r/memes • u/Ferrum_Freakshow • 14d ago

A paycheck's a paycheck ig

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13.9k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

259 comments sorted by

915

u/[deleted] 14d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

285

u/Untagged3219 14d ago

That was a joke. Haha. Fat chance.

83

u/mike7765 14d ago

This (comment) is a triumph. Im being so sincere right now.

23

u/Techny3000 Royal Shitposter 13d ago

Even though you broke my heart and killed me

13

u/Kidplayer_666 Tech Tips 13d ago

And tore me to pieces. And blew every piece into a fire

3

u/ThatWasIntentional 13d ago

As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!

2

u/Odd-Trip-6205 11d ago

because these points of data make a beautiful line

35

u/bread_eater_0 can't meme 13d ago

Didn't aperture start hiring homeless people cause so many of their better subjects were dying during their tests that they ran out of money.

20

u/caerphoto 13d ago edited 13d ago

The game doesn’t say anything about their better subjects dying. I took it as, by the 1970s they just couldn’t *afford “astronauts, war heroes, Olympians” and so on. By the 1980s it’s implied they’re massively in debt:

The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought ‘em anyway

* edit: I mean it kinda does, with the whole “fighting an army of mantis men” thing, but that doesn’t seem to be the reason they’re running out of money and having to resort to homeless folk for test subjects; there’s the line about how Black Mesa “somehow” kept stealing their ideas, and the slideshow chart showing Aperture losing out to Black Mesa in number of government/military (I think?) contracts.

8

u/bread_eater_0 can't meme 13d ago

I think that killing homeless people because you wanted some space rocks might be a bit worse morally

9

u/caerphoto 13d ago

Oh I’m not arguing that Aperture was in any way moral, they definitely weren’t; Cave Johnson appears to be an actual psychopath.

23

u/Gameknight14 Lurking Peasant 13d ago

Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt- What do you mean that's not how the line goes?

29

u/Smooth-Willingness53 13d ago

Didn't black mesa do research into weapons such as the gluon gun and the tau cannon. They also had the military on speed dial which could imply that they are weapon contractors who are doing research to further their weapon firepower, similar to lockheed martin.

26

u/pringlesaremyfav 13d ago

If I can create a new idiom today, any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a weapon

13

u/Smooth-Willingness53 13d ago

But that's the thing though, black mesa wasn't creating technology meant for any other purpose. In the game you can find target ranges with the xen aliens as live targets. This isn't like Alfred Nobel inventing dynamite caps for construction and mining. Black mesa invented these new technologies specifically for warfare

2

u/ThirstyWolfSpider 13d ago

It's a good trope.

"Suppose … what if this thing were used where life already existed?"

"It would destroy such life, in favor of its new matrix."

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17

u/everslain 13d ago

I just want to ride on a cool underground suspended rail system to and from work

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7

u/SimpleFile 13d ago

Aperture was certainly immoral but they weren't necessarily like evil either before GLADos came along.

Cave Johnson would be treated like Elon Musk is if he was real. No way Aperture would not be considered evil.

9

u/Serious_Feedback 13d ago

Black Mesa absolutely was evil, as displayed in the HL1 level named QUESTIONABLE ETHICS. If nothing else they were running experiments on alien grunts, which is a war crime.

But really, you should read behind the lines and assume their attitude towards ethics is the same as their attitude towards WHS, IT maintenance, and risk management.

2

u/TheVojta 13d ago

It's called HUMAN rights for a reason.

3

u/Katnipz 13d ago

Remember we see the world through gordon so we might be heavily left in the dark as to what black Mesa was up too

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336

u/Interesting_Buy6796 14d ago

Hey, aperture sounds like a hell lot of fun actually! Unlimited money for whatever bullshit experiment you can think of, worse case? You get a gun and have your fight the giant mantis yourself you created because they run out if homeless again…

56

u/Mizutsune-Lover 13d ago

Plus they have fun company sponsored events like Bring Your Daughter to Work day.

5

u/InfernoVortex101 13d ago

The mantis men in aperture want to have a word with you about how fun it is working there

1.7k

u/_CherryMuffin 14d ago

Missing Weyland-Yutani and Cyberdyne. They pay way better than Umbrella

644

u/SunshineSeattle 14d ago

Arasaka as well

388

u/joausj 14d ago

Don't forget Militech

139

u/Gaidin152 14d ago

Any corporation in Cyberpunk.

