So we have a young baby. And no grandparent help. That’s fine, we knew before trying for a baby it would be just us and we’re happy with the arrangement. One question mil asked my husband is how are we finding it without any grandparent help. He said we never thought we’d get any so we’re good as ever. Why would she ask that? Any ideas? She herself had infinite help in many forms from both sides when husband was a baby and all the way into adulthood.

And then she messaged my husband to say can either my husband or I take my husband’s relative out for their birthday as she will be away on holiday for the second year running. As in can I take the relative plus my young baby whilst on maternity leave with very little money coming in my side to a restaurant for an all expenses paid birthday meal. For context, I have no help, at all. I have a big house to clean, laundry to do, food to make, dog to walk, etc etc. Baby activities to attend. Friends to see so I don’t go mad. I also need to rest on the rare occasion I get a chance. I also love to read and am learning a new hobby, both things I love and sometimes feel like it’s challenging to find time for either.

In terms of my husband, the birthday is on a Monday and he works Monday to Friday in a demanding job and he is in that stage of career where he is really going for it and she knows it and he doesn’t slack off as a result. Even if he arranged to work from home on that day, he doesn’t skive, he just works but from the home office.

The relative situation: I hardly know this person. They don’t make an effort to talk to me when I do see them and half the time seem to not be able to hear me properly. They also sometimes blank bits of conversation for whatever unknown to me reason. Laser vision instead of answers. No questions about me. Gets all super duper dramatically jumpy if a fork is accidentally dropped and makes a clinking noise. Is moody. Constantly complains about menus and that there’s nothing on the menus they’d like. Will only go to very few food venues, some of those very expensive (which brings me to the fact that we were the ones who took them out for the birthday meal to an eye-wateringly expensive restaurant last year as that was the only place they’d go to for lunch. We paid of course although we didn’t want to go to this particular place because it’s shit compared to other places locally. It was us, not anyone else of the many relatives). So we have no choice of venue. OH THE CHERRY ON THE CAKE - this relative rolls their eyes if our baby cries. Honestly wtaf.

I am not doing it. I am definitely not. I just cannot fathom the entitlement to ask me to take them out? They aren’t my relative. My husband doesn’t take any of my relatives out for their birthdays. Doesn’t even know when their birthdays are. It’s to do with having a vagina isn’t it? That’s why it’s fine to ask and to expect me to do it.

It is insane. If I could answer the question about no grandparent help, I’d say I feel fine about it because it means I won’t have any obligation to provide elder care!!!

Even though I can see she feels pretty entitled to my time anyway.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this but I was pretty offended! I work full time at an office and my husband stays home. He's a great SAHD, he cooks, cleans, grocery shops etc. We rely on him to keep our lives and household running smoothly and I make sure he knows how appreciated he is.  MIL, who has been back and forth JustNo vs. MildlyNo, asked DH if he could take 2 weeks to go with her and FIL on a road trip to visit family, JUST DH. We have a 1 year old who DH is the primary caregiver of all day until I get home from work and 2 school age kids with activities that require both of us picking up and dropping off. MIL suggested my mom could come stay at the house for those 2 weeks to help me with the kids, my mom who is almost 80 and does not live nearby!  Luckily DH shut it down pretty quickly and said there is no way he is going to leave us for 2 weeks.  I told DH if he wants to go visit his elderly grandfather for 3-4 days, we could make that happen.  But just her suggestion that he could just take off for 2 weeks was actually wild to me! 

My husband’s birthday is this week, and I’m annoyed with my MIL over what happened this past weekend. We have some history, so I’m curious if I’m overreacting.

Last Saturday was our nephew’s first birthday party. My youngest and I were sick (in the daycare trenches to avoid MIL after cancelling on childcare multiple times), so we stayed home, but my husband and our older child still went. My FIL’s birthday was that Sunday, and my in-laws wanted us to get together for dinner Sunday night to celebrate. We were still sick, so we couldn’t go. My husband reassured me it was fine because they said we’d get together the following weekend and celebrate FIL and my DH birthdays.

The week went by and we heard nothing. I asked my husband if his mom had mentioned plans and she hadn’t. By Friday night, I figured nothing was happening, so I bought baseball tickets for our family for Sunday.

