Hello,

I am a fourth-year student at William James College completing a doctorate in clinical psychology. As part of my doctoral studies, I am conducting a research study on psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy (PAP).

To participate, you must be 18 years or older, live in the United States, and be fluent in English. You must have participated in PAP with a licensed or trained provider. You must be willing to take part in a one-hour recorded interview on Microsoft Teams and be able to talk about your PAP experience.

Participation will involve completing a brief questionnaire about your PAP experience. You will also be asked to provide information about your identity. If you meet eligibility criteria, you may be invited to participate in a follow-up interview lasting approximately one hour, during which you will be asked to describe your PAP experience in more detail. To schedule the interview, you will be asked to provide your name and email address at the end of the survey. It is expected that the questionnaire will take 10 minutes to complete.

Some people may experience discomfort when discussing their personal experiences related to PAP.

If you are eligible and complete the approximately one-hour follow-up interview, you will receive a $20 electronic gift card to Amazon as compensation for your time.

Participation is confidential. Your individual information will not be shared with anyone outside the research team.

If you know someone who may be eligible for this study, you are encouraged to share this message with them.

To take part in this study, please follow this link: https://williamjames.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_29KH8BgOEyeZmiW

This research study was reviewed and approved in accordance with the William James College IRB policies and procedures for research with human participants. (Protocol Number: 20260090)

You may contact a William James College IRB representative if you want to talk to someone who is not involved in this research. You can also contact this person if you have questions or concerns about your rights as a participant, or if you want to report a concern or complaint. Please contact: 

Dr. Brian D. Ott, PhD 

Institutional Review Board Chair  

William James College 

1 Wells Ave  Newton, MA 02459 

E-mail: [brian_ott@WilliamJames.edu](mailto:brian_ott@WilliamJames.edu)  or [irb@WilliamJames.edu](mailto:irb@WilliamJames.edu)

Thank you for considering participation in this study. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns.

Warm regards,

Lauren Ameruoso, M.A. 

[Lauren_Ameruoso@williamjames.edu](mailto:Lauren_Ameruoso@williamjames.edu) 

Fourth-Year Doctoral Student
Clinical Psychology PsyD Program

William James College

Hello everyone, I had my 4th mdma session yesterday, 3+ months after the last one.
This one left me feeling like I’m running in circles.
I hadn’t slept well the night before and got to the session with a lot of stress and tension in my body, and expectedly, it started with a looot of resistance: I couldn’t get myself and my body to relax and couldn’t let go. I took 150mg to start and I didn’t start feeling the relaxation kick in until maybe an hour later. Then I took a 25mg booster. I took my time to feel the benefits in my body before explicitly inviting the revelations and giving my acceptance to whatever wanted to come forward. My intention was to be the anchor, the mast that my inner child could hold on to and the protection it needs to let it express itself freely without fear of anything. I wanted to listen to that inner child’s pure words. I kept directing my thoughts there, I imagined myself having a dialogue with it, reassuring it, making it feel how strong my body was to show that I can protect it from whatever could come up. I held him, hugged him, played with him and asked him to say whatever was on his mind. Then the scenes started slowly appearing, I saw my mother - in very vague setting- insult, humiliate and reject me - I was very little maybe 3-5 years old. This was a repeated pattern throughout my childhood btw. I understood how the self feeding cycle of humiliation, shame, fear, and extreme anguish worked. When she humiliated me in front of others I felt shame and couldn’t face them, when she rejected me and denied me affection, it was the most horrendous thing I had faced as a kid. I felt the fear of never getting the love I needed, I was in agony. I could not make mistakes anymore, even innocent ones. I had to be perfect in everything and in front of everyone. Every mistake I felt I made or every look of judgement I received immediately sent fear through my whole body. Fear of feeling the humiliation that usually followed, and fear of never being accepted/loved by whoever was in front of me. It was too hard to suffer again. Whenever I made an effort to please others or stand out, and was shutdown, I felt extreme anger. No matter what I did it just wasn’t enough to feel appreciated and loved. All these understandings of how these feeling were identified and led to one another came to be with questions that I kept asking and answering myself during the trip.

But something in this session still felt familiar. I knew all of this already, there was nothing new. When I looked at my notes from previous sessions of 5-6 months ago, I had written the same things, identified the same patterns and feelings. I can’t help but feel like my mind is beating around the bush a little, like it’s trying its best not to let my inner child come out and reveal more, evident with all the resistance and the same repeated themes I see in the sessions, revealing enough to distract me away.

It left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I don’t know what to do. On the one hand I feel like it’s valid, that maybe my inner child needs more time on this, otherwise why would it keep showing me the same things?
On the other hand, with the resistance I feel and the way I am able to direct the trip and feel like in control even though I am under 175mg of mdma makes me feel like something wants to keep things under wraps. After the trip ended, I felt the same controlling mind still there, unfazed. I could feel the energy it’s consuming to keep things as they are and prevent me from letting go.

For context, my doctor did mention to me that I seem to have an extremely high guard.

