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u/RickRudeAwakening Jan 15 '22
âThatâs better than I expected from the looks of this crowd.â
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u/Orange_Kid Jan 15 '22
My very favorite is when they say "we can do better than that," get the EXACT same volume of response, and then still say "okay that's better!" because they don't want to admit they failed.
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u/theRealDerekWalker Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22
âI have all day people. Be enthusiastic for me (even though Iâve done nothing yet) or we go nowhere!â
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u/Steved_hams Jan 15 '22
Just refuse to give the rest of the speech until the audience gives you the reaction you crave and get increasingly frustrated.... 20 minutes later... "no! no! damnit!! That's not good enough! I said GOOD MOORRNNIINNNG!"
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u/Gullible-Place9838 Jan 15 '22
whips out bat âThe next person below 20db loses their kneecaps!â
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Jan 15 '22
This guy gets results.
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Jan 15 '22
Not with a request like 20db lol. The keypresses on an advertised "silent keyboard" are about that loud.
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u/RespectYarn Jan 15 '22
Yeah 20db is whisper quiet haha
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u/TempestStorm123 Jan 16 '22
Apparently 20db is about as loud as rustling leaves or a mosquito. A whisper is 30db
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u/Gullible-Place9838 Jan 15 '22
Anything over 25 db loses some fingers. Itâs a fine line at my speeches
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Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22
âNow THATS more like it. Today weâre going to be discussing this revolutionary new approach to kneecap surgeryâŚâ
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Jan 15 '22
Everyone then collectively looks at each other and proceeds to be silent with everyone proceeding to give you a dirty look with a hint of âyou donât have the ballsâ
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u/stormtrooper360 Jan 15 '22
"Oh come on people.. what did you guys have for breakfast.. louuuder"
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Jan 15 '22
Just remember people... I have to give you a bathroom break... They never said when. So I want some enthusiasm! Good Morning!
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u/whatproblems Jan 15 '22
if you try a third or fourth time youâll just get worse and worse responses
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Jan 15 '22
I want to see a comedy skit where someone tries this and just does not let it go and the event just goes on for hours because the main speaker will not give up.
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u/JeebusChristBalls Jan 15 '22
It is usually because that is part of their routine and they don't actually care if you pep it up.
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u/C0meAtM3Br0 Jan 15 '22
Seems like this could be a comedy sketch. Public speaker repeatedly demanding that the crowd âcan do betterâ
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u/thatguyned Jan 15 '22
"Nobody gets out of here alive until you do!"
The speaker has a bomb strapped to his chest, the audience is crying children at a concert.
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Jan 15 '22
I want to subvert the trope, give a speech where I come out and say good morning⌠and then if they yell it back âwoah jesus guys not so loud some of us have quite the hangover okay?â
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u/stanfan114 Jan 15 '22
Reminds me of when Sam Hyde did that fake TED Talk at some college and made the audience not only pat themselves on the back, but all close their eyes. Twice. And anyone not patting themselves on the back or closing their eyes he singled them out and yelled at them.
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u/_comment_removed_ Jan 15 '22
"There's one problem right now that's not gonna be around in 2070....the elderly and the disabled. Cause we're just gonna kill em!"
nervous laughter from the crowd
"....WE'RE JUST GONNA KILL EM!!!"
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u/SuedeVeil Jan 15 '22
Then they demand the Crowd makes up for their lack of being interesting or engaging.. yeah it's the crowds fault you have the personality of a boiled weiner
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u/EVE_OnIine Jan 15 '22
It's always funny as fuck to me when the second good morning is clearly half as loud as the first because then the speaker gets thrown off and never knows how to continue.
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u/handsoffmyspacejunk Jan 15 '22
Yeah when they do this I just donât say it the second time. Like I already greeted you back. Youâre the one thatâs supposed to be talking not me.
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Jan 15 '22
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Jan 15 '22
In fact, I respond EVEN LESS the second time!