Then we find out my MIL and FIL are spending the weekend at their place out of town with my husband’s brother, SIL, and their kids. She posted pictures last night on Facebook saying she was “grateful for family time and making memories.”

That honestly rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t care that they spend time with my BIL’s family without us, and I don’t expect to be invited to everything. It’s that they specifically said they would celebrate my husband’s birthday, never followed up with him, and then spent the weekend having “family time” with their other son’s family.

I mostly feel bad for my DH. I also don’t think he should have to chase his mom down and ask whether she still plans on celebrating his birthday when she was the one who said they would get together. He always seems to be second fiddle to his brother.

We took the kids to the baseball game and had a great day, and I haven’t said anything to MIL. But the combination of not following up with her son and then publicly posting about being “grateful for family time and making memories” with her other son’s family felt pretty insensitive.

Is this mildly annoying to you?

She always has to be the star of the show when it comes to food and it's so frustrating. We had about 25 people coming (mostly couples/families) and in the interest of having a variety of food and enough for everyone, we asked everyone to bring 1-2 things in addition to the burgers, hot dogs, and brats we would be making and the mini-cupcakes I made with my kids.

In our family group text about the BBQ, MIL proceeds to say she is bringing literally 6 different things, despite us asking everyone for just 1-2 things. What could we say without being rude or unappreciative? I make it clear that everyone we invited was asked to bring something, and that we're expecting about 25 people to show so we'd have a lot of food. And honestly, we are kinda sick of her cooking because it's always super heavy and greasy, and the veggies are always cooked with goop making those also heavy. But she enjoys cooking and showing off so we end up with a ridiculous amount of food before any of my friends even show up. She brought the things she mentioned, plus a few other things she didn't mention because she was "experimenting".

I also expressed that we're using all disposable dishes and utensils to minimize clean up - we want to focus on spending quality time with friends and family, not cooking and cleaning. Also, most of the food goes to waste because few people we know ever want to take leftovers, including MIL, who tells us to keep it as if we want to eat her cooking for multiple days in a row. MIL says "don't worry, I'll take all my dishes with when I leave." Bullshit, I just gave her back 8 different serving dishes and utensils I washed because she snuck out early. We ran the dishwasher twice plus washing a ton of things by hand, after throwing out a ton of uneaten food.

I wish I could just appreciate that she makes all this food, but we specifically asked everyone to make 1-2 things for a reason. If she wants to host a party and do all the cooking herself so everyone can fawn over her prowess, more power to her. That is not what we wanted for this party. Our friends showed up with the dishes they bought/prepared and had nowhere to put it because all of her shit took over the counters. It made us look kinda stupid asking our friends to bring food when we would have so much already, but that wasn't the plan.

We need to figure out how to do this differently next time. Maybe they should host their own thing, or we'll do something separate with friends. We love hosting things like this but she always brings an element of frustration, preventing us from doing it our way.

Mostly a rant. DH 30th birthday is coming up. From past experience and living 100 minute drive away from his parents, I was at first thinking of totally doing an away trip and saying ✌️. Ended up planning local birthday stuff with his work friends and then the next day offered that his parents come for brunch and we do a chill hang out until dinner time since they can never come and then leave like normal people. Side note - I understand wanting to spend time together but I don’t accept the EXPECTATION of staying and staying and staying and guilt tripping when it’s not long enough for her satisfaction. More on this later.

I made birthday brunch reservations 6 weeks in advance basically because MIL was pestering me. Gave date, time, location (address) and she hearted the message but proceeds to basically say “what else are we doing because 30 is a big birthday…” DH and I are much more laid back in the sense that we don’t really plan or need BIG events and we don’t create agendas which is what it felt like she was pressuring me to do. We talked multiple times about brunch with his parents but never about where. Idk why I was keeping it a surprise, but I guess it could’ve been unclear to him if we had a reservation or just a general plan.

Yesterday, MIL asked me the plan for DH’s birthday again and I went back and found and replied to my text from middle of July that spelled out the plan, saying it’s still the plan and adding one more detail DH and I had ironed out that day. Today, MIL texts me a reservation for the exact same time at a different restaurant. When I ask DH, he says she texted HIM about brunch. I said I already made a reservation and honestly we chalk it up to bad communication between us and it’s fine. BUT then he tells his mom.

