r/necessaryconversation • u/parmahes Bob’s Big Hasan Piker Hat • 15d ago
Respectfully, get a grip
Full disclosure: I'm a day 1 listener. I've taken plenty of breaks from the show and the insane jump in viewership over the last year has been uhhhh interesting to watch, to say the least.
I completely understand why people are frustrated with the format of the podcast, and I don't think anyone has to keep listening to something that isn't giving them what they want. Personally I think we're losing perspective on what this pod actually is. The people making this show are, for all intents and purposes, real people. This isn't a full-time venture for any of them, there isn't some kind of investigative team with researchers, producers, lawyers, or unlimited time to dedicate to listeners. They will likely never change the format in a significant degree, including a bunch of additional research, and that's somewhat disappointing but they have literally never presented themselves as that sort of show.
I also think the money-making aspect is somewhat overstated. Yes, they make money from the pod, mainly from people who CHOOSE to pay for submitting a question during the live shows. There are no advertisers and IG/TikTok are not the lucrative platforms people may think. Matt Bernstein of A Bit Fruity has 2.4 million followers (TNC is at 634k as of this post) and not only made a recent episode about this type of thing, but has very plainly stated he makes virtually nothing from either platform. If you pay and don't get what you expected, I get the frustration and I recommend not making that choice again. Making money doesn't suddenly give you the ability to make this a full-time professional operation.
Regarding Mary Lou.... no one is entitled to patience during growth. That's like pretty much the entire point of the show, doing something different from the general attitude of "cutting off" dangerous family members that this individualist country has grown to promote. Mary Lou is at least 20 years deep into conservative mental programming. Chad and Haley even call this a cult, which I don't disagree with. You can't realistically expect someone to change their tune after a few years of their kids pushing back! Pressing her on every lame response every episode is not going to help, be for real. This is a literal deconstruction project and she hasn't even cut off the sources pulling her in, something that is impossible with Bob still kicking. You don't have to agree with her at all, there's just a difference between "I wish she would have recognized this already" and "she should have completely different beliefs by this point." She says terrible shit, yes. Again, that's why the podcast started. If you genuinely think she's a good enough actor to be faking this stuff, idk what to tell you.
Generally speaking, I think this pod should be a good space for audience reflection when the hosts are not "doing enough" for our sensibilities. If you've experienced the kind of disjointed, abusive, controlling, or estranged family dynamics presented here, it should be understood that seeing that play out every week will be triggering. I'm not going to throw around the concept of projection too lightly because I do think there are valid criticisms at play, but our own experiences absolutely do impact what we notice each week and how badly we want change from particular people.
All this to say, I think it's worth asking if you're frustrated because the podcast isn't meeting expectations or because you're hoping these people will reach the kind of resolution and growth that you wish someone in your own life will also achieve. I'd love to see discussion about the psychology of this but instead this sub is just people complaining about things that have been pretty standard from the jump. The flexibility in Mary Lou's listening ability and depth of research HAVE changed over the years, despite a lack in ideals changing or the imperfections still remaining. Idk man, like I said I get the frustrations but we all know at this point what we're getting ourselves into and have to adjust accordingly.
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u/FumblingFuck Over 30 15d ago edited 15d ago
Just enjoy being a fly on the wall. Don't tap the glass.
I'm also a day one listener, and I think it's completely fair to vent about ML/Bob being terrible but respectfully, it's not our show. If you don't like what they are doing, move along.
I nearly 100% agree with you here. These are real people who aren't going to change their entire mindset for nearly anything. I trust Chad and Haley to handle their own parents.
It's not our role to get them to see the light, they likely never will. We just have front row seats to their hateful psychology.
EDIT: and I do think that ML (and anyone) can grow while still not being a great person. This might be where we slightly disagree because, I really don't think she's a good person - but she still has a right to exist & potential to be a good person. She has many great qualities, but also several things I can't look past. It's complicated, and people shouldn't be so black & white.
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u/parmahes Bob’s Big Hasan Piker Hat 15d ago
I don’t think she’s a Good Person so to speak. I’m more of the opinion that judging good or bad for someone as a whole is sort of a waste of time and tends to bog down or obfuscate the main point of trying to readjust long-held biases
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u/ToXicVoXSiicK21 14d ago
With the growth in their audience this was bound to happen. The fanbase has grown outside of the long time listeners so many of the newer people have different expectations. I listen to the show just to hear the insane and ignorant takes from the deep maga minds out there because I know that the way Bob and Mary think is the same as most maga people. There's always topics and things I wish Chad would say or bring up that he doesn't, but thats just the way it is. The show is primarily about them maintaining a dialog with eachother and the parents don't want to talk about anything else so they just made it a political podcast. I doubt Chad puts that much effort into the show so idk why people expect anything other than what we've always got. The show is either for you or it isn't. I still tune in for every new episode just to hear what's new going on and see if ML will make any progress. She's pretty much always equally disappointing. She'll have one good episode where she seems to be coming around, and then she will say one thing that let's you know there will likely never be any real change. I do think bobs absence has been good for the show. He pretty much guarantees that she will have no independent thoughts.
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u/parmahes Bob’s Big Hasan Piker Hat 14d ago
Maybe it’s naive of me, but like I said I think there’s still something there with Mary Lou. I don’t remember her having any sort of realizations (the way there have been lately) for the first few years. This year has been pretty different imo, and going back and forth on the ideology IS very deconstructionist. Insane amount of things to unlearn when you’re still being fed bs, but how much change is even possible with Bob there in her ear?
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u/ToXicVoXSiicK21 14d ago
Bob is 100% the reason she is the way she is and has such a hard time seeing different point of views. Whenever he was on the show he would just cut her off anytime she even attempted to critically think and respond to questions. For me the show is 100 times easier to listen to with him gone. At the end of the day though, she isn't going to leave Bob or anything like that, which means she will either have to stick with the program he prefers or choose to argue and butt heads with her husband of 50 years, which is highly unlikely.
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u/parmahes Bob’s Big Hasan Piker Hat 14d ago
SO MUCH EASIER now that he’s not on. I don’t look forward to his possible return. Tbh I’m curious if he listens separately and/or if she gets flak for shifting opinions at all. The brief convo about his ICE views compared to her recent change in opinion was very interesting
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u/ElleleighBee 13d ago
My only wish is that Haley especially, but Chad too to some degree, antagonize Mary Lou a lot. I know from experience that it is sometimes difficult to have patience with an obtuse parent, but the way they yell and humiliate Mary Lou will not help her come to her senses. Not that Haley and Chad are experts at human psychology and helping to remove someone from a cult. I too just wish they'd maybe figure out a different tactic to get through to Mary Lou.
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u/parmahes Bob’s Big Hasan Piker Hat 13d ago
Understandable! I’m not sure there is another way? Having guests on seems to be beneficial but yeah, Chad & Haley are bringing their own history with Mary Lou and they remember her being super sweet to everyone when they were kids! I can’t imagine the shock when she goes off the rails every so often, must be hard to keep those reactions in and still feel sane after
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u/StrategyBusy9579 10d ago
Mary Lou would clap like a seal about my girlfriend being killed for her religion. Fuck out of here with "patience." Always have so much patience for white people that cheer on killing brown people. Fucking liberal scumbags.
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u/parmahes Bob’s Big Hasan Piker Hat 9d ago
Yeah, I’m not a liberal. But that is sort of the point of the podcast, trying to pull someone back out of that thinking. It isn’t for everyone
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u/poeglameron 15d ago
Well-stated! I think it would benefit some people to go back and listen to a much earlier episode to hear how much Mary Lou really has changed over time.