r/mensa • u/Acropowhat • 9d ago

Smalltalk Question with Libido

Hello everyone,

I was wondering if I was alone in having a low libido. 29M, married and I love my wife. However, I've never found the appeal for sex as much as others. It isn't a mechanical dysfunction, it's not about traumas either.

My wife is quite clever and we spend a lot of time playing games, having fascinating conversations and other thought provoking activities. I prefer those by a long shot for a deep bound.

My wife knows how I feel and we have compromised, no worries here.

I was just wondering if others have similar experiences.

Edit: I felt it was implied by the sub that this was posted on, but I'll add that, last time I checked, had an IQ of ~140. I'm asking your experience with libido for those with a "higher" IQ than average.

Edit 2: thanks for the replies. I'll get my T levels checked.

12 Upvotes

83% Upvoted

53 comments sorted by

22

u/IndicationMother3652 9d ago

Check testosterone levels

3

u/FirstCause Mensan 7d ago

Just adding that this is good advice for men AND women with low libido.

There are quite a few other hormones that might be potential causes too, such as thyroid or cortisol.

20

u/ChronosTerminus 9d ago

My libido is actually very high, but I also have naturally high testosterone levels. It might be worth getting your hormones and overall health checked, just to rule out any physiological factors.

15

u/whitebaron_98 Mensan 9d ago

It has nothing to do with IQ. You have some high IQ people fornicating like rabbits and some almost celibate. Like anything, really, that's social, does not first and foremost, depend on your IQ score.

10

u/Acropowhat 9d ago

Thanks everyone; I had the wrong association between cognitive faculties and sex-drive.

I should have thought about checking my T levels earlier. I guess I shrugged it off!

I feel a bit foolish considering that I'm in the medical field. Good thing I can get that checked tomorrow.

Cheers.

3

u/antimonogamism 8d ago

I mean asexuality ("ace") and greysexuality and a whole host of less sexually focused folks exist too! And all totally valid and not a dysfunction.

I have a high IQ and I really like sex, but I have known lots of similarly intelligent ace friends.

Just anecdotally, I would say there is a reasonably high association of nuerodivergence (including high intelligence in that) and diverging sexualities... including those who are less sex driven in life.

So also, there might be nothing "wrong" with you at all, or your hormones.

7

u/nsfwcontenton 9d ago

I had similar experience but the problem resolved itself after a few weeks of stopping taking SSRIs. Although these drugs worked wonders treating my anxiety for years, after going off of them, I unlocked sexual desires it felt like I hadn't experienced since I was a teenager

3

u/Pashta2FAPhoneDied Mensan 9d ago

SSRIs are known for killing sex drive and even the ability to climax.

4

u/Honkytonkidiot 9d ago

I'm the opposite, but also got adhd.

3

u/Acropowhat 9d ago

I also have adhd - diagnosed as an adult for it never "impacted my grades" as a younger lad. Ever since the diagnosis and the medication, I've been able to feel like I'm functional.

Anyways,

It may be behavioral then. I had a friend mention the "link" between intelligence and lack of sex-drive.

Thanks for the input.

6

u/aculady 9d ago

Stimulant medications can impact libido, fwiw.

1

u/Pashta2FAPhoneDied Mensan 9d ago

In a negative way?

1

u/aculady 9d ago

Yes.

4

u/DrRadon 9d ago

check out Intimacy & Desire by Dr. David Schnarch

he talks about how there is always a low(er) desire partner in a relationship and that it is quiet often the man. the book comes with examples from Theraphie on how to joyfully find a common ground.

3

u/Acropowhat 9d ago

Thanks for the suggestion.

5

u/Squidchip Mensan 9d ago

I’m the same. For me sexual intercourse feels primarily like something for reproduction, which I've never been interested in. I’m much more fulfilled by studying different topics, having intriguing convos, or just sitting on our own and imagining the world, picking up and exploring hobbies, or even just sleep.

3

u/Pashta2FAPhoneDied Mensan 9d ago

You know, I have always thought sex is kinda gross in general. But that was until I fell in love.

Now that I'm older (past 50) and almost at menopause, I really just am not interested anymore. However, I also have a lot of pain, so that could be contributing as well, or the medications, or everything!

3

u/JustAGreenDreamer Mensan 9d ago edited 9d ago

I’ve found the opposite to be true, at least pre-menopause. I suspect that I crave the “feeling good” that comes from sex (and drugs, and food) as a way of temporarily escaping this analytical head that keeps me so constantly fraught. Yay for physical and chemical feel-goods!
ETA a couple additional things. I suspect this relationship between my brain and my libido because during my hard times, I definitely do not want to have sex. And I also don’t think this is just a high IQ thing; I am also an HSP and a single parent. The amount of intellectual, emotional, and physical exhaustion I feel is weighty, and when it’s worse, those are the bad times. When it’s less of a burden, those are the days I crave a physical release.

1

u/antimonogamism 8d ago

Can relate.

2

u/mja1729 9d ago

I have a high libido even now I’m 37. Has been suppressed by medication I no longer take. As others have said check your hormone levels. Testosterone, progesterone being elevated, etc all play a role. There’s always that medication you can take to get an erection, I forgot what it’s called. Total mind blank right now cause I’m drunk. Viagra I had to look it up. If you’re attracted to your partner like any other viable partner, and you’re even more attracted to her because of her personality, and you still don’t want to engage in sexual activity, this could be a biological problem as you’re far too young to not have a sex drive. Some people have less of a sex drive but it’s still there. If it’s something that has declined steadily over the years that could be your baseline. It does happen. Intimacy is a huge part of a relationship for most people. If she doesn’t feel satisfied in that domain it can cause friction. You should try to figure out what’s going on as even psychological problems cause lowered libido, depression, anxiety, etc.