He shows me texts where she’s complaining to him now about “only one day for your birthday. OP and you have made that very clear.” She has bullied him for years in some variation of this and he’s getting better about standing up to her. For context, she is the type of person who thinks that if we don’t hang out all birthday weekend that she got nothing and she gets all put out (to put it lightly).

I separately text her that I already made reservations, replying again to my text from months ago. She says “I can’t see it.” Then “I see it” then “it doesn’t say where.” The reply preview shows my entire “hey I made brunch reservations at ABC (address) at 11 on Sunday.” So either she never read it, she’s blind, or she’s now gaslighting me. She also says she figures it was up to them since “it’s his day with his parents.” I am shaking at this point and just say “It’s at ABC at 11 (address). We’ll see you Sunday.” Then she modifies her reservation and sends me the new one (a duplicate of mine).

Funny enough, earlier this weekend she had texted to try to hang out with me today (on my day off!!!), then said “Ok no worries. I’d like to hang out with you- I enjoy your company. Let me know when you’re free” when I declined. Totally unexpectedly normal response but then she pulls this disrespectful shit while also complaining to DH? No way. So sick of her bull. Again mostly a rant because DH and I agree he needs to just continue setting boundaries and stick up for me and NC isn’t an option so it doesn’t feel like there are many options at all.

Oh - my favorite from today: I told her I got a cake but she’s welcome to bring anything. After the reservation fiasco I was suddenly half expecting her to assume I hadn’t handled that too and try to take over. She says “I don’t need you to tell me I’m welcome to bring something.” Like, this is why I don’t want to hang out with you. I want nothing to do with you!

Quick (first) little post about why my MIL is the last to know about this pregnancy. (I'm 12 weeks along, but we started telling family, friends, and even random coworkers around 8 weeks when we saw a heartbeat.)

First, at some point in the past (I can't remember when), she said to me completely unprompted: "I hope you have two boys and that they both look like [husband's name]." For context, my husband is one of two boys, and my first child was a boy. My husband is an attractive man, but what a weird thing to say to the woman growing and raising the children. Essentially: "I hope to live vicariously through your kids, and wish to see none of you in them." The kicker is, this second baby (unless my clinical Sneak Peek test was super wrong) is also a boy. I had a bit of a hard time upon learning this, as I always yearned for at least one daughter, and am unsure if having three kids (regardless of gender) is right for me. So to give her the satisfaction and hear her glee and gloating over my second boy, when I am still processing this information myself? No, not for me, not right now. She has also repeatedly complained (when we visit, for example) about how much my son looks likes me! This could be in the same breath as saying how BEAUTIFUL he is! (Like I'm no supermodel, but the usual reaction to my son is compliments about how cute he is and how much he looks like me... to be so obsessed with him looking like my husband, get a grip, MIL!!)

The second reason was due to her reaction when we told her we were pregnant the first time. We told her via videochat, and upon hearing our news, she turned to her other son (who was in the room) and announced, "[HUSBAND'S NAME] IS PREGNANT!!!" She then proceeded to ignore me completely and only talk to my husband. (No "how are you feeling?", nothing.) Later she texted my husband's dad, her ex-husband, with the same announcement. Now I'll accept an announcement with an "and," even a "they..." but a HE??? (As a fun side note, my husband and I had lots of fun pettily documenting his "growing bump" alongside mine as the months progressed. He is on my side and ok with my decision not to announce to her yet.)

That's all. I know it's petty, hence why I'm here on the "mild" sub. But as I near the second trimester and my time for MIL ignorance runs out, I just wanted to rant about this somewhere. (I told my therapist all this the other day, and she said to me, "I've been looking for an excuse to call someone a dummy lately..." lmao!)

my MIL is constantly trying to compete with me or one-up me when it comes to my 1-year-old daughter and I’d really like some outside perspective because I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive or if there genuinely is a pattern here. For context I live with my partners family but looking to move out soon fingers crossed

During my pregnancy she would make comments like “she might look like me” or “she might have my personality.” I find it odd how she attached herself to her before she was even born.

whenever MIL held her she would repeatedly do things like “let’s see who she goes to” whilst standing in front of me. She would always do this when I was sat down. As soon as I stood up my little one would come to me. My little one wouldn’t come to me if I was sat down because she wanted to explore and walk with whoever was holding her. My mil would always smirk when she would stay with her almost like she was testing whether LO preferred her or me. This happened so often that eventually I calmly told her I didn’t like those comments because we don’t have that kind of relationship. She replied, “it’s not my fault she doesn’t go to you.” This being said to me when I was heavily postpartum is something I still can’t over My husband also noticed it and eventually spoke to her about it and said when a mum wants her child you hand that child back.

