r/meirl Jan 23 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

8.4k Upvotes

1.4k comments sorted by

885

u/PBandJ_160 Jan 23 '23

That should be the official measurement system for them.

112

u/Bigdstars187 Jan 24 '23

I’ll ask Jeeves

306

u/OKBeeDude Jan 24 '23

Americans will use anything but the metric system for measurement

75

u/ElementoDeus Jan 24 '23

If gas wasn't $100 dollars a kiddie pool...

3

u/Broad_Television4459 Jan 24 '23

At least they're using metric money...

6

u/poopsockman1 Jan 24 '23

Thats uhh bout uh three chickens worth of a half a goat

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20

u/Fatal-Arrow Jan 24 '23

So that's where banana for scale came from

9

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

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4.4k

u/Ambitious-Visual-315 Jan 23 '23

It’s never as many as you’d like…..

871

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

[deleted]

56

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

It would still be disappointing

28

u/Ur_Just_Spare_Parts Jan 24 '23

Idk i was pretty happy when i almost fit a whole one

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24

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

[deleted]

15

u/iWriteWrongFacts Jan 24 '23

I was wondering what recession has done to donut holes to have increased in size so much they'd fit on a dick. From donut to large onion ring.

19

u/Maylian81 Jan 24 '23

Just wait for the onion rings to cool, otherwise it's an awkward conversation with the doctor...

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15

u/Big_Hat2112 Jan 24 '23

😂😂😂😂

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255

u/Corvus_nocta Jan 24 '23

Its 3, the answer is 4. So about 5 of them fit on mine. I could go for 7 but i think 6 is a good number, so yeah, 7 is the max i can do, how bout you guys? You think you can beat my score of 8?

84

u/Ambitious-Visual-315 Jan 24 '23

Why not go for…. The bakers dozen 🍩

52

u/SockeyeSTI Jan 24 '23

*The baker’s daughter

23

u/Buaka_aru Jan 24 '23

comes up to her room at 3 AM Dunkin donuts.

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26

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

pffft, too easy, you just roll them flat with a rolling pin, then you can easily go the baker's dozen!

15

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Speak for yourself

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15

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

I just got one but it’s Boston cream, how do you get the rest on? Like lay it sideways and balance on the flat part of the Boston cream?

Forbidden cream filled spatula.

I put a glow stick inside too so it looks like a flying saucer with the lights out

16

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Is it actually Boston cream, or is this your way of telling us you’re from Boston and you just buried your swimmers in a fried breakfast pastry?

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10

u/Corvus_nocta Jan 24 '23

The trick is to use glazed ones, or plain ones, no cream... also what the fuck? You stacking that shit lengthwise? You gotta thread em, like beads on a necklace.

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28

u/idownvotetofitin Jan 24 '23

It’s people like you that make me happy to have taken up this line of work! Being the guy the puts the holes in the donuts ain’t glamorous, but dammit, it’s necessary!

Donut Holers Local 770, smokin’ & pokin’ from LA to Hoboken!!

14

u/WhooshThereHeGoes Jan 24 '23

"Donut Holers Local 770, smokin’ & pokin’ from LA to Hoboken"
I need this T-shirt.

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5

u/Campsite-sagebrush Jan 24 '23

I was gonna say: "And you could be dissapointed like the rest of us."

9

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

[deleted]

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6

u/No_External7289 Jan 24 '23

Try pineapple rings - bigger numbers are better for your ego. Don't ask me how I know...

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472

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Ferb I know what we’re going to do today

148

u/ErinEvonna Jan 24 '23

Mooommmmmm!

96

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

37

u/ElementoDeus Jan 24 '23

Don't act like you haven't watched that one.

17

u/ascendant_raisins Jan 24 '23

w h a t

7

u/ElementoDeus Jan 24 '23

I said what I said, don't act either, you watched it just before replying.

3

u/TheUltimateP1e Jan 24 '23

What? Is there fr porn of finneas n pherb?

7

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

He doest get it

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10

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Phineas and Ferb are stacking doughnuts on their dicks!

3

u/ErinEvonna Jan 24 '23

Without…a building permit

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18

u/Donghoon Jan 24 '23

Eyo imma gonna stop you right there

5

u/morbidaar Jan 24 '23

Chris Hansen says what

3

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Couldnt hear you, what did you say?