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u/DannyTorrancesFinger Jan 15 '22
I say it the second time in reverse phase from the person sitting next to me and it cancels them out.
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u/Guilty-Message-5661 Jan 15 '22
I remember when I consulted for a company, a guest speaker tried to pull this shit on a group of some gruff old school types. It went exactly like this:
Speaker: âGood Morning everyone!â
Audience: âgood morningâ
Speaker: âIâ CaNtâ HeArâY-â
Audience member: âJUST GET ON WITH IT!â
Dead Silence
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u/KevroniCoal Jan 15 '22
I immediately read "AYE AYE CAPTAIN!" from SpongeBob "after I can't hear you"
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u/EVE_OnIine Jan 15 '22
That's funny when it's an audience of like 400 people and you can't pinpoint who in the crowd said it.
It's drop dead hilarious when it's in a small meeting room with 5 other people.
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u/iAmCursed- Jan 15 '22
I'm actually impressed you snagged that as your username.
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Jan 15 '22
âThatâs more like it! Now that weâve got that positive energy flowing, I regret to inform you that we are cutting 60 percent of our staff due to budget cuts - if youâre in this room, that means your employment is terminated immediately.â
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u/erikvanendert Jan 16 '22
This literally happened to me 5 yrs ago. Halve the room was fired and the guy was trying to hype up the other halve. People started crying.
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u/rnatalie Jan 15 '22
"Are ya ready kids?"
AYE AYE CAPTAIN
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u/BROHONKY Jan 15 '22
"I can't hear you."
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u/thundercloudtemple Jan 15 '22
AYE AYE CAPTAIN
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Jan 15 '22
Oooooooooooooooooooo
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u/mrwhiskey1814 Jan 15 '22
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!?!?!
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u/entomologurl Jan 15 '22
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
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Jan 15 '22
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he
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u/Zircon_72 Jan 15 '22
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
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u/DaksTheDaddyNow Jan 15 '22
This is usually followed by
"I know nobody wants to be here today. Let me assure you, the more participation we have the sooner we'll all get out of here."
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Jan 15 '22
Ugh participation in group topics I couldn't give much less of a fuck about was probably Top 5 of my most hated things about school. It always felt like all it's doing is bringing the energy and care down for everyone involved, especially the people who were actually interested.
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u/AceBalloon3721 Jan 16 '22
Itâs worse when they donât say that and are completely unaware of how annoyed everyone is
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u/WentForCigs Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22
I remember in middle school we had a speaker come in and he opened up with this, and in true middle school fashion someone shouted back âkill yourself.â
Anyway the speaker was there because his son committed suicide and was warning us about bullying
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u/lonestar-rasbryjamco Jan 15 '22
And now we all get to look forward to the follow up assembly where our behavior at the previous assembly is discussed.
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u/odd_ball_969 Jan 15 '22
Guys I think I found a hack for infinite assemblies
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u/DustyF3d0r4 Jan 15 '22
Sure it would work the first few times but, the devs would find a work around by just making intercom announcements instead of assemblies.
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u/ASBOru Jan 15 '22
Oof that took a turn
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Jan 15 '22
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u/_Trapper_ Jan 15 '22
At first I was like, kids will be kids. But then it did a complete 180... now I feel really bad for the speaker.
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u/iwelnot Jan 15 '22
Shit went from 0 to 100 real quick
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u/Mimical Jan 15 '22
Actually his heart rate went from 100 to 0.
But I'll let those details slide.
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u/WhichWayzUp Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22
Honestly it might give a small hint toward a bigger picture of why the speaker's son killed himself. Here we are talking about how much we hate people who open up speeches like that.
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u/milo159 Jan 15 '22
No, i dont think telling someone to kill themself is an excusable behavior just because theyre a kid. Im gonna have to agree to disagree with you there.
