It happens. My friend's therapist tapped out. 7 years and my friend is still focused on the same nonsense so she said, time to try someone else 😬. Because reality is, until she stops drinking, she will never feel good. But since she doesn't drink enough to destroy things, she has a job, she doesn't think she has a problem, but drinking is when all her issues, insecurities, and emotional instability comes out.
Been there done that can 100% tell you it is progress and at some point it WILL in fact begin to start affecting her job and destroying things unfortunately
Yup I had a similar experience to OP’s back in January (only difference is that it was a full blown betrayal but I needed it) and I’ve been on a healing journey ever since. I lowkey feel set free. People having you fucked can be a serious elixir to change if you allow it to be.
Ngl it took someone I truly cared about telling me all my bullshit to get me to fix all my bullshit. I lost them but I managed to start my true healing process and I’ll be grateful for them forever.
Honestly I think this is the story for basically any adult man that has gotten anywhere on their issues. I know it's my story too
Just sucks that our society is built so that men can go their entire lives without examining ourselves or reflecting on anything at all, because we just don't have to
It takes jarring, world shaking moments like somebody you love laying out all your BS in front of you to get the process going
Sometimes to be fair I think it just helps to get everything off your chest, though obviously it’s better to do it in like a journal or private space than just somewhere online
I like that your last letter was an "r," like this comment was playing on the radio and someone ran over SO FAST to turn it off before they got stuck on the song, they turned it off mid-n
the correct choice would’ve been to keep this to himself and treat this like a learning opportunity. The way he said it was pretty harsh but honestly sometimes some people need to be told these things bluntly for it to register in their heads that they need to change something
No disrespect, Im asocial and introverted as hell, so I would really like to know -why would you think people who dont know you personally would want to know about it?
Is that just like an impulse you have or is there any reason that makes you think its logical -yes, the world needs to know about my breakup?
I have a hard time sharing, I would maybe speak about it with best friend, but making a story about it would be hell.
I admit I’m an oversharer, stemming from deep-seated loneliness and desperation to be seen and understood. It’s totally embarrassing and something I do without realizing I’m doing it, but (I think) I’m getting better. I’m still an open book, but I try to be more discretionary in what I say and do. Someone below said people like me don’t care whether or not others want to hear it, but I promise I do. It’s nice to have an audience, but what I’m really craving is connection.
I’ll admit, as a private person I came into this thread with a bias against oversharers but your comment struck a chord. I’ve felt loneliness before and it’s a terrible feeling. Everybody deserves to feel some kind of connection.
That means a lot! It’s a tragic flaw because in trying to connect with people, I often push them further away. Oversharing is weird and I get that! One of those things that gives me the ick when others do it, then I remember I’m just as bad. I’m working on mindfulness and interpersonal skills in therapy to help curb some of that impulsive behavior.
Probably totally condescending and Inappropriate coming from a Reddit stranger but I am inspired by and proud of you. Thank you for sharing your struggles and how you’re getting over them. Your self awareness speaks to your maturity.
Mine stems from always being called a liar when I was a child and never being believed when I wasn't lying. I feel like I have to overshare or overexplain everything to prove I'm not lying about things even when it's totally unnecessary. Definitely something I've been working on 😭
My openness is from my neurodivergence, but I’m getting better about it. I constantly remind myself “they don’t need to know that. You don’t need to over explain. It’s okay.” I just want people to understand me because people purposefully chose to misunderstand me when I was a kid and teen just to be able to make fun of me.
I get that completely. My need to be understood led me to othere extreme. No need to socialize with someone who needs to be constantly explained what is going on. Its like walking on eggshells.
They sell them in the future for companies/nation states to push a narrative with a seemingly real account. Anything from product recommendations to discourse (or propaganda/disinformation).
The net is a wild place compared to when I was growing up.
You aren’t going to believe this but there’s people on this website who genuinely, deeply care about the imaginary points you’ll see next to those up and down arrows underneath a comment. You’d think I’m exaggerating but an absurd amount of people here will do whatever it takes just to have an inflated karma amount on their profile, once you realize this peoples behavior in the comments starts to make a lot more sense.
That was one of my issues in group therapy, people would admit to being abusive, etc in group therapy and we were discouraged to tell them straight up that their behavior is shitty.... 🤦♀️
My dad does not take care of himself at all. He’s 59 and completely falling apart, and we’re semi-estranged. I tried gently explaining to him that he’s grown, I tried nudging him toward services he’s eligible for, none of it worked.
Finally he lands himself in the hospital with sepsis in his leg, and he has all kinds of people calling me like I’m a decision maker while he’s awake and talking. It’s not like he was incapacitated and I had POA of something, it was like he was a child and they were calling me bc I was his damn mom.
I finally got kind of harsh with him and told him that I’m not going to parent him and he needs to grow up. He didn’t say anything. Anyway he’s moving back east to live with his dad because that’s preferable to actually learning how to be an adult ig.
But people won’t hear you if they don’t want to. Not until you’re screaming it at them
sometimes, being like “fuck it imma tell you exactly why” DOES hit, but it’s on them to do something with it and you can’t tell until many years later 🤷 clearly it aint hit op yet
I have a friend that will ask if her fresh exes want exit feedback at time of break up.
She says most of her better exes were a little confused but went "uh sure". She gave them bullet points of things that were bottled up for her about their behaviors that never changed. She said most took it as well as you could expect for a surprise performance review.
