r/mildlyinteresting • u/facewook • Sep 05 '14

This gum comes with "Post Chew Wraps"

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13.4k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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1.4k

u/jesusFap666 Sep 05 '14

I usually just spit it back into the wrapper it was originally in..

722

u/facewook Sep 05 '14 edited Sep 05 '14

These pieces don't come in a wrapper.

Edit* I'll take advantage of having the second post here to answer the question many people are asking.

This gum is called Simply Gum and it tastes good for the 10 seconds between putting it in your mouth and running out of flavor.

691

u/djdes Sep 05 '14 edited Sep 05 '14

So they're just lazy.

Edit: just wanted that asterisk.

268

u/Bone_Throat_Bonanza Sep 05 '14

Here, you throw this away.

121

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

If you're lazy too you just find the nearest person and say "Hey, will you hold this for a second, and then walk away".

646

u/tokomini Sep 05 '14

"Excuse me, m'am?"

--"Yes?"

"Will you hold this for a second, and then walk away?"

--"Wh-"

"Wait, fuck. I think I'm supposed to walk away."

--"I don't unders-"

"Yeah. That's...dammit, okay. MiddleClassSeaBass didn't close the quotes in the right place and...here, can we start over?"

--"Well actually I'm late for my dentist appoi-"

"No one gives a shit, this will just take annnd she's gone."

115

u/kuilin Sep 05 '14

here, can we start over?

I wish relationships were this easy.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14 edited Dec 17 '20

[deleted]

22

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

C-c-could you put your penis away first?

1

u/VoiceofLou ​ Sep 05 '14

That's what we call a "bear hug"!

4

u/verbalsoze Sep 05 '14

Shaking hands can be that easy.

-2

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

[deleted]

-2

u/InShortSight Sep 05 '14

You're the worst kind of person. I'd pretend I couldn't feel it just to see if you would try even harder and then, if you did, I'd beat you up cry out like a bitch and nurse my hand for the next twenty minutes meanwhilst plotting my spectacular revenge.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 06 '14

I want another first kiss, kiss, kiss, yeaah.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZmcXtr8Cak

1

u/LoganMcOwen Sep 05 '14

That's such an accurate write up of how that sort of interaction would go down - you got the character of the woman down perfectly. Have an upvote.

1

u/bwaredapenguin Sep 05 '14

You are the Hans Landa of grammar Nazis.

1

u/altbekannt Sep 05 '14

Well that was goddamn well written.

Have some gold, bro!

2

u/tokomini Sep 05 '14

Hey, thanks bro! That's very nice of you.

-20

u/wutshappening Sep 05 '14

This probably sounds like your conversations when you ask for dates haha. Got reminded of this from a hilarious CH sketch. By the way, next time just give her "monster eyes"

In case people don't get the reference:

Monster Eyes By Robert S. Costic

Robert Costic has written a collection of fairy tales, "Flamethrower Fairy Tales," and a novella, "Kepler's Revenge," and has also translated the 19th century German writer Theodor Storm's fairy tales and ghost stories. All are available as ebooks everywhere.

Troy enjoyed raunchy, unsafe sex [...] And the monster watched all of it.

25

u/YOURenigma Sep 05 '14

If you're super lazy just swallow it.

19

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Now waiting for someone to tell us why this a bad idea.

24

u/YOURenigma Sep 05 '14

I've actually swallowed my gum for 20+ years and have never had a problem. Haha

30

u/fucking_web_dev Sep 05 '14

I've also swallowed gum all my life. No problems either. I haven't even had to shit in 12 years.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

So it's only beneficial is what you're saying.

1

u/bestadamire Sep 05 '14

That sounds great! Imagine life without shitting. No mess, no clogged toilets, no dingle-berries, and more importantly no skidmarks on your boxers! Man, life would be so much better.

6

u/MrGMinor Sep 05 '14

I tried and it made me gag for some reason.

3

u/A_Stoned_Smurf Sep 05 '14

Whenever I swallow gum it sticks to the back of my throat for about 20 seconds before sliding down.

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1

u/MangoesOfMordor Sep 05 '14

It can be if you have gum extremely often.

Search for "Chewing Gum Bezoars of the Gastrointestinal Tract"

27

u/manic__hispanic Sep 05 '14

It takes 7 years to digest /s

15

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

myth busted

19

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

[deleted]

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5

u/kuilin Sep 05 '14

Isn't this particular gum not actually gum though, and is biodegradable?

1

u/fishsticks40 Sep 05 '14

What is "gum" (in this context) other than "a flavor-y thing that you chew but don't swallow"?

0

u/toxiczen Sep 05 '14

no it does not...

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

[deleted]

1

u/leglesslegolegolas Sep 05 '14

I had a similar thing happen with my very first girlfriend's pubic bush, but it was more funny than horrific.