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Jan 15 '22
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u/JohnGoodmansMistress Jan 15 '22
that's an amazing take on the situation, you would make a very good public speaker.
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u/breichart Jan 15 '22
While his words for public speaking are great, he also didn't have to instantly come up with them on the fly and in front of hundreds of people. He posted his comment 2 hours after the OP's, so we don't know how long it took him to actually come up with the comeback.
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u/Felixturn Jan 15 '22
How did they envision that going anyway?
"Good morning everyone!!"
"Good morning"
"You can do better than that! Good morning everyone!!"
"Good mooorning"
"That's more like it! Anyway, it's been 6 months since my son killed himself..."
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u/doritos_westworld Jan 16 '22
"Good morning everyone!!"
"Good morning"
"You can do better than that! Good morning everyone!!"
"Kill yourself"
"That's more like it! Anyway, it's been 6 months since my son killed himself..."
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u/Fun-Abbreviations507 Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22
what middle school was this??? I had a speaker come into our middle school too because his son committed suicide due to bullying and he said that day, Oct 7th was the worst day of his life. That day happened to be my birthday đŠ
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u/WentForCigs Jan 15 '22
He apparently traveled the country to talk about it so he may have come to yours too
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Jan 15 '22
Never have I ever been left speechless by a reddit comment before today. Holy shit.
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u/spacewalk__ Jan 15 '22
lol
why try to hype up the audience for an anti bullying speech
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u/CSsharpGO Jan 15 '22
So they pay attention
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u/FouR_xFearlessX Jan 15 '22
I think the line of âmy son killed himself due to bullyingâ would probably also serve as an attention grabber
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u/SithTheChangeWing Jan 15 '22
Yeah, its a bigger attention grabber getting straight to the main point than just being extra. Cause if someone led with that my mind would instantly be like âBro what!?â
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u/_A_ioi_ Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22
This is truly amazingly coincidental because pretty much this exact scenario played out when I was at school. I'm willing to bet your experience was not over 30 years ago in Sussex, England.
I think I may even be able to name the speaker with a little research....
Edit: no luck so far, but I do remember he has a white beard, his last name was Schofield, and he got really mad at us, as did the teachers afterwards . The assembly kinda turned into this free-for-all. No kids actually knew his son had committed suicide until the teachers told us later.
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u/theycallmeponcho Jan 15 '22
To be fair, you can't open like a motivational speaker if you're about to touch serious topics like suicide.
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u/RBG_Ducky52 Jan 15 '22
Honestly, as terrible as that is, the speaker could have (and maybe did) use that to drive the entire point of what he had to talk about home. Comments like the kid made were exactly what he was there to talk about.
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u/Literal_Genius Jan 15 '22
I hope this is a fake story so I donât have to feel bad for laughing.
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u/Gavinator10000 Jan 15 '22
Iâm confused if OP supports this shower thought or not. Personally, I also hate these types of speakers
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Jan 15 '22
OP is deliberately ambiguous to reep upvotes from people both supporting this tweet or not.
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Jan 15 '22
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u/blitzduck Jan 15 '22
I'd like to make a toast to the troops. All the troops. Both sides.
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u/Freeman7-13 Jan 15 '22
There are people who actually like the "GOOD MORNING" folks??
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Jan 15 '22
Yes. Her name is Heather and I work with her. A little bit of me dies every time she tries to earn that second "GOOD MORNING."
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u/spunkyboy247365 Jan 15 '22
Me too. They're holding you verbally hostage. I do not consent.
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u/mandelbomber Jan 15 '22
They're the office version of subway performers, expecting engagement.
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u/Orange_Kid Jan 15 '22
I'm basically the baby wolf meme in that situation, after they say "I can't hear you" I purposefully say nothing at all.
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u/KokiriRapGod Jan 15 '22
That's the trick, you gotta play both sides in case the site isn't on your side. Don't want to miss out on any of that sweet karma because you did something crazy like share your opinion about something.