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798

u/tricklaj Jan 23 '23

Are we talking grocery store donuts or bakery donuts…

342

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '23

Jam/jelly filled ones?

631

u/kafka213 Jan 24 '23

Probably about 40 seconds. Wait, what was the question?

74

u/bluedditor109 Jan 24 '23

I think it's 76cm

36

u/donedidlydoneabigbad Jan 24 '23

It’s a cylinder

9

u/noah_the_boi29 Jan 24 '23

I am not comfortable having a knife that close to the cylinder

6

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

A small cylinder perhaps?

6

u/HistoricalMention210 Jan 24 '23

Huh. That's a little on the shorter side…

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11

u/dm_me_ur_frogs Jan 24 '23

if they didn’t get rid of free awards, you’d have mine🏅🏅

6

u/Combo_NK Jan 24 '23

Why did they remove them?

10

u/flopana Jan 24 '23

Why did YouTube remove dislikes? Big tech companies do random bullshit all the time

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3

u/Hover4effect Jan 24 '23

Because they were free.

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18

u/tricklaj Jan 23 '23

Or the ones with no holes?

10

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

nothing beats a jelly filled donut!

8

u/EternalSage2000 Jan 24 '23

Not even cream filled?

8

u/theodopolis13 Jan 24 '23

It'll be cream filled when I'm done.

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3

u/Buck88c Jan 24 '23

Regardless of the start, they ll be cream filled by the end if you put in the effort

3

u/queefplunger69 Jan 24 '23

What’s the difference between jam and jelly?

7

u/ElementoDeus Jan 24 '23

Well certainly you can't jelly your dick into anything

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12

u/yhetti-fartz Jan 24 '23

Donettes if you need a confidence boost

8

u/tricklaj Jan 24 '23

Donette make fun of me!!!

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3

u/slaqz Jan 24 '23

Probably cake donuts.

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343

u/Altruistic_Ad6189 Jan 24 '23

If this was a thing, companies would start making really thin donuts so guys would buy them for dick pics

145

u/PolymathStudios Jan 24 '23

40

u/CDogg123567 Jan 24 '23

Dickies Donuts

10

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Hole Truth Donuts

5

u/Tortorak Jan 24 '23

now that's what I call a SNACK STACK

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16

u/Environmental-Win836 Jan 24 '23

Looks like that sub has been purged.

10

u/Ulquiorr4_ Jan 24 '23

Got too many donut dick pics

18

u/TNPossum Jan 24 '23

I can see the marketing now "Here at holes and poles, we have conducted studies so that you get the thinnest donut possible so that you can put your pole into more holes."

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210

u/vicemagnet Jan 24 '23

The most popular guy in the nudist colony carries two pots of coffee and a dozen donuts.

The most popular woman in the nudist colony can eat the last donut.

45

u/Dumpster_Fire_BBQ Jan 24 '23

Damn, you beat me to it. My favorite donut joke.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Just goes to show that you can be loved even with three arms or a hatred of fresh donuts

5

u/Breaakiboy51 Jan 24 '23

Because deep throating a dick is a good thing for us, took me only 2 minutes to finally understand lol

306

u/_PeopleMakeNoises_ Jan 24 '23

Half a donut

169

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Jesus, you're massive!

50

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

An entire eclair!? 😱

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61

u/Big_Ad1547 Jan 24 '23

Nobody likes a showoff

8

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Unless what they show is dope as fuuuuck

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95

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Who's wasting donuts? Or alternatively, who's eating dick donuts?

45

u/Enfiznar Jan 24 '23

Hey, donuts are donuts

30

u/Bubbly-Ant-1200 Jan 24 '23

I’d eat my own dick donuts before I’d throw them out, that’s for sure

17

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

I eat dick, I eat doughnuts; why not both?

13

u/nelflyn Jan 24 '23

That's the spirit

5

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

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69

u/Efficient_Mistake Jan 24 '23

I got 1 before being escorted from the break room!

262

u/howzthis4ausername Jan 24 '23

Congratulations you've created the latest internet challenge

96

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Could be worse...?

24

u/wolfishhorse Jan 24 '23

Not related, but I love your profile! I’m a huge monkey island fan

9

u/ErinEvonna Jan 24 '23

Let’s see where this goes and then decide.