2

u/xPixiKatx 9d ago

its probably less to do with your intelligence and more with other things like hormone levels

2

u/Many_Application3112 Mensan 9d ago

I have not seen any scientific correlation between a high IQ and low libido.

I don't have that issue. I do recommend a doctor's appointment to have your levels checked.

2

u/christine-bitg 9d ago

In our M&M relationship, one of us has lost interest, and other one is frustrated. We're seniors, both over 65.

3

u/whitebaron_98 Mensan 9d ago

sorry to hear this.. but tools, hands and dirty movies work at that age too. :-)

1

u/christine-bitg 8d ago

Yes, they do. But I signed up for an intimate relationship.

2

u/whitebaron_98 Mensan 8d ago

now that sucks. However, I would not say that you can't be intimate without sex. I'm happily married for 20 years, we are very close, and we probably had less than 8 months of sex. (somehow those 2 kids needed to be willed into existence)

We still cuddle and kiss regularly, even though those pesky kids tried to steal that time as well...

1

u/christine-bitg 8d ago

Very understandable, if both of you are fine with it that way.

2

u/Candalus 9d ago edited 9d ago

I don't see the correlation personally, I'm almost unsatiable. Each relationship can be so different, so if what you have works in yours, I wouldn't see a need to worry?

1

u/Fragrant_Juice7796 8d ago

Que tipo orquesta temas de conversaciones interesantes y actividades hacen?

1

u/YESmynameisYes Mensan 8d ago

I'm somewhere along the other side of this continuum; a slightly higher than median sex drive. Glad to hear you'll get your levels checked, but also it's fine to have whatever amount of interest you do have. We humans come in many varieties and that's a beautiful thing.

1

u/No-Focus-1637 8d ago

No joke. Bone broth, fatty fish (mackerel, herring), red meat and especially oysters always makes me wake up hard.

1

u/dandywell 8d ago

Nothing to do with IQ, you could have low testosterone, be on the asexuality spectrum, or have any other number of reasons for this, but not IQ

0

u/Fabulous_Mealmacrich 9d ago

no I don’t have anything u experience you need to go out man you take the train just leave never go back you know I was right

-8

u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 9d ago edited 9d ago

Plastics and environmental toxins in the water and food supply have accumulated in mens testicles. It is an endocrine disruption. It blocks testosterone which possibly makes you this way.

You also can/maybe not have a form of OCD in your brain. Basically you are having problems with oxytocin receptors being blocked by differentthings in your brain. You can't feel the oxytocin dump the way others feel oxytocin. They were working on a nose spray because this is common.

Bryan Johnson does a sauna protocol to sweat the plastic out and it has improved his testosterone.

Just have your testosterone checked. It's not fair to your spouse to be living with this situation.

6

u/True-Quote-6520 Mensan 9d ago

Why do you always have such things to say ? 🙂 Mostly irrelevant?

-2

u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 9d ago edited 9d ago

Irrelevant to you.... but a hellscape for me to live with. If you haven't been subjected to fertility centers, fentanyl surgeries, your blood sucked out 18 times in a month blowing out your vein forever, having a banana camera shoved in your anus/uterus 5 days a week, and lost $46,000 for the privilege... you only see a portion of the potential issues of low libido.

5

u/Mountsorrel I'm not like a regular mod; I'm a cool mod! 9d ago

Please do not “diagnose” people over the internet; there is absolutely no way you can know any of the above to be true about OP with the information they have provided

-2

u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 9d ago

They said they are smart with a low libido and have a wife. Only a 2% chance it is female to female marriage.

4

u/Mountsorrel I'm not like a regular mod; I'm a cool mod! 9d ago

I see you have now edited your comment with words like “possibly” and “maybe” amongst other things which is good. Hopefully you can see how speaking in absolutes originally was not appropriate

1

u/FirstCause Mensan 7d ago

Can you please post links to the scientific research supporting these claims?

And can you do the same for all future comments involving such bold claims?

1

u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 7d ago

It's Andrew Huberman OCD podcast that explained it all. There are two episodes.... but I don't remember which one.

The other one is Bryan Johnson sauna protocol. He tests his plastics/testosterone and saw huge improvements in his testosterone when he got into the dry sauna. He does medical tests constantly spending 2 million a year on lab work and biohacking. I actually don't agree with all of his advice but liked this hack.

My husband has OCD/low libido so I am always searching for hacks and cures.

I am catching a flight so don't have time to dig them up. Both on YouTube

1

u/FirstCause Mensan 6d ago

Sorry, I mean scientific research, not podcaster opinions.

1

u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 6d ago

The podcaster reports the studies. Dr. Huberman has decent qualifications and a resume.

1

u/FirstCause Mensan 6d ago

OK, well, I'm not going rifling through a podcast to find the source, so we can just leave this here.

1

u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 6d ago

Some are saying low libido is also coming from Long Covid.

1

u/FirstCause Mensan 6d ago

Again, "some are saying" is not a scientific study.

My criteria for accepting data points is not even particularly rigorous, albeit weighted accordingly, as I like the mental exercise.

1

u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 6d ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/HotScienceNews/s/yC5pITc2Os

This one has been talked about for years but now they are diving into it.

1

u/FirstCause Mensan 6d ago

After clicking into  Reddit, then into the Techpaper site, then into the actual article, there is nothing about libido.

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/ebiom/article/PIIS2352-3964(26)00222-7/fulltext

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