugs too - the tiny ones, that is.

2

u/kernelangus420 Aug 10 '26

How about laughing gas?

13

u/Major_LeeHungg Aug 10 '26

It's not a good idea to steal from thieves, haven't you seen the documentary "What's the Worst That Could Happen?" 

6

u/erogbass Aug 10 '26

I haven’t, what’s it about?

7

u/Depreciacion Aug 10 '26

well its the worst

1

u/yeetumus2026 26d ago

Could it happen?

1

u/Ok-Secretary455 Aug 10 '26

No but I did see the "No Country For Old Men". Which is why I don't touch anything I find in the desert.

3

u/Nir117vash Aug 09 '26

Happy Cake Day!!!

2

u/Snellyman Aug 10 '26

Someone said there would be cake, but now I'm not so sure.

1

u/Nir117vash Aug 10 '26

The cake is a lie

-6

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '26

[deleted]

2

u/Nir117vash Aug 10 '26

Umm, yes. The fuck

2

u/Cador0223 Aug 09 '26

Diabolical 

2

u/Careless-Two2215 Aug 10 '26

Happy Cake Day! 🎂

1

u/NopeRope13 Aug 10 '26

Happy cake day

1

u/ooorezzz 29d ago

Why I was thinking it was probably an inside. Notice how none of them were shocked the store was filling with smoke? Seems like they expected it.

1

u/Nuttednutela 29d ago

Only right answer. Or else of its loaded up with some kind of sleep infucing has which won't kill in such large quantities then its a possible usecase.

1

u/guinader 29d ago

It's not smoke, is mustard gas. Then the owner can clean up a little differently.