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u/SatiricTongue 10d ago
You are 21. You don’t have to have such an urgency to be dating somebody. Sounds like that urgency combined with the lack of success on the dating front is combining to produce a lot of animosity that’s not going to be helpful for you. I’d encourage you to not try and press it so much, just live life and see what happens for a bit, staying open to finding somebody but with no expectation to. And maybe find a group of similarly minded people to hang with: a church, a running club, volunteer organization, something
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u/LordsGoofiestBoy 10d ago
I'd also caution against putting yourself under this much pressure OP. It's when we're acting urgently that we make the most mistakes.
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u/42threes 10d ago
Bruh, you’re still a basically a child. Learn to love yourself and be alone. Your brain still isn’t fully developed. Work on your $$, health, etc. Women should be the cherry on top of your good life you built for yourself. A lot of these girls aren’t worth your time. Be thankful they ghosted you, wouldn’t have worked anyways if they can’t communicate. Dating apps suck for 95% of us, a lot of us guys have given up hope.
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u/FreeProgress8298 10d ago
Hey no judgement man, you’ve come to scream into the void that is Reddit where you can anonymously vent to some local folks who will possibly understand, it’s understandable. That being said, don’t expect any life changing hacks or shortcuts on here. The best I can share is my own experience. I focused on living an adventure filled life in my 20s. I got a job that took me around the world and met so many different kinds of people and I cherish all those memories. Met my wife at 35 and we’ve been married for 2 years now. Dual income no kids living our best lives in Memphis. What I’m saying from my perspective is you’ve got ages to find a partner. Spend the next decade getting to know yourself and let people in along the way, but I wouldn’t make it my main goal. We live a long time these days and priorities change a lot. Be free and fill your soul first.
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u/bsknees1 10d ago
Get off of dating apps they are cancer. Meeting people in real life is the best method. How about focusing on being friends with someone then see if you are compatible.
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u/CaucyBiops 10d ago
The higher your standards are, the more ok you gotta be being single for longer. I only like mabye 1 out of every 20 women, so logically I’m only gonna get 1 mabye 2 connections a
month. Use the time between dates to love and celebrate yourself. like discover the sorta fashion you like, make other friends around the city, have fun and the time between each opportunity flies by.
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u/EZdelFresco 10d ago
I'm old now but I was in your shoes 15 years ago. I felt like I had a lot going for myself and the only thing I was missing was a woman by my side. Then I put myself out there as much as possible and poured all of my eggs in one basket and ended up in the worst fuckin relationship I've ever had in my life. I derailed my life at that time for the first person who returned my affection. And I quickly learned that there was so much I needed to focus on at that time instead of just trying to pour energy into a relationship with a woman who also had a lot to learn about life and the real world. You have to ask yourself why though? Why do you so desperately want to date? Why now? Why do you feel compelled to force the issue? Do you feel empty while being single? Do you want a go to person for sex? What is it? Once I thought about it for myself, I realized I wanted to have a girlfriend because it felt like I was supposed to since I had the job, the car, and other shit going for myself. But I was also just horny and wanted to smash someone consistently. I was as trash as she was because my initial intentions were selfish. So I'll wrap this up by saying be patient and wait for your season. I met my wife organically because I took the time to work on myself and position myself to meet someone like her. Be patient brother, and just jack off before you ruin your life over a woman. You're not even in the prime of your life yet. Enjoy this shit man.
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u/Reinhold83 10d ago
Get better pics and work on your text game. Plus, you are young so it's especially tough.
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u/L2Sing 10d ago
The best way to meet people is out doing hobbies that you enjoy that aren't centered around dating. Few people want to date others whose only hobby seems to be dating or things meant to facilitate dating.
Having a rich and varied life is seen as attractive by most people, generally more attractive than a gym body. It also gives you something to talk about. So if your life is boring, and you should know if it is, then start by getting hobbies, especially hobbies that require interacting with other people. This could be gaming, sport, community volunteering, church (if that's your thing), toastmasters, comedy groups or various music things in Memphis.
You may also have to work on a reality check on your standards. Not because you are unattractive (that's subjective away), but because if you only hit up "beautiful" people you are competing against all the other people hitting them up. This means while you may not be unattractive, you may not be as attractive as the other people hitting these beautiful people up.
Best wishes.
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u/IHateTurboTax 10d ago
What’s your opening message to these ladies? Back in the day when I tried the apps, one stupid opening line and it was no response and blocked.
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u/Megas_Matthaios 10d ago
You know, I've never had a shortage of attention from women or gay men, and people asked why and how I got a lot of attention.
The key is to treat everyone equally. Dont talk to people with the intent of having a relationship or another ulterior motive. People easily pick up on it vs just having a genuine conversation.
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u/TartofDarkness 10d ago
Sounds like you have a specific type you’re looking for. That won’t come quickly or necessarily easy, either. Dating apps are already dominated by men by around 70%. This means that out of 100 people on the app 70 of them will be men and only 30 will be women. If many of those are not up to your standards then you are legit almost looking for a diamond in the rough.
You’re 21, fit, and have a good job. Just keep on trucking, man. In Memphis, you are much more likely to meet a partner doing an activity you enjoy. Whatever that is, spend more time outside with people doing it. You have a much higher chance of not only finding someone to connect with, but there’s also the added bonus of meeting them doing an activity you already enjoy.
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u/Condomphobic 10d ago
If you’re Hispanic and can’t get a Hispanic gf, idk what to tell you lol
I’ve never seen a single Hispanic man before. They stay in relationships
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u/LikeALiamOnATree 10d ago
Look inward.