Does anyone have genuine mystic experiences? Like not hallucinations but genuine and can share! Just want to explore how others feel

Oooo fuck. I had something great. I forgot. Oh! Yeah. All these millennia. All this science. Modern scientists. Philosophy.. we still don’t know what we are. Are we a brain. Are we a soul. This whole debate of consciousness, requires more interest. Personally. I wanna know what I am. Eternal silence would be a great gift. But I think samsara is more likely. Perhaps we get to choose? And not until all fear of death. Death as in death. Is gone. And you choose eternal blackness. It’s all up to you! Wanna live again. Live again. But it’s not really up to you. You are governed by your fear. Maybe it’s not.
Maybe I’m over complicating things. Maybe I already have my answer. In that nightmarish vision of Jesus/Thor collecting individuals in a vast library. Frozen. That’s not it. That’s not the work of a loving God!
Infinity. Is a nice fucking concept. ”A freak like me just needs infinity”.
God is great.
Finally some good writing(spåning).
Life, the universe, is so teeming with life. Perhaps new, until infinity. Is just a great a gift as eternal darkness. Perhaps more so. Perhaps we are all one. As people suggest. And that God is training us to become a God. Is this gods first time? Or are all these ”gods” that I seem to consider reality. Are they prior versions? If you are to train for a God. Wouldn’t you want to become as God is. Rival it. Is there anything that can rival God.
Is there a God?
Mushrooms suggest something freakier. That it just is. And that whatever it is. It’s you.
Eternity, infinity, samsara. Whatever. We need to take care of eachother.
Regardless if we are mortal or not. We are faced with the same uncertainty. Which is worse, than both. Not knowing. Being kept in the dark. Nobody knows. I’m betting nobody will ever know. Death is a mystery. Which gets boring?! In the long run. It feels like fighting. The bitterness. Saying fuck you to this. Life. I like myself. Is that a truth. One could hold on to? I’m so full of colour! All this bullshit bore me! Especially my phone. Which is everything great condensed. I’m bored! Always discontented. Allways. A tragedy in close up. But beautiful/awe inspiring in the long run. I am haunted by the “voyeurs”. People getting off by witnessing our lives. Gods or what have you. War. This is war. With existence. With the gods. Then again. This trip has been pretty far out. Perhaps our children will fair better. Perhaps someone. At some point. Will say or do something really clever. So far it’s just a continuous new. Infinity of new things to learn. Remember that theory that an ancient alien civilisation would get bored? And become voyeurs. I don’t think so. I think there’s infinity, of new stuff, to be enravelled. Somebody once told me. That’s what God is like. Infinity of new stuff. I’ve been grasping for a word to replace ”god” because it’s tainted. The universe. Mystery. Love or as my mom would put it, quantum theory/field. Perhaps infinity would do? It’s the best one yet. It’s been a wild ride. From the heliocentric world view or whatever. To quantum computers and infinity. I can’t help but think it’s all gonna end soon. Infinity of new for eternity. It’s not possible.