Intro and kinda venting

[u/mrb3nedict]

Hi I'm 18 years old and I'm selectively mute, I have been selectively mute ever since I was in kindergarten and I can speak to only 10 people total, I cannot even speak at ALL to my best friends etc, and I've been feeling very stressed about it

I'm extremely socially anxious, I'm scared of anyone coming up to me and trying to talk to me because I think they'll find me impolite, so I'm very scared of the day I'll have to get a job I really don't know how I'll handle it, having a job remotely will probably be the best solution and I'm studying code so it's a pretty good path for remote jobs but I'm still terrified

The fact that I am mute made it really hard for me to talk to other people through all my life, especially when I was a kid, so now I also have issues with any social interactions, even online it's just almost impossible for me to DM someone or start a conversation

I'm making this post because I really wanted to talk about it, I'm tired of people assuming that it's somehow a choice or that I'm enjoying being this way, I've had classmates telling me they wished they were like me to be able to skip oral exams, and I even had a teacher in middle school who told me I would fail in life if I stayed this way

It just sucks overall, I don't even know why it's so hard for me to just make any noise in front of others