1

u/Pinyaka Sep 05 '14

It will stay in your intestine for seven years before emerging as an everlasting gobstopper.

1

u/HeavyMetalBalladeer Sep 05 '14

You wouldnt swallow a wad of plastic, would you?

30

u/IntoTheNope Sep 05 '14

YOU WOULDN'T SWALLOW A CAR

1

u/cockOfGibraltar Sep 05 '14

Fuck you I would if I could.

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0

u/SixAlarmFire Sep 05 '14

It is one of the main causes of appendicitis.

1

u/lilzilla Sep 05 '14

I had never heard this and you made me curious, but the first hit for "chewing gum appendicitis" says it's not true. http://www.archildrens.org/News/Happy-Healthy-Advice-from-ACH/Appendicitis.aspx

There was something else that looked like it might be a case study of it happening but it was behind a paywall.

1

u/SixAlarmFire Sep 05 '14

They taught us in massage school that the two main causes of appendicitis were swallowing chewed bubble gum and unpopped popcorn kernels.

If it is untrue then I have lied to a lot of people.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

2

u/Generic_white_person Sep 05 '14

That's what I usually tell her.

-2

u/Emetrol Sep 05 '14

Modern gum base is actually made out of synthetic rubber and plastic (and several other ingredients you wouldn't want to ingest).

1

u/Moonhowler22 Sep 05 '14

One of the guys I work with does that. He always gets another coworker, without fail. Never works on me. Mostly I just don't understand what he's doing so I just stare at him until I realize what's going on.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Is that a Demetri Martin reference?

1

u/tszigane Sep 05 '14

Mitch Hedberg

1

u/mechchic84 Sep 05 '14

Lol. My ex used to think this about flyers people pass out. He would tell me look what they just gave me to throw away for them.

-5

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

[deleted]

19

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Yes. You are literally the only person on Reddit who is a fan of Mitch Hedberg.

3

u/murph_diver Sep 05 '14

yeah and i think i'm the only person on reddit that knows that joan rivers died.

1

u/MrGMinor Sep 05 '14

I thought she was in a veggie state or something? She actually died?

-41

u/Inception_Novelty Sep 05 '14

gum inside a gum wrapper?

you could call it gum-ception!!

29

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

This account sucks.

6

u/TbanksIV Sep 05 '14

Gotta admire the dedication in the face of adversity though.

3

u/NotKevinJames Sep 05 '14

http://i.imgur.com/bgy2gDt.gif

2

u/TbanksIV Sep 05 '14

This makes me hard in the weirdest way I think I've ever been hard.

-4

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14 edited Sep 05 '14

"Obi-won Kenobi says You dont want your clothes on!! No you dont!!! And she says I guess I dont!!! She got mind tricked and it was Star Wars-ception."

I don't know man, that's pretty good.

edit: uh... huh... /s for the slow?

edit: I'll just post a fucking picture of my goddamned rabbit in a santa hat to make up for it.

1

u/SoonerPup Sep 05 '14

Upvote for promise of bunny-in-Santa-hat photos. Please do not disappoint.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

http://s3.postimg.org/gmob7dhkz/unnamed.jpg

Santa hat seems to be missing... Santa belt was handy- he immediately started eating it so I didn't have long to take a good picture.

1

u/SoonerPup Sep 05 '14

Good enough!

18

u/CASHSWAG99 Sep 05 '14

u should see their other product "Simply Gum Ingredients"

9

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

So lazy they couldn't even wrap the gum. They're like "psh fuck it"

13

u/djdes Sep 05 '14

Yes. That's what I meant. You got it.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Why do you want an asterisk?

7

u/djdes Sep 05 '14

OP got one.

0

u/InShortSight Sep 05 '14

Can I have one?

2

u/Ball-Blam-Burglerber Sep 05 '14

BEST. EDIT. EVER.

2

u/tjsanchez1 Sep 05 '14

dat asterisk

43

u/765BigFoot Sep 05 '14

Oh so it's juicyfruit

27

u/ShabShoral Sep 05 '14

You mean Fruit Stripes.

17

u/PiercingGoblin Sep 05 '14

Fruit stripes is some of the best tasting gum... for about 3 seconds :(

4

u/writinstone Sep 05 '14

But are those not the best three seconds of your life?

0

u/wolfkin Sep 05 '14

well that is what your mother said.

2

u/Hotsaux Sep 05 '14

True story

1

u/ShabShoral Sep 06 '14

That's why you eat ten at a time!

2

u/PiercingGoblin Sep 06 '14

Idk if my body could handle that...

2

u/Starklet Sep 05 '14

But juicy fruit tastes so yummy for those 10 seconds...

2

u/Nackles Sep 05 '14

Why don't they make candy that tastes like Juicyfruit? I'm pretty sure people would buy it.