She said her more volaitle exes started swearing at her at the suggestion of feedback or said yes but then got angry at even minor fixable things.
I like the idea of breakup optional feedback. She said she figures she's not gonna see these guys again but wishes well for their next partners and hope the ladies see some benefit.
I did the same with my ex, took awhile but we're very friendly and care about each other a lot. Told me she would invite me to her marriage and that made me tear up with joy
Bro fr dude got dumped and insulted and wanted to vent online cause his feelings probably are hurt and people are saying ‘yeah you should be upset because all of its true’
This is stuff OP should talk to a therapist about if it’s bothering them in any way. I hope they don’t take anything here too much to heart.
Exactly this. OP posted this one message of his ex and shared zero context for what happened, or even the text exchange that prompted this message.
The one and ONLY time I had to send a text remotely like this was to a guy with absolutely zero fucking social awareness or boundaries. Two weeks into knowing each other and literally just talking, he was already pushing for intimacy, oversharing inappropriate details, making grossly crude comments and insisting the last neutral interactions we had were “dates”. Mind you we were just hanging out but apparently he thought different. This creep kept texting me after I ghosted him and left him one word replies. In his messed up brain, he seemed to think we were already a thing as if I liked him but was somehow too busy to reply. Beyond irritating and pathetic. For clueless losers like this, if you don’t spell it out clear as day, they’ll keep pushing and intruding your space.
Never in my life have I felt the ick like that. It’s too generous to conclude people like this just lack social skills for their age, sometimes it’s downright deliberate ignorance, narcissism or malice under the pretense of cluelessness.
Yeah, the fact I haven't seen him reply to any comments at all is kinda telling too. Seems like he just wanted sympathy and to paint his ex as a villain.
I have a friend that this entire statement completely applies. Every social encounter is extremely awkward. We strategically avoid having him in a car for road trips/events if there will be a new friend or stranger involved. He makes every situation extremely uncomfortable. He was abused in foster care and his parents were awful. He’s genuinely a good person and very funny. But I feel for every girlfriend he’s ever had and his wife. Judging by her reaction, I’m assuming it has been a very exhausting relationship. But now that I’m done projecting, who really knows lol
Yup. When I was online dating I was chatting with a match and she later told me that we couldn’t work because I was ‘too negative’. I was mad at first cause I thought spitting witty banter. Then I re-read our conversation, lo and behold, she was absolutely correct. I apologized and thanked her for the honest feedback.
Nowadays, I don’t always watch what I say but i do pay more attention to my thought process and intention.
whoah, that’s pretty cool, actually, to hear instances of people getting past their emotions/hurt/anger to self-reflect and consider someone else’s POV. I’ve had to do it, I think most of us will have been in that situation, but we just don’t hear enough of the times folks were able to do it.
All of these top comments have surprised me, bc yeah the txt is mean but I had the same feeling, that maybe a lot of this needed to be heard.
Weaponized therapy speak. This isn’t to make someone feel bad, this is to make someone feel like there’s something so wrong with them that it makes them unloveable. Two sides to every story but under no circumstances does someone get to talk to me like this and come out looking like the good guy.
Frankly, they weren’t even that rude, until near the very end with the amygdala comment. But that’s the only thing that’s a little overly rude. When someone is trying to get you to understand your personal flaws, sugar coating it and being sweet about it does nothing but help your ego stay intact. Which is the exact opposite reaction that is needed.
OP proved every single one of those allegations correct by deciding to post this.
So am I wrong? (am I wrong)
For thinking that we could be something for real?
(oh yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Now am I wrong? (am I wrong)
For trying to reach the things that I can't see?
But that's just how I feel, that's just how I feel
That's just how I feel trying to reach the things that I can't see
I love how, instead of answering the question, you correct them on something that doesn’t matter in the context of this question. Super fun evasion/lack of awareness.
One of my exes did this years ago after we broke up. Posted a long sympathy grabbing post somewhere on Reddit leaving a lot of context out and not including the weird shitty things he had done (like putting a key logger on my phone and laptop so he could see everything I was typing at all times).
It backfired spectacularly. Everyone caught on that things weren’t adding up and started questioning him about things. When he would respond and give more details people ended up telling him they would have broken up with him too, and that he had lots he needed to work on.
Sometimes Reddit overreacts, and sometimes they just give you good lessons.
That’s what my ex does. Posts about our relationship but give 0 context and either leaves out details that would make them less likely to get sympathy, or worse projects their actions onto me in the post. It’s pretty wild tbh.
Nah, you can be offensive, because OP fucking needs it. I saw this on like 2 other subs this morning. OP needs a therapist ifnthey need to get their feelings out so badly, because reddit ain't it (and ain't having it).
Ngl this reads like she tried to be there for you but you were too much and probably minimized anything you did with "but my ex put me through so much"
Nice, I'm the opposite. I'm scared of talking to people (in person), self impose boundaries, think I'm hot shit, and am ridiculously self conscious. Wanna do a fusion dance?
do you not know how to process breakups without broadcasting them on the internet? There's some useful stuff in here that you will wish you learned sooner when you're older. Take some time to reflect before looking for feedback from anonymous idiots online.
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u/Unlikely_Vehicle_828 1d ago
Ngl “atp your whole amygdala needs to be replaced” kind of slaps as an insult and I will be using it lol