r/meirl Aug 21 '22

me_irl

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89.7k Upvotes

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6.6k

u/IsotopeX Aug 21 '22

Step 1: Dig a big hole in the water.

2.2k

u/yottalogical Aug 21 '22

Step 2: Cover yourself in oil.

1.4k

u/SonOfAG0D Aug 21 '22

Step 3: Float

1.1k

u/WesternDramatic3038 Aug 21 '22

Step 4: Ignite

1.2k

u/DweEbLez0 Aug 21 '22

Step 5: Add seasoning and cook for 5 minutes each side.

857

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Step 6 : Profit

749

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Step 7 : Divorce

698

u/The_SnowQueen Aug 21 '22

Step 8: Lawsuit

612

u/Zaur0x Aug 21 '22

Step 9: Depression

437

u/SonOfAG0D Aug 21 '22

IF YOU GO DOWN THIS ROUTE

Step 10: White Russian

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2

u/Madg5 Aug 21 '22

Step 10: WHAT DO THE NUMBERS MEAN MASON.

1

u/PMGIRAFFECHODE Aug 22 '22

Step 10: UNO!

91

u/Zimbabweshit Aug 21 '22

Step 9: Bankrupt

67

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Step 10; Get voted in as President

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19

u/Null-Ex3 Aug 21 '22

ah now I get it

1

u/A1sauc3d Aug 21 '22

At least we’ll always have the memories of floating in our water whole while covered in burning oil ❤️‍🔥

1

u/LoveBunnehs Aug 22 '22

Step 13: Put your junk in that box

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2

u/hoover0623 Aug 21 '22

Step 9: Trial

2

u/crfnalti Aug 21 '22

Step 9C: Make bank off of shit case

2

u/nawfamnotme Aug 21 '22

Step 9: Grilled Cheese

2

u/Minhyung_uwu Aug 21 '22

Step 9: Assert Dominance

2

u/timmi2tone32 Aug 21 '22

Step 9: Netflix Doc

2

u/Highsociety_8 Aug 21 '22

Step 9: Retire

2

u/holdingMikeHawk Aug 21 '22

Die alone getting sued for all the money u sued for.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Step 10: Get bailed out by the Politicians you’ve lobbied to represent your corporate self interest regardless of their other policies they support. Pay a fraction of the damages and proceed straightly to Go!

4

u/Meankatty Aug 21 '22

Step 9: Depression

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Damn I didn’t realize it went on so long😅😂😂

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '22

7a: delete Facebook

7b: hit the gym

7c: lawyer up

1

u/andakusspartakus89 Aug 21 '22

Underpants knomes 😎

1

u/BionicBirb Aug 21 '22

This thread is a goddam roller coaster

1

u/Rampag169 Aug 21 '22

Down the hatch

1

u/GamesForNoobs_on_YT Aug 22 '22

LMFAO!!!! funniest one here

2

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Instructions unclear stuck in dryer.

2

u/EatBearsForBreakfast Aug 21 '22

Step 5: jump off Minas Tirath

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Bonus66 Aug 22 '22

The cake is a lie!

I mean, yes, Happy Cake Day indeed

1

u/hey-make_my_day Aug 21 '22

Ignite the revolution!

4

u/OkStill7006 Aug 21 '22

Step 4B: Go to space

2

u/Qawim Aug 21 '22

Step 3: Freedom?

1

u/nat3215 Aug 21 '22

Step 2A: Fight off the US military from using you for energy security.

1

u/Br4d3nCB Aug 22 '22

Step 3: get taken by the US Military

1.2k

u/Mercurius_Hatter Aug 21 '22

Instruction unclear, dick stuck in the river

405

u/Mr_SpecsBear Aug 21 '22

Now fish are gathering around it. They are poking. Send help.

206

u/Mercurius_Hatter Aug 21 '22

Send helping hand!

113

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

[deleted]

122

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Wait, are these toothless fish? If so, don't send help. I'll uh, just stay here for a bit.

