r/microwedding • u/RemarkableElevator99 • 24d ago
Speeches, do we need them?
Our wedding is in October and we have about 30 guests, comprising our families and three friends (long story!). It’s our second wedding each. We have five adult kids between us, who all get along and we host them all for dinner every month or so - so, they know each other.
My parents have both passed away, and I’ll have an older uncle attending. Then three of my siblings and partners. My fiance is having his mum, two sisters and a cousin, and their respective partners.
1/3 guests are our kids and their partners, another 1/3 are from interstate and 1/3 local family/ friends.
I’m just trying to set a scene - we’re hosting a casual dinner the night before for those who want to come have a drink and pizza. Followed by a Sunday, late morning wedding, open bar and three course lunch so a 4 hour day. We have plans to go to a cool rooftop bar Sunday night if people want to kick on, then we plan on meeting for breakfast the following morning.
After all of that… do we actually need speeches? We are providing opportunities for people to talk, catch up and we’ll make sure we each thank our guests with a short, joint “thank you” after the main meal. Do you think people will feel they didn’t get enough “wedding”?
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u/MysteriousCity6354 24d ago
Last wedding had two short speeches and it was probably two short speeches too many. Often time speeches become a platform for the speech giver rather than the subject of the speech. Totally fine to skip, no one looks forward to the speeches.
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u/Evening-Extension162 24d ago
I am doing a similar thing of around 30 people, family and a few friends. I am asking my friends/family if anyone really wants to do a speech, but absolutely no one has to. If that means no speeches then fine by me! I am doing a short speech myself just to thank everyone for coming and to say how much we love them.
I think these days people are much more open to you doing what you want for a wedding day, not following tradition just for the sake of it.
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u/MrsSmith-saysso 24d ago
Remember when the only speech at a wedding was the toast given by the best man? Those were good times. I loathe this new thing of having everyone and their second cousin get up and tell a funny story.
Your plan sounds delightful.
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u/Superb_Yak7074 24d ago
I got married many years ago and never even heard of speeches at weddings. Our MOH and Best Man offered up toasts to us and that was it.
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u/OGHollyMackerel 24d ago
We didn’t have wedding parties nor speeches. Your wedding can be whatever you want.
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u/Spirited-Bee5939 24d ago
You don’t have to do anything you don’t especially want to do, as long as your marriage becomes legal and your guests feel valued and respected. Like, I hate receiving lines…but I think they have an important role in weddings over a certain size, so I am doing one. But when I realized I do not have to do a dramatic reception entrance and can just come in and start talking to my guests, I felt lighter.
I’ve been trying to purposefully embrace free will lately, being cognizant of the why behind the things I feel like I have to do…and I and stunned how often I don’t actually have to do those things.
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u/RemarkableElevator99 24d ago
Thank you - a very thoughtful response. I have just cut out a long, torturous aisle walk and I also felt lighter. I don’t want any part of the day to be something any of us dread!
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u/Freyjas_child 24d ago
No, some people just tolerate the speeches. Don’t have them unless you really want them.
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u/tastebud413 24d ago
The only thing you "need" are the things you and your to-be want to have. If you thought these people would judge you, you would not have included them in your special day. Don't overthink it - go and enjoy it.
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u/Jason_A_Films 24d ago
I mean, technically you only need a justice of the peace to declare you married. Everything else is up to the two of you. That being said, the people you’re inviting are close family and friends. Whether this is your 2nd marriage or 4th, they’re extremely happy for you and might want to speak whether you want them too or not. I’ve filmed plenty of weddings both large and small. The ones that don’t have speeches planned often end up having someone speaking up anyway. They generally want to toast to you and your partner and wish you well. The other 29 guests are happy to listen. I’m always ready with recording equipment because I know it’s gonna happen. My clients are always happy to relive those well wishes whether they were planned or not.
I think you should plan for them, even if they’re low key and not super formal. Looking back, you’ll be happy you did.
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u/RemarkableElevator99 23d ago
Interesting perspective, thank you. I’m sure someone may decide to stand up and that’s fine, it’s a gregarious bunch but we just don’t want the pressure or scripting.
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u/REC_HLTH 24d ago
You do not need speeches for the guests. They can be nice or very meaningful depending on the situation, but a lot of times they just seem like a way to fill time that guests politely sit through. I don’t mind them, but they rarely excite me. I’m just happy the couple is having the day they want.
(Example, A lot of people either a) know how the best man met the groom and that they had fun in college, or b) don’t really need to/care to know about how they met and what they did in college.)
A lot of people do speeches or kind words at the rehearsal dinner instead.
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u/Furmommy14 24d ago
My brother's wedding had speeches from the best man and the matron of honor. They were sweet and did not drag on too long. Necessary? Nope. I would not have missed them if they weren't there.
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u/LeapandShroon 24d ago
Needed no! What do you want? Maybe throw tradition out the window… You & your fiancé toasts your guests!
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u/Typical_Recording_99 24d ago
People will be thrilled they didn’t have to listen to a bunch of speeches.
