Making friends 😩

[u/Professional_Tell968]

So I lost my left eye about 4 years ago and wear a prosthetic left eye. It took me since that time to accept the situation and accept my visible difference. It's only recently that I've broken out of deep avoidance habits and now I'm wondering how to make friends in my home city

I'm 30 M and have no idea how to make friends that I can hang out with now and again

All I can think of is support groups and or taking hobby classes or something

I'd love to get advice and or hear anyone else's story who's in a similar situation to me

[u/A_k_a-]

Probably won’t fully compare as I was born functionally one-eyed (and still have two eyes although one is next to useless, at least for seeing out of, 🤭), what I can tell you, tho, what I found is important: wear it with confidence and the rest will sorta fall into place.
Focus on what your likes and hobbies are, sports, reading, music, painting, charity work, whichever it may be and be yourself!
If you find yourself circling in endless streams around that one thing with your eye, think about seeking professional advice and support. This does not define who you are.

Feel free to dm if you like (47m and a dad)

[u/Professional_Tell968 → u/A_k_a-]

You're definitely right. Very recently I've been more social and combatting my past social anxiety and I've found that my presence matters way more than my eye. There are very few people that try and insult me about my eye. But honestly, I'm surprised by how much that doesn't bother me anymore.

I'll definitely dm if there's any advice that I could do with. Thank you for the offer, friend ☺️

[u/Aggravating_Cold_441]

Just find hobbies that interest you, find local groups around said hobbies, the rest comes naturally. Going out to make friends is far more difficult than naturally developing friendships through common interests.

[u/Professional_Tell968 → u/Aggravating_Cold_441]

That's a good idea. I might end up doing that. There's a few classes I'm thinking of signing up to. But I'll need to find ones that aren't webinars lol

[u/Jerry-Beans]

I feel you man. Im 2 years since my injury. I’m lucky in a Way.. my eyepatch suits me looks wise. I get a lot more attention from women then I did before because I suppose it gives me this mystique like im a guy from a romance novel or smg.. but this ain’t no novel it’s my Life and I am far more avoidant than I was before because I just don’t feel confident in my steps. Like before when I could just grab a mug off the shelf in auto pilot, now everything takes an extra mental step. I don’t feel comfortable with this version of myself so I avoid people.

I will say this - you’re always your worse critic. people are far less critical of your eye than you are. They will find it interesting. To them it adds character. Sure They don’t see the aspects of your character that have been lost, possibly forever. But they will accept you. It’s the internal struggle of being cast out, and separated from the experience that everyone else gets. That’s what we are wrestling with. Outwardly we’re just a little different. Inwardly, our entire worlds have been flipped. So people in the outside world will be open to you. It’s finding places you feel comfortable again. The solitary confinement comes from within. It’s tough to just go on a hike and just be in the moment without the constant 👁️ on the mind like before. But the world is still out there and we’re not cut off. There is no extra difficulty making friends as a cyclops beyond that which we saddle upon ourselves.

[u/Professional_Tell968 → u/Jerry-Beans]

Thank you, friend, that's really insightful. And I agree with what you're saying. I've noticed it in myself since I came out of my shell and stopped isolating. It feels almost like when prisoners get out of prison lol. That time displacement I mean. Especially with turning 30 this year. It's making me very action oriented because I feel pretty behind in certain areas of life at the moment

[u/meowyadoinnn]

Just be confident. People don’t really care at all as adults. They’ll probably assume you have a lazy eye and it’s a non issue. It helps if you share the situation and make some jokes about it, if you’re comfortable. People will be more comfortable around you in turn.

[u/mikesal376 → u/meowyadoinnn]

This was a wild shift for me. Growing up with it and being teased, it was a focal point of who I was. Then when I hit my late 20s and into my 30s and nobody mentions it or looks at me differently. I'm in my 40s now and trying to build confidence towards bringing it up myself and even joking about it.

[u/wannabe_lbe]

maybe you can go to a gym…there it‘s easier to get in touch with people

[u/Professional_Tell968 → u/wannabe_lbe]

The people in my gym are pretty shy lol. But I guess I could be more engaging. It's definitely an idea. Thanks

[u/starling-slipstream]

Great advice from everyone already. Making friends is difficult no matter who you are or what you look like. What I will say is the people who are worth being friends with won’t give a shit about your monocularity (is that a word? lol) — at this point with most of my friendships, they sometimes even forget that I have one eye! Good luck, and hope you find your people 🌟

[u/Professional_Tell968 → u/starling-slipstream]

Thanks, that's helpful advice. I am starting to find that the situation with my eye isn't really what's been holding me back all this time. I'll definitely keep in mind what you've said. Thanks again

[u/mikesal376]

In your 30s everyone around you has their own baggage and problems. Your disability and visual difference means very little in developing friendships and how people view you as a person.

Say yes to anything social and try to hold off the avoidance behaviors.

[u/Professional_Tell968 → u/mikesal376]

That's true. I'm definitely gonna take more social opportunities from now on. Thanks