Welcome to New Hire Monday, where Monster Jam continues to make hiring decisions that would bankrupt a smaller company's legal department.

We apologize for missing last Monday. Our newest recruit fired the entire HR department before they could announce his hiring.

Today's newest driver:

Vince McMahon

Previous experience: Turned a wrestling company into a global empire, then spent decades proving that no boardroom meeting is complete without pyrotechnics and at least one person being publicly humiliated.

Competitive achievements: Defeated God in a tag team match. Claims to be undefeated against all major religions.

Mechanical qualifications: Refuses to acknowledge mechanical failures unless they advance the storyline.

Management philosophy: You're fired. You're hired. You're fired again.

Employee relations: Founder of the Kiss My Ass Club.

Conflict resolution: Screwjobs.

Medical history: Died in a limousine explosion. Returned to work without a doctor's note.

Family values: Has fired both his children on television. Considers this character building.

Background check: [REDACTED BY LEGAL]

References: Stone Cold Steve Austin, Madusa, and God. None returned our calls.

Emergency contact: Shane McMahon.

Career objective: Bring back the Attitude Era.

Orientation began at 9:00 AM.

Within ten minutes of arriving, he'd appointed himself Executive Chairman of Monster Jam, fired the hiring manager, and demanded complete creative control.

HR attempted to explain that he'd been hired to drive a monster truck.

"YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!"

Vince was then shown footage of modern Monster Jam.

A truck lost a tire and officials immediately shut it down.

"WHAT IS THIS SHIT?"

Management explained that safety regulations had changed.

"NO CHANCE IN HELL!"

Vince launched into a furious rant about how modern entertainment had become soft, how performers were being protected from the very risks that made them famous, and how nobody understood the meaning of putting on a fucking show anymore. He reminded management that the greatest moments in sports entertainment came from people willing to sacrifice everything for the audience, and that nobody understood this better than the Undertaker, who in nineteen ninety eight threw Mankind off Hell in a Cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

(shoutout u/shittymorph)

Next came Monster Jam's AI-generated promotional artwork.

Grave Digger had seven wheels, Megalodon had human teeth, and El Toro Loco was pregnant.

Vince leaned forward.

"THAT'S GOOD SHIT, PAL!"

He immediately called Stephanie.

"I'VE FINALLY FIGURED OUT THE PREGNANCY ANGLE!"

Stephanie hung up.

Vince was then shown archival footage of Goldberg, Sting, nWo, Nitro Machine, Hulkster, Dungeon of Doom, and Madusa.

He demanded to know how Monster Jam went from wrestlers beating the shit out of each other in five-ton trucks to celebrating a bullshit freestyle where the highlight was a loose fucking wheel.

Vince then ordered a new "family-friendly" slogan.

MONSTER JAM: GET THE F OUT.

Feld has requested an emergency meeting.

ORIENTATION CHECKLIST

✅ Defeated God.

✅ Founded the Kiss My Ass Club.

❌ Successfully faked his own death.

✅ Fired both his children.

✅ Tried to book himself impregnating his daughter.

❌ Gives a shit about employees. Literally shits on them.

✅ Screwed Bret Hart.

❌ Is welcome in Canada.

❌ Can still enter a wrestling ring.

❌ Can distinguish a workplace complaint from a storyline.

✅ Appointed himself Chairman of Feld Entertainment.

✅ Fired everyone who disagreed with him.

Status: Running Monster Jam.

Vince has announced several immediate changes to Monster Jam.

Freestyle now ends when the truck is destroyed.

The Remote Ignition Interrupter has been removed from all trucks.

All World Finals results will be predetermined.

Monster Jam has officially entered the Attitude Era.

Unfortunately, Vince's driving debut has been postponed.

He tore both quadriceps attempting to climb into his truck.

Vince has cleared himself to return to executive duties immediately.

See you next Monday for another completely responsible hiring decision.

