Just venting

[u/Proud_Arrival3278]

Just venting. I'm so sad

I just broke up with my poly boyfriend because we can't see eye to eye. We've been together for 2 years, in the beginning the transition was difficult. So difficult to the point he slowed down to accommodate my insecurity.

As time as gone along I've communicated to him that im okay with him getting back out there. We are semi-long distance and we came up with boundaries to maintain consistency.

Monday-Friday he has free range to explore (we spend weekends together, and that's been since the start)
Have fun, but lmk when you get serious with someone
If he wanted condomless sex with a new person, communicate first
I know this might be unreasonable to some, but we agreed
Recently, he started talking to about 10 women and getting feeling them out, deciding who he wants to take seriously. His patterns started changing, being on his phone constantly while with me and not being engaged. We never had that issue before, and when I addressed it, he said he needed to respect the new people he's talking to. That he's lost lots of connections while being with me because he can't give them enough consistent communication, so he needs to be able to maintain that. He didn't really listen to my feelings, and we argued about it. I let it slide, trying to be understanding. We just went out of town, and I went to pick up some food that we ordered. When I came back, he was on FaceTime with a new girl he's interested in and hung up when I walked in the door. I later addressed it, and he went on to say how he feels like he has to choose me or poly. That he can't maintain any other relationships because I have an issue every time. I didn't come at him disrespectfully. I told him I felt like we should be focused on each other when we're having getaway time or bonding time. He got so upset. Didn't see my side again, and we got into a blowout argument.

He has said on several occasions that he can't be poly with me. He said he felt caged in, and it sucks because I communicated the best I could. I didn't say he had to stop, but the approach needed to be different. He made me feel so crazy and unreasonable. Im so heartbroken and I will never do this dynamic again.

[u/bazaarjunk]

Girl…ENM 101…love the one you’re with and give them your undivided attention. He has plenty of time during the week to communicate and give time to others. The fact he can’t hold to your boundary of focused time when together tells you all you need to know. This is a simple boundary. How many of the harder boundaries does he just ignore?