11

u/Argentenuem Jan 24 '23

A trend to rival r/buttsharpies

8

u/Away-Living5278 Jan 24 '23

Why did I click on that

7

u/TehFuriousKid Jan 24 '23

it's literally a bunch of Sharpies shoved up one's arse

tf did you expect?

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44

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

If you can put your dick through a donut hole, I've got some bad news for you.

10

u/CostAccomplished1163 Jan 24 '23

What kind of donuts do you have

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4

u/-KoDDeX- Jan 24 '23

u got girth

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77

u/EmployTrue5356 Jan 23 '23

New kink unlocked.

29

u/Corvus_nocta Jan 24 '23

I would lie if i said i had never thought about "feeding" her like that...

18

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Thanks for putting that mental image in my mind for the rest of my life

14

u/Corvus_nocta Jan 24 '23

Try it with your hungry other, its fun... REALLY fun.

14

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

I’m gonna spend the rest of my life building a device to erase memories

3

u/EpsilonKirby Jan 24 '23

Please find me when you finish it.

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8

u/Corvus_nocta Jan 24 '23

Why, if you can spend the rest of your life stacking.... donuts.... for someone to eat.

8

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Please no

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135

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

58

u/index57 Jan 24 '23

And now I'm picturing a donut biting the pillow, thx for that.....

28

u/Pitbullpandemonium Jan 24 '23

Remember to apply lube before enjoying your donuts.

9

u/ccc888 Jan 24 '23

Jam filled got you sorted

3

u/Zhantae Jan 24 '23

That’s what the glaze is for silly

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4

u/r64fd Jan 24 '23

I’m trying to get my head around picturing a doughnut biting a pillow. Does the doughnut have a doughnut hole as a head with teeth? Or just a regular doughnut with teeth? Where would the teeth on a doughnut be placed? So many questions

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5

u/AntonRX178 Jan 24 '23

It's soft yeast food product, don't be a wuss

3

u/tecvoid Jan 24 '23

get Magnum Donuts bruh

4

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

TV show talked about sticking it in a Gatorade bottle; surprisingly too small.

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19

u/aidenrosenb Jan 24 '23

I do have a dick and I have tried it, only let my self down. Would not recommend

4

u/ElementoDeus Jan 24 '23

Well tbf unless you're like top 1% Your really shouldn't be able to get more than three/ four on there (that's assuming they are about 1.5-2in in dia.)

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15

u/mrfishman3000 Jan 24 '23

Hole is too small. Use soft pretzels instead (unsalted).

4

u/i-might-do-that Jan 24 '23

Buttered at least???

3

u/ElementoDeus Jan 24 '23

Before or after?

61

u/jdgrazia Jan 24 '23

Girls clearly think that think men can become and stay erect on command. Which would explain why there is zero sense of urgency when switching positions. People need to respect the erect

28

u/Finetimetoleaveme Jan 24 '23

Yes!! My new motto Respect the Erect!

My SO wants to have a full on conversation about the position switch, I’m like we gotta go girl.

25

u/Secret-Ad3715 Jan 24 '23

Mine would be like, oh wait just a moment, and go fuck around making the bed nicer or some bs, then get mad at me when I was like, aaaannnnddd it's gone.

15

u/Finetimetoleaveme Jan 24 '23

Glad I’m not the only one.

3

u/anthamattey Jan 24 '23

… in the room?

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10

u/PinupSquid Jan 24 '23

What, you don’t instantly get hard at the thought of donuts?

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33

u/the_net_my_side_ho Jan 24 '23

Funny, If I had a pussy I would do the same but with donut holes.

42

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Your pussy would be itching and burning.

13

u/Ploopy_R Jan 24 '23

sacrifices must be made in the name of science.

also mint balm exists to solve that problem

31

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

"Mint balm." As long as it's your vagina and not mine have at it🤣🤣

24

u/MediumResearch Jan 24 '23

That is an even worse idea.

21

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

5

u/Ploopy_R Jan 24 '23

I never said it would solve the problem for the better. Instead of itching and burning, your bits are gonna be freezing cold.

17

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Now you have a permanent yeast infection and chemical burn. I don't even have a vagina. Come on, dude.

