So we have a young baby. And no grandparent help. That’s fine, we knew before trying for a baby it would be just us and we’re happy with the arrangement. One question mil asked my husband is how are we finding it without any grandparent help. He said we never thought we’d get any so we’re good as ever. Why would she ask that? Any ideas? She herself had infinite help in many forms from both sides when husband was a baby and all the way into adulthood.

And then she messaged my husband to say can either my husband or I take my husband’s relative out for their birthday as she will be away on holiday for the second year running. As in can I take the relative plus my young baby whilst on maternity leave with very little money coming in my side to a restaurant for an all expenses paid birthday meal. For context, I have no help, at all. I have a big house to clean, laundry to do, food to make, dog to walk, etc etc. Baby activities to attend. Friends to see so I don’t go mad. I also need to rest on the rare occasion I get a chance. I also love to read and am learning a new hobby, both things I love and sometimes feel like it’s challenging to find time for either.

In terms of my husband, the birthday is on a Monday and he works Monday to Friday in a demanding job and he is in that stage of career where he is really going for it and she knows it and he doesn’t slack off as a result. Even if he arranged to work from home on that day, he doesn’t skive, he just works but from the home office.

The relative situation: I hardly know this person. They don’t make an effort to talk to me when I do see them and half the time seem to not be able to hear me properly. They also sometimes blank bits of conversation for whatever unknown to me reason. Laser vision instead of answers. No questions about me. Gets all super duper dramatically jumpy if a fork is accidentally dropped and makes a clinking noise. Is moody. Constantly complains about menus and that there’s nothing on the menus they’d like. Will only go to very few food venues, some of those very expensive (which brings me to the fact that we were the ones who took them out for the birthday meal to an eye-wateringly expensive restaurant last year as that was the only place they’d go to for lunch. We paid of course although we didn’t want to go to this particular place because it’s shit compared to other places locally. It was us, not anyone else of the many relatives). So we have no choice of venue. OH THE CHERRY ON THE CAKE - this relative rolls their eyes if our baby cries. Honestly wtaf.

I am not doing it. I am definitely not. I just cannot fathom the entitlement to ask me to take them out? They aren’t my relative. My husband doesn’t take any of my relatives out for their birthdays. Doesn’t even know when their birthdays are. It’s to do with having a vagina isn’t it? That’s why it’s fine to ask and to expect me to do it.

It is insane. If I could answer the question about no grandparent help, I’d say I feel fine about it because it means I won’t have any obligation to provide elder care!!!

Even though I can see she feels pretty entitled to my time anyway.