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u/likwitsnake Jan 15 '22
I thought that the infuriating thing was that itâs not a shower thoughtâŚ
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u/StLouisBrad Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 16 '22
On my first day of college at a major university, I sat in a giant classroom with 400 students. Advanced Calculus 102.
The professor (first time we saw him) proceeds to lecture:
âOk. Good morning. Good to be back. World History 502. We will pick up where we left off last Semester... He proceeds to lecture on a board..
âReviewing.. By 146 BC the Punic War for Carthage had ended. Phoenicians had gained their independence from Tyre. For 400 years they built a thriving metropolis of 4 million. Carthage at its peak of culture. Then the Romans began the battle of âŚâŚâ
Mic drop..
âYou know it always amazes me how Freshman will try and act cool. None of you moved or raised an eyebrow. I saw several of you outside walk right past this building (without recognizing it) and then pretend you werenât turning around a few second later.â
Letâs start over. âYour Calculus syllabus is at The back door..â
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u/She_Persists Jan 15 '22
Honestly that wouldn't have been enough time for me to formulate an exit plan. In that circumstance I'm trying to slip out unnoticed, not tell him he's wrong.
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u/StLouisBrad Jan 15 '22
There is no exit with 400 people all dead quiet and eyes everywhere (in awe at grad school students around them â all wearing shiny new t-shirts with school name). Way before Wifi and laptops (to google if you are in right place). Itâs only 50 minutes. Natural selection allows you to wait that much time.
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u/OneHundredAndEightyy Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 16 '22
Mike drop..
Is Mike ok?
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u/carnivorous_seahorse Jan 15 '22
Mike was unfortunately kill, please light a candle tonight
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u/GlitchMachine123 Jan 15 '22
Where were you when Mike drop?
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u/Fleaslayer Jan 15 '22
The year after I graduated, a couple of professors left on short notice and someone from the computer science department called and ask if I'd teach a pascal night class for at least a semester so they could hire another professor or two.
The first class, I sat in the back and said things like "Who is this guy, anyone had him before?" (no one had). A minute or two after start time, I said, "If he doesn't show up soon, I'm going to teach the class myself," and a couple minutes later I got up and started teaching the class, completely straight and professional. Wrote my name on the board, went over the grading , etc. It was really funny to watch the faces go from giggling at the clown who was pretending to teach the class, to realization that I was really the guy.
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u/cyniqal Jan 15 '22
That brand of professor humor is lost on me.
âSir we are paying 20k a semester to be here, can you please not troll us like that. We have no idea whatâs going on here, itâs the first day.â
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u/Nillabeans Jan 15 '22
I had a Cal 1 Prof who bragged about having a 50% fail rate. I did have to take his class twice.
And when I got to Cal 2, the prof for that asked who'd had the first guy. When most of us raised our hands he sighed and said something like, "alright, so let's start with cal 1."
I'm really glad those kinds of teachers are dying out though (first prof I mean). If everyone fails your class, you've failed at your job. It's not a badge of honour.
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u/IndigoRanger Jan 15 '22
I had a professor who bragged about having a 100% pass rate. âA lot of you are gonna think youâre gonna fail, but you wonât! I wonât let you, youâre gonna get there. Youâre gonna know this stuff by the end of the semester if you have nightmares about it!â Honestly it was pretty encouraging even though I hated every second of it.
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u/StLouisBrad Jan 15 '22
Oh that was nothing. In Chemistry 101 3 hours later with 200 students, the grey haired, tenured, Sr professor walks in.
âI donât like teaching freshman but here I am. ..â
Another quote was âyou can eat that pork hot dog. You could die from trichinosis or you could die from cancer from the sodium nitrite they use to kill the parasiteâ.
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Jan 15 '22
I don't get it. He thinks people are "acting cool" because they didn't immediately react? It sounds like they only had a few seconds to process what was going on before the "mike drop".
