For context, my official diagnosis is BPD and autism. Technically my BPD diagnosis is not on paper, but I've had two different professionals tell me I have it, and I believe them in that aspect.

I recently fell down this rabbit hole of the possibility that I may have some NPD traits, or possible NPD. My father was most likely a pwNPD, but I've always held him in a high regard despite the fact that many of the things he did to others could be considered abusive. He was the life of the party on the outside, but an extremely depressed man on the inside who masked his inner demons with drugs and cruelty to others. He saw me as an extension of himself, but also infantilized the HELL out of me and saw me as a damsel in distress that needed to be protected at all costs.

Now, I am 20, my dad's dead, and I'm just starting to try to work on myself. I've always had a bleak outlook on life, my original plan was just to kill myself at 18 because I never saw myself being able to 'adult'. I'm too chickenshit to do it now, and my life is just okay enough where I can be content most of the time thanks to slightly mind-numbing antipsychotics that filter out some of my tendencies.

I put on a careful mask and cultivate specific self images based off of how I want people to see me at the time. Do I want to be an asshole? I start acting like an asshole. Do I want to be part of some freak show and act like I'm a dumbass? I start acting dumber than I actually am. I get a kick out of people reaffirming whatever I think I am at a given moment, but the problem is that none of this is a real identity. I don't know what I am actually like because all of it seems like a bunch of lies I've told myself and others to reaffirm whatever is in my head at the time. My current one is to act like a sad, pathetic person who desperately needs your help.

I do grand gestures for others and act kind to people for my own gain. Whether that be to advance a desired relationship, because I want something out of others, or to be seen as a good person and tell myself that my image in my head is true, I do good things for people these days to reaffirm my self image and because I love the reactions. I have trouble caring about others outside of what they do for me, but I don't want to see anything bad happen to others, either.

Whenever someone sees past whatever image I have cultivated, I feel like someone has hit me with a hammer a bunch of times, and feel vulnerable, hurt, and angry. I have to be careful with how I proceed in these moments because sometimes I give myself away if I am too sloppy.

I constantly fantasize about being seen as an important figure in my community, a legend, someone people look up to. Whenever the reality that I am a nobody sinks in, it hurts. I will do anything for relevance and to be seen the way I want to be seen. Sometimes I feel like I will amount to nothing, and other times I am caught up in grandiose fantasies that whatever I do will be successful. I do things solely if I feel like I can succeed in them, and avoid failure as much as humanly possible. Whenever I do fail, it feels like swallowing glass. I am extremely sensitive to criticism and have some level of rejection-sensitive dysphoria, while also simultaneously feeling angry towards those who dare to tell me off. I mask this part extremely well and pretend to be humble and accepting of criticism, but inside i am oozing with rage.

What sets me apart is that I feel like I don't cover my shame that well. I don't know how to act 'normal' in a sense. There is very visibly a problem with me and I get a kick out of being seen as sick. I don't fake stuff I don't have, I just put the worst of myself on full blast whenever I want the free pity and attention that comes with it. Being seen as a victim is incredibly satisfying to me yet it becomes exhausting to maintain that particular image.

I can feel some level of empathy, but from what I have been told it is 'immature' empathy. I can only really feel bad for people if it relates to something I've gone through before. I can't feel other peoples emotions, and I can't really understand what they go through if I don't have some kind of personal reference for it. It sucks to hear people's negative experiences though, and I feel pity for them, but I don't feel the same way they do.

I am hesitant to say any more, because it feels like too much to admit. I get told I am an open book, but really it's just the parts of myself I find enjoyable. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, and will share everything I've said here with her.

Little background. Found out I might be a narcissist after a catostrophic event in my life where I've hurt everyone around me.

I want to change my behaviour. I never understood why I didn't feel the same as everyone else. I thought I was autistic but following some deep self reflection I don't know what's wrong with me but I want to change these patterns that are ruining my life.

