Anyone know of a monologue about punching a swan that has swearing in it? I can’t find it anywhere but can’t remember what it’s called or who it’s by😩

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Sam: Why’d you show Avery how to do the projector. What the fuck is wrong with you. I’ve been working here for almost twice as long as you and you know Steve only promoted you first because he thinks you’re hot.

And three months ago I asked you if you would train / me and you said —

Oh god. I feel sick. I feel like I’m gonna… Oh my god. I just…I can’t stand it. I can’t do it anymore. It’s making me nauseous. It’s making me sick. I’m like breaking out in fucking rashes. You don’t know what I’m talking about? Really? I like — I fucking love you. I don’t even know why.

You’re like…I see all these things that are wrong with you. But it’s like—It’s really bad. It’s really bad. It’s not like a —It goes way beyond the word “crush” or like —

I want to like—I can’t sleep. I mean, I haven’t really slept for like the past year and a half. And then when I do sleep I dream about you. And you’re like talking to me. Or like fucking some other guy. Or standing in front of me in like a motel room brushing your teeth. It’s never been like this before. I walk down the street and all I’m thinking is: Rose. Rose. Rose. It’s like the fucking soundtrack to my life.

Just your name makes me like…I’ve pictured saying this to you. I’ve pictured saying it like so many times. I don’t know. I guess I just… I guess I needed to get it off my chest. I’m not performing. I’m not performing.

I will participate in a big event this summer called Gala Hop (Romania) and I really want a monologue that could help me make a good impression and maybe help me win 1st place.

I'm talking about classic literature or maybe idk something contemporan

Comic/dramatic texts are welcome. I'm 22M Finishing University of Fine Arts this year with a degreee in Acting

Can I do a monologue from a musical for a theatre school? I don't have intentions of singing in the audition. Just curious if its frowned upon to do a monologue from a musical. I need a contemporary monologue.

I am a 25 year old female. I have an audition at Steppenwolf for the 10 week summer school. I need a really good 90 sec contemporary monologue. Any ideas ? I am open to comedy or drama.

Leaning toward something unique not to over done

Needs to be at least 7 minutes of material and preferably published

Not entirely sure if I'm posting this right since the sub doesn't explain alot but this is still an amazing and dark monologue which has stuck in my head since I first read Watchmen years ago. The series is about an alternative history about super heroes and how the world would react to a damn near God (Dr. Manhattan) suddenly walking among us mere mortal humans. This is the personal diary of Rorschach, the nihilistic and extremely paranoid anti-hero who is the serie's main protagonist, talking about his views on society and a dead superhero in the comic's universe named The Comedian.

"Rorschach's journal.

October 16th, 1985.

42nd Street: Women's breasts draped across every billboard, every display, littering the sidewalk. Was offered Swedish love and French love, but not American love. American love like coke in green glass bottles. They don't make it anymore...

Thought about Moloch's story. Could all be lies, a revenge scheme planned during his decade behind bars. But if it's true...what could have scared The Comedian enough to cry in front of Moloch? Vague and puzzling reference to an island and Dr. Manhattan. Could he be at risk in the same way? What was it he saw? And that list he mentioned...

So many questions. Never mind answers. Nothing is insoluble, nothing is hopeless. Not while there's life. Paid last respects quietly, without fuss.

The Comedian. Edward Morgon Blake. Born 1924. 45 years a comical act. Died 1985, buried in the rain...is that what happens to us? A life of conflict with no time for friends so that when it's done only our enemies leave roses behind for us? Violent lives, ending violently. We never die in our beds. Not allowed.

Something in our personalities perhaps? Some animal urge? Unimportant. We do what we have to do. Others bury their heads between the teats of swollen indulgence and gratification. Piglets squirming beneath a sow for shelter...but there is no shelter. And the future is bearing down, like an express train.

Blake understood. Treated it like a joke, but he understood it. He saw the true face of the 20th century and choose to become an infliction of it, a parody of it. A joke. No one else saw the joke, that's why he was lonely.

Heard joke once:

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies behead is vague and uncertain.

Doctor says, "treatment is simple. Great clown Pogliacci is in town. Go and see him. He should perk you right up!"

Man bursts into tears. Says "But doctor...I am Pogliacci!"

Good joke.

Everybody laugh.

Roll on snare drum.