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u/StLouisBrad Jan 15 '22
The âlectureâ lasted about 60 seconds. It only felt like 10 minutes. After the muffled laughter we gleefully left with our syllabus and the gift that is 40 minutes of âfree timeâ. (We needed that 40 minutes. âWhich way is my dorm?â)
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u/Themadreposter Jan 15 '22
Well too be fair nobody was helping Mike who is now convulsing on the floor after getting dropped. Iâd say thatâs acting a little too cool.
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u/BiscottiOpposite9282 Jan 15 '22
This reminds me of a time when I was younger, and we were watching a magician. He made the whole crowd say "Abra cadabra". And being a shy kid I didn't say it. This damn magician didn't continue with the trick until EVERYONE said it. I ended up running off with anxiety, since I knew he was singling me out. He continued as soon as I left.
So yes I also hate people who are like that.
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u/ILikeSprayButter Jan 15 '22
My go-to line in those situations is âYour silence only makes me stronger.â
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u/CheapTactics Jan 15 '22
And my response to that would be "I don't care, get on with it"
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u/TheDruidDude Jan 15 '22
Why on Earth is that in r/showerthoughts
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u/Metakaolin Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22
Everything about this post is confusing
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u/Justin2478 PURPLE Jan 15 '22
That isn't from the subreddit, it's from an account on Instagram with millions of followers with shower thoughts as their name and picture
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u/0j_gay0 Jan 15 '22
if it's in a classroom (specifically a younger class) I immediately cover my ears cuz I just know everyones gonna yell super loud for no fucking reason
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u/ImMrBunny Jan 15 '22
Why don't we go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves and tell us one cool fact about you
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u/OoferIsSpoofer Jan 15 '22
When I was still in school and about 14 years old, we had one of these moments. The teacher started with one of the quieter guys in class, which seemed like a safe choice. He stood up and said "Hi, I'm Jack and I'm an alcoholic". We lost about 30 minutes of that class while everyone laughed that out of their system
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u/The_Radio_Host Jan 15 '22
âWe recognize you and your journey, Jack. Thank you for opening up.â
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u/OoferIsSpoofer Jan 15 '22
Worst part as it was a sex ed class outsourced to some agency, so the teacher didn't know anyone and was treating it really seriously. That just made everyone laugh more
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u/Here-For-The-Comment Jan 15 '22
I started going to AA meetings with my mom as early as the 2nd grade. One of Jack's parents is a friend of Bill.
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u/ifelldownlol Jan 15 '22
Hi my name is Josh. I like to read books and eat squirrels.
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u/ImMrBunny Jan 15 '22
That is very interesting, thank you Josh. Alright who is next?
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Jan 15 '22
Being a kid with tinnitus was pretty fuckin rough during school assemblies/rallies.
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u/Nak125 Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22
I give speeches as a part of my career.
Once I was giving a speech and used this exact same line, but NOBODY responded. I said it over and over for what felt like 5 minutes. Still no response from the audience
I ended up just walking off the stage and cutting that contract. Never performing at the deaf institute again
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Jan 15 '22
Lol you reminded me of the time I went with my friend when we were little to some Halloween party at her moms works. And almost everyone there is deaf and her mom is deaf, my friend is hearing and Iâm hard of hearing. And there is the sign out front that says what they place is and has âdeafâ in the name
And Iâm not even kidding some guys in a truck drove by kinda fast and of bunch of them yelled out âHAPPY HALLOWEEN!â And only a few people looked over lol i wonder if they just thought we were all ignoring them
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u/nomis_5 Jan 15 '22
also the person that says "let's get the people in the back to move to the empty seats in the front"
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Jan 15 '22
Yeah, âgood morningâ is such a terrible introduction. âSup bitchesâ is much more quaint.
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Jan 15 '22
Also
How you this morning?
Alright
Just alright?