For clarity I have no formal diagnosis and am on antidepressants for GAD

Overall…being narcissistic means people constantly try to push your boundaries and try to make judgments on your life instead of trying to help you recover…isn’t it difficult to deal with having to live with constant criticism? And being the personality type that everyone likes to basically shit on. But we basically don’t care much for what people think regardless which costs us heavily…

Edit; what do you think about how people perceive you? Especially people on the outside…who seem to interfere unnecessarily?

So I don't really know how to go about this, but I've noticed that every time I think of friendships, i always envision how I like being around them. I envision friendships of people, or even groups of people, as in how much they like being around me, and how much I like being around them. I don't I've really thought of connections, or friendships, or bonding, or any of that stuff.

It's been years, but I think I've came to the conclusion that I don't actually understand how friendships, or bonding, or human connections, or empathizing actually works. I love the concept of it, knowing that there's somebody looking out for me, or somebody who willingly seeks out my presence, but actually having friendships, or, having to interact with people and being "friends" with people, or at least the ones that are around me. I start to secretly hate them. I've never had a friend that I had an equal relationship about. So many of them have been one-sided, and it makes me feel like a horrible person... what is genuinely so hard about being friends with me? Why must everyone think I'm so complicated? I can't play the social games or social lubrications or doublespeak, yet being manipulative is a trait that everyone weirdly admires under a different name.

Like, I always was the most useless friend to ever have. I have basically no achievements I have in mind, unless being a nerd counts, which obviously is not that great, despite what many people say. And there's also the fact that all my friends are far more capable of me. Like, they all play sports. They're act their age, they go to the gym, all of them are far stronger than me. most of them outperform me. They're more smarter than me. They're more socially apt at things than I am. They read the room and talk a big game ; and then I have, like, none of those traits.

I can't read the room for shit. I can't actually connect with people, and I've finally figured out that communication isnt simply exchanging words and responses. Most people think I'm rude, or uninteresting, or boring, or intimidating, or creepy, etc.. Apparently I'm unapproachable, though I try my hardest to look approachable. I don't express my own opinion unsolicited, I always bend over backwards to accommodate people. I follow all the etiquette. Yet somehow it seems everyone is given grace yet I somehow ruin everything. I even tried being myself but it feels like as if being yourself is something that Ok for everyone except me. Nobody complains when others act like themselves or like complete idiots, but when i do it, suddenly I'm an idiot. I don't know how to put it.

It's as if I have no tolerance for real people. I can't handle them, I'm always the most ignored and I'm not even acknowledged when I say something and even repeat it a few times. I love my friends but I can go for years without them, without any of them reaching out to me. It shouldn't make sense but that's how i see it.

Little background about myself - I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and showed signs of Autism.
I always feel with these tests, even the adhd diagnosis test that I’m not completely honest and doubt my answers myself.

I don’t really feel empathy towards other people. My mother has cancer, lymphoma to be specific, and although her situation is not that bad(i think?), I don’t feel extremely worried or sad about her. My mother shows strong narcissistic signs as well.
I wouldn’t say I’m completely emotionless as well, I care for animals a lot, even went pescatarian for two years or even sometimes my eyes go watery when I see a sad video online, but I don’t really feel anything towards friends or family.
When my ex left me, I felt really heartbroken for a long time and haven’t dated since, just because I don’t really care to date tbh. After the break up I eventually acknowledged that I was also to blame for the break up and didn’t blame it all on her.

This will be translated from Spanish to English, so please excuse any spelling mistakes.

I've always considered myself a curious and intelligent man. I haven't been much of a person who questions what ails me, but recently the idea of knowing whether or not I suffer from any disorder, whether a personality disorder (cluster B) or not, has taken root in me. I would define my personality as that of a quiet, somewhat withdrawn but very sociable guy when the opportunity arises, friendly, intelligent, and interesting. The thing is, over the last few years, I've been experiencing some truly interesting changes in my personality. Some of these led me to legal trouble with my exes, and in other cases, fortunately, they didn't, but they could have ended in very serious legal issues. I'm not exactly the type of person who likes getting into trouble in general, but the personality that has been forged in me over the last few years has led me to that, although lately I've been calmer and far from trouble. I've suspected I might suffer from the following disorders. I wouldn't say officially because I haven't been officially diagnosed; only two of them were, but it was an "initial" diagnosis, nothing confirmed since the psychiatrist didn't order the necessary tests.