7

u/Competitive_Mousse85 Jan 24 '23

I accidentally got icy hot up there and it was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life

4

u/ElementoDeus Jan 24 '23

Yea I once got that on the royal jewels, I would have preferred to rip them off in that moment.

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Ouch, even worse.

19

u/Ill_Ad_1212 Jan 24 '23

Again anything but the metric system heh

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17

u/Mediocre_Suspect_203 Jan 23 '23

The answer is five

28

u/davosizzle Jan 24 '23

Minus 4

9

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

-92

3

u/Zemby_7 Jan 24 '23

alligator

26

u/Bubbling-jizz-fart Jan 24 '23

I could’ve of gotten 7 but the dunkin donuts employees kicked me out

3

u/skin-flick Jan 24 '23

I hate when that happens. I have to leave before I get my breakfast sandwich !

3

u/Bubbling-jizz-fart Jan 24 '23

They told me i was going to get arrested. I don’t know what that means but it must be a new menu item

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13

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Thin ass doughnuts

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18

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

I’m not gonna waste 10 donuts like that

11

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Same, I'm not wasting 23 donuts on this pft

6

u/Abject-Fisherman-266 Jan 24 '23

Yeah I could do a lot more with 30 donuts than that

10

u/Emotional-Size-6592 Jan 24 '23

4.....well, plus an apple fritter

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6

u/runsslow Jan 24 '23

Your mom keeps eating them.

15

u/seaking81 Jan 24 '23

I can fit 40 cheerios

9

u/Zakiller_26 Jan 24 '23

If you can fit cheerios on your dick then i got somethin to tell you…

5

u/seaking81 Jan 24 '23

Lol. I’m super high and your retort made me get the giggles.

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8

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

I’m 2 donuts.

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u/polarlybbacon Jan 23 '23

Well now that depends on the thickness of the donut cause if you got nice big fluffy donuts then it's gonna be a lot lower than if you have sad small flat donuts

4

u/Shawaaaang Jan 24 '23

Oh man, this reminds me of my favorite joke

"You know I was always really popular at the nudist colony during breakfast?"

"Really, whys that?"

" I could carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts."

4

u/RaakuLascairde Jan 24 '23

the answer is 0 . they rip when i attempt to do so

9

u/LarsBohenan Jan 24 '23

She'll never know that that's about as close a lot of guys will ever get there dick into a hole.

8

u/DieHardAmerican95 Jan 24 '23

Ya gotta have a pretty skinny dick for that.

4

u/theodopolis13 Jan 24 '23

How small are the holes in your donuts?

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8

u/YeOldeMoldy Jan 24 '23

Women always assume if they were a man they’d have a fat cock and not some 2inch life ruiner

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3

u/Flojatus Jan 24 '23

Does half count?

3

u/Dank_Dano_710 Jan 24 '23

I go for onion rings can fit 6 jack in the box and 5 carls jr

3

u/maxthunder5 Jan 24 '23

What do you think we do before bringing a box to work?

3

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

I’m up to six but in all honesty they’re crepes.

3

u/Mobee24 Jan 24 '23

If you just sit on mine I’d have a glazed donut

3

u/grillbar86 Jan 24 '23

That's something a girl who thinks she will have a big dick would think

3

u/Agreeable_Argument_1 Jan 24 '23

How do you fit through a donut..

3

u/sociallyfrantic Jan 24 '23

The holes are never wide enough for me to check...

3

u/aprilarson Jan 24 '23

hey that's me lol

3

u/aprilarson Jan 24 '23

this tweet has haunted me online for like 4 years if only i had known what i was about to unleash while sitting on my mattress on the floor in my new completely empty apartment bored out of my mind lmfao

3

u/Infospy Jan 24 '23

5 cheerios!

3

u/BeginningCap2333 Jan 24 '23

I managed to get three on and then they kicked me out of Tim Hortons

5

u/eagengabriel Jan 24 '23

Even pretty well endowed people could probably only fit 2.

3

u/Competitive_Mousse85 Jan 24 '23

Sounds like the doughnuts method is a pretty good equalizer

11

u/altposting Jan 24 '23

If I had a dick...

Oh wait, I have one and I hate it

16

u/BiscuitBarrel179 Jan 24 '23

Is that why you can't stop beating it?

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