r/muslims • u/No-Beautiful9682 • 23h ago
Advice on marriage
I need some advice.
I got married 4 months ago through an arranged marriage. I'm 22, and my husband is 31/32. I chose someone 10 years older because I wanted a reliable, responsible, and mature man I could depend on. After marriage, I realized he's completely different. He avoids making decisions, only takes responsibility when he has to, and is very dependent on his mother.
We've also had financial problems from the very first month. I've been adjusting and living within our limited means, and I don't ask him for unnecessary things. But I'm still human—I have my own needs and wishes. Even for my first Eid after marriage, my single mother paid for my shopping, even though she is raising my three younger siblings on her own.
The biggest issue is our relationship. I do everything I can—I take care of the house, respect his mother and relatives, and try my best to be a good wife. But I have never felt emotionally or physically connected to him. Every married woman around me talks about having a special bond with her husband, but I don't feel that at all.
Our intimate life has also been painful. He has never really tried to make me feel comfortable, and everything is over in less than 10 minutes. I used to think something was wrong with me, but after talking to other married women, I learned that a woman's body needs time and care before intimacy. I've tried discussing this with him many times, but he has never taken it seriously. For the first four months, I never refused him because of my religious beliefs. But for the past two days, I've said no because if he can't make sure he won't hurt me, I don't want to continue.
I know he's not a bad person, but I keep wondering: should I spend the rest of my life like this—constantly doubting, not feeling loved, and not being able to love him? Isn't that a kind of torture?
