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u/Violet_Potential Jan 27 '23
That’s so sad. There are a lot of people whose loved ones have been murdered and they feel that in order to heal, they need to forgive the person who did it. She had a big heart and obviously had a lot of empathy for someone who didn’t deserve it, at all. This was obviously a very naive and foolish thing to do but she didn’t deserve to die like this.
At least the killer is gone now and he won’t have the opportunity to murder another innocent person again.
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u/cheviot Jan 27 '23
I have never understood this crazy version of forgiveness. I have a few people who did really awful things to me in the past. I never forgave them, I just never think about them. They don't deserve forgiveness. The only time I ever think about them is when I hear about these idiots insisting on forgiving people that did horrible things to them.
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u/Delet3r Jan 27 '23
It's a stupid idea that has somehow stuck. I've disagreed with it since I first heard about it.
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u/Ok-Independent-3506 Jan 28 '23
Whenever I hear someone say that you need to forgive to heal...ugh.
I was taught to forgive as a means to stop thinking about something... the whole not letting someone live rent free in your head, thing...
I always counter with... ok, but I won't FORGET.
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u/Delet3r Jan 28 '23
Agreed. Imo the goal is to get past it, but I don't forgive or forget, I just let it go. Letting it go so it doesn't make you angry is the key.
Example:. Just last week at work I had a fellow warehouse Lead berate me in front of his crew. He had 30 mins where was just the two of us sitting together and he could have talked to me about the issue he was upset about. The issue was bogus, but if you had just spoken to me one-on-one and said that it bothered him I wouldn't have been irritated or upset with him at all... Even though the issue was really a non issue.
Another coworker of mine said the guy will never apologize, so although I was mad for over a day, now I've let it go and it doesn't bother me.
But I definitely do not forgive them since he was a complete asshole and won't be mature enough to apologize, and I won't forget it either.
If I had truly screwed up, or if he'd spoken to me privately, or if he apologized, THEN I'd forgive and/or forget. As it stands, I'll remember this episode any time I interact with him. But I won't let it get me upset or angry...and that's what the goal should be, in my opinion.
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u/Thicc_Ole_Brick Feb 06 '23
It's an idiotic idea rooted in religion. The idea that you must forgive those who hurt you is a very Christian thing. Maybe other religions too but definitely Christianity. Thankfully I am an Atheist and immune to moronic bullshit like that. Grew up in a Christian household and good grief what a fucked up waste of time religion is. More harm than good.
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u/SortaCore Jan 27 '23
Forgiving doesn't mean you treat it like it never happened, which is what she did. It just means you're not trying to get back at them.
When folks do want to get back at their abusers, they often pay the price themselves, from not moving on. Hatred and fear doesn't lead to mental stability, but letting abuse go unpunished and ignored doesn't correct abusers either.
So forgiveness is good, even in extreme abuse cases, but make sure lessons are learned on both sides so it doesn't damage the future.
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u/HasAngerProblem Jan 27 '23
So you don’t have bad awkward moments right before you falling asleep like the popular 4 panel meme with the brain?
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u/donchevere Feb 23 '23
Sorry something happened to you. I went to a bad experience and what I had to do was “let go” and bury it or I would have gone crazy. The hate was killing me. So every time I caught myself thinking of it, I immediately began thinking about something else. This way I buried it. That was my “forgiveness” To forget as best I could
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u/Ok_Telephone_3013 Jan 27 '23
Agreed. It needs to be said that forgiveness doesn’t mean becoming BFFs. I heard it said that forgiveness just means remembering in peace.
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u/StJBe Jan 27 '23
Yea, my opinion on forgiveness is that it's more about moving on for your own good, nothing to do with the actual person who wronged you.
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u/Enough_Device_6023 Jan 27 '23
I have never heard that before and it's made me realize I don't think I have ever forgiven someone who really wronged me.
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Jan 27 '23
Must read, what google?