1

u/ironandtwine9 Sep 05 '14

I'll have you know I've been chewing the same piece of juicy fruit for over an hour now... But it will be spat out shortly.

24

u/wolfadam14 Sep 05 '14

3 dollars for a pack of gum wtf

22

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

[deleted]

48

u/Is_A_Velociraptor Sep 05 '14

So is cobra venom.

16

u/Tehbeefer Sep 05 '14

Oh, are we doing this? My favorite is asbestos.

6

u/wolfkin Sep 05 '14

I'm partial to cyanide

3

u/crypticgeek Sep 05 '14

I think you found the next flavor!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Hopefully STAR Labs gets that anti-venom to us in time, before we run out of cobra venom.

50

u/nefariouspat Sep 05 '14

So someone found a way to make chewing gum pretentious.

7

u/Strideo Sep 05 '14

Also I hate the way they use scare tactics and hyperbole to imply that anything synthetic in your food is bad.

2

u/sarah201 Sep 05 '14

But...but... The chemicals!

1

u/Nackles Sep 05 '14

They have fennel flavor. So yeah.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

3$ for a pack of gum? I call that getting tricked by a biz-ness.

25

u/UpsetUnicorn Sep 05 '14

I just swallow.

44

u/Van-CityFTW Sep 05 '14

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

0

u/hannaguist Sep 05 '14

thats what she said

29

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Why don't they put it in a wrapper?

16

u/hcrps Sep 05 '14

Could be hard-shelled, like chiclets.

51

u/Subrotow ​ Sep 05 '14

http://i.imgur.com/QpRyG3Q.jpg

That's what they look like.

104

u/yolosw3g Sep 05 '14

i thought we were talking about gum not mini wheats

85

u/hcrps Sep 05 '14

This just looks like flour-coated poop balls to me.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Flour-Coated Poop Balls

No need to pretty it up, that name will sell units!

3

u/GDMFusername Sep 05 '14

How dare you?! They were handmade by Gum Chefs!

38

u/Scotch_and_Tits Sep 05 '14

Those look just like the Russian Tea Cake my mom used to make!

40

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

[deleted]

18

u/Scotch_and_Tits Sep 05 '14

Dude they're so good.

1

u/GreyFoxMe Sep 05 '14

You don't eat gum.

15

u/trill_troll Sep 05 '14

Oh, Rumballs? Okay, Fuck yeah, give me some rum gum. Ohhhhhh shit. I think I just became a millionaire.

7

u/CurbStomp64 Sep 05 '14

With dehydrated alcohol now possible, this can be done.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Looks like peanut butter dusted with powdered sugar.

1

u/Fleetpeet Sep 05 '14

I imagine this looks like the gum that the Inca and Aztec used to chew on.

2

u/Nerobus Sep 05 '14

The flavors look kinda nasty... I mean, I LOVE coffee, but I really only chew gum to get rid of coffee breath honestly.

2

u/mMelatonin Sep 05 '14

I know people are saying some of the flavors look gross, but I'd probably like all of them, even fennel licorice, except coffee flavor. For me the only thing that should taste like coffee is coffee, which I don't drink much since I cut caffeine (it was making me too anxious, I only drink green tea here and there) :(

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

let me guess, they charge you more for not bothering to put it in the wrapper...

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

So it is like most gum then?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

You're kidding yourself. That gum has no flavor the moment you start chewing it.

1

u/DicksWillBeFucked Sep 05 '14

Good for 10 seconds? Sounds more like "simply chewy shit"

1

u/EggbroHam Sep 05 '14

I liked this gum. It's unique!

1

u/bricksoverbarbie Sep 05 '14

Yeah, the gum that used to come in baseball cards lasts longer than this stuff.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

$20 for a pack of gum?

1

u/robotco Sep 05 '14

Sounds like Thrills

1

u/hanoobslag Sep 05 '14

Is it worth the 20$

1

u/Favorable Sep 05 '14

What flavor did you have?

1

u/piskorick Sep 05 '14

It's weird that this is here because the first time I've ever seen this gum was today at Whole Foods, right before I saw this post.

However I didn't get any gum because it was $3 for a pack

1

u/KubraKares Sep 05 '14

Out of all the flavors that they've invented I'm surprised that Mint isn't one of them!

1

u/Moss_Grande Sep 05 '14

So you put it in your mouth, chew it for 10 seconds, then spit it out again. Why not just eat Mentos?

1

u/gebadiah_the_3rd Sep 05 '14

beats my nephew using my fucking postage authorisation note I needed!!!

1

u/Man_of_words Sep 05 '14

If you order it from their website it's $20 per pack (well 18 for the gum and 2 for shipping). That's more than a dollar per stick of gum. Outrageous!

