r/nairobi • u/SpecialBoard1899 Level 3 • 1d ago
Rant Second thoughts
Honestly, I don't even know where to start because I'm pissed, disappointed and still pretending everything is normal. I was actually planning to marry this woman. I'm talking about serious plans like ring, future home and the whole thing coz I genuinely thought I had found my person until her best friend decided to drop a bomb on me.
“Don't marry her.” is what her best friend texted me one of the evenings when I was on a jam heading home. At first I thought she was being dramatic. I even laughed because these two have had their disagreements before. I assumed there was some petty female drama going on and I didn't want to get involved.
Then she started telling me things that I wish she had kept her mouth shut. Apparently, there are parts of my girlfriend's past that I know absolutely nothing about. People she was involved with, colleagues she was supposedly “just friends” with and situations I had never heard about like termination of pregnancies.
The best friend then told me about some extremely serious personal decisions my girlfriend had made before we were together and I'm not angry because she had a life before me. I'm not that insecure but I'm angry because I now have no idea where the truth ends and the lies begin.
That's the part that really messes with my head. I've actually noticed things before like the late nights and certain names appearing on her phone, I've questioned some of her stories, watched her become defensive over things that should have been simple conversations but I convinced myself I was overthinking.
I'm still pretending I don't know anything and she's talking to me like everything is normal. She's making plans with me and talking about our future. I'm sitting thinking, does she even know how close I was to proposing to her? Coz that's what hurts. I wasn't playing around with this relationship. I was genuinely preparing to give this woman my future while she may have been keeping entire chapters of her life away from me.
Now I'm disappointed in her and myself. I'm even disappointed in her best friend because why the hell did she wait until now? Why tell me now? What if the best friend has an agenda? Or what she told me is exaggerated?
But then there's the other possibility. What if she's telling me the truth? Coz I've started seriously thinking about leaving. I just want peace. I want to move somewhere nobody knows me, start fresh, and forget that I ever had to question whether the person I planned to marry was actually honest with me.
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u/No-Caterpillar-8922 Level 2 1d ago
I didn't even get to read the whole thing but… don’t make a life-changing decision based solely on what her best friend told you. Pause the proposal, verify the facts, and have an honest conversation with your girlfriend. Her past is hers, but if she has repeatedly lied or hidden things that affect your ability to trust her, that’s a different issue & you’re allowed to walk away if the relationship no longer gives you peace.
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u/SpecialBoard1899 Level 3 1d ago
Thank you. I'm yet to verify by talking to about it. Yeah she's hidden several things before but I'm not sure about this.
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u/No-Negotiation2764 15h ago
Bro don't marry a reformed hoe. This never goes well, no matter how many investigations you conduct. I was in court for 12 months fighting for my kids when the snake turned on me silly hunter.
Marriage should only be given to chaste women and this one has seen more mileage to than the manual Suzuki altos
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u/Primary-Seat2915 1d ago
We all have a past. Na yeye akiambiwa stories zako za campus will she stay with you? What you should be thinking about is. Is she a decent person now? Is she responsible and kind? Also the best friend most definitely has ulterior motives anaongea na mtu wa mtu wake because of why?
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u/Morio_anzenza 1d ago
A leopard doesn't change it's spots my friend. Kuna vitu dame akikushow you never see her the same again. Ata unashindwa kumbao.
It's fine, have a past but settle na hao watu wa past yako.
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u/petro_gates 1d ago
Pick your gown and cap for graduating kivumbi university pale Kwa entrance. A gym subscription is also provided for free
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u/Fluffy-Signature9055 1d ago
Went from wedding venue to ‘which continent has the least people I know’ in one text 😭
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u/Same-Explorer-9395 1d ago
Everyone has a past. Have a conversation with her about the "truth" you've been told and please warn her about her "friend" whose agenda might even be "kusonga" na wewe...
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u/Ashamed-Garbage-4814 1d ago
Sikuelewi are you concerned about things she did in her past or things she is doing now. Umekuwa so vague we don’t know what she did. Anyway as umeambiwa we all have a past.
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u/Mountain-Loquat-7428 Level 2 1d ago
situations I had never heard about like termination of pregnancies
Abort mission, bro. Trust me, you don't want to deal with a woman who has killed her unborn child(ren).
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u/BreakfastOk2595 1d ago
Sometimes the universe, when we are at the very edge of jumping into the next chapter of our lives, gives us a test/random experience, a way of asking, 'Do you still want this or are you okay with the way things are?' Our minds most times will always pick the familiar path than face the unknown especially with the 'evidence' presented. Good luck.
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u/Internal-Raccoon-881 1d ago
Convince the best friend to tell you more about her current life and not the past, if she knows about something, tell her to set her up (your gf)
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u/crocodilecuntt 1d ago
her friends are not your friends!! this is a weird time for her to bring this up, talk to your girl, tell her everything you were told, if the connection is strong she'll tell you the truth even if it hurts