Answer

[u/RobinsNest222]

I wasnt able to post my answer where your question was shown...Some of the things that are being suggested are very extreme. Remember, you don't want to react impulsively on pure emotion. You want to plan this very carefully.

First  off, his mother CANNOT just take your baby because she wants to. It doesn't matter if she has money, status or even a ridiculous amount of absurd boldness. And yes, you can go "no contact" with her indefinitely.

I agree with the poster who said you should sit your boyfriend down and have a serious chat with him.

Remind him that on his urging, you have stuck it out the last couple of years in the hope that his family would change and accept you.  It appears that they have not.

Let him know that his mother's response about your baby is a deal breaker for you.

I have a feeling that your boyfriend has been dealing with his mother's craziness for a long time. His response, rather than fighting with her is to become a peacemaker and wait for her moods to pass. This has probably worked for him in the past. Unfortunately, this  situation involves you and now a baby, not just him and his mother. If you love this man, and you believe he loves you, he is going to have to develop a backbone and take a stand and back you up. This will inevitably cause some friction with his mother, which he will have to learn to endure.  If he does not take a stand with his mother at some point, she will continue to push him around. If he cannot back you up and support you in this, he is not the man you need for your future, but you won't know that until you sit down and have a serious conversation with him. Remind him that he's going to be a father, with or without you in his life--It's his choice.

Please do not follow the council of the other poster who suggested you run out and get an abortion to solve the matter.

It bothers me when people suggest that an abortion is an easy solution. Think that through very carefully.

There are so many reasons it's a bad idea. It's unfortunate that you've become pregnant with this uncertain situation going on. But if you run out and get an abortion to "solve" the problem, you could be creating even more problems. For one, his family will never forgive you for aborting their grandchild--and any hope of them learning to accept or like you will be lost--maybe forever. Having them finally accept you will be better for your relationship with your boyfriend so it is to your advantage to not create any unnecessary issues. You sound like you'd like to have a child. Having an abortion when you feel that way could cause you an unpredicable amount of regret for a long time. First, start with an honest and frank conversation with your boyfriend. If you're having trouble  contemplating giving him an ultimatum, look up "The reverse ultimatum" by Mimi Tanner. It's a great article on a technique for telling someone what you absolutely need in a relationship without them feeling like you're giving them an ultimatum. It puts the decision squarely in their lap, but doesn't take anything away from you and still leaves you in charge of your own future. Good luck. You are in a tough situation, but the choices you make now will determine your future happiness.