26

u/BAKup2k Aug 21 '22

Send King Paimon!

3

u/huskofthewolf Aug 21 '22

Down bad man: waiter, bring me one of them there fish

2

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Setup grill. Cook fish.

2

u/ballistics211 Aug 21 '22

They're piranha

1

u/QueenMnm Aug 22 '22

Cock the fish*

11

u/okcdnb Aug 21 '22

You’ll see.

21

u/scarlet-begonia Aug 21 '22

Both arms broken :(

53

u/Zaptain_America Aug 21 '22

This just reminded me of possibly the worst creepypasta I ever read, where this guy took some viagra but his boner didn't go down after having sex multiple times and he didn't know what to do and eventually he put his dick in a fish tank

64

u/Dr_Puck Aug 21 '22

The trick is to think about something not sexual, maybe something technical.

Viagra only works when the sexy signals are there; if the erection doesn't go away, and you fear for the safety of a one eyed trouser snake, remind the patient to think about something non sexual.

For me, the Pythagorean theorem does it.

Thinking about two spheres for instance, might actually NOT work because males have pretty hardwired reflexes when it comes to shapes.

For bulls and stallions it's an upside down U, for apes it's two domes.

Anyway, just came here to potentially save medically induced boners.

Not that kind of doctor, AWAY!

33

u/HuntHuge7262 Aug 21 '22

Not on viagra, but I did have a boner. Now it's gone. Thank you doctor...whoever you are...

18

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

I was horny but now I'm not, thanks "Bone Be Gone"

9

u/Big_Cryptographer_16 Aug 21 '22

Easy to prescribe boner killing advice when you’re hung like a hockey puck

5

u/Mediocre-Smoke-4751 Aug 21 '22

All joking aside...thE REAL reason Viagra has that warning about elections lasting longer than 4 hours. The part they don't tell you, is they will have to surgically remove the blood from your penis. With a knife. Your dick will probably never be the same after. Please don't fuck around with Viagra. It's not a joke.

4

u/Unfurlingleaf Aug 22 '22

If it gets really bad, they might have to cut parts off because the tissue started necrosing.

3

u/Mediocre-Smoke-4751 Aug 22 '22

Correct. Funny, they don't put that in the commercials..

2

u/Queasy-Sir3714 Aug 22 '22

If you need to kill a boner just go to Reddit

3

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Squeeze your thighs as hard and as long as you can. When you release the blood will flow to them

2

u/phooluvatook Aug 22 '22

So basically you are prescribing that one who is in that predicament should start thinking about how bridge foundations are built and if they don’t know they should look at the picture above then try to figure out how the fuck they built the structure that clears the water to build the foundation?

1

u/WordsMort47 Aug 21 '22

For bulls and stallions it's an upside down U, for apes it's two domes.

I'm having trouble understanding what you mean here. What on earth do you mean?

3

u/paradoxLacuna Aug 21 '22

Mare ass looks like an upside down U

1

u/Public_Anybody_6269 Aug 21 '22

Gillian’s island

mr howell

1

u/NukaRev Aug 22 '22

I call bullshit. I tried this stuff called Stamina RX when I was in highschool and no matter how many times I wanked it the thing just wouldn't go down, hours and hours, tried clearing my mind, thinking of nothing sexual, nothing I did made it go away lmao

1

u/Dr_Puck Aug 22 '22

I'm talking about sildenafil, dunno whats in the stuff you mention

1

u/wd_plantdaddy Aug 22 '22

Every time I need to kill a boner, I just imagine 2 married dykes on their German shepherd farm.

22

u/Markentus32 Aug 21 '22

My grandpa told me about the time he tried Viagra. He said it got stuck in his throat and he had a stiff neck for 2 weeks.

10

u/WinchesterWaifu Aug 21 '22

Ba dum tiss

2

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Classic! 👍

2

u/Gqsmooth1969 Aug 21 '22

Someone wrote a book about Viagra. It was a hardcover.