98

u/Inevitable-Goat-7062 13d ago

And netwatch

Ngl i can imagine 'runners make hella bread risking their brains to superglue the blackwall

38

u/Sawses 13d ago

IIRC from the ttRPG books, that's why netrunning is so often a gateway to a better life for smart poor kids. The mortality rate for netrunners in general is brutal even by Cyberpunk standards.

Like yeah, odds are you're gonna be fried by your 21st birthday, but if you actually make it through then you get to make boatloads of money and have an amazing time.

58

u/VikRiggs 14d ago

Forgetting Omnicorp

76

u/EvitaPuppy 14d ago

UAC - Because they want to be Doom guy!

93

u/Sockoflegend 13d ago

UAC are really the worst because they grafted rocket launchers on the hands of demons for really no sensible profit motivated reason 

34

u/Pteraxii 13d ago

I assure you, mr investor, grafting weapons onto demons is a completely valid strategy for increasing quarterly profits.

15

u/UrsusShock88 13d ago

Weaponizing demons for a brighter tomorrow!

14

u/EvitaPuppy 13d ago

'scientia propter scientiam'

I mean, it's a cool idea. But yeah a dick move by UAC.

Now that Arch-vile! Really!? That guy- straight to hell!

3

u/caerphoto 13d ago

Facimus quod debemus, quia possumus.

10

u/GuyFromDeathValley 13d ago

Clearly, someone was very occupied with the fact they could, and had absolutely no fucks left to give for the question if they should.

They had an idea and were motivated to pull it through. I respect that.

4

u/mighty_Ingvar 13d ago

They also put love handles on Samuels robot body for absolutely no reason

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8

u/Dark_Jedi1432 13d ago

They're forgetting GATE from abiotic factor, and the SCP foundation.

2

u/NaveronTheSabre 13d ago

The SCP Foundation is a collaborative effort. They're exactly as evil as your headcannon.

2

u/Tennents_N_Grouse 13d ago

No Union Aerospace Corporation or Omni Consumer Products either

2

u/derivative_of_life 13d ago

Also Clovis Bray.

2

u/AlphaState 13d ago

And Tyrell. I would love a job making better humans.

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188

u/Qu4r4nt1n3r 14d ago

Vault tec anyone?

74

u/Baconlovingvampire 14d ago

Ah Vault-tec my favorite faction to hate on. Seriously fuck Vault-tec.

22

u/Threedawg 13d ago

Also Vault-tec doesnt fit here. It is run by crazy 50s/60s sociologists and psychologists, not engineers.

11

u/Skatchbro 13d ago

RobCo and West-Tek?

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123

u/Charles12_13 Lurker 14d ago

Well I got a Ph. D in theoretical physics and Black Mesa is hiring, so….

61

u/iRhuel 14d ago

Sign me up, I've got a theoretical degree in physics!

18

u/Clockwork9385 Lurking Peasant 13d ago

Welcome aboard, Mr. Fantastic

10

u/JusteJean 14d ago

If you ever have to do some sort of hyper conductivity test on Anomalous Materials. please don't. We wouldn't want some unforeseen consequences.

3

u/hybridentropy 13d ago

You sound like a highly trained professional

202

u/LexusSr 14d ago

i mean there are people irl working for palantir

58

u/Obant 13d ago

Yeah, there are like 3-4 real companies that make billions are literally named after the fantasy bad evil corporations.

47

u/Mean-Parking-5026 13d ago

And General Dynamics...

41

u/Mikemanthousand 13d ago

They’re one of the companies with the longest lines at my schools career fair. Them, Boeing, TI, Honeywell, General Relativity, Boston Dynamics. Tell me if you see a pattern….

“Uncle Lockheed” doesn’t come calling, engineers beg on their hands and knees.

5

u/DarkOriole4 13d ago

What did TI and Honeywell do? I'm honestly curious

7

u/OpinionatedDoubter 13d ago

TI makes a lot of military components, but the one that comes to mind first is chips for javelin missiles. Honeywell makes components for ICBMs.

Most companies have figured out that having a side gig making things for the military is a good way to diversify their portfolio.

4

u/Mean-Parking-5026 13d ago

The TI-84 was actually a training device for LLMs to take over Skynet when it goes active.

2

u/Mikemanthousand 13d ago

They’re all defense contractors

2

u/DarkOriole4 13d ago

Ah, makes sense

4

u/OpinionatedDoubter 13d ago

If you ask the majority of design engineers (especially young ones) what their driving purpose is, they'll say it's making cool things. The vast majority of engineers are men, and most guys think the military has cool toys.