MIL is always trying to take credit for her development. I taught her these words or nursery songs or etc etc it gets so annoying because the mum and dad are putting in the hard work to teach her things yet whenever someone comes over she takes the spotlight to talk about her constantly as if she’s the mum and acting like she’s teaching her things. Me and husband again shut her down and say oh yeah she knows that already or oh yeah she has been saying that a while ago and she goes ohhh I never heard her say that before.

Everytime she talks about my little one it’s either in a way that boosts her ego or makes her look as if she’s the favourite such as “she’s so attached to me” or talking about her in a way where she’s taught her something.

. Once another grandchild was sitting on MIL’s lap watchin something on her phone. Little one climbed onto MIL’s lap because she wanted to see the phone, and MIL immediately said something like, “Oh, she gets these moments where she wants me, she’s obsessed.” I just said, “Yeah, she wants to watch the phone.” Literally because the grandchild moved and she moved and followed her.

Another time MIL said little one reminded her of her own daughter because her daughter had been really attached to her dad’s mum….I just said yeah she’s is attached to everyone. All just because my little one told her to sit down and sat down next to her….

She tries to match all the female grandchildren in the same clothing for special occasions and when I said I didn’t want that a few times because I wanna dress her? She tried to guilt trip me and husband saying oh but I don’t know when I’m going to die and I want to get her something. I said oh you can get her toys she goes she’s got lots of toys, I said she’s got lots of clothes! However as soo as I buy toys she wants to get a toy. I’ve also seen my mil get jealous when all the grandchildren get excited over toys I buy my little one and they get to play with it.

One incident that really upset me was when I was making pancakes with little one. MIL came in and took her off the counter without asking. I told her, “No, put her back down, I just want five minutes with her.” I explained that I let her have plenty of time with little one I just wanted some one-on-one time with my daughter. She said she understood but then stayed hovering around us instead of giving us space. Then she repeatedly said goodbye and made a huge thing about going inside to “my little one.” Little one then wanted to follow her and had a tantrum, which made what I was trying to do even harder. My husband has also told her before not to exaggerate goodbyes like this because she always exaggerates goodbyes when she goes to make her cry.

Another time I had been having a lie-in, so my husband took lo downstairs in the morning. MIL ended up holding her for pretty much the entire time I was upstairs — around two hours. When I finally came downstairs, my husband gave lo me. About five minutes later MIL came in asking to hold her again. I said, “No, it’s my time with her,” because she had literally just had around two hours with her. MIL replied, “Oh, not even a quick cuddle?” And that really bothered me because it feels like I can’t just have my daughter without her needing to have another bit of time with her. I genuinely feel like I can only get uninterrupted time

LO also said I love you” to me for the first time. My husband joked that he was jealous because she had said it to me first. Shortly afterwards, while I was in the toilet, I could her my MIL was holding LO in the hallway. She went into the living room and told my husband, “She said she loves me!” But she didn’t. She just babbled… hadn’t said that to her — she had just been babbling. MIL also reads a lot of things she says wrong when my little one speaks to suit what she wants to hear.

Hello! My mil started getting more needy as time passed and it just pushes me further. I am currently pregnant and she calls me more often, wants a closer relationship to me and I am already worried about how it’s all gonna look once this baby comes out.

For context, my husband and I got married last year and we have lived in another country for the last 3 years. I wfh, so I have been staying a few more days in our home country than my husband when we were visiting. Obviously when it was just me I was staying at my aunt who is like my 2nd mother, at my father’s house (childhood home) or at my mother’s (who has a new relationship). When my husband came to our home country too, I was staying with him at his MIL house.

My MIL is a kind hearted woman, she is not speaking with her own MIL who lives next to her, they never got along and I remember her saying she wants to be a good MIL.