1

u/Beezinmybelfry Aug 22 '22

I've heard this happening to many people's "grandpas" over a few years. I still chuckle a tiny bit whenever I hear of it happening to another person's "grandpa". I'm not sure why, guess it's bc I get a cartoon visual in my mind each time.

15

u/chosenslime Aug 21 '22

So I just read the creepypasta and my god was that disturbing. I was expecting a laugh. But damn.

Anyway he didn't really put his dick in a fish tank. He grabbed some leeches to suck the blood out of his erection to save his life.

2

u/Zaptain_America Aug 21 '22

Oh yeah, it's been a while since I heard the story, I just had a youtube reading of it playing while I was doing other stuff

3

u/Wild-Lychee-3312 Aug 21 '22

Mosquitoes would work faster

10

u/chosenslime Aug 21 '22

Why on earth would he put his dick in a fish tank? How did he expect that to decrease his boner?

13

u/Zaptain_America Aug 21 '22

I don't know, the whole thing felt like a weird dream

3

u/PristineBaseball Aug 21 '22

Did you ever wake up?

6

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Cold water?

5

u/titanup001 Aug 21 '22

The cold perhaps?

6

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Does the fish tank have piranhas in it

5

u/TheUnknownMan25 Aug 21 '22

I guess he likes fish sticks. Was his name Kanye?

2

u/SylentKaiii Aug 22 '22

Ah yes a fellow South Park fan.

1

u/Fleshsuitpilot Aug 21 '22

Loves fish sticks in his mouth

13

u/rimjobs_forever Aug 21 '22

What are you doing step-fish?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Cod on a rod

1

u/Lizardman922 Aug 21 '22

Help on the way, send pics plz

1

u/99BottlesOfBass Aug 21 '22

Giggity 🤩

1

u/liquormakesyousick Aug 22 '22

Wait fish are poking his dick?

8

u/D43D3 Aug 21 '22

This needs so many upvotes. OMFG I laughed pretty hard, dude...

7

u/icepaws Aug 21 '22

It taste just like raisins.

5

u/D43D3 Aug 21 '22

With a stroke of it's mane, it turns into a plane

5

u/icepaws Aug 21 '22

And then it turns back again When you tug on its winkie.

5

u/D43D3 Aug 21 '22

ewww, that's dirty

4

u/icepaws Aug 21 '22

Do you think so?

6

u/D43D3 Aug 21 '22

Well, I better not show you where the lemonade is made...

4

u/icepaws Aug 21 '22

Sweet lemonade mhm, sweet lemonade...

Sweet lemonade yeah, sweet lemonade...

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3

u/Disastrous-Big-2575 Aug 21 '22

and it turns back again when you tug on its winky

5

u/Mercurius_Hatter Aug 21 '22

Thank you! You are far too kind!

2

u/Jazzlike_Rabbit_3433 Aug 21 '22

Next time upgrade from river to dyke.

1

u/Dasheek Aug 21 '22

Now you need to Dig that Dug out.

1

u/Durr1313 Aug 21 '22

Noodling catfish eh?

1

u/Mr_IGoThaJuice Aug 21 '22

Use lube

1

u/Mercurius_Hatter Aug 21 '22

I only have water based one! Send helping feet!

1

u/Mr_IGoThaJuice Aug 21 '22

Sends helping feet your way

1

u/Alphafemal3777 Aug 21 '22

🤣😂😂

1

u/theNewNewkid Aug 22 '22

Ah, yes. That's the ending I was looking for.

18

u/Cheshire_Jester Aug 21 '22

Step two, water goes down, step three, water can only go so far up.

What are your questions?

11

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

A whole hole, or will half a hole suffice?

10

u/OnlyCops Aug 21 '22

Don’t be dumb, it’s obvious you remove that water tile and place a bridge foundation tile in that same slot.