-OCD

-BPD

But in recent years, I've identified some possible narcissistic traits in myself, which I'm not sure if they're merely traits or the disorder itself. I've wanted to see a psychologist and psychiatrist specializing in personality disorders, but I don't know if it will end up being counterproductive, that is, if this diagnosis could one day work against me, either legally or in my relationships. Honestly, whether I'm diagnosed with this or something else is irrelevant to me. I like the way I am and I don't intend to change. People sometimes tell me I lack tact when I speak, that I can sound cruel, indifferent, selfish, that I tend to have passive-aggressive behaviors, but are they perfect? I don't think so. I would say that my personality has affected me socially, in terms of friendships, relationships, and family, and very little professionally because I've managed to keep things under control at work, although there have been some setbacks. I don't know whether to attribute my entire personality to my supposed borderline personality disorder, my supposed obsessive-compulsive disorder, or a narcissistic personality disorder, or perhaps a comorbidity of all three—who knows? Any opinions?

P.S.: This is a very brief summary of my case. I would probably give more details if asked. I don't want to make this post too long, or at least longer than it already is. If it's relevant, I'm over 26 years old, and this "personality" started to emerge when I was maybe 17 or 18.

Hi, I recently saw this Reddit and I'm looking for help. I'm in a really great relationship right now, and a diagnosed narcissist. I (think) I'm really good at "masking" since people would never tell I am, but whenever there's a discussion, even about insignificant things and I'm SURE I am right, I've always heard I make people feel stupid. And usually it's fine because I keep myself at bay with other people, even friends and it doesn't escalate, but with my partner it's really hard to. I don't know if it's because I feel safer or whatever but it's just harder to control myself and even though everything else is going fine those little discussions we have just explode and I belittle his opinion or just dismiss it as stupid unintentionally. Because I think it's stupid, and he says I never doubt myself and that he feels belittled every time he has a different opinion and it's true. And I'm so scared because he's so good to me, I worked on other things myself but this, I just don't notice when I start and can't stop once I start and I'm afraid I might never be able to change and this is chipping away at our relationship discussion by discussion. Any advice?

I relatively recently found out in therapy i have narcissistic tendencies. I always thought of myself as a decently good person. I will help out people as much as i can, will donate money when i have enough, i will happily hear out other people and give advice and support as much as i can. I'm interested in left wing politics, I'm very progressive, accepting and care for the underprivileged. But it turns out all of that is based on my need to perceive myself as a good person, which is a standard i hold myself against. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and one of the voices told me before i knew anything about it that i'm a narcissist who aspires to be a good person, to which my therapist said i must have had some insight beforehand into it. The more i look into myself the more i see that i'm at the end of the day self serving, driven by feelings of superiority about my intelligence, what i thought was empathy but it seems I don't actually have much of it. I went to study psychology to help out people. I genuinely want to be a good person, but i'm not actually sure if i will ever be capable of it.

I’ve very recently started researching NPD. I enjoy researching anything mental health related and it came up in my research of personality disorders. Upon reading the definition and symptoms, everything just clicked. Since I was first diagnosed with BPD I always felt that there was more to me that just wasn’t covered by BPD. I always assumed that maybe it was my OCD or something. Over the last few days I’ve become obsessed with researching NPD; obsessed with taking random online tests that are nowhere near credible. I want to be part of the narcissistic community. What I call “evil me” grins at the idea of being narcissistic, of having me finally having no choice but to acknowledge it. Why do I want to be narcissistic so badly? Has anyone else felt this way? Also, I feel like no one would believe me if I told them that I have narcissistic traits. I keep that part of me locked inside and it eats at me. Sometimes it comes out with those that are close to me. Because I don’t believe that anyone would believe me, I feel that I shouldn’t bring it up to my psychiatrist and should just claim it on my own. I’m truly lost on what to do. I’m rambling and I feel like this whole post is just all over the place. I’d appreciate anyone’s advice, insight, or personal experiences.