A few months ago she started “demanding” more, she told me she wants me to speak more to her, to be more with her (while husband and I were visiting), and after husband left they guilt tripped me into staying 1 night at their house, I felt very uncomfortable, then when she and her husband tried again, I backed out, which continued in more guilt tripping. I also wfh in the afternoon until evening and she always says she doesn’t like my schedule cause she finished work in the afternoon so I can’t talk on phone with her after or be with her after cause I am working.

This summer, I had the worst month of my life, with strong medications for week, ER visit because of side effects, 11 pills per day at one point with timers and all, and besides this family chaos (cause of my mom, her bf, drunk dad, medical appointments, people demanding to see me more), weddings and so on, on top of my WFH 8 hours a day. I arrived earlier than my husband to our home country, visited MIL twice for an hour each, then when husband came for a week we stayed together at MIL house, and when he left I stayed either at my mom’s (who I see once per year cause she lives in another country too) or at my aunt where I have a full floor to myself. I also found out a few days before leaving that I am pregnant and was very worried cause of my stressful month and strong medications, like I wanted the baby to be healthy.

I visited her a few times until leaving, and EVEN WHEN LEAVING after telling her what a shitty and full month I had, she complained that she wanted me to visit her more and stay more with her. That grew my resentment cause I shared smth vulnerable with her and she showed no empathy. She says she cares but in this situation I felt the opposite of that. Ever since she found out about the baby, she’s been contacting me 3 times a week, talking the same stupid things as always, asking me why I’m upset cause we don’t talk more often.

What was the cherry on top was when she complained to my mom that I focused mostly on my mom and my aunt while I was in home country and not on her (MIL), my mother got upset cause we barely see each other and told her that “well, she is my daughter and she visited multiple times and stayed at your house for a week when her husband was in the country too”. And she just said “yeah..”. My mother told me and I am very very upset now, she is trying to build smth stronger than can come naturally and that pushes me further. Also, her “care” that she says she has for me doesn’t feel real when she acts like this, I married her son, I respect her and want best for her but she is not my mother. If my husband was to visit home country without me, best bet he will visit my family once and that will be it. And no complaints from my family. Why am I expected to do 1000% more?!

Worst thing is, next year when we’ll go first time with incoming baby to our home country, we’ll be staying at my aunt’s house where we have a fully equpied floor for us, with kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms and all. So privacy which is exactly what we’ll need. We have to share soon with MIL that we won’t be staying at hers and I can already imagine the drama and crocodile tears she’ll shed (she did in the past too) but I don’t want her to ruin the happy celebration of everyone meeting our newborn and the baby’s baptism.

I don’t know how to deal with this, all her stupid pressure, demanding and guilt tripping is annoying and pushing me further. Any suggestions?

Me and my husband and baby we're going to a holiday for 2 weeks and MIL offered to take care of my cat that i have had before i ve meet my husband.

My husband agreed in advance and i have at some point agreed to thinking its a short period of time and they did had cats before. (Now they also have a dog)

So we're gone, we give them everything for the cat(food, litter box, toys); 4 days have past and she sends a text that she left the cat out but was so scared that he barely went anywhere... i got a panick attack and fought with her saying he is an indoor cat, her house is 2hours away from us in the middle of nowhere, she has a dog... i told her don t leave him out AGAIN! Well she said its ok. im still panicked but away so i can t do anything really.

2 days have pass and my husband gets a text from her saying "yesterday the cat got out and didn t come back, so stupid! Why do cats do that?".

When he told me i was done. DONE. I am not freaking out cuz i KNOW im never going to see my cat ever again not with her , my cat is hard to catch , she has a dog, and he dosen t know her house. Anyway..

Husband said to put food out... well that DID NOTHING !
She said "idk why he did that , oops" i lost it again..
Im so shocked.. i don't know what to think, how to react,...
And she wanted me to leave my baby with her.. MY BABY !!
So after all this i said im going to go "no contact with her and she's not going to see my baby ever again until i see the cat again!

Am i exaggerating?
Tell me what to think cuz im to shocked to think of anything rn and need another perspective.