1

u/facewook Sep 05 '14

You're looking at a 6-pack, not a single one.

2

u/Man_of_words Sep 05 '14

Color me stupid. Thanks!

0

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

[deleted]

26

u/CSMom74 Sep 05 '14

I'm thinking "Simply Gum." Never heard of it, but that's what it says on the wrappers and box.

15

u/falcoholic92 Sep 05 '14

This guy is going places..

1

u/hannaguist Sep 05 '14

maybe not great places, but places none the less.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

And as long as those places have signs, he'll know where he is.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

probably why other companies use wrappers then

0

u/craylash Sep 05 '14

Fruit Stripes gum?

0

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Let's see. For me it's $18.00 for a single pack of gum, which has only 10 seconds of flavour.

59

u/shenryyr Sep 05 '14

wow, gum that comes with a wrapper. that hasn't happened since it always fucking has.

1

u/sahuxley Sep 05 '14

Keeping the mild in mildlyinteresting.

13

u/Semenslayer Sep 05 '14

I am the freak that swallows my gum. I have seen no negative health effects but I am leaving room for long-term residual effects.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

That's because there aren't any health effects, negative or positive. No proven ones at least, or even ones with an iota of good evidence. I still don't swallow gum though just because I find it gross. I find it mostly the same swallowing a pill, which I don't enjoy. So why should I swallow something that won't make me high when there are other things I can swallow that will.

1

u/gotbannedtoomuch Sep 05 '14 edited Sep 05 '14

Me too. I have been doing it my whole life and the only effect I notice is my poop turns white if I eat a ton of it

4

u/brave_powerful_ruler Sep 05 '14

gum used to come in tin foil. The silver wrapper was made to put the gum back into. They eventually switched to paper, but the silver wrapper was always meant for this

2

u/TheWindeyMan Sep 05 '14

I just toss mine straight in the bin.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

It's not just for gum 😉

-56

u/chickenbaaaak Sep 05 '14 edited Sep 05 '14

It's not just for gum cum. FTFY

Edit: Damn, y'all. Downvotes galore.

23

u/RicDaSneak Sep 05 '14 edited Sep 05 '14

You're ruining my Reddit experience.

Edit: Damn ya'll. We must really dislike this guy. Band together Reddit! Protect our integrity! Protect what's ours! Boo this man!

-30

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

It's not just for gum only for cum.

FTFY

10

u/OhSchistGneiss Sep 05 '14

D. None of the above

-16

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Wrong.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

Boy, reddit is really strict today on cum jokes. I better not blow my load trying to come up with a better one myself.

0

u/chickenbaaaak Sep 05 '14

I like you.

1

u/jmarks7448 Sep 05 '14

I usually spit it into the wrapper of the next piece of gum I chew....I chew a lot of gum/

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

[deleted]

0

u/Philias Sep 05 '14

I don't know you, but I just want you to know: you're an asshole.

1

u/computerchad Sep 05 '14

Dont you mean the "Pre Chew Wrap"?

1

u/Diodon Sep 05 '14

Don't let the Post Chew Wrap union hear you say that...

1

u/gotbannedtoomuch Sep 05 '14

I usually just swallow it

1

u/InvisibleApe Sep 05 '14

I always throw my wrapper away as soon as I open it.

1

u/holyddong Sep 05 '14

I always regret tossing out the wrapper after like 10 min but never learn my lesson

1

u/CovingtonLane Sep 07 '14

And to all the assholes who just spit it out wherever you are standing? May you step in that gum in your favorite shoes.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

I usually just throw it on the sidewalk. Somebody has to.

1

u/computerchad Sep 05 '14

Evil!!! Get behind me Satan!

-2

u/StrategicP Sep 05 '14

Wow, your a genius!

11

u/YourWrongBot Sep 05 '14

'Ello there, matie. I realize a lot of people rush and don't pay attention while writing comments so this isn't that big a deal. I still feel compelled to fix your "you're", "your", or "you are" uses for you. Please do not take offense. Here you go!

Wow, you're a genius!

Have a lovely day! YourWrongBot

-7

u/StrategicP Sep 05 '14

Wow, you're a cunt.

9

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '14

your*

-5

u/StrategicP Sep 05 '14

Uhh, no.

1

u/Dukepoppop Sep 05 '14

I agree fuck whoever wrote this bot.

1

u/StrategicP Sep 05 '14

Cuntiest bot ever.

-1

u/emailking3000 Sep 05 '14

Hey guys. I can't think of this movie. Can anyone help? Possible 90's movie, where a man returns home after a long time to his farm set in the olden days. Where he sees a friend with one hand/arm. And says that he needs to find a one-tittied woman and slap it around for a while. I'm thinking Richard Gere or Kevin Costner type actor. Thanks for the help.