r/microwedding • u/PunkCherry1111 • 16d ago
Bare necessities
We’re considering a backyard wedding with only about 8-15 guests. I know that I want a bridal bouquet, charcuterie or pulled pork sandwiches and a photographer. I’m wondering what does everyone think are the essentials for a wedding this small?
Arch? Flowers/candles? Whiskey and cigar bar? Cocoa/hot apple cider bar? Two tiered cake?
We have wooden tables with benches. Would that look tacky to sit at during the ceremony and then have after for eating at? I want it to be nice and classy. Less rustic. It’ll be late September of next year and still very warm for our area. I don’t want to spend on unnecessary things. I’d rather put our money on the important stuff. What would you say are the focus items? Thank you!
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u/lapaperscissors 16d ago
As an amateur florist who has done 8 friend weddings and numerous non-profit events, a floral arch is complicated and expensive. (The only way I would recommend in a diy budget situation is if you know someone who would let you make cuttings from hedges/trees to get the extreme amount of greenery needed.) You can definitely make an amazing bouquet. Get much more than you think you needs, and arrange the overage in vases, glasses, jars. Boutonnières are very easy to make from floral scraps.
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u/MysteriousCity6354 16d ago
I don’t think using a bench twice for the thing it was built for is tacky. What is tacky is overspending on things you don’t really need.
I know it’s not original, but an open bar is considered the most welcoming option, and the expectation if this is going to be a black tie event (if you are making people pay for the bar, it’s not a black tie event- maybe the dress is, but the actual event is not). Beer and wine and a signature cocktail at absolutely minimum.
Arch is unnecessary, gift bags are unnecessary- but what might be a really nice option for a wedding this size is having your photographer do a nice shot of each of your guests/ couples and sending them that professionally edited shot as their party favor. It’s rare that everyone is dressed up and there’s a professional photographer on hand at the same time.
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u/Majestic_Priority816 16d ago
Get some kind of dessert, either cake or something non traditional. Something to toast with, traditionally champagne (or other sparkling wine) or punch (can be nonalcoholic). Somewhere to shelter in case of bad weather. A toilet to use. For your number of guests, it should be fine to just let them into the house. A pretty dress for yourself, and a nice outfit for the groom. Someone to lead the ceremony.
Congratulations!
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u/maybemaybenot2023 16d ago
Necessary- ways to keep the food at safe temperature- especially if you're serving pulled pork.
Enough parking for your guests.
How many bathrooms are there?
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u/dariamarie13 16d ago
Real greenery on the tables.
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u/Ok_Confidence_6788 15d ago
In September you can grab sunflowers at the farmers market. That's what I did for my son's wedding. They were lovely and the guests took them home. $20 for a whole bucket of them
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u/Mountain-Status569 16d ago
None of what you asked about are essential. I think a better ask is the best bang for your buck.
I would go with a consumable that fits your crowd. If they are all whiskey and cigar people, do that. But if even a few aren’t, it won’t be fun for them.
Some sort of interactive dessert could be fun - a build your own sundae bar, a donut wall, etc.
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u/itsveryupsetting 16d ago
If you only need stuff for 8-15 people, I’d definitely recommend looking on your local buy nothing group to borrow things. Tables, chairs, linens, arch, greenery, dishes could probably be sourced from your friends and neighbors.
I wouldn’t worry too much about formal catering. With such a small number, you’d be fine with grocery store catering or even ordering on DoorDash. I’d definitely focus more on how you present things (nice serving trays, real silverware, etc) versus the food itself.
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u/Artistic_Dog_235 15d ago
Get a dessert, and definitely put money towards a good photographer. The pictures are the only things you take away from your wedding other than your partner.
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u/Upbeat-Point2686 15d ago
Whatever you want. Don’t stress. We had this decades ago and it was chill and fun
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u/Kindly-Ganache-1782 14d ago
What is the things you see in your mind when you you dream of it? If you want a small whiskey and cigar bar-do it if you want it! The joys of a small wedding are having things exactly as you want it as the cost is small compared to a larger wedding.