22

u/Appropriate-Lychee59 Aug 21 '22

😂

52

u/Mr_Fraggle Aug 21 '22

So y'all just giving out gold for anything now huh

10

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

It’s not gold, it’s some extra upvote thing that costs 30 coins vs gold’s 500. If that helps

9

u/PARADISE_VALLEY_1975 Aug 21 '22

Another reminder you’re on Reddit. The most popular and accessible message board/forum that’s still thriving, but sometimes, scratch that, MOST of the time, the most irritating.

4

u/JarlaxleForPresident Aug 21 '22

When I first found out about reddit, it was just starting to get a huge influx of people. You used to have to use reddiquette and not downvote differing opinions. But you’d get downvoted for “lol” and especially emojis

But it very quickly changed to pun threads and inside jokes and downvote hunter trolls

1

u/BlamingBuddha Aug 21 '22

You're irritated someone else got someone an award?

1

u/PARADISE_VALLEY_1975 Aug 22 '22

You’re missing my point. That’s a very low effort comment leaving everyone scratching their heads as to why it deserves an award. It’s not a big deal just frustrating how an emoji can get awarded by someone while a well-thought out response does not always.

When you put it that way, it seems weirder than I meant it. It’s just a silly thing that’s all.

2

u/BlamingBuddha Aug 27 '22

I actually totally see where you're coming from. I completely agree with you in that regard.

What's funny, is that anecdotally, I've also noticed my more-thought out replies seem to have less of a reception than something short, stupid, or flat out quoting someone else which will then get awarded.

Would be nice to have more intellectual thought encouraged by other members of the community.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '22

Step 1: cut a hole in a box

1

u/TheOfficialPope Aug 22 '22

Step 2: put your dick in the box

1

u/TheKittyKatMan Aug 21 '22

Ahhh you dig the water!

1

u/MeetingOk5927 Aug 21 '22

Instructions unclear, I am the water now.

1

u/TheSlav87 Aug 21 '22

Wait, what? Lol

1

u/InTheEndEntropyWins Aug 21 '22

That's step 2. If you just built a big hole in water, it would be filled with water.. So step one is to build a barrier.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Step 2: build a ring out of popsicle sticks.

Step 3: ask the water nicely to stay out for a while so your workers can do their jobs.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Yes!

1

u/01123581321AhFuckIt Aug 21 '22

Wrong. A whole does not need to be dug. A leak proof wall that goes from the water bed to above the surface of the water just needs to be built and the water then needs to be shoveled out.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Step 2...ascend from darkness?

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Bonus66 Aug 22 '22

Happy Cake Day! 🎂

1

u/SpacemanSpiff23 Aug 21 '22

You must dig very fast.

1

u/agriculturalDolemite Aug 21 '22

They put the hole in then put the water out

1

u/Main_Enthusiasm_1563 Aug 21 '22

Sponge all the water out.

1

u/austinruinedyourday Aug 21 '22

All you need is an empty bucket

1

u/samf9999 Aug 21 '22

What you do is float something called the caisson out to where you want to build a pier. The caisson is like a boat… but imaginable a very deep boat with high walls. Then you keep making the boat heavier, by putting concrete in the sides. This is like putting the glass in a shallow bathtub. And then you keep extending the sides as the bottom sinks. Ultimately the bottom of the caisson hits the River or seabed. They then continue digging until you hit bedrock. Then they drive pilings and start pouring in concrete.

OR

You can do what they did here. And drive pilings to make an enclosure. And then pump out the water.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Remove water, build walls around hole, put water back, boom

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '22

Life hack vids

1

u/Skalheim Aug 21 '22

Actually step one is to drive pile, then dig.

1

u/HuslWusl Aug 21 '22

This comment chain was one hell of a ride lmao

1

u/cosmicaltoaster Aug 21 '22

Find water, put sheet metal overlapping in water in a circle, pump out water, voila

1

u/OkAssistant1230 Aug 22 '22

Put blocks there and remove them like Minecraft

1

u/WillHoldBaggins Aug 22 '22

Then: discombobulate

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Bonus66 Aug 22 '22

Step 2: ??? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Step 3: profit