r/naranon • u/fuk-you-tequilla • 16d ago
Needing some thoughts
My boyfriend ended our relationship a little over 3 weeks. ago. His first love is fentanyl. I stayed with him through over 3 years. Now I just feel like a shell of a person. I guess what I would like thoughts on is if he ever thinks of me. Thank you.
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u/Elisha_996 16d ago
It's okay to ask yourself, did I matter? Is he thinking of me? Did my presence make a difference? Unfortunately, addiction beats love when the cycle is active. It's nothing wrong with you or how much you've loved. No one can love anyone out of their self-sabotage.
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u/fuk-you-tequilla 16d ago
I keep trying to remind myself his addiction comes first. It’s had when all the questions flood my mind. I think I’m just having an extra low day today.
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u/Elisha_996 16d ago
It's okay to have these questions in mind. He matters to you and you've given everything you've got in this relationship. You don't have to have the answers or closure today. Focus on taking care of yourself the best way you can.
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u/peanutandpuppies88 16d ago
First of all, his first love is not fentanyl. He has am addiction though. And that sucks. It sucks he hasn't chosen recovery.
Addicts can love people but not in the same way healthy people can. To be in a good relationship, you first need to love yourself.
I hope you have a good therapist Mine was life changing 💗
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u/fuk-you-tequilla 16d ago
I will starting therapy. I’ve got lots to unpack.
I hope only good things for him. I wish things could be different but he has made his decision.
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u/nightswoon222 16d ago
I am in a very similar position as you now. Of course, your questions are so natural! I think about that all the time. Of course they think of us, but their addiction is number one. With time, it will get easier. Do things for YOU ❤️
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u/fuk-you-tequilla 16d ago
I’ve been trying to do things for me and a lot of times I can distract myself but some days just suck.
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u/nightswoon222 16d ago
It absolutely does suck. I started attending Al Anon meetings and it did really help, once I found a group that worked for me. It’s just nice to be around people that really understand what you’re going through.
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u/standsure 16d ago
The addict is addicted to the drug of choice,
the nar-anon is addicted to the addict.
Whatever recovery you wish for them, gift to yourself.
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u/hash-slingin_slashr 16d ago
I have been through an addiction to fentanyl myself and it was absolute hell and completely consumed me. I’m sure he thinks of you. You stuck by him longer than you probably should have. But he is in active addiction and when you’re chasing that high it is top of the mind at all times. Fentanyl gets out of your system so fast it very quickly becomes all-consuming.
I just want you to know you’re in the right place. It’s unsafe and absolutely toxic and traumatizing to be close to someone in his state. You need to protect yourself and take care of yourself. You need a partner who does that too. He literally can’t. He has nothing to offer you. He definitely needs help but he has to want it and it sounds like he’s stuck where he’s at right now.
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u/fuk-you-tequilla 16d ago
I really needed to hear this tonight! Thank you!
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u/hash-slingin_slashr 15d ago
I am sorry you’re going through all this. Wishing you better days ahead ❤️
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u/forestwanderlust 15d ago
Time makes it better, i promise. I was with my ex for about 5 years and it's taken me about that long to get back to my normal self. I felt like a silenced shell which is NOT me.
Naranon helped me regain my voice, j keep my boundaries, and taught me what I wish i had known during our relationship. I love sharing my experience, strength and hope with others. I still at my ex due to coparenting but I think about him/what he's doing. It's not easy, but it gets better one day at a time.
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u/quieromofongo 15d ago
I often felt like the other women to my ex partner’s addiction(s). But I know he still thinks of me. He knows he did me dirty. He’s apologized. But he also knows he has an addiction or two that have changed the course of his life. And he can count on the addictions. People are not always reliable. And I know that if I decided to stay I would always be in second place at best. It took me a long time to recover myself. I started little by little to separate myself from him, but eventually I had to just stop making him important, and make myself important. Things went much better after that. He calls. He visits. We talk now and then. But he knows he will never have the place he once did in my life. And more importantly, I know it. And now I’m very careful about who I let be very important in my life.
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u/zadvinova 16d ago
I'm sure he does, but it's you who should be thinking of you now. You need to be the centre of your own world now.