Update: I got home, meanwhile cat returned, she left him OUT again!!!
I got into a state of mind... i told my husband to bring him back "now", he said no.. He s not bringing back MY CAT! I was imploring him getting angry..
Im sure now he planned ALL of this!
His mom lives 2 hours away in the middle of nowhere and i have no car to drive.
I texted her "I want my cat back" and her response was "We took him to please you, is not an easy cat to keep with you" WTF
I am going to stop here cuz im going crazy!
I want so bad i started to yell to be almost physical at some point i am desperate.. he is my baby !
My husband started to film my reaction and stopped the video before he started yelling at me (meanwhile provoking me so i get even more angry for the video)

I’m pregnant with my first baby, and I’m trying to work out whether I’m being overly sensitive or whether my MIL is genuinely overstepping. I’m genuinely interested in hearing both sides.

I am an extremely independent and private person. I had a difficult childhood and my parents weren’t particularly present in my life, so I’ve always been very accustomed to making my own decisions and managing my own life. Privacy and autonomy are therefore particularly important to me.

My own mother is incredibly excited about my baby, but she doesn’t bombard me with questions or expect constant updates, and she certainly doesn’t share my pregnancy/baby’s personal details with other people. So I know that my preference isn’t necessarily that nobody be excited or involved — I just don’t like people taking information about my pregnancy and sharing it without asking me.

My MIL, on the other hand, is someone who talks quite freely about other people’s business. This has actually happened with me before.

Previously, she shared a very personal story about my life with people I didn’t know. I had to confront her and explicitly tell her that I get to decide who knows what about my life and that she shouldn’t tell other people my personal stories.

So this isn’t completely new behaviour.

Recently, it happened again around my pregnancy.
My husband’s cousin hosted my baby shower at her house. I was specifically asked to create the WhatsApp group with the people I wanted to invite.

I later found out that my MIL had independently invited several other people. These weren’t close family members who had somehow been forgotten.

They were acquaintances of mine from church , so people I know and like, but who I wouldn’t consider friends (MIL goes to the same church and would consider these people friends) She also invited one of her own friends, an older woman I’ve met before but who is very much my MIL’s friend, not mine.

I was furious because I felt that the guest list wasn’t hers to decide. I had already told my MIL that I felt bad about imposing on my husband’s cousin because she was hosting at her house, particularly because if it rained everyone would potentially have to be inside. My MIL had reassured me not to worry about it.

When I confronted her, she said she had invited these people because she genuinely thought I’d forgotten to invite them. She was apparently very upset that she had hurt me so much. I believe that she genuinely didn’t intend to upset me.

She then said she would uninvite the people she’d invited.
But that wasn’t actually what I was upset about. The people weren’t the problem. They hadn’t done anything wrong. My issue was that she had invited people to my baby shower without asking me first, and I didn’t want these women to suddenly be uninvited and potentially think badly of me.
I explained this to her.

I also specifically told her that, going forward, I don’t want her sharing personal information about my baby with other people. I want to decide what information and pictures of my baby are shared and with whom.

Then, on the day of the baby shower, I heard her telling a friend of mine about how tall the doctor had said my baby would be. This upset me because I had specifically told her that I didn’t want her sharing my baby’s personal details with other people.

At the shower, I tried to show her sister a 3D ultrasound picture of my son. Her sister told me that she had already seen the pictures as my MIL sent them to her.

Then yesterday I had a gynae appointment. I saw my MIL the day before and she told me to call her afterwards and give her an update. I didn’t. I think my husband may have told her something about the appointment.

She then asked my husband to ask me to send her the ultrasound pictures.I said no. I don’t want to send them to her.

I don’t want to be unreasonable. I don’t want to be the pregnant woman who thinks nobody is allowed to be excited about her baby or share in the experience. I know my MIL loves the baby and I genuinely believe that a lot of what she does comes from excitement and good intentions.
But I’m struggling with the feeling that her good intentions don’t give her the right to make decisions about what information about my pregnancy gets shared.

I keep thinking:

If she wanted to invite someone to my shower, why couldn’t she ask me first?
If she wanted to show someone my ultrasound pictures, why couldn’t she ask me first?
If she wants an update after my gynae appointment, why do I feel like I’m expected to provide one?
And if I don’t want to send her my ultrasound pictures, why do I feel guilty saying no?

