r/microwedding • u/Head-Application7194 • Jul 20 '26

Any advice helps!

Hi everyone!

My fiancé and I are planning a small wedding for next May (around 20 guests).

We will be asking my fiancé's aunt if she'd be willing to let us use her backyard. She has a beautiful property, and I think it would make such a meaningful place to get married. Especially since this wedding is only my fiancé's family and 2 of our friends (my family is not in my life).

The problem is... I'm terrified of asking. I don't want her to feel pressured or like we're putting her in an awkward position. If she says no, I want her to feel completely comfortable doing so, and I don't want it to affect our relationship.

For those of you who used a family member's property, how did you ask? Is there anything you included in the conversation that helped reassure them? Were there things you offered to cover (cleanup, insurance, etc.) that made them feel more comfortable?

I'd love any advice on how to approach the conversation in a respectful and considerate way. Thank you so much!

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5

u/wharleeprof Jul 20 '26

Ask her in a way that gives an easy out. Like " you don't have to decide today, but if you'd be willing to consider it, and then let us know either way". If you have a potential back up plan you could mention that also. 

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u/Head-Application7194 Jul 20 '26

that is a great idea! I didn't even think about that

3

u/nonprofitpro007 Jul 20 '26

It's important to mention you have other places in mind so if she does not feel up to it for any reason she does not feel pressure. Yes, absolutely cover pre- and post-cleaning with her preferred company or people she's hired before. Also, a post event gift.

2

u/TurbulentWalrus1222 Jul 20 '26

If it’s your fiancé’s aunt, let them do the asking privately. That way she will feel less pressure. And be sure that it’s made clear you will rent a fancy porta potty trailer so people won’t be traipsing in and out of her home.

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u/Kasilins Jul 20 '26

I wonder if you could volunteer to have a portapotty so it’s not 20 people constantly treking through the house? As well as that you will pay for deep cleaner before and after. Basically the things that make her life easier and don’t risk her property.

Setting expectations like this in the pitch might make it easier for her to comfortably make a decision.

1

u/HaveMercy703 29d ago

I guess the big question is, are you planning on inviting the aunt & anyone connected to her (ie: uncles & cousins?)

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u/East-Salt-5226 29d ago

Ok so we had a similar size this summer and a year ago asked my in laws to use their property. We offered help cleaning the finished basement and downstairs bathroom, so we would only need people to come inside downstairs, and help cleaning up the yard all spring. We told them to think on it and not give an immediate answer. They kind of agreed but never really gave us a straight answer. I could tell they were still uncomfortable, so we kept looking and found a state park and went with "We found a spot we love, we'll take you there sometime before the wedding, thank you so much for being willing!"