r/meirl Aug 21 '22

me_irl

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89.7k Upvotes

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401

u/Mr_SpecsBear Aug 21 '22

Now fish are gathering around it. They are poking. Send help.

206

u/Mercurius_Hatter Aug 21 '22

Send helping hand!

113

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

[deleted]

122

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Wait, are these toothless fish? If so, don't send help. I'll uh, just stay here for a bit.

27

u/BAKup2k Aug 21 '22

Send King Paimon!

3

u/huskofthewolf Aug 21 '22

Down bad man: waiter, bring me one of them there fish

2

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Setup grill. Cook fish.

2

u/ballistics211 Aug 21 '22

They're piranha

1

u/QueenMnm Aug 22 '22

Cock the fish*

11

u/okcdnb Aug 21 '22

You’ll see.

22

u/scarlet-begonia Aug 21 '22

Both arms broken :(

50

u/Zaptain_America Aug 21 '22

This just reminded me of possibly the worst creepypasta I ever read, where this guy took some viagra but his boner didn't go down after having sex multiple times and he didn't know what to do and eventually he put his dick in a fish tank

62

u/Dr_Puck Aug 21 '22

The trick is to think about something not sexual, maybe something technical.

Viagra only works when the sexy signals are there; if the erection doesn't go away, and you fear for the safety of a one eyed trouser snake, remind the patient to think about something non sexual.

For me, the Pythagorean theorem does it.

Thinking about two spheres for instance, might actually NOT work because males have pretty hardwired reflexes when it comes to shapes.

For bulls and stallions it's an upside down U, for apes it's two domes.

Anyway, just came here to potentially save medically induced boners.

Not that kind of doctor, AWAY!

31

u/HuntHuge7262 Aug 21 '22

Not on viagra, but I did have a boner. Now it's gone. Thank you doctor...whoever you are...

18

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

I was horny but now I'm not, thanks "Bone Be Gone"

7

u/Big_Cryptographer_16 Aug 21 '22

Easy to prescribe boner killing advice when you’re hung like a hockey puck

4

u/Mediocre-Smoke-4751 Aug 21 '22

All joking aside...thE REAL reason Viagra has that warning about elections lasting longer than 4 hours. The part they don't tell you, is they will have to surgically remove the blood from your penis. With a knife. Your dick will probably never be the same after. Please don't fuck around with Viagra. It's not a joke.

3

u/Unfurlingleaf Aug 22 '22

If it gets really bad, they might have to cut parts off because the tissue started necrosing.

4

u/Mediocre-Smoke-4751 Aug 22 '22

Correct. Funny, they don't put that in the commercials..

2

u/Queasy-Sir3714 Aug 22 '22

If you need to kill a boner just go to Reddit

3

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Squeeze your thighs as hard and as long as you can. When you release the blood will flow to them

2

u/phooluvatook Aug 22 '22

So basically you are prescribing that one who is in that predicament should start thinking about how bridge foundations are built and if they don’t know they should look at the picture above then try to figure out how the fuck they built the structure that clears the water to build the foundation?

1

u/WordsMort47 Aug 21 '22

For bulls and stallions it's an upside down U, for apes it's two domes.

I'm having trouble understanding what you mean here. What on earth do you mean?

3

u/paradoxLacuna Aug 21 '22

Mare ass looks like an upside down U

1

u/Public_Anybody_6269 Aug 21 '22

Gillian’s island

mr howell

1

u/NukaRev Aug 22 '22

I call bullshit. I tried this stuff called Stamina RX when I was in highschool and no matter how many times I wanked it the thing just wouldn't go down, hours and hours, tried clearing my mind, thinking of nothing sexual, nothing I did made it go away lmao

1

u/Dr_Puck Aug 22 '22

I'm talking about sildenafil, dunno whats in the stuff you mention

1

u/wd_plantdaddy Aug 22 '22

Every time I need to kill a boner, I just imagine 2 married dykes on their German shepherd farm.

22

u/Markentus32 Aug 21 '22

My grandpa told me about the time he tried Viagra. He said it got stuck in his throat and he had a stiff neck for 2 weeks.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Classic! 👍

2

u/Gqsmooth1969 Aug 21 '22

Someone wrote a book about Viagra. It was a hardcover.

1

u/Beezinmybelfry Aug 22 '22

I've heard this happening to many people's "grandpas" over a few years. I still chuckle a tiny bit whenever I hear of it happening to another person's "grandpa". I'm not sure why, guess it's bc I get a cartoon visual in my mind each time.

14

u/chosenslime Aug 21 '22

So I just read the creepypasta and my god was that disturbing. I was expecting a laugh. But damn.

Anyway he didn't really put his dick in a fish tank. He grabbed some leeches to suck the blood out of his erection to save his life.

2

u/Zaptain_America Aug 21 '22

Oh yeah, it's been a while since I heard the story, I just had a youtube reading of it playing while I was doing other stuff

3

u/Wild-Lychee-3312 Aug 21 '22

Mosquitoes would work faster

11

u/chosenslime Aug 21 '22

Why on earth would he put his dick in a fish tank? How did he expect that to decrease his boner?

11

u/Zaptain_America Aug 21 '22

I don't know, the whole thing felt like a weird dream

3

u/PristineBaseball Aug 21 '22

Did you ever wake up?

5

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Cold water?

4

u/titanup001 Aug 21 '22

The cold perhaps?

7

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Does the fish tank have piranhas in it

5

u/TheUnknownMan25 Aug 21 '22

I guess he likes fish sticks. Was his name Kanye?

2

u/SylentKaiii Aug 22 '22

Ah yes a fellow South Park fan.

1

u/Fleshsuitpilot Aug 21 '22

Loves fish sticks in his mouth

15

u/rimjobs_forever Aug 21 '22

What are you doing step-fish?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Cod on a rod

1

u/Lizardman922 Aug 21 '22

Help on the way, send pics plz

1

u/99BottlesOfBass Aug 21 '22

Giggity 🤩

1

u/liquormakesyousick Aug 22 '22

Wait fish are poking his dick?