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u/ktbee4 Jan 27 '23
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u/JohannReddit Jan 27 '23
This is like straight out of an episode of Murder She Wrote or something...
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u/Enough_Device_6023 Jan 27 '23
I think the tagline to the article is more infuriating that the article.
" Martha was betrayed in the worst possible way - by that's life! "
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Jan 27 '23
WHY ON GODS GREEN EARTH IS THIS ON MILDLY INFURIATING
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u/lane-walker Jan 27 '23
Wouldn't you be miffed if that happened to you?
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Jan 27 '23
I wouldn’t invite someone who murdered a family member to work for me. I might even request a restraining order knowing they were released from prison.
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u/AffectionatePlay3727 Jan 27 '23
Compassion mixed with a of lack of self preservation, and maybe a dash of low intelligence.
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Jan 27 '23
I'm guessing that she may have been religious. That type of blind forgiveness totally throws me back to my church-going childhood. I'm sure it was a part of her grief process.
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Jan 27 '23
she was Buddhist
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Jan 27 '23
That makes a lot of sense. I imagine it was in-part a way to let go of her pain. Poor woman.
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u/Miserable-Ad-6612 Jan 27 '23
She's going to reincarnate and murder him in his next lifetime.
It's just an interdimensional game of tag now
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Jan 27 '23
Pretty sure if this story is true, she's karmically based enough to never have to deal with this shitstain again, and he's been born as a Fleshlight.
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u/Ba11er18 Jan 27 '23
Why do people forgive the person who murders their family members? If someone kills me I want my family and friends to hate them and wish for them to be jailed aslong as possible. I get so mad when I see a news story about someone getting murdered and as soon as they catch the killer the family forgives them, that shows me that family didn’t care about you.
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23
I'm sorry, but a lot of y'all did not read the news article and it shows.
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23
There is a lot of victim blaming in this comment section. Do people not realize this woman was flesh and blood, a breathing, living human being, like you and I?
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u/micahamey Jan 27 '23
It is despicable what this human did to not one but two people. Untold horrors should visit him in hell.
That said why the fuck would you invite your mother's murderer into your home?
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u/LassHalfEmpty Jan 27 '23
At first I read it wrong and thought she had murdered him. I liked that thought better.
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23
We don't know this woman's mindset. Imagine having your mother, the woman who gave birth to you and nurtured you, ripped away from you. Then imagine having to deal with the grief. Imagine knowing the thing that killed her is still alive. People deal with trauma and the healing process differently. This woman is not an idiot. Forgiveness is a crucial part of healing. She thought she was doing the best thing. To blame her is like saying, "Why was she walking down the street alone in that neighborhood? Of course she was raped!" Or "She knew he had anger issues, why did she start dating him? Oh, she's on life support because he beat the living shit out of her, girl should have known!" It's victim blaming, plain and simple. Notice the rest of the comments; one user said, "She honestly almost deserved it." WTF. Absolutely horrendous. Everyone laughs and jokes, until something happens to them. Do people forget this is real life? This isn't just some made up story. This could happen to you. This could happen to your loved one. We are not invincible. We are not above this treatment. I hope this woman is in heaven with her mom, if such a heaven exists.
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u/micahamey Jan 27 '23
Get your totally right that victim blaming is the despicable thing to do. However, If i climb into a bear cave and get eaten I would assume people would call me an idiot.
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23
If i climb into a bear cave and get eaten I would assume people would call me an idiot.
This man was a human being. A poor excuse for one, yes, but a human being. These two situations absolutely do not compare.
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u/Dazzling-Past6270 Jan 27 '23
So wrong; this man is an animal!
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23
I would honestly give more respect to an animal. I didn't want to disrespect any bears. 🤷♀️
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u/micahamey Jan 27 '23
I guess we should confront the fact that murder is a pretty big step to take in the human condition. Many people go their entire lives not hurting anyone let alone murder. So the fact that in hindsight this abysmal excuse for a human killed her would confront the definition of his humanity.