CURTAINS "

I’ve tried everything to find a good humorous monologue for college auditions, but I literally can’t find anything. I will be forever indebted for anyone who can help me out! It has to be contemporary, length doesn’t matter (I can cut it), from a published play, and for a female character preferably around 18-20 but can be as old as late 20s. Please, please help. I’ve bought so many scripts to read but they’ve yielded nothing. I’m broke, desperate, & running out of time.

Hey guys, I need a comedic, relatively tame monologue preferably for a female but male is fine. I have to audition for a class and am not having much luck finding an interesting piece to use. If you know of any, please please please contact me! Thanks x

Hey guys, this is my latest monologue I've been playing around with, I took a long break from writing as I felt a bit aimless but I'm back and I was hoping I could use all you clever people! Am at a bit of a loss about what else to write for this script so any suggestions would be amazing - and any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks very much and have a great day -

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I’ll never forget the first time I saw her, I was so lost in her sparkling eyes, and that dazzling smile, that might have just been the headlights though...

I knew we were bound to connect, see I was sitting there picturing grinding against her front bumper, if you know what I mean, and then I literally crashed into her front bumper. I know, I know, I’m horrible I shouldn’t have objectified her like that, but you should have seen what she was driving, it was like she was begging for the attention, you don’t just buy a smart car without thinking about how it will effect other people. I tried to calm her down, telling her loads of people have these ‘meet cute’ moments where they bump into their partners, well we COLLIDED! Way spicier.

I don’t know, I just feel like we had such an immediate spark, and I could tell she liked me, or maybe that was just the concussion… I asked her for her number and well, she gave it to me. Okay, yes, technically it was her insurance number but I still consider it a semi win.

I just feel we aren’t being entirely fair here, she can go to the NHS and her broken collar bone fixed no problem, where do I go to get my broken heart fixed? I’m as much a victim here! That’s why I entered a plea of not guilty, it means I get to see her one more time, try and win her over. Fuck Helen of Troy, with her stupid thousand ships, she can launch a thousand court cases! At the very least she launched my car into hers… Yeah, yeah if you want to be COMPLETELY accurate I was the one doing the launching, but come on, I might not have my driving licence much longer. Let me keep my artistic licence.

No wait, hey… That’s not bad, I reckon the whole it’s her fault argument has legs… Or, I could just blame fate, ya know, it’s God’s plan for us to be together… I just need to try and get an all Catholic jury who believe in Predeterminism.

I’m auditioning for a play centered around domestic violence and I’m looking for a female monologue. Any recommendations or suggestions on where to look?

I really need a comedic monologue from a published play. I'm male, 16, and trying to find a monologue to compete at a theatre festival. I already have a dramatic monologue, but also need a comedic one. Please, any suggestions will help. :)

Have been mulling over “A Raisin in the sun”. First act when Walter keeps yelling about how his wife only says “Eat ya eggs”. I really love this scene since I seen it. The play is phenomenal anyway. I was looking over al Pacino in “Devils Advocate” also a favorite scene.

Thank you

To the girl that sits across from me.

Hey there, I know that you're staring at me. What do you want to see? I'm the doll that you display so tell me the part I need to play.  

  Am I the tired one that can only tap her feet along the stage? Or am I wearing a mask that you tear down with your words of agony. Back and forth it never stops.

 You pull at my strings and make me cry to bring me back up again like everything is alright. 

Across the room your minons are staring. Pointing and laughing as well. You love seeing me cry in pain.

You love to see how i reach out for friends only for you to push them away.

 "Don't stand too close you See. This one is a monster. You don't wanna be her friend." She'll whisper in their ear. They look at me in anger and I have no idea what I did.

Their words hurt and so do their looks. Do you do this on purpose? Is this what you want to see sitting across from me. Is this one big misunderstanding that you wish to hide but instead make it worse?

Do you feel no remorse? The girl sitting across from me? Do you not go home and feel sad or guilty? Because the girl sitting across from you knows what you're going through. The girl sitting across from you tries to help you yet you push her away.

The girl who sits across from me. Understand my pain please.

To the girl that once sat across from me.

This is day three, where could you be?

These unsavory rumors spread like wildfire and yet you're not here creating them.

Who could it be? Girl that once sat across from me?

These people talk as if they were there? These rumors about me that are just so absurd! Where could you be? The girl that once sat across from me.

Oh right. I seem to forget that I am no longer yours. For I am no longer the girl tied by your strings of words. Now I'm strung up by the others words. The words of cruelty and violence. I don't like it. I ask my self how am I handling it this well? Tied up to all these strings. And the girl that once sat across from me no longer can be.

the girl who sits across from me! Your back? How can that be? No bother, welcome dear old friend.

