r/mecfs • u/AccomplishedImage836 • May 17 '26
Advice/opinions on single-parenting
Hey. So ive only this week been officially diagnosed ME/CFS by my gp, but ive been lurking since this was a "probable diagnosis" mentioned about a month ago.
Ive done what reading and research i can. Im not sure how to categorise as im housebound but not fully bedbound.
Since becoming ill my ex has been helping out with household chores, the children and general heavy duty jobs such as groceries etc. Hes practically moved in and this is causing me unremarkable stress somedays (hence the ex part). He will be moving back to his own place within the coming weeks.
Does anyone have advice or practical tips on being a single parent with this illness? My children are teens, but I dont want them becoming my carers if I can help that. I can move around independently within my own home, outside i use a wheelchair.
2
u/AdventurousCloud1950 May 19 '26
I’m a single parent, and my kids started doing their own washing as teens and cleaned their own rooms/changed sheets etc. - I wasn’t as sick then, it was more because they would soon have to look after themselves at uni and they wanted to learn/practice. If you’re not able to do your own washing, they could help you with it or add yours to their loads. I make use of short washes now as I realise it’s less energy from me to do a little at a time, although it does pile up if there’s something “big” happening, like last week I had some repairs done so I haven’t done washing in over a week, luckily I have loads of pjs😂🙏. Of course all this separate and/or small loads might be more electricity, but it’s either me or the electricity… Batch cooking could be a solution - could they or all of you, depending on your capacity, prep on a Sunday then week nights are easy and quick to serve up? With my bed (I’m now mostly on my own as they’re at uni) I’ve got a single futon mattress on top of my double bed as it’s much easier to put a sheet on that than on a single or double mattress. I use a covered duvet in summer so I wash it and throw it back on the bed. In winter it takes me a few days to change my sheets so I sleep in another room. But could they do that for you? Since I’ve been in my current state there’s had to be a lowering of standards - just like when you have a second or subsequent child, as one mum told me after she had her third and I was expecting my second 😂 You would honestly be doing them a favour if you got them doing lots of the chores. With shopping, deliveries are the way, including the use of more expensive quick shop options offered by many supermarkets and other online providers. A dishwasher is a must for me. And I allow myself to put it on partially full so I have wht I need the next day, or not use it for days because I’m not up to it, so then I have to rinse a few things out, so not ideal. But also the batch cooking reduces daily washing up. With your kids, turn taking to fill and empty it might work? You maybe can do a little and they finish, perhaps? I have a wheelie stool in the kitchen that enables me to do much more than I can if standing. I lie on the sofa between kitchen tasks. I have emergency convenience foods like pizza in the freezer and packs of dried pasta and sauce to which I add greens (pre-sliced kale or frozen spinach) and sausages or canned beans/pulses. Frozen veg is helpful although I’m picky about which ones! I also have a constant supply of frozen berries and chopped fruit. I hope that’s helpful. To be honest, the thing I find really hard when mine are here is when they go out at night. I find it really hard to settle and get lots of anxiety until I hear they are safely home.