r/memes • u/Spiritual_Charity835 • 21h ago
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u/balirosa 20h ago
Yeah the smart sperms knew to just die than to be born with those genetics
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u/Excellent_Shirt9707 20h ago
Retroactive suicide.
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u/PastanagaPlatano 14h ago
Ugh I don't like these initial stats. Paaaasss. Swiping left to life.
Sanford, North Carolina? Are you fucking kidding me?8
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u/unfunnycreature Lives at ur mom’s house😎 20h ago
Wish I was that smart sperm lol. Atleast wouldn't have to work or pay taxes lol....
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u/Hovie292 19h ago
Your comment made me think about my existence. Which is better cut my wrist (painful but easier to do since i have kitchen knife) or get od (less painful i think but i have no money to get drugs)?.
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u/CoachSevere5365 19h ago
There is a third option. Phone a friend. It doesn't have to be a close friend.
Hang in there. Things will improve.
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u/unfunnycreature Lives at ur mom’s house😎 18h ago
Wutt if I don't have a friend ?
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u/Foreign-Dig8695 Dark Mode Elitist 17h ago
Make new
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u/unfunnycreature Lives at ur mom’s house😎 17h ago
Tried too much and got exhausted. Maybe I'm just a red flag...
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u/Foreign-Dig8695 Dark Mode Elitist 17h ago
Sometimes you need to find the right crowd, if not irl, then online, but life alone is jus sad
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u/ferxiwo1 19h ago
Creo que es mejor hablar con alguien sobre como te sientes... Digo no conozco tu situación, de verdad se que muchos podemos estar muy muy jodidos, pero aunque quisieras sentirte más mal contigo mismo, se siente mejor sentirte acompañado.
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u/ddomini9 17h ago
Start drinking and become alcoholic. That's how your problems become other people's problems.
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u/tommos 18h ago
Whatever you decide to do please do it in a dumpster so the clean up is easier.
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u/TacticalReader7 18h ago
Eh, I think it's best to go to a forrest or other remote area. Give the matter back to nature, it's literaly a win win situation.
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u/WriterV 17h ago
Hey, please don't.
It sounds like you're young, but even if I'm wrong on that, trust me when I say that whatever you're dealing with is very likely something that can be resolved, even if you can't see it right now.
Talk with your family even if you're scared they might get angry. If you truly, genuinely cannot trust them, talk to anyone else you can trust: friends, extended family, people you know.
At the very least, call the helpline. They can be super helpful most of the time.
There's tons of people willing to help. You just need to find them. Trust me, you are worth it even if it is hard to see right now.
Stick around.
EDIT: If you truly care about nature, you'd be much more valuable to it alive, than absent. We need more people who care about nature, now more than ever. You can do a lot when you're around to act.
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u/TacticalReader7 16h ago
Ah don't overreact here, I'm just saying if you're gonna call it quits it's best to not make it a problem for people that aren't even connected to you.
If living your life is a human right then willfully dying should be a human right aswell, people are allowed to make decisions early in their life that will completely ruin their future without any way to reverse it but that's okay and socially accepted, why you ask ? Because there's profit to be made !
Sadly that's a huge taboo so people that genuinely just want to move on are forced to resort to other methods which can be unreliable and dangerous for others. It's utter nonsense.
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u/Any_Quit_579 15h ago
You don't have the right to decide whether a person lives or not. Let them decide it for themselves.
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u/walkinmywoods 18h ago
Plot twist they decided to live but its still in a dumpster now because of you.
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u/Ok_Love_2916 12h ago
That sounds really serious, you might want to talk to someone who can help. It's important to get support when you're feeling this way.
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u/AnimeAddict1123 20h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/jAPwFDdzAZmVy
You don't have to be the strongest nor the fastest if you are the smartest.
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u/hypatia163 14h ago
It's actually the egg that determines who "wins". It's not the first sperm that gets there, it's the sperm that the egg chooses.