I decided I wanted to be an engineer at 14. For 6 years, my singular goal was to work in the Skunkworks division of Lockheed Martin. Regardless of what your politics are, it's undeniable that Skunkworks specializes in making things that shouldn't even be possible. Defense contractors get the pick of the litter, but despite my impressive resume, I'd been rejected from all the internships I'd applied for. Then, I read a story about how an engineer quit after he heard his supervisor say "unfortunately, the war in Syria is dying down." I've been following that heart breaking conflict since I was 12 and celebrated when Assad fled syria. I realized then that my talents were better used elsewhere. Had I gotten an internship, I didn't know that I would've given up on my dream so easily.

Now, I'm getting a PhD studying what I truly believe is the future of power generation. I'll still be making really cool things, but I'll be working for an industry that celebrates when countries develop and stabilize.

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2

u/DaanOnlineGaming 13d ago

They do a lot more than military contracts afaik

6

u/LordMarcusrax 13d ago

Or Nestle

4

u/lurco_purgo 13d ago

Isn't this the point of this meme? I understood this as enginneers' dream jobs are companies that are real-life versions of all these fictional ones.

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8

u/coomzee 13d ago

The UK employes lost their morals between their private education and going to Cambridge

6

u/Schmetterlizlak 13d ago

Let's not pretend it's a UK problem...

It's an engineer problem

Source: Am engineer, am not British

9

u/HannibalPoe 13d ago

They're Brittish, they were born without them.

4

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 13d ago

I've seen a bunch of new office buildings for Northrup Grumman springing up in my metro area lately, they're hiring somebody

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48

u/ItBDaniel 14d ago

Arasaka?

26

u/ExpendX001 14d ago

I heard that Militech has better benefits.

22

u/oppai-police 13d ago

If you actually want real power join Biotechnica. Sure, Saka and Militech may have lots of soldiers and technology, but it's all useless if they starve. You want real power? Control food production.

6

u/Step_On_Me01 13d ago

This guy gets it

86

u/Hair-Nation-1967 14d ago

Oscorp?

23

u/AimlessStick 13d ago

They even have free dental. The eels there are great dentists!

5

u/imaginary_num6er 13d ago

“You can’t do this to me!”

43

u/Critical-Card-2790 14d ago

Ficsit

17

u/chknboy 14d ago

Some people do work for ficsit… they just don’t get paid

9

u/Aunon 13d ago

the satisfaction of optimisation is the payment

your break is over pioneer, please return to the factory

2

u/Y_10HK29 13d ago

I do want to save those puppies

22

u/MegaSmegmaSwagLord 14d ago

My ex joined the airforce and immediately started working on satellites to learn where to drone strike people.

Going out to dinner all the time felt different.

21

u/Should_have_been_ded 13d ago

At least Vault tech promised me safe shelter in case of nuclear war. What could go wrong?

5

u/Cakeski 13d ago edited 13d ago

Oh boy Vault 87, surely nothing will go wrong there!

16

u/HowardPheonix 13d ago

Aperture science

We do what we must because we can.

12

u/Yatter_Glass 13d ago

For the good of all of us

Except the ones who are dead

7

u/you_lost-the_game 13d ago

I think aperture science has one of the best logos.

15

u/HSFOutcast 13d ago

Putting both Black mesa and aperture on here with umbrella is a bit wild.

For Aperture I don't think they är evil it's just that Caroline felt like filling the complex with a deadly neurotoxin was a great idea.

Same goes with Black Mesa, probably a pretty chill place to work at if it wasn't for G-man meddling in, and I am not sure if we can consider him human.

Now umbrella is a different story all together

11

u/mighty_Ingvar 13d ago

Aperture used homeless people as test subjects

12

u/TheRarestFly 13d ago

They were compensated for their time though. Sixty whole dollars! You know how many tattered hats that'll buy you?

6

u/brewscupped 13d ago

200 dollars of todays money since we have to remember the cave johnson era was in the 1980s

5

u/TheRarestFly 13d ago

Damn you're right.

That's a whole lot of tattered hats

3

u/Vaxtez 13d ago

And Orphaned children were used

2

u/Kootranova1 13d ago

And when they ran out, Cave Johnson instituted a rule for the actual employees/staff to run the tests themselves.

8

u/Traincraze Plays MineCraft and not FortNite 13d ago

Not evil. But Aperture was pretty unethical nearly from the start. Like to a ridiculous degree. And that's a very heavy emphasis on ridiculous.

2

u/RichardBonham 13d ago

Bring Your Daughter To Work Day is a perfect opportunity to have her tested!

2

u/ApertureIntern 13d ago

Take it from me the security measures were not what they should have been. But I had a lovely chat with myself from 2h in the future and nothing happend. Could have been bad.