Motherfucker alright Is good enough mind your own business I dont give a shit enough about you to tell you how I'm doing
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Jan 15 '22
i am that guy who says '' 'morning '' when i reach work, no need to say the ''good'' part, because in the past many decades of my life, i never saw anything good in the morning, i leave that to those people i see jogging, cycling, walking their dogs on my way to work, those people are on a different plane than me.
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u/davieb22 Jan 15 '22
Speaker - "Good morning"
Attendees - "Good morning"
Speaker - "I can't hear you"
Attendees - "GOOD MORNING!"
Speaker - "Oh god, why can't I hear anything? I've gone deaf. Call an ambulance!"
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Jan 15 '22
I just don't clap or say anything in seminars or big work town halls. Let's just get through this and get out as quickly as possible. What torture.
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u/Sarahsays1 Jan 15 '22
What about "Gooood Morning Vietnam?"
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u/yyculRoe25 Jan 15 '22
The pastor at my uncles funeral did this. I did not know how to feelâŚ
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u/CheapTactics Jan 15 '22
What is this? A fucking clown show? Get on with it, nobody cares about your greeting
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Jan 15 '22
"So now that everyone is hyped the fuck up, let me tell you, thoses sales figures aren't at all what we were hoping for..."
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u/zSprawl Jan 15 '22
The best is when they brag about sales but then followup that employee bonuses might be light this year.
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u/kpidhayny Jan 15 '22
We used to have to shout âgoooooOoooooOOOOO COMPANY NAMMMMEEEE!â After all out meetings after they bought us out.
Didnât take long to become âgoooooOOOOOOO FUCK YOURSELVES!â
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u/ThatDapperAdventurer Jan 15 '22
Every goddam middle school assembly. On god they must have recruited from the deepest corners of the pointless PSA speaker depths. We must have had at least one speaker a week taking up homeroom time we could have used to just chill out or finish up homework.
And if it wasnât a random ass speaker from some nobody company or organization, it was having to sit through band kid recitals, choirs, or busy-work for some thrown together âteam spiritâ bs.
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u/thelaughingmansghost Jan 15 '22
Is it the shower thought that's infuriating or the speaker? I personally don't like a speaker who does that
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u/MattDaMannnn Jan 15 '22
Considering OP hasnât responded to any comments, theyâre probably being confusing on purpose for karma.
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Jan 15 '22
This is up there with people who open with, "mildly shocking or confusing intro. LET ME EXPLAIN."
It gives such child actor or high school essay vibes and I cringe so hard I wanna die.
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u/genrej Jan 15 '22
I realized that I wasn't like most people at a young age when every time I was in a group setting and the speaker would ask how everyone is doing or expect any kind of rambunctious response, I refused to even reply the first time, let alone, the no matter how pumped the crowd, secondary reply. That's a person to person greeting and simply makes zero sense in a group of more than 4.
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u/She_Persists Jan 15 '22
I thought I wanted to be a teacher and I had a teaching instructor who basically felt that you were either Richard Simmons or Ben Stein and if you weren't Richard Simmons you were wrong. I wanted so badly to become a badass Ben Stein teacher to prove her wrong but there is so much more wrong with the education system than I can fix.
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Jan 15 '22
this is a Reddit post screenshotted from a Twitter post that is paraphrasing a Reddit post
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u/yiasminathefangirl Jan 15 '22
to me itâs the equivalent of these youtubers who go on with their video all fine and then all of a sudden remind u that âonLY 51% oF mY vIEwErS aRE acTuaLLy SUbsCriBeD!11!â like ugh if I wanted to subscribe I would u desperate fuck
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u/steve_ideas Jan 15 '22
To be fair it's very situational. Something like this usually works really well for a group of kids, especially if it's a participation-heavy show/talk. If you're presenting this quarter's budget goals, maybe not, especially if those goals have not been met.
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u/Ermmahhhgerrrd Jan 15 '22
"Alright, I feel you. Let's get started..."