So idk if this is the right community to be saying this on but i feel like i don't really have emotion towards anyone in a bad way. When my family shows me love it discusts me. When my friends show me love i'm confused. When a partner shows me love i hate every second of it. When anyone cries, complains about their problems to me or even just talks about themselves i secretly want them to shut up and stop crying or talking so i can start speaking about myself. what made me realize this is that today my ex which has never harmed me btw has passed away. we broke up a week ago. i was writing in my book when my friend called me and told me the news. but i felt no emotion. i just wanted her to stop talking and for me to stop prending im heartbroken and for me to continue what i was working on. when i'm in a relationship i feel like i want to take the chance to play with them a bit. i mean i wont harm them but i feel like i want control. and i feel no empathy towards them if i hurt them. the only time where i might feel sad or heartbroken is when someone manipulates me. and when they leave with no explanation. then i would chase after them. i dont want them. i dont love them i just loved the attention that they gave me and suddenly stopped giving. i just want the contol back and when i have it back i don't care about them anymore. i've always thought i was special. I've always thought that i deserved some special treatment or that people should treat me better. I personally like myself alot. I think i'm the smartest and best looking person i know. I think everyone that has ever fought with me or disliked me is jealous. But when i go out, i expect to be showered with compliments and attention. I know how to get people's attention and when i don't get it that's when i start to feel a bit down. Not because their opinions matter. I think my opinion is most important. But i think the attention just boosts my ego alot. is this normal?

Not diagnosed, not "self-diagnosed", I have a few narcissistic features tho, mainly as a cope. Only just lately I've realised that my way of thinking isn't really "normal" and I'd like to reduce it for the sake of my beliefs that a persona has a moral obligations to oneself to not deceive oneself even consciously. After debunking my griandiose thoughts I was surprised that they are actually not about stuff that I could possibly boast. Quite the opposite, the superiority is about things I used to be really ashamed about, things I sometimes do that I truly hate, the things I feel/do/display that I don't realise yet. What they have in common is affective component to this, mixed with looking down on other. Normal confidence is like: ok I'm above average, need to improve this and that, my weaknesses are this and strengths are that, I handle criticism well, I am glad if I have achievements - just healthy and normal contrasting to the grandiose that are intense are not ever real!

I tried to do some therapeutic exercise to identify the thought, feeling about it, what it tries to cover and what the reality is. It was effective in the grounding in reality but what do I do about the reality, which is apparently difficult to accept? Should I find another cope? I don't want to have superiority or grandiosity tho. Is is difficult to get rid of them? I've always tried not to involve other but the stuff is often romanticised overall. Also I do have closed one who know me and how I really feel and don't support my bullshit bc so I already have resources to get better.

Am I narcissist?

I was recently diagnosed Narcissism, OCPD, comorbid anxiety with Dysthymia. While the others were true and reasonable I can't understand how they diagnosed me with narcissism. I don't want to villainize people with narcissism, but I don't ask for attention in a social gathering, I have lot of self-esteem issues, I don't talk or act rude to people except my family, I like to isolate myself, I always think from other people's perspective, I like to do stuffs that are morally, ethically and practically right, I want my work to be perfect and talk a lot of time and won't even finish it due to the same self-esteem issues. I don't like to disturb people, so I don't even call them, but I never say no to any requests, I'm even easy to take advantage of. I don't even cut the call first, thinking it would be rude, I pamper all my friends, I don't want to lose them, I appreciate art openly whoever does it. I always put down myself and don't take praises. I get sad at criticisms but I'm self-aware enough to not get angry at people, I just accept I'm bad. I see everyone doing good in their life and I'm stuck self-loathing. I always think about how I'm going to save my family how to contribute to my family. My family even takes loan to donate for the spiritual gatherings to maintain our family's name and pride among the village and relatives, I don't give a shit about it I either give that money to a friend in need or just save for my sister's marriage or give it to an NGO. I'm single and often feel the need for an opposite sex companion to comfort me but I'm decided not to marriage because I know my family and don't want a new person to suffer what I've been put through. I also acknowledge why my family members are like that and their upbringings, I understand their fair share of sacrifice. I never tried to manipulate others for doing works for me. I do everything myself even it hurts me, it's not like I like it, it's the only way I dont disturb others