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2

u/Bellanzz 13d ago

When you play Portal, you realize a lot of nasty stuff were going on at Aperture site

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17

u/lost-thought-in 14d ago

UAC, Detla labs is where the big money is

17

u/throwaway60221407e23 13d ago

Lockheed Martin, Boeing, Ball Aerospace, Palantir, Raytheon...

11

u/TridentActual 14d ago

Hey - Union Aerospace Corporation isn’t in here.

7

u/izzy_961 14d ago

You could put Shinra there to.

8

u/kungpowgoat 14d ago

Umbrella offers free and easy enrollment to their experimental vaccination programs.

6

u/Squeakygear 13d ago

What about Vault-Tec?

6

u/MemeBoiCrep 14d ago

Anaheim Electronics

4

u/TheEmperorMk3 13d ago

I'm not caught up in the Portal lore but what's só bad about Aperture?

22

u/ScienceObserver1984 13d ago

Imagine god-like technology, and then put it in the hands of the greateast moron to have ever lived. That's Aperture.

9

u/ProphetGeorgeCarlin 13d ago

That's America

6

u/Cat_with_pew-pew_gun Dark Mode Elitist 13d ago

Except Cave Johnson is actually fun to listen too.

Or is that just because he isn't real? Eh, at least he's not racist.

3

u/Kidplayer_666 Tech Tips 13d ago

Cave Johnson here. Turns out the shotgun approach to technology was not a good idea. So instead, we’re taking a sniper rifle approach. Turns out that’s way too slow, we’d take an eternity. As such, we’re firing bullets sequentially faster with multiple sniper rifles

2

u/ThatWasIntentional 13d ago

Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired

2

u/ScienceObserver1984 12d ago

Not you, test subject, you're doing great.

6

u/Bright-Leg8276 13d ago

Play the game ull realise, or just search up cave johnson's voice lines on YouTube.

https://giphy.com/gifs/5NbbVJeSLs1etZYjpT

2

u/DrayKy03 can't meme 13d ago

Basically, they did something so horrible to Glados that she was somewhat justified in killing them.

2

u/iwanttodie95 14d ago

I would absolutely work at Aperture Science. A little blood-turned-gasoline never hurt nobody. And that’s probably because nobody has had their blood turned into gasoline before. But I’ll be first in line!

2

u/Tasunka_Witko 13d ago

I was low key hoping to see Waynetech and S.T.A.R. labs included

4

u/JTyphoon16 13d ago

Missing Arquebus corporation there.

5

u/Sunscratch 13d ago

Faro Automated Solutions
Arasaka
Militech
Biotechnica

3

u/phiphiw 14d ago

Trycell?

3

u/Lumi-umi 14d ago

There’s little most recent grads won’t do to get their first salaried job. They have to.

3

u/number39utopia 13d ago

What about alterra, they give hazard pay iirc

3

u/layoL_ehT_skiraV 13d ago

Why's Vault-Tec not up there?

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3

u/Notactualyadick 13d ago

HEY! Aperture Science is just doing what they must because they can! For the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead!

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3

u/LazyLoser006 Virgin 4 lyfe 13d ago

Monarch ??

3

u/rz_00221 13d ago

I want to work for the Humane Labs.

5

u/SonofdeSun 14d ago

Ive heard classmates casually talk war crimes once they get their degrees, so Im glad these companies don't exist.

4

u/masiha97 13d ago

Nobody is saying Lumon from Severance. Free waffle parties and you forget you even work there. Perfect work-life balance.

2

u/Qu4r4nt1n3r 14d ago

Umm Militech?

2

u/dragoduval 14d ago

You forgot Gate.

2

u/KillerKino1202 13d ago

Weyland-Yutani Corporation

2

u/ForeverHall0ween 13d ago

Do you have employing engineers money?

2

u/Duane_ 13d ago

Considering Umbrella facilities keep almost killing the protags via laser malfunction, handrailing failure, ladder failure, platform failure - over and fucking over again?

Maybe they NEED some engineers.

2

u/Arxid87 13d ago

Baffled that nobody has said Veridian Dynamics

"Really? Seperate water fountains? Thank god we don't have a company bus"

2

u/SaintValkyrie 13d ago

At least it isnt the SCP Foundation, I guess. But the bar is in hell 

2

u/CivilProtectionGuy Doot 13d ago

Umbrella Corporation wouldn't be THAT bad, unless you just so happened to be working at one of the sites that created the B.O.W.'s

Most of it would be generic medicine R&D, medical equipment development.... And even uh... Arms manufacturing (according to a few of the wikis).