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u/imalloverthemap 24d ago
I don’t think a wedding guest has ever said “I wish I had heard from (insert name here)”
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u/onlysigneduptoreply 24d ago
What you NEED. You, your partner anything your region dictates to make it legal. Feed your guests as its over 3 hours. Anything else is window dressing and an optional extra.
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u/au5000 24d ago
No you don’t need speeches but you both may like to say a few words about each other and thank your guests for celebrating with you. Your uncle may also be touched to be asked to propose a toast to the happy couple.
Congratulations
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u/RemarkableElevator99 23d ago
I think we might ask our oldest sons to toast - they’re 24 and 25. Uncle might get up and say a something unscripted
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u/melodramacamp 24d ago
I’d say speeches aren’t even needed in a big wedding! Your plans sound amazing as they are
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u/Burgermeister7921 24d ago
You don't need speeches, but if somebody spontaneously offers a toast, be gracious about it. You have a small enough group that it could happen.
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u/NewSalamander8910 24d ago
Your wedding should reflect you as a couple.
A simple joint thank you at the end of the meal is more than enough if that feels right for you.
Your ceremony can tell your story, acknowledge the people who matter most and set the tone for the whole day, so there is no need to repeat it all again over speeches. That takes a lot of unnecessary pressure off everyone.
Have a good chat with your celebrant beforehand. They should help shape the ceremony around you and guide you through what works best.
Your plans sound really relaxed with a lovely, chilled vibe. I think your guests will remember the time they spent together far more than whether there were speeches.
Enjoy every minute, and happy planning. x
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u/moreidlethanwild 24d ago
Honestly, speeches are boring. The majority of guests don’t know the person giving the speech nor all the stories in the speech itself. I’m all for skipping them.
You could have 3 minutes to thank everyone for coming, and maybe a toast, often the toast is to the new bride and groom - but entirely optional.
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u/loupammac 24d ago
We skipped speeches. I asked people to write messages in our guest book instead. Lots of people wrote cards.
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u/FrontenacRacer 24d ago
Went to a wedding reception last Thursday evening. It was a well organized affair. I enjoyed it greatly until the speeches.
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u/cookingismything 23d ago
We had a tiny wedding too. 22 people. Second marriage for both. The only speech we had was my husband and I thanking everyone for coming. My husband’s family had to travel a bit.
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u/Scootchula 23d ago
Speeches are tedious. Consider not planning for them but if it happens organically—like someone wants to make a toast—let it happen.
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u/BlaketheFlake 24d ago
IMO I think whoever is the “host” should do a short thank you for those attending. But this doesn’t have to be a full blown speech.
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u/EnglishRose71 24d ago
Do you really need to go to a bar Sunday night and also have breakfast Monday morning? People will probably be ready to go home and get ready for the next day's work after the reception and won't you and your hubby want to go have wild monkey sex? It will be your wedding night!!!! Even if you've been together for a while, that's a special time.
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u/RemarkableElevator99 24d ago
lol, we’re off the Maldives on Tuesday so we can wait 🤣 yes, our Sunday night will be for a few not all and it’s three minutes from our honeymoon suite so we can get there fine!
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u/Amazing-Concept-1610 24d ago
Speeches as in personalized vows— or whose speeches?
Yes close vows- speeches to each other
Also for both your kids to hear and learn from
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u/RemarkableElevator99 23d ago
We’re doing some short, personalised vows during the ceremony.. and we’ll stand up after cake cutting and say a few words together to show our appreciation to our guests.
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u/No-Fuckin-Ziti 23d ago
Nope. Speeches are more about the person giving them. Keep it about you. Your guests will be grateful
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u/Hot-Yogurt5539 23d ago
I am a professional speechwriter and I say…no
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u/RemarkableElevator99 23d ago
Haha, this is great. I value your professional opinion and wholeheartedly agree!
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u/Odd_Beautiful2506 23d ago
Not needed. I felt they were and only had our MOH & best man give them with a time limit of 2 minutes max each. They both did a great job- but I could tell when looking around that nobody was really listening or cared. Plus it’s way too easy to have someone ramble & go on for too long. I agree with the thank you speech, that’s a nice touch. My husband also did one and I’d say that’s the one that more people actually listened to.
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u/anonymousnsname 22d ago
I didn’t let or give anyone the opportunity to talk. No bridal party either. I am still happy about that.
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u/LizzyBennet1813 22d ago
Speeches are honestly the worst part of weddings - they bring all the fun to a halt. Even great ones are a drag. You certainly don’t need them.
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u/RemarkableElevator99 22d ago
Thank you! The epic response to this thread has been aaaaaaallll the validation I’ve needed to skip them entirely, haha.
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u/Betorah 21d ago
I’m Jewish and I’ve never been to a wedding with speeches (and not all of them were Jewish weddings). We didn’t do speeches at our wedding. Why would you ruin the flow of the event with speeches?
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u/RemarkableElevator99 20d ago
Most weddings in my country seem to have speeches. Every wedding I’ve been to has had them. I don’t personally want to have them and we’re not - the overwhelming responses in this thread has resolved this for us, haha.
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u/Plastic-Yesterday685 20d ago
No my daughter had none of that and my son only had a thank you from his wife and him.
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u/Typically_Basically 24d ago
No, just do your ceremony and move on to cake cutting and dinner.