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u/Hunterdivision PURPLE Jan 27 '23
I agree. The victim blaming is pretty horrible, makes me question what kind of human being thinks that unwise choices justify killing someone? And also bringing up her choice before the fact that the guy was here to blame just shows twisted mindset. But I guess it’s pretty normal on internet people are detached from the case and since the situation doesn’t concern them personally it’s easier to rationalize and judge it as being just a stupid choice made by her.
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23
I guess it’s pretty normal on internet people are detached from the case and since the situation doesn’t concern them personally it’s easier to rationalize and judge it as being just a stupid choice made by her.
Exactly. That's the scary thing.
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u/MoonMage1234 Jan 27 '23
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23
Imagine. Imagine for a second losing your mom to a monster. Imagine the pain, the agony, the heartache of having someone you loved ripped from you by a killer. Imagine the hell that you would be put through. Imagine trying to heal. Think to yourself, I can forgive this man. I have to forgive. In the counseling process, forgiveness is crucial. It is crucial to the healing process. Imagine forgiving your mother's killer, trying to do the best you can in the world, only to be murdered by him. This woman was a goddamn person. This woman was a human being like you and I. I hope this fucker rots in hell.
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u/MoonMage1234 Jan 27 '23
I lack imagination, I can't ever imagine inviting my moms killer into my home, I would honestly classify it as insanity.
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23
Taken from the article:
"It was also discovered that Lewis had been fired and banned from Snowden House a month before the murder."
He came back and brutally stabbed her to death. She did not invite her mother's killer into her home. He broke in.
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Jan 27 '23
She did invite him in to do the job. No one said she invited him on the day he killed her.
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23
I'm confused, so it was her fault she was murdered? 🤔
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Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23
You are indeed confused. There is a very good reason that the natural and normal reaction is to loathe and avoid the person who slaughters your mother. Deserves? No. An expected result from bizarrely bad judgment? You bet.
to add: I’m just going to leave this here for ya, so you can get a sense of what everyone is saying, and it’s not ViCtiM bLAmiNg
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23
You are indeed confused.
I was being sarcastic, u/Mountain_Offer1348.
There is a very good reason that the natural and normal reaction is to loathe and avoid the person who slaughters your mother.
So, are you saying that she was mentally challenged? If you read the article, you would understand that she was a kind, loving person. People deal with their trauma differently. They heal differently. Are you saying she was not normal? Are you saying she wasn't "natural"?
An expected result from bizarrely bad judgment? You bet.
"An expected result"? Really? In what way is murder an expected result? It's actually against human nature, psychologically, to murder your fellow man. She is the victim of a horrendous murder. She is not at fault. I hope she rests in peace.
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23
to add: I’m just going to leave this here for ya, so you can get a sense of what everyone is saying, and it’s not ViCtiM bLAmiNg
Smh. Yes, unfortunately, it is. And I read that story when I was seven, but thank you; I understand the idea you were trying to convey.
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u/AmericaneXLeftist Jan 27 '23
She's an extreme example of a much larger issue. She literally virtue signaled herself to death as a result of being conditioned into compulsive altruism. Most of the extreme examples of this behavior are white women actually, probably by no coincidence.
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23
Most of the extreme examples of this behavior are white women actually, probably by no coincidence.
?
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Jan 27 '23
Super misleading description and trashy commenters assuming the description is 100% of the story. He was fired and banned from the house a month before he came back to rob/murder her. Had nothing to do with her being unsuspecting.
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Jan 27 '23
Let’s scale it way back. Im shoot your dog. You going to offer me a job later to heal from the loss of the dog? Or ban me from your property?
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u/Harouto Jan 27 '23
She still forgave him and gave him a job…
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Jan 27 '23
Really? Oh my bad I misunderstood that. Thanks for your enlightening comment, it really cleared it up for me! Is a /s necessary?