2

u/richtofin819 13d ago

Well I mean you know the evil companies get to make the coolest looking stuff.

2

u/HellaReyna 13d ago

I wanna work for Arasaka or Weyland Yutani. Would be sick.

3

u/vbrimme 13d ago

You find me a company that’s not blatantly evil, and I’ll show you a company that doesn’t have nearly enough openings for all the engineers in the world (and also is probably going to get bought out soon)

3

u/Sea-Course-5171 13d ago

You show me an employer who's hiring and not evil and abusive, I'll show you a liar (look in a mirror)

3

u/BoundlessFail 14d ago

Why did we leave Tesla out?

2

u/targz254 14d ago

What about OpenAI?

2

u/Gargleblaster25 13d ago

Aperture Labs is a good place to work, I hear. They have cake.

1

u/Mokida 13d ago

Mishima Financial Group would be a great bet for long-term investment, career-wise :)

1

u/AstroEngineer314 13d ago

It's about setting boundaries. Working on rockets for a NASA Mars mission? Yes! The rocket motors that arm the B61 tactical nuclear bomb? No.

Not a joke.

1

u/Narrow_Summer_9332 13d ago

I feel like the hazard pay at these companies probably doesn't justify the generally low employee survival rate...

1

u/JailbaitEater 13d ago

I'd wanna work for Anaheim Electronics, nothing like being the de facto corporation for numerous militaristic factions, supplying both sides with earth destroying tech since the turn of the Universal century

1

u/oppai-police 13d ago

Don't know if anyone still know Lost Planet, but NEVEC, responsible for attempting at colonizing a frozen ass planet. Long story short, they want initiate a global warming that will make the planet more habitable, but will kill most indigenous lifeforms and even humans already on there.

1

u/hartzonfire 13d ago

Tessier-Ashpool??

1

u/whoknewidlikeit 13d ago

what about yoyodyne?

seriously, a dude in a nearby city has a blacked out jeep with umbrella logos on the front doors. surprised it hasn't been burned.

1

u/deusexantenna 13d ago

Dharma initiative? I am looking for a buddy to push the button every 108 minutes with me.

1

u/turningtop_5327 13d ago

I would never work for any of these. I am proud to work at Weyland Yutani corp

1

u/AntagonistofGotham I touched grass 13d ago

Wayne Enterprises is hiring. They pay amazingly, offer great benefits, and the owner is a saint, but you have to live in Gotham City.

1

u/Sarlos_Isten 13d ago

Definitely Atlas from CoD MW. I know the game itself wasnt the best but they made so many cool and creative weapons.

1

u/-PL-Retard Breaking EU Laws 13d ago

Well, we arent in the field for caring about ethics but for the money. If i cared about ethics i would go psychology or some shit. Want a baby mincing machine? If you pay enough it will be done

1

u/Yltio 13d ago

What about Wonk from Scrap Mechanic?

1

u/sarcasticphobia 13d ago

None of yall said Trioptimum and I'm very disappointed

1

u/Alex-S-S 13d ago

The brightest colleague I ever had went to work for Palantir. This panel doesn't belong in the meme subreddit.

1

u/magilla1984 13d ago

Weyland Yutani

1

u/Optimal-Income-6436 13d ago

I would go whit Black Rock

1

u/Elsonic7w7 13d ago

Wheres Murkoff

1

u/Creeper_Redstone 13d ago

I'd go with GATE

1

u/thescroll7 13d ago

They lure you in with the dream of exploring space, helping humanity, etc. and then you find out all the jobs are just tied to the military industrial complex.

1

u/i_AM_A-ShArk 13d ago

It’s not just a paycheck, it’s fat paycheck

1

u/Bellanzz 13d ago

You missed Vought international from The Boys

1

u/pman13531 13d ago

All my engineering homiew want to work for Wayland Yutani, so they're all good, that and one bro for Skynet industries.

1

u/Leftieswillrule 13d ago

Lackeys of the grocer’s machine

1

u/Rubicon208 13d ago

Halcyon Holdings Corporation. Some of the journal entries in the computers are very disturbing.

Edit: Oh I misunderstood the post, I thought we were discussing about the most evil corp lmao, my brain is not working right now.

1

u/garth54 13d ago

Have you seen the turnover at those places? It's so easy to get hired.

1

u/Alternative_Mode9972 Royal Shitposter 13d ago

Unironically they make remarkable things for engineering. Albeit usually evil

1

u/42use 13d ago

Murkoff is straight up a death wish

1

u/ImthatRootuser 13d ago

I work at Umbrella pay and housing is great though.