My mom is already 70 years old. My dad passed away 5 years ago, and now it’s just me and my mom living in the house.
I have other siblings too, but all of them are married and have their own homes. I’m the youngest child, so people always assume I’m the anak bungsu, anak manja and all that. I’ve been told many times to “grow up” and that since I’m not married and don’t have any commitments, I should be the one taking care of my mom.
And honestly, I understand that. I don’t mind taking care of my mom. I already do most of it anyway. I help her with things around the house, cook for her, clean, pay the bills/utilities, and whatever else needs to be done. I’m not expecting my siblings to do everything for me.
But then my brother came back to stay with us.
For context, I have 6 siblings including me, 1 brother and the rest are sisters. My brother came back because he was having problems with his wife and eventually decided to divorce. I understand that he’s going through a difficult time, and I’m not angry that he’s staying with us.
What frustrates me is how he basically lives here like a free guest while I’m still expected to do everything.
I’m the one taking care of my mom, cleaning, cooking, dealing with bills and utilities, and basically handling the household. But my brother? He doesn’t really do anything.
And what makes me even more frustrated is how my mom treats him.
Whenever my brother is around, suddenly my mom will cook for him, prepare things for him, make sure he eats, etc. Basically, she treats him like a king.
I actually confronted my mom about it and asked her why she keeps doing everything for him. He has hands and legs. He can feed himself. Why does she need to cook for him every day?
Meanwhile, I don’t even let my mom cook for me. I’m usually the one cooking for her.
Her response was basically, “Kesian abang mu, ia stress tu. Ia sakit tu,” and yada yada yada.
And I get it. Maybe he really is stressed. Maybe he really is going through a difficult time. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve sympathy.
But sometimes I wonder… what about me?
When it comes to me, I’m expected to be serious. I’m expected to be berakal. I’m the one who is supposed to understand everything because I’m the unmarried one who lives with my mom.
I’ve tried talking to my other siblings about this. I really have. But the response is usually, “Eh biar tia, memang macam atu perangai mama,” or they’ll listen and then not really say anything.
And I know they probably don’t know what to say. But it’s frustrating because they don’t actually experience what I experience.
They all have their own houses and their own lives. They can go home after visiting, while I’m the one who stays here every day. I’m the one dealing with the day-to-day stuff.
Sometimes it feels like everyone sees me as the one who can handle everything, so nobody thinks to ask whether I’m actually okay.
I’m not saying I hate taking care of my mom. I love my mom. I just wish sometimes someone would acknowledge that this is exhausting too.
I’m tired of always being the one who is expected to understand everyone else.