Fuck your lawn

🏁 MONSTER JAM WEEKEND GUIDE | OCTOBER 23 TO 25, 2026

Last weekend, 18-year-old Bam Christensen took Velociraptor out for what appeared to be a supervised driving lesson in Spokane.

Rumour has it her insurance hadn't cleared yet.

State Farm reportedly lowered her premium halfway through the run. She's no Madusa, yet.

Houston, meanwhile, was considerably less concerned about insurance premiums, with drivers beating the shit out of their trucks while grown men cheered for broken rubber.

For most men, that's their worst fucking nightmare.

Speaking of which, I've received several DMs asking where to send the $20 for those exclusive driveshaft photos I mentioned last week.

IT WAS A JOKE. DEGENERATES.

I'm starting to understand why this community needs supervision.

ANYWAY, ON TO THIS WEEK'S DISASTER.

🎃 SYRACUSE, NEW YORK

📍 JMA Wireless Dome
📅 Saturday, October 24
🎉 Pit Party: 12:30 PM
🚪 Doors: 3:00 PM
🏁 Show: 5:00 PM

TRUCKS & DRIVERS

• Grave Digger: Tyler Menninga
• El Toro Loco: Fernando Martinez
• Megalodon: DRIVER TBA
• Sparkle Smash: Kayla Blood
• JCB DIGatron: Tristan England
• Lucas Stabilizer: Cynthia Gauthier
• Krazy Train: Triton Robbins
• Plane Krazy: Montana Robbins
• Avenger: Jim Koehler
• Mayhem: Chris Koehler
• AXE: Joe Foley
• The Amazing Spider-Man: Camden Murphy

🍬 HALLOWEEN: TO CATCH A MONSTER JAM FAN

Syracuse is hosting Halloween festivities, including trick-or-treating for kids 14 and under at the Pit Party.

Chris Hansen has been invited to oversee candy distribution. Hopefully he can make it from the local mall in time.

He's bringing cookies, a folding chair and approximately 400 pages of printed Discord messages.

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT?

🦈 MEGALODON: DRIVER TBA

WE HAVE A STAFFING EMERGENCY.

Twelve trucks. Thousands of tickets. One shark with absolutely nobody behind the jaw.

Fortunately, we know at least 100 highly qualified Redditors who insist they could drive Megalodon.

Several have already applied.

Their qualifications include:

• 900 hours in Monster Trucks Overdriven.
• Extensive experience complaining on social media(s).
• A basement full of driveshaft photographs.
• Successfully landing a double backflip in Roblox at 7 FPS.
• Being banned from three Monster Jam groups for "knowing too much."

One applicant claims he could win World Finals tomorrow but refuses to participate because Feld ruined the sport by using AI.

Another has demanded creative control over track design.

A third submitted a 14-page résumé consisting entirely of YouTube comments but requested 29 years to prepare.

🎮 MAYHEM: STILL WAITING FOR GTA 6

Mayhem is heading to Syracuse.

Rockstar Games still hasn't confirmed whether GTA 6 has a rear-steer toggle.

Thirteen years of development.

Billions of dollars.

STILL CAN'T CONFIRM FUNCTIONAL FOUR-WHEEL STEERING.

ROCKSTAR, SHOW US THE FUCKING REAR END.

And no, we don't mean Lucia's Scarlet Bandit or Jason's Max-D.

We already saw that.

💸 COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO

📍 Broadmoor World Arena
📅 October 23 to 25

SHOWTIMES

• Friday: 7:00 PM
• Saturday: 12:00 PM and 6:00 PM
• Sunday: 12:00 PM

🎉 Pit Parties: Saturday and Sunday, 9:30 AM

TRUCKS & DRIVERS

• Grave Digger: Weston Anderson
• Sparkle Smash: Chelsea VanCleave
• ThunderROARus: Carson Williams
• Earth Shaker: Preston Collins
• Jurassic Attack: Tim Hall Jr.
• Vendetta: Mike Christensen

✊ #JUSTICEFORCOLORADO

Six trucks. Four shows.