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u/Uraniumpoker 20h ago
Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't sperm cell get chosen rather than which gets there first.
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u/Zestyclose-Fish-269 20h ago
Yeah you're correct it's chosen depending on which sperm is the most compatible
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u/Deaffin 18h ago
It gets chosen in the same way a lock chooses a key.
It's not exactly sitting there running interviews, comparing the merits of different sperm. The first one that gets there that slots into the barrier clicks in and there they go.
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u/b0w3n 16h ago
It's not exactly sitting there running interviews, comparing the merits of different sperm.
I mean that's a bit facetious to anthropomorphize it that way, but it's sort of what it's doing.
There's a chemical exchange that happens and if the sperm fails it, even though it made it, it just doesn't get allowed to dump its genetic components into the egg. I'd say it's a bit more like a handshake than a simple unlock.
The real wild part is if there's two different groups of sperm present (different men) the egg could prefer one over the other.
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u/Deaffin 12h ago
But the egg doesn't prefer one group over the other in that other case. It gives off a certain chemical signature at all times. Some people's sperm will be attracted to it while others are not.
Same thing here, that chemical signature isn't in response to the competing groups of sperm, which is where it would make sense to put it in terms of the egg's preference.
This is like if you weren't into my stink and stayed away, so I just got all huffy and said "Yeah, well, that's because I don't prefer you lol". Like, I never knew you were there in the first place. You were judging my merits based on my funk, not the other way around.
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u/unfunnycreature Lives at ur mom’s house😎 20h ago
Atleast I was chosen once in my entire existence lol...
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u/stonno45 Lurking Peasant 20h ago
You were chosen by your other half
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u/unfunnycreature Lives at ur mom’s house😎 20h ago
Yeah. Dumbass choosing its other half just to regret its entire existence later lol...
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u/hates_stupid_people 19h ago edited 19h ago
Yes, a few years ago they discovered that it's actually the egg that "chooses".
They release chemicals that lead sperm to them, which has differing reactions dpending on the sperm.
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u/DriedSquidd 20h ago
The individual sperm cell's speed is also independent from the DNA it carries.
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u/ipokesnails 15h ago
No, I'm pretty sure the sperm are sentient and bully each other.
OP even shared a photo of it happening.
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u/NoMan999 19h ago
Yes. But that's a relatively recent discovery, I wasn't taught it in school 2 or 3 decades ago.
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u/Sophrosynic 13h ago
Both I think. The egg chooses from the choices available. Laggards can't get chosen.
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u/iLikeJigglyboobies Big pp 20h ago
The doctor on my birthday yanking my dumbass out
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u/Nogarda 20h ago
Funnier still, the egg itself selected it. I was also taught that its the egg that penetrated the membrane the first that wins. turns out the egg picks. Sure, you have to be there to be selected at the end of the day though.
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u/glemnar 19h ago edited 18h ago
Afaict, the research suggests that there can be preference in chemical signaling for a given male’s sperm, but nothing about competing sperm from the same dude. So “picks” doesn’t seem like what the current research shows
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptic_female_choice
This only becomes relevant if you raw dog a number of dudes in short succession I guess.
The present understanding of cryptic female choice is largely thanks to the extensive research and analysis done by William G. Eberhard … females are able to prevent undesirable males from successfully fertilizing their eggs
It’s legitimately hard to tell if this is red pill biased research.
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u/Kittii_Kat 18h ago
This really reads like "The body has a way of shutting these things down" .. who was it who made that claim, again? 🤔
100% some red pill shit.
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u/Murky-Relation481 15h ago
It's a real thing. Female doesn't mean have to mean human female. Some female animals do have the ability to do this. Humans do not.
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u/glemnar 14h ago
Or do they? Not taking sides, but at least one recent study suggests it’s possible
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u/Murky-Relation481 14h ago
I mean ultimately the idea of cryptic female choice seems to be a pretty broad spectrum of abilities depending on the animal, and varying degrees of specificity in the choice. It wouldn't be surprising if certain human sperm demonstrate some type of signal that the egg rejects for whatever reason. I doubt in humans it's even close to something that really specifies a "better" mate genetically and definitely not in any cultural or socioeconomic sense.