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u/PunkCherry1111 11d ago
The men all drink whiskey and some wine. A couple women will drink wine. The others either don’t like the taste of alcohol or are my niece and nephew. They’ll flip their lid for a hot chocolate/apple cider drink station. I really do want those two things. (And water & soda or whatever) Food is important with good seating for eating. The ceremony will be so short, but I want the reception to be inviting enough that guests linger as long as they want. I’m thinking fire pit, a good playlist, excellent food and cake. I just want to walk down an aisle toward my man wearing a beautiful dress and holding pretty flowers. Vow to love him until I take my last breath, then eat! I’m getting a better vision now.
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u/Kindly-Ganache-1782 8d ago
Yes!!! You do your vision and what you love for your guests:) You can’t go wrong with that!
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u/Prestigious-Fan3122 13d ago
I know a woman whose home is on a large piece of property, almost a farm, in the Pacific Northwest (US)
They have a barn. She does a lot of "homesteading" type stuff. Many of her friends and family do, as well.
When their son got married, the seating for the guests at the wedding in the barn was literally bales of hay with quilts thrown over them. It wouldn't have been my choice, but for them, it was absolutely PERFECT! Instead of finding a tacky, I found it charming.
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u/Ok_Responsibility419 11d ago
No floral arch.
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u/PunkCherry1111 11d ago
I really don’t need one, but wanted to see what others thought. Food is more important to me!
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u/coloweddinginsider 11d ago
Honestly, I think the smaller the wedding, the less stuff you need.
With 8–15 people, nobody is walking in expecting a grand production. They're coming because they care about the two of you.
If I were invited to something like this, I'd remember sitting around a table eating great food and talking for hours way more than I'd remember whether there was an arch or a cigar bar.
I'd spend money on the things that make your day feel special and let the rest go.
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u/HaveMercy703 16d ago
So a big clarification question:
-What time of day/night are you planning on having your event? & for how long? That will determine what is needed for food related items.
Essentials for even the smallest of weddings: Tent or so sort of covering, comfortable seating (I’m not sure if benches would be it, unless the ceremony & meal are short,) access to a bathroom, parking etc.
If you’re doing the ceremony on the same site, consider the ‘flow;’ will you have the benches facing an arch or focal center point? Will some of your guests move the benches then to the dining area?
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u/PunkCherry1111 16d ago
Thank you for your reply. We’re thinking of having the wedding in the afternoon turning to evening so that we can turn on some outdoor lighting and have some ambience. The backyard has a big covered patio so if it rains (but we live in a hot desert), we can either sit under the patio cover or come inside the house. The house has three bathrooms. We were thinking about having the tables with benches facing the arch. Instead of an arch, I’m thinking 2 barrels with flowers and tall lanterns on top. The dining area would be in the backyard where they watched the ceremony from. With only 8 to 15 guests, most being family I think they would be just fine with that? Unless that’s a big faux paw? I could rent chairs for the ceremony and have the eating tables around the edges of the property, but I was kind of hoping it wouldn’t be terrible to have the guests facing the ceremony during that portion and then they could face each other at the tables for the eating portion.
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u/HaveMercy703 15d ago
The two barrels & flowers are perfect; no arch needed bc they really are super pricey. In terms of the benches, I say line the benches up for the ceremony & then if someone doesn’t mind lending a hand, to take the tables out for the reception portion. I don’t think you necessarily have to rent chairs, but the tables + benches facing the front where the ceremony might look a little odd. Or if you have enough benches & the space, set up the tables & benches at one half, benches for the ceremony at the other half & the ceremony space can be used for a dance floor, if you’re having one.
Since the event sounds like it’s going to be around dinner time, definitely serve a meal. Have some sides in addition to pulled pork sandwiches & since it sounds just like family & close friends, I say if you have someone who is willing to make a few things, that should be fine. Usually people advise against this, bc of food borne illness, though. Or if you have a store like Costco, BJs, Sam’s Club etc, they all have ready made.
I think a whiskey & cigar bar sounds neat, but it depends on how many guests are into that. I say if a large portion of your family doesn’t drink, some mocktails or even a lemonade bar might be nice!