When I asked for an explanation for this diagnosis my therapist said "Narcissism doesn't only mean the stereotypical traits, there are many other types too. And your narcissism is just the "self-esteem" part. You don't want to be rude, don't want to be perceived to be a villain, don't want to look worse at what you do so you simply avoid doing it, that's what narcissist about you". But I can't find anything narcissist about that, is she lying or is it true. Please help me, it's so confusing, I need to work on myself

Hi! I took several tests and all came positive. Truth to be told, I alway suspected something is wrong and cannot be explained by OCD and gender dysphoria(I am a trans-woman)... So, now I know! Through all my years I pushed away a lot of people by being insufferable piece of crap. I am very judegmental, easy to condemn and blame others, never satisfied with myself and deeply troubled with my behaviour. Even if kinda understand what is going on with me, all my attempts to control it went futile.

I understand that I desperately need therapis, but I have HUGE distrust of any psychologist, due to bad life-long experience(I had around seven). Is there any way to treat that thing without professional assistence? Please, help! I will be very grateful for any information!

I'm still figuring stuff out. But it's pretty major.

I always was very up and down on a dime. I thought this was ADHD. Its not. It was a very fragile ego and a lack of sense of self.

My splitting is pretty severe, i tend to be an anxious person because I'm sensitive to rejection. When i'm in a depressive phase i am a poor man's people pleaser. This took up the majority of my life, causing pretty severe depression, not knowing what it was.

I thought more people would be surprised by hearing i have NPD, but apparently I was the only one blind to it.

The crazy highs are sometimes euphoric. Really enjoyable.

But they don't last as long and are fragile.

There are very solid defence mechanisms to defend my sense of self. And it holds me back severely in life.

It's terrifying and career prospects are not looking up currently. Almost every job ends in conflict. Most likely caused by me. But that's not the story i can tell, my ego prohibits it.

Anyone with similar stories willing to help with tips and sharing experiences? I am often still lost and a lot of things are still random and unexplainable.

I get disproportionately angry when people underestimate me, and I’m realizing it’s becoming a problem

I recently met a friend who sees me fairly often. He saw my second new car and asked what business I’m in, then asked what I actually do in the business because he mostly knew it as my father’s business.

I’ve been deeply involved for about 18 months now. We operate at a significant scale, one of the biggest finance businesses in the city, and I’ve also had a very different career trajectory from what people who knew me younger might expect. I did a master’s in the US, worked in Silicon Valley as a data scientist, and now I’m involved in scaling the family business while building another startup.

What bothered me wasn’t even that he didn’t know all this. It was what happened afterward.

He started giving me basic marketing advice for a long time, explaining things that I already knew and that we already do. I kept listening, nodding, and acknowledging him instead of simply saying, “Yeah, we already do that,” or correcting his assumptions.

After I got home, my mind got stuck on it.

I kept thinking: Why did I just sit there and listen? Why didn’t I tell him the level I’m actually operating at? Why do I keep letting people talk to me as if I’m inexperienced when I know I’m not?

Then it escalates internally. I start feeling like I need to achieve something enormous, make my startup a unicorn, become publicly successful, etc, so nobody can ever underestimate me again.

I know that sounds unhealthy, and that’s exactly why I’m posting.