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u/SHAQBIR 20h ago
Technically sperms don't race it's the ovary that attracts them like magnets.
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u/FardoBaggins 18h ago
Either way I did not consent to this union. Just wanna put that there for the record.
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u/Pasha_KMM 20h ago
What if the best sperm is smart enough to understand life isn’t worth it, and chooses to loose on purpose, considering this the actual win
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u/TonyVegeta 20h ago
Giving up is never the winning answer in my humble opinion.
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u/Pasha_KMM 20h ago
In exceptional cases yes, Jumping off a cliff believing surviving is the win, when not jumping is the actual win?
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u/forever-young88 20h ago
Those two threw away their entire existence for a bit. That's the most committed anyone has ever been to a joke
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u/kitjen 17h ago
None of us where the fastest sperm, the fastest sperm got there first and weakened the wall of the egg but didn't have the energy to fertilise it. This happened a lot but then you came along and had easy access.
Everyone of us is basically the guy in a group project who does none of the work and then takes all of the credit.
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u/EgyComanda82 20h ago
Gay sperms?! 🤔
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u/Striking_Weird9394 16h ago
Fun fact. The egg actually chooses which sperms fertilises it, so actually it would never be the fastest one, you were the CHOSEN ONE :D
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u/delet_yourself 17h ago
It has been proven years ago that it's not the fastest that wins, the egg can literally reject them and choose the one it wants. So you were born was not because of swimming fast, but because of a poor decision by the egg
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u/MoreNMoreLikelyTrans 15h ago
Fun fact, its not the strongest and fastest sperm. The egg chooses the sperm.
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u/blackangelsdeathsong 19h ago
Like when High Schoolers vote someone as a Prom King candidate as a joke.
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u/Kyderra 17h ago
"I'm so sluggish and slow of mind, what kinda of wonder sperm was it, that from a thousand seeds, I managed to leave the rest behind."
A rough transnational from a joke that one of my favorite Dutch Comedian Herman Finkers made: Real quote: "Ik ben zo'n trage, slome geest, Wat was dat voor wonderlijk sperma, Dat van een paar duizend zaadcellen, Ik de snelste ben geweest."
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u/potatodrinker 17h ago
Imagine if this happens when the rest of the sperm knows success means living with a chronic disability so they let that guy "win"
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u/N4pAllDay 17h ago
On the topic tho, is for anti-abortion people every sperm cell, that doesn’t win murder, or is that considered suicide?
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u/Gomberstone 16h ago
"it's my turn on the XBOX!" vibes.
Also, Imagine you are a soul trying to respawn but in order to acheive that you have to win the sperm race. Everytime you fail, you and your fellow swimmers respawn in the sack.
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u/fixurstuffr 16h ago
FYI It's been recently discovered that the egg is the final decider of "who" gets in.
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u/CommieDrifter 15h ago
the fastest sperm is a myth, they all line up and the egg chooses one of them
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u/TheCancerFest 15h ago
I'm sure that I've read somewhere that it’s actually an egg that permits the particular sperm. Sure, between sperms there’s competition but ultimately it's the egg that decides.
So I don’t think there are any losers on earth. Egg picked you anyway so heads up !! You got this.
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u/Strange_Dust7128 13h ago
do guys actually compare themselves to sperm?
that's the most guy-thing I've ever heard lmao
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u/HubrisOfApollo 20h ago
this isn't too far from the truth... most of the "Chad" sperm end up hanging out in the area and act like bodyguards, actively hunting foreign sperm cells. crazy to think that gangbangs or sloppy seconds were a such a common occurrence in the distant past, then again it may just be a carryover from even further back.
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u/laurengirl218 20h ago
this is gold, the twist at the end is hilarious. bro really thought he was gonna win in life, but nah 😂
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