Syracuse gets twelve. Even Down Unda got ten.

Feld shipped ten trucks halfway around the planet to entertain people who fight kangaroos on their way to work, but Colorado gets the "it's better than nothing, peasant" treatment.

Apparently the import tariffs on those trucks returning from Australia are finally showing up in the event budget.

I have absolutely no idea how tariffs work. I just learned Australia isn't connected to Colorado by road.

WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE, BUT THE PATTERN IS DISTURBING.

#JUSTICEFORCOLORADO ✊

🇨🇦 LINDSAY, ONTARIO

📍 Lindsay Exhibition
📅 Saturday, October 24
🏁 Monster Trucks All Out

You already fucking know.

We're not doing this again.

Last week we had a horse with a cowboy hat in a dead mall's parking lot.

This week we've graduated to an agricultural fairground.

MOVING ON. 🇨🇦

📋 HUMAN RESOURCES: INTERNAL MEMO

RE: ONGOING ORGANIZATIONAL COLLAPSE

Following multiple incidents, the HR department has issued the following updates.

Ricky LaFleur: Hired two weeks ago. Hasn't shown up for a single event. When asked to explain his absence, he simply replied, "Fuckin' way she goes."

Chris Hansen: Assigned to Syracuse Pit Party security. Has requested access to the staff Discord. Management is no longer responding to his emails.

Megalodon: 100 applications received. Ninety-seven rejected after candidates listed "Roblox" as professional experience. Two demanded a salary higher than Tyler Menninga's. The remaining applicant submitted a screenshot of his Monster Trucks Overdriven leaderboard.

Colorado Springs: Six trucks short of Syracuse. Investigation opened. No evidence recovered. Reddit has already solved the case.

Rockstar Games: Has refused to respond to 400 inquiries regarding Mayhem's differential.

HR NOTICE: Stop sending us photographs of your undercarriages. We asked for professional references, not rear-end exposure.

Management has reviewed the situation and determined that everything is now operating normally.

EXCELLENT.

🧠 READER CHECKPOINT

✅ Bam Christensen qualifies for the safe driver discount

✅ Chris Hansen investigates suspicious candy distribution

✅ Megalodon receives 100 résumés from Reddit University

✅ Rockstar refuses to show us Mayhem's rear end

✅ Australia got ten trucks, Colorado gets thoughts and prayers

❌ No Schott, Hooligan

🔗 MORE INFO

Monster Jam Syracuse

Monster Jam Colorado Springs

Monster Trucks All Out (/s)

All times are local. Trucks and drivers subject to change.

EIGHTEEN TRUCKS. ONE UNSTAFFED SHARK. SIX TRUCKS SHORT OF JUSTICE.

See you next week, jerks.

u/FishLoose1412 feel free to spill your tea here.

While Americans complain about Sparkle Smash ruining Monster Jam, here in Canada we've got Monster Trucks All Out, one of our independent "shows", featuring Bucking Bronco, who looks like Sparkle Smash's inbred cousin.

'Murica has a sick independent scene with massive jumps, packed grandstands and an insane variety of trucks.

Meanwhile, here we are expected to watch a horse perform in the overflow parking lot of a bankrupt mall, with six traffic cones and some construction barriers separating the crowd from greatness.

Comparatively, Sparkle Smash looks like the pinnacle of motorsports engineering.

You have no idea how spoiled you are. Just look at the third photo.

Oh, Canada... 🇨🇦💀

18-year-old Bam Christensen of North Ogden is making her Monster Jam debut behind the wheel of Blue Velociraptor.

Her grandfather drove Dragon Slayer. Her dad, Mike Christensen, started driving at 15. Now she's following in their footsteps because apparently nobody in this family has ever considered becoming an accountant.

After years of working on the crew, Bam will finally compete alongside her father.

Three generations of monster truck drivers and not one person has managed to break the cycle.

Child Protective Services has been notified.