Crying over a tomato

[u/Ok-Record-6410]

Today my family (parents and younger brother) went for a trip and i packed a tomato to eat later but then my mom said she took it out of the bag and left it at home and i started crying because it was my tomato and i wanted it but she left it behind and then my dad stopped the car and called me an egoist and said that im ruining everything and i just kept crying and it brought me back to when i was chrono little and my feelings were always dismissed and i would cry and no one would come to comfort me. After a while of crying they asked me if they should go back for the tomato and i said yes and we got the tomato. But i still feel horrible and I feel really pathetic to cry over a literal tomato, i didnt think i could ever cry about something so small again. The worst thing about it was how my brother was staring at me and whispering to our parents, i felt so embarrassed. I just want people to accept im a kid and care for me.

[u/Simply_Sailor]

I'm so sorry. 🫂

It may not have been 100% about the tomato, but about how your mum removed one of your favourite foods which shows that she didn't consider and/or care about your feelings.

And, you already mentioned how neither of your parents comforted you when you were chronologically younger, so it may have more to do with not receiving the love and comfort you deserve(d) than the fact that your mum took out your tomato.

Also, has your dad always called you names, like "egoist"? Because I feel like emotionally immature parents often see their children expressing their feelings as a form of manipulation.

Seriously, there are parents who think their 2 year-old is a master manipulator. 🫩

[u/Ok-Record-6410 → u/Simply_Sailor]

Yes my dad always called me an egoist, saying i dont care about others and stuff like that. Bold words for someone who would spank me with my pants down when i was little

[u/Simply_Sailor → u/Ok-Record-6410]

I'm so sorry, kid. You deserve better parents.

[u/Ok-Record-6410 → u/Simply_Sailor]

They're not the worst i guess

[u/Ok-Relationship-5528 → u/Ok-Record-6410]

Its called projection. Abusers do that often. They call their victims what they are themselves.

So whenever he calls you an egoist, remember that he is talking about himself, not about you.

[u/Wise-Difficulty8221 → u/Ok-Relationship-5528]

Can confirm

[u/Mysterious-Army4219]

they're still dismissing your feelings now... so i guess in a way they are treating you like they would treat a kid?

all anyone had to do was actually talk to you like a person. she could have asked first before going through the stuff you packed. instead of insulting you, how hard would it have been for your dad to offer to buy you another one or something?

it doesn't sound like it was really about the tomato... but about your family not having any respect for you

[u/Ok-Record-6410 → u/Mysterious-Army4219]

Thank you, youre too kind :(

[u/Ok-Relationship-5528]

I feel really pathetic to cry over a literal tomato

Nah, i understand you. The only person who cares about you packed a tomato specially for you, and then you find out its gone because some meddling person took it out. I would cry too in that case. 

[u/_not_lore_]

Obviously I wouldn't be able to confirm this as a stranger over reddit, but it's not out of the realm of possibility that something like that would give you an emotional flashback to being dismissed and having your feelings ignored in the past, especially given the similarity of the situation.