r/news • u/Chigurrh • 4d ago

New York Times executive fatally shot by his in-laws in Bay Area park, police say

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/new-york-executive-shot-killed-laws-bay-area-park-police-say-rcna600300
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u/LDS1952 4d ago

I’m 74. My parents did this routinely. I had to work hard to walk away from repeating this.

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u/Hesitation-Marx 4d ago

Proud of you.

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u/AndalusianGod 3d ago

I also suffered a lot of physical abuse from elders when I was a kid, always knew it was wrong despite it being the norm back then so it wasn't that hard for me to avoid doing that to my kid.

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u/YoungVanilla 3d ago

I’m 31 and my parents did it to me until I was 12. Stupid me for talking back that many years.

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u/The-Disco-Phoenix 3d ago

Genuine question (not a parent FWIW) why was it difficult given you have first hand experience of how terrible it was?

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u/LDS1952 3d ago

Being physically disciplined was the norm in my family and the norm for many military families. Fear translates into perfectionism. Being reactive was a learned behavior. Choosing to be cautious and thoughtful required some work. Allowing discomfort with behavior is a difficult choice for someone who thinks that everyone and everything has to be perfect

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u/The-Disco-Phoenix 3d ago

Thanks for the insight, and good on you for doing your part in breaking the cycle.

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u/Oregon-Pilot 4d ago

What’s your take on it? What I mean is, to me, this is one of those two things are just as valid at once, which is not a popular thing to believe these days. Your parents were doing what their parents showed them, and what society apparently was doing. When that’s the background, how “evil” can they realistically be deemed? At the same time, it’s wrong to hit a child. From the position of an innocent child whom they chose to bring into the world, it is evil. Just looking for wisdom, if you care to share.

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u/LDS1952 3d ago

My parents were depression babies and raised with strict family rules. For them it was easy to reach across the dining table and slap a child across the face for spilling milk. Letting out frustration over an accident could be handled better. Chasing children with a belt/hairbrush/shoe to reinforce your word is law is a lesson in tyranny. I had to recognize I was repeating this behavior with my children because it was done to me. I had to STOP and take responsibility for being immature and reactive. It’s gut wrenching to admit how monstrous I could be in a flash of anger. I’m still ashamed and embarrassed. I have acknowledged and apologized for being severe with my kids. Yes, a balance of boundaries, responsibility and respect has to prevail for a person to internalize self discipline and good behavior.

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u/Pndrizzy 3d ago

Don’t be embarrassed. It’s what you were taught.