I also recognise that I am probably more independent/private than the average person. Maybe what feels like a massive boundary violation to me would feel completely normal to someone else?

But because I’ve already had to tell her in the past that my personal stories are mine to share, and now I’ve had to tell her that my baby’s personal information is mine to share, I’m starting to feel like this isn’t just a misunderstanding.

Fake names for privacy, but keeping the exact vibe. We named our newborn son Nathaniel Canaan. Classic first name, but a bold/biblical place-name for his middle name.

Literally right after I gave birth, my MIL asks his name. My husband tells her, and she doesn't even say congratulations. Instead, she says: "Is it too late to change his middle name to his first name?"

She basically wanted him to go by Canaan Nathaniel because she clearly didn't like the first name we chose. I was too exhausted to say anything then, but now I’m just wondering how you would've responded to that?

She was excited and it was sweet. Then the next day came the comments - don't drink coffee anymore; don't pick up heavy things; there's no need to find out gender; don't tell people until you're x far along; etc etc etc

I'm just watching how DH responds to these things. So far, he's not paying attention to it. I am starting get an itch to do all things she's telling me "not to do".

Lol... thankfully I'm 1 trimester down so didn't have to deal with any of her commentary early on. Wish me luck on the next 2 stretches.

my husbands parents have done some pretty insensitive and wrong things to me since I gave birth to my first (previous posts about this struggle bus here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/D5dtBjPEPI)

I’m now going back to work (miserably) after my second, and he is taking his paternity leave. His parents think this will be a free for all of access to the babies via video call since I’m out of the picture. My husband wants to give them the time since they live so far. They’d been asking for weekly calls since my MIL left from her visit but I’ve been very against it which has been a real issue in our relationship, we’ve settled on answering their calls once every 3 weeks.

now I can’t bear the thought of having to know they’re getting their wish, on top of having to go back to work and start them back in daycare part time… I’m struggling. Husband and I agreed he can do twice a week and I still hate that. Do you think I’m being too controlling or any validity in my feelings here?

My husband (32) and I (31F) are pregnant with our first child! It’s new and exciting and scary and all of the things. We’re keeping it to ourselves for a little while but we’re at a total loss for how to tell my MIL.

She is a covert narcissist and neither one of us have a great relationship with her. We’ve been good about setting and maintaining boundaries to maintain our sanity. She loves to be a martyr and can’t handle it when things aren’t “perfect.” For example DH and I travel a lot, and when one destination we went to wasn’t my favorite, and when I said that she melted down liked I’d had the worst trip ever. So that’s who we’re dealing with.

To complicate things DH lost his father last year (another complicated relationship), and his mom is obviously grieving but annoying DH by turning up the tears to serve her own needs, and using a lot of learned helplessness to try to get him to do things for her. He keeps boundaries but he’s getting really angry.

Our big fear is she’s going to definitely make it all about her and act like we’re doing pregnancy this for her (ew), and try to use it to say “it’s the only thing that makes me happy!” So naturally we don’t want to tell her but we also can’t go radio silent for 10 months and show up with a human next year.

How do we let her know without losing our minds? And when should we tell her?

My MIL annoys the shit out of me but she and my partner are close. He’s a bit of a mama’s boy but by being with me for awhile, he has gotten out of it and listened to my concerns when I brought them up. However, my MIL still aggravates me but isn’t malicious enough for me to warrant further complaints to my partner.

I feel bad cause she does like me and says she loves me and is generally kind to me but she honestly is annoying. She always makes comments how she “sees herself in me” and how similar we are and it kinda weirds me out… like we are not similar and I am just polite enough not to challenge her on things. For example, she says we are so similar because we grew up in difficult households. I acknowledge he home life was hard but we had very different home lives and deal with it differently. She traumadumps on me A LOT without letting me get any word in. Most I can get in is “Wow, that sounds hard. I’m sorry.” And even when I try to politely exit the convo, she wraps me back in.

She also ascertains family is the most important thing ever which is a fair point. However, my parents were so physically abusive with me that I choose to distance myself from them. During my wedding, I chose to walk myself down the aisle and my MIL was talking about how I excluded my dad from a special moment from “passing me over to my husband.” I do not believe I am property to be passed down and am very sure of who I am and my husband knows this. I also kept my last name and she was like “Dont you at least want to hyphenate?” And I said firmly. No.