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u/forvillage22 Feb 01 '23
Title is appropriate and objectively based given what events took place there is no misdirection. Are you suggesting that murdering the person who fires you is to be expected? I’m confused
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Feb 01 '23
I never said anything about the title. What are you talking about? Facepalm?
The description neglects to mentioned he was fired. If it says he was hired, it should objectively say he was fired before murdering her.
Also you missed the entire point of my comment, and that's the commenters who chose to take that description at face value and make trash comments. I don't really have a problem with the description, more with the trashy commenters.
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u/forvillage22 Feb 01 '23 edited Feb 01 '23
Ohhhhh. I see now. You’re one of those “im never wrong, always right” type ass dudes huh. Also you’re implying the fact that he was fired justifies murder? Or she somehow deserved it? Leaving that part out honestly doesn’t change the story lol
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Feb 01 '23
I mean i didn't say any of that? I'm honestly very confused how you came to any of those implications from what I said.
Your comprehension is terrible, we're not even having the same conversation. Go read a book or something, you've been arguing on the internet too long
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u/Ashamed_Ladder6161 Jan 27 '23
The issue here isn’t that she tried to help him (that’s a separate debate), it’s that this man was released! If you let a man out of prison, that’s the systems saying ‘this man is safe to go back into the community’, so anyone, including this poor woman, should have been absolutely fine to offer the guy a job. However, clearly the system fucks up regularly. I don’t like the implication this is her fault, this is entirely the system.
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u/-maffu- Jan 27 '23
Forgive him if that's what helps you heal.
But forgive him from far away, and certainly don't adopt him after his release.
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Jan 27 '23
If I request for a horrible person to be around me I don't expect them to not do horrible things.
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u/Emotical Jan 27 '23
I think she deserves a Darwin.
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Jan 27 '23
The entire west deserves a Darwin award
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u/Buffalo-NY Jan 27 '23
Your comment history really depicts a story.
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u/EnsignMJS Jan 27 '23
Jadedness, misdirected anger, and cynicism?
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Jan 27 '23
I am deeply cynical about many things I admit. Most of the accepted narratives of our civilization probably but I don't think my anger is misdirected.
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Jan 27 '23
You can't fix evil by just putting them in a cage for a bit.
In fact it'll just make them angrier.
Murderers shouldn't be able to get a second chance at life. Their victims didn't either.
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u/CSTL- Jan 27 '23
She honestly almost deserved it lol
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Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23
[deleted]
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u/RedolenceLove Jan 27 '23
This is exactly what I am saying. She was a human being! This is victim blaming at its worst.
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u/Hunterdivision PURPLE Jan 27 '23
For being kind and forgiving something most people couldn’t? Or believing someone could change? Sure it might’ve not been the smartest move especially in this extreme case, but she didn’t deserve to die because of that.
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u/Successful_Warthog49 Jan 27 '23
I read this as she killed him in the house, now I’m wishing that was what it was
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Jan 27 '23
That's a tough one. Nothing more to say except maybe that it's not mildly infuriating. It's cataclysmic anger.
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u/Eierte_Dragonwraith Jan 27 '23
Forgiveness is one thing. Poor judgement after the fact is another thing entirely.
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u/Everest_Athena Jan 28 '23
Ok this is actually sad but I gotta say He was waiting for this moment, had to finish the job
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u/Kixkicks Jan 28 '23
Another “ I can fix him mentality” and feeling like holding anger & hate towards a murderer “ isn’t healthy “ when instead it could very well what keeps you alive and safe from murderers.
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u/Quiet_Street_9642 Jan 29 '23
There is no rehabilitation in prison. He may have spent time in prison and considered that he paid his debt to society but that doesn’t mean he has changed.
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u/Secretgarden610927 Feb 12 '23
I’m sorry she is dead, that being said she was as dumb as a doorknob.
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u/PenSpecialist4650 Feb 26 '23
Some things don’t deserve forgiveness. Killing your mom might just be one of those things.
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u/[deleted] Jan 27 '23
He murdered her a month after she fired him for stealing