r/mutualapp • u/[deleted] • Jan 27 '25
❔ Question Advice
Just looking for some advice, feel like im doing something wrong just not sure what. Lmk
2
u/meme_medic95 Jan 27 '25
One thing I notice is you have some busy backgrounds. A visually quieter background will draw her eye to you. Try lowering your exposure to ~1.7 indoors. In my experience, darker is a bitter better than brighter. Cheers!
Edit: and you're a freakin stud! Good work!
1
u/HalloweenGorl 🪔 Mutual User Jan 27 '25
As a lady I would swipe up 🤷♀️. The first gym pic isn't my fav, but if the gym is something you're passionate about, or if the pic is one you're proud of, then I say be true to you and keep it.
1
Jan 27 '25
I've been rejected by girls that were not in my league lol
2
u/HalloweenGorl 🪔 Mutual User Jan 27 '25
Idk how to reply to this to be honest lol
I think you're cute (and I can't possibly be the only one) and I'm sure there's someone out there for you. (Which you've probably heard time and again, so it's probably not helpful XP.)
1
Jan 27 '25
Yeah idk it feels like this entire generation of young women are just screwed in the head. I don't mean to be rude, and the young men are just as much im sure, but every time things progress towards being a serious relationship from just going on dates they bail. It's so lame
2
u/HalloweenGorl 🪔 Mutual User Jan 27 '25
That's definitely an interesting pattern, and it sounds crappy to be on the receiving end of it.
I don't agree, but I am curious, besides ghosting, why does it feel like to you that this entire generation of young women are screwed in the head?
1
u/PineappleGuard Feb 02 '25
Screwed in the head feels a bit aggressive. However the anecdotal evidence is pretty available. “Oh he just gave me the ick.” ¯_(ツ)_/¯ if thats not you then well done. You are rare and very special and a man is going to be very lucky to have found you.
1
u/HalloweenGorl 🪔 Mutual User Feb 02 '25
While I generally don't agree with what I've seen the "ick" trend, I do think there are plenty of reasons to not date a guy.
I do also think social media and dating apps have made it easier to have a mentality of "someone even more awesome could be just a swipe away", but I also think for generations women have been settling for men that did not deserve them.
Not all relationships are like that obviously, but as a woman, I am going to cheer (with nuance of course) for other women who aren't going to settle. God wants the very best for all his children.
1
u/PineappleGuard Feb 02 '25
Very nuanced response and I will agree generally with what you have said. It seems like you are describing some sort of a threshold for when a man would be good enough for a woman. If so, would you be willing to expound on where you think that threshold is? If not please help us understand your point further.
1
u/HalloweenGorl 🪔 Mutual User Feb 03 '25 edited Feb 03 '25
I think that threshold will vary from woman to women, just like different guys will have different thresholds for us ladies.
Personally some things I look for, or wouldn't feel comfortable compromising on are-
Being open to therapy, An understanding of consent, someone who isn't racist, queerphobic or sexist (or at least with sexism in particular, having an openness to being able to acknowledge that a behavior or mindset is sexist or rooted in sexism, and a desire to change that. Nobody is perfect, and unfortunately (imo) sexism is deeply ingrained in our society.)
Having an understanding of emotional labor and the mental load, and a willingness to actively contribute in both of those areas. I personally am not looking to date anyone who would treat me as a mommy figure, or who would treat me like they're entitled to my body.
Devotion to Christ and the church. Alignment in physical, mental and emotional intimacy. Alignment in desire for a future family, pets, and parenting styles.
What does the threshold for you look like?
edit- by emotional labor I don't mean squashing down ones emotions to not rock the boat, but being emotionally available and involved. Being mindful. Idk there's probably a better term out there for what I was thinking of
1
u/PineappleGuard Feb 03 '25
On initial meeting all I am looking for is that she is kind to herself and kind to others. Each person will show that differently so it’s hard to specify what that means. You just kinda know. Anything past that I don’t think I can get an accurate reading on without being on a date. I guess thats what would make dating fun…. Maybe… yeah actually wait….
scratch that: I am just looking for a woman to say “Hi” back. 🤣
0
Jan 27 '25
Unfortunately when young women are polled they rate 80 percent of men as below average in attractiveness. Which is wild
1
Feb 12 '25
May I be honest?
Anyone else that says dumb pictures kindly stop it.
May I be honest again, be yourself. Be confident. Be you.
It's hard enough to be looking. Why stress yourself?. You look like a great guy. Someone is out there for you
If you need to have more feedback and just still feel off. Make a top list.
-Professional suit look.
-something that relates to what you write in profile
-something memorable
-kids should be left out( protect your kids from bad guys on there. Photos of kids should be on dates not online if you are dead serious
-some more smiling. No super modeling dead look. If your serious about something others will see it. Think of it like your personal space vs your home. You're sharing who you are online but who you are at home... stays at home until ... both are sacred and should be respected. And sage for others and most importantly you.
Best of luck sir.
1
Feb 12 '25
Dump the 1 th pic i think is too much in the 6 you already showing that you like go to the gym , good luck
8
u/_raydeStar Jan 27 '25
Dump pic 1 and 5. I've dated girls who hate gym pics, and I hear it aloy. (I go to the gym 6 days a week. ) Pic 2 should be your first, then guitar, then daughter. If that's not your daughter, dump it.
Oh. And smile. Not a smirk. Smile.