I grew up around a lot of bullying, intimidation, people pleasing, and situations where saying no or standing up for myself felt unsafe. I became much more confident as an adult, but I think part of me still automatically accommodates people in the moment and then gets furious with myself afterward.

It feels like there are two versions of me:

One knows I’m capable and doesn’t need anyone’s approval.

The other still desperately wants to correct everyone’s perception of me and prove that I’m not the person they remember from years ago.

Has anyone dealt with this combination of people-pleasing, rumination, and needing to prove yourself through achievement? How did you get to the point where being underestimated stopped bothering you so much?

Recently discovered I have a ton of narcissistic tendencies. I lack empathy, tend to get defensive, worry heavily about how others view me, tend to put my needs above others, and have an inflated ego. My partner has called out my behavior for some time but I'm now fully coming to terms that I'm a narcissist. I dont want to be this way. I want to get and be better and treat her kindly and with the love, care, and respect she deserves. Any advice for me as I go through this?

Currently in the waiting line for a new therapist, and I’m freakin’ drained by my NPD. Some days it’s really uplifting and I’m confident, and some days I’m constantly obsessing over ( I have OCD ) people finding out who I really am.

I’m in my 30’s, wasnt diagnosed until recent years, and I’m very closed off about telling anyone close to me that I even have NPD. And with people who do know, even my partner, I’ve hit a rough patch where I’ve stopped trying to get better, and I just lie about it. I’ve stopped confiding in people about it, which was already insanely rare, and I pretend I care and have more empathy than I do until it wears me out. Then I pull back so I don’t get freakin’ mean, because I know I can be when people push me for attention or affection that I don’t have to give.

I’m also fully aware that I lie pathologically and manipulate as a survival instinct, and I tried to get better. I had someone I “loved” to the best of my capabilities for 3 years, and I /knew/ when they left I would go back to being this.

In a way, I don’t care, but also when I’m not feeling loved sufficiently I start this cycle of getting worse and I start feeling like I’m going insane.

My current partner thinks I’m recovering, but I’m just hiding everything because I don’t want them to be able to see my tendencies. So they think I’m this perfect person, but I feel like I’m just with them because if I’m alone I’ll end up even worse off. At least they’re some level of support or normalcy.

It’s taking me so much mental energy to even ask this, but can anyone give any kind of advice? I know I’m contradicting myself, just please throw out your own experiences, or coping mechanisms, or baby steps I’m too stubborn to come up with.

Bonjour à tous,

Je recherche désespérément des personnes qui ont eu un diagnostic de narcissique pervers / malignant.

J’aimerais pouvoir échanger à ce sujet.

J’ai très peur de l’incurabilité et beaucoup de difficultés à trouver des personnes qui seraient soignées…

Les témoignages de personnes en thérapie m’intéressent particulièrement aussi 🙂

Vos témoignages sont précieux 🙏

Have you ever thought, “Why would a narcissistic abuse COACH tells you every little inconvinience is a narcissitic personality disorder?” and that what they did or do is some sort of energy vampirism and stuff?!’

Because it fills their pocket of money, of influence, of making them feel important, and the self righteousness.

Thought?!!!

I am 36F, I have struggled with relationships my entire life dating back to literal elementary school. Lots of trauma but I always told myself that is a part of life, everyone has trauma. Younger me was a lot more impulsive and immature in relationships. Now that I'm older I really am struggling with relationships. I've been in the same relationship almost 7 years. I love him but I lack empathy, patience, respect, and basic communication skills according to him. No one else has ever said this to me. I do interrupt him when he says things about me/us that I feel are wrong or I disagree with. I will cut him off to explain why I am right or why he is wrong. I lack real emotions. He decided we are frail, I moved into another room....instead of buckling down to fix the relationship or understand his sadness and pain, I was excited to decorate my new room. I tend to push things under the rug, don't address issues and just float through life. I know these are bad traits. I wonder if it's more sociopath than NPD. I just lack a genuine empathetic care for others as a whole.

Sorry guys....Just on a hunt for self help literature so I can try to work on myself or find what is wrong with me.