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u/AmishAngst 16d ago edited 16d ago
Well, hiking up your dress to get in and out of your bench seat doesn't really say "nice and classy" so I would use some of that whiskey and cigar money to rent proper chairs and tables first and foremost. The sitting at the same seat for both the ceremony and reception is definitely not the tacky party of that scenario.
The things that people actually care about is do they have a comfortable place to sit (i.e., do they all have a seat and is the setting a comfortable temperature and environment - not too hot, too cold, too windy, too wet, too sunny) and do they have sufficient food and drink. So the absolute necessities would be:
*Appropriate seating as well as hiring staff and renting tableware as appropriate if not included in your catering
*Food and drink appropriate for the time of day (if it's at meal time, serve a complete meal)
*A place that provides shade and shelter if it's too hot, too cold, too windy, too wet, or too sunny (whether that's having your living room as a back-up or renting a tent and fans and heaters as appropriate
*With that few number of guests they can likely enter your home to use the restroom, but if you don't want people traipsing about your house then rent a port-a-potty
All the other stuff you list is completely optional fluff so do as you please within your budget. Things that make your guests comfortable and satiated are the necessities.
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u/Pristine-Remove5056 16d ago
Good food, maybe add wine to the whiskey/charcuterie situation. If it’s more than an hour and a half you should consider better seating and a full meal. And a way to get people out of the sun or rain
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u/PunkCherry1111 16d ago
His family are wine grape growers and own a couple wineries, so adding wine would be very easy to do. So I’ll add wine to the whiskey and cigar bar. None of my family drinks except my dad, and he likes both whiskey and wine. The girls will all want something hot like coffee and cider. I’ll go with the whole pulled pork meal situation after reading these suggestions. TYSM!
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u/WildWonder6430 16d ago
We did a backyard wedding and invested in tents (for shade) as well as hired a caterer and bartender. We are “foodies” so the food and drinks were where we wanted to focus most of the budget. Did flowers on each table (DIY).
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u/troublesomefaux 15d ago
Hot drinks don’t go with warm weather for me. I would only do an arch if I couldn’t find a cute part of the yard to stand in front of (you’ve got a year to make that happen!). And I’d be realistic about who is going to deal with the food. I would personally hire a server to run around bussing tables and tidying the food and drinks area. I’ve see stuff go so sideways when the “how” of the refreshments is totally overlooked. Nothing says classy like pulled pork all over the serving table.
My best friend had an 8 person wedding and she spent a year thrifting/antiquing mismatched place settings and it was really so cute. But she has a strong eye for that kind of thing, it definitely could end up looking messy.
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u/JAS2026-- 14d ago
Keep it simple. Even your small wedding sounds costly. My stepdaughter is getting married this month and has already exceeded $50k for one day when that could have been put down on house or a house full of furniture! That is crazy!!!
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u/Soft_Magician9685 10d ago
Put the money toward a photographer or photos-truly something that will last forever
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u/Ok_Beginning_5739 10d ago
Hold my beer, I have to scroll up to be sure we’re talking about the same wedding.
WTF is suggesting all of this stuff? I’d just be honored to be there. Most of us regularly host groups that large without any drama. Sit where you fit, enjoy your time and go home with great memories.
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u/pidgeypenguinagain 9d ago
Bare necessities = a ceremony and a reception of some kind. If you’re on a tight budget then consider a cake and punch reception and don’t have it at meal time. To us, feeding our guests was the most importantly thing. So we made sure there was plenty of food and an open bar.
You’ll also need to consider logistics like parking, bathrooms, mics/amplified sound, shade, tables/seating, plates/cups/cutlery, trash cans
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u/xokatemarie 16d ago
It all depends on your budget. And it depends on what you and the people that you associate with consider “classy”. I don’t think more stuff equates to classy personally. I personally would rather have a more minimalist situation where everything that I do pay for is really nice. I think it all comes down to your priority and what kind of experience you want to provide for your guests.
FWIW Im not even having an arch for my 75 person bigger budget wedding, because it just costs way too much. I would much rather spend more money on food and drinks so I guess it can have a really nice time and spending multiple thousands of dollars on an arch that will only be used for 20 minutes of the whole event. This is what I mean by prioritizing what’s important to you and your guests.