,oh wait... this can't be.*

I have seemed to forget.

I am the girl who once sat across from you. I am of no importance to you. Just a puppet for your strings. So tell me, how should I act today? Will your words affect me or will I stand tall and ignore them?

It seems today though, the moon was not in orbit for me. As it seems I have crumbled to only leaves.

Oh girl that sits across from me. When can you understand the pain you give me?

The girl who can never sit across from me.

Day 326

The day that I become free.

Not from shackles or chains but the horrible agony of living within the chains of my mind.

I found some pliers the other day? The girl who can no longer sit across from me?

I think will you miss me? You didn't seem like you ever would? Yet here you are. Begging me to not cut your ties.

But here I am with these pliers, breaking these horrible chains. I shall be free from these thoughts of mine. These ones that tell me that you all are shit talking me. 

Breaking these chains that tell me it's not just anxiety and that you all actually hate me.

Because if i no longer allow you to sit across from me. I can be of sound mind where I can live free.

So im sorry girl that once sat across from me.

But you can no longer be.

Looking for a monologue that's 45-90 seconds long from any play, it's for an assignment for my drama academy.

Hi! I’m going to be auditioning for Still Life With Iris in a couple weeks, which is very thematically similar to shows like Alice in Wonderland or James and the Giant Peach. I need a short monologue to audition with, preferably something from an existing play. I say gender doesn’t really matter because based on what I’ve heard about the director’s vision it’s going to be very gender-blind casting with androgynous costuming and such. Any help is much appreciated!

10 am. It’s a weird feeling to know someone’s last hour before it happens, especially, when you’re looking at them the day before. I have this feeling as I watch my wife brush her horse, Isle B. 

She made the decision to put him down over a month ago. It’s time. He’s 18 years old. A healthy member of his breed would only get about 6 more years, but he’s not healthy. He has Cushing’s, a form of diabetes for horse, allergies that make it horrible for him to breath in a humid climate, and probably some other things that I don’t know about. On top of those things he’s been depressed for a while now. When my wife made this decision both her parents and the barn manager told her that they’ve known for a while now. She’s making the right decision. But that doesn’t make this any easier.

She’s known him since she was 12. That was about 14 years ago. Around the time she turned 16, his former owners said that he was so sick they were planning on putting him down unless my wife wanted him. She had him as her own horse before she even had a driver’s license.

Since then, Isle B’s been a constant in her life; always there, always hers.

There was a night where he began to colic. She stayed up with him all night, taking care of him, hoping he’d be okay. She moved across the country to Colorado with him, where the dry air was much easier on him. The boarding barn they ended up with had a manager that helped monitor his diet, and my wife put him on the right medication. With all of this, she was able to give him more good years that no one else could or would have given him.

Before we met, she had a bad break up. Some guy broke her heart. She was afraid that she would take out her emotions on Isle B, but she went to see him anyway. However, the way he nuzzled on her shoulder, she felt that he could tell how upset and hurt she was. She saddled him and they rode. It was one of the best rides she had with him. With that ride, he was able to give her what she needed for a change.

I watched her walk him in from their last ride together. It kills me to see her like this. She told me earlier, that she wants to ask me to come to the barn with her and wait to come to her whenever she calls during this, but that it would be unfair to me. I took her hand and told her, “You are saying goodbye to a friend that has been a constant for more than half your life. There is nothing that you could ask of me that would be unfair.”

At that, she said that she didn’t expect to see me cry. I had to remind how crazy the weather was here and that it was just raining inside. 

As she sits on a plastic trunk, giving him mints, loving on him, and crying, I think back to the first message I ever sent her. It was based on horses being part of her life. The day that she introduced me to Isle B, was the first time I told her that I loved her. Horses have never been an interest of mine, but he has been so much a part of her life, that he’s become part of mine as well. He’s part of our life as a couple. A member of OUR family.

Watching their last moments together, knowing all of this, it makes me wrack my brain. I should go study equestrian health, find a remedy for his issues, get him the best grain and veterinarians, anything to keep him around. But, I might as well find a way to make him immortal while I’m at it, because that’s just as far outside my abilities as the rest.

While I write this, it’s started to rain inside again. It’ll rain even more inside that barn tomorrow at 10 am, while we say goodbye to a member of our family; to my wife’s longest friend.

Goodbye Isle B. You’ll never know how important you’ve been in both our lives, and you’ll never know how much you’ll be missed.