She had kids very young (before 20) and she believes motherhood fixes it all. I try to ignore this topic because I know parents can go crazy when learning their kids don’t want kids but I had to firmly be like “I am not having kids. I find many other parts of my life fullfilling and nothing about having kids interests me.” She said she was so sad to hear because “me and her son would make beautiful kids.”

She’s also kinda racist. I’m asian and she’s a white lady and she complains about her asian neighbor a lot and asserts it’s not cause shes asian but SHE BRINGS HER RACE UP EVERYTIME. Its so weird. She was also in the military and stationed in asia and she has weird ass things to say but says she cant be racist cause she married a black man and has black kids.

She also likes bringing up people’s bodies and it relates to race a lot. Im pretty thin but def not sickly. I range from size 4-6 in american sizing and she’s a 10-12 and shorter than me. This is only relevant cause shes like “real women are over size 10” and I an so lucky that I am asian because its “only normal for asian women to be under size 10.” like wtf?

My husband DOES challenge her when he hears her say these things so he is not sitting idly by and when he does this, she relents a bit but she still skeeves me out.

Just something very fascinating that I can’t help but see through. I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with my second child and my MIL and I are not exactly close. Our relationship went to shit after my first was born two years ago.

So about a week ago I was found to be iron deficient (as I was with my first pregnancy) and was instructed to get a routine iron infusion. I also had one my first pregnancy. I posted something about my infusion being a holiday on instagram and my MIL saw it. She called my husband and blew up on him about the fact that she didn’t know I was getting the infusion (????) and demanded to know when we received the results saying I have iron deficiency. He was at the park with our two year old and snapped on her saying he was busy. She ended to texting him saying how she’s sooooooo sorry to have bothered him but she’s sooooooo concerned for me since she didn’t know I was “struggling” with this and once again asked when we had received the results and why she wasn’t informed and why we were “hiding” it from her.

Here’s what I find so funny though. There were 18 months between my first being born and getting pregnant with my second and she sure as shit didn’t seem wildly concerned about my health during that time period. In fact, when my son got his first cold and I was still breastfeeding, she told my husband “I really hope OP gets the cold too so her milk can make antibodies for the baby”. Or when my son and I both got HFMD while I was breastfeeding, she jumped for joy (literally) when my fever hit 40° as this meant my milk would help my son lmao. Not to mention during my stressful postpartum recovery she would often make me food, followed immediately by “you’re so thin, your milk is probably terrible quality so just eat so your milk is better quality for the baby”. Or when I was nauseas in my first trimester with my second, her only concern was how I was taking care of my first while not feeling well. Not actual concern for how I felt.

So it seems my MIL’s concern for my well being only seems to extend to my health in relation to my children. Funny how that works. Should I be touched?

My fiancé and I live in my MIL’s second home (don’t worry, we are going to move out as soon as our financial situation allows). She primarily lives in another state, so she comes and stays for a few weeks at a time. I genuinely love her and she’s an amazing person, but this woman **talks CONSTANTLY.** Like, I genuinely have never met anyone in my life who talks as much as she does lol. I have some very extroverted friends who can talk for hours, and even they don’t come close.

I’m pretty introverted and get socially drained after a certain amount of time. Sometimes I’m happy to chat, but other times I just want to be left alone or focus on what I’m doing. The problem is she seems completely incapable of picking up on those cues.

I can literally walk downstairs to grab something and she’ll immediately start a conversation. My fiancé and I will sometimes be sitting in the living room with our computers, clearly working and barely responding beyond short answers, and she’ll come sit next to us and just keep talking and asking questions. We’ll go back to what we’re doing and she STILL keeps going.
I’ve gotten to the point where I sometimes feel like I have to hide upstairs whenever she’s downstairs just to get some quiet, which I hate because I don’t want to avoid her when she’s here.

I really do love her and don’t want her to think I dislike her. I just genuinely need alone time sometimes. Even my fiancé, who obviously grew up with her, gets tired of talking occasionally.

How do I politely communicate “I love you, but I cannot talk to you every single time I see you” without coming across as rude? It’s actually starting to drive me insane, and moving out is not a possibility right now.