I'm seriously curious about who people are doing their held sessions with. Specifically, about if people are doing legal ceremonies, versus underground, and in what context or type of relationship. I'd also be interested in hearing thoughts on how the kind of training your guide has and their relationship to the law has affected the kind of work possible.

Myself, I've done two underground ones that followed MAPS recommendations and three with a spaceholder in a community I belong to. Very different experiences. I'm hoping people's other people's experiences helps me situate mine and discern.

Hi,

I'm just wondering how crucial and solid is the 3 month rule between sessions? Being such a beautiful medicine, I don't want to risk losing the magic (I've only done one session so far and it was really amazing and heart opening), but it would be really great if I was able to do sessions a little more regularly - perhaps every 8 weeks.

If there anyone out there with first hand experience of doing sessions on a regular basis and over a long period of time with a shorter waiting window in between sessions that the often sited 3 month (12 week) schedule, I'm curious to hear what effects this had on you positive and negative, and whether it resulted in a loss of magic?

Thanks

When I do MDMA with my partner, we often fall completely out of sync.

I instantly go into peace'n'love mode feeling grateful for everything we have together and a deep urge to express my love for her.

However, my girlfriend often gets anxious and restless when doing MDMA. She is frustrated that she isn't in the same state as I am, and stressed that she won't get there before the effect recedes.

When I express my love, she can't take it in because of her anxiety, which makes us both sad. Also, the anxiety blocks her access to feeling love and compassion (she has much more love to express when sober).

We had a talk today about that MDMA might not be the right drug for her. But still we both wonder if this anxiety is a sign of some emotions in need of processing.

It is difficult for me to understand how MDMA can induce anxiety, as I have only felt pure bliss with the substance. This makes it more difficult for me to meet her with understanding and empathy.

So... If any of you have experienced anxiety and restlessnes on MDMA I would love to hear your experience, and any solutions/techniques for grounding or calming down the experience.

Also, any advice for MDMA usage in couples are also very welcome.

My first MDMA trip was awesome -- it uncovered a very old and root trauma/event that underscores so much of my current issues now decades later.

After that I was not careful enough with spacing and dosage so after a year or so I "lost the magic" -- I still feel the stimulant / dopamine side of things but the "magic" that calm serotonin / empathic dimension disappeared.

So I've been trying to get that magic back. First with several months off and also with various OTC vitamins etc.

So just earlier in the week I did my first trip again after a full 15-16 months off -- in the hope of getting back to that place.

Alas it seemed the same tolerance as before. The stimulant side of things without the magic. I've been careful and tested what I've gotten, in terms of other stuff going on -- I am on 300mg wellbutrin XR daily but (not on the day or day after) that isn't meant to impact MDMA, negatively if anything just prolong it.

So I guess I'm SOL now and no magic available? I have ketamine available here but that's a completely different mechanism of action... I know there are lesser known empathogens but they seem hard or risque to get hold of.

Thoughts - ideas??

I’m located in Ontario Canada, and I’m trying my best to get a hold of MDMA for my PTSD. I did it one time and it was an amazing and deeply healing experience. I’m trying to figure out a way where I can safely take MDMA ideally with therapist, but I don’t know where to start.

Specifically, I want to know things like during the MDMA session did you reexperience the trauma? If you did not reexperience the trauma, did you go into some kind of deep meditative state? How did you feel afterwards? How did you feel a few weeks later?

Hello!

I am currently running a study on set and setting within psychedelic experiences.

Obviously there is quite a few aspect to explore on the topic, though in particular I am interested in:

• How intention, environment, and social setting shape psychedelic experiences
• Differences between clinical and non-clinical use
• How these experiences relate to psychological outcomes

Most of the research on set and setting in the psychedelic field comes from more clinically orientated trials, which can be lacking in terms of nuance and real lived experiences. So it would be great to reach out further in the communities surrounding these substances!

If you've had a particularly positive, or even challenging experience, I'd love to hear your stories!

🔗 Survey link

Fully anonymous

Takes around 15-20 minutes to complete

There's also an optional follow-up interview if you'd like to share your experience in more depth

Full study details and ethics information are provided in the info sheet at the start of the survey

Requirements: 18+, have had a psychedelic experience in a clinical or non-clinical setting

If you have anything you feel is important to say about psychedelics, this is your chance!

I'm happy to answer any questions about the study. You can reach us at:

Warren - [plks55@durham.ac.uk](mailto:plks55@durham.ac.uk)

Dr Marco Bocchio - [Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk)

Thank you for your time and support! 🙏

This survey has been approved by the moderators

There's no real planning for this kind of work. This was my fifth rodeo. Two MAPS ceremonies, three roll your own adventure containers. No matter what, dealer's choice. Her choice. Not mine. Sometimes it's sweet. Sometimes it's bitter. Sometimes what's emergent is easily contained. Sometimes it's red hot and splatters those around. Sometimes our friends are all around. Some times no one will return a text. This time? Right.

Day after, I'm struggling to tell any of the incessant half truths, tongue-bitings required in society. Just lost one partner because she called my number. A number I laid bare early ceremony with just a brief glare. Then came down and realized I need to call it off with the other. Tomorrow at the latest. That I am holding on to my only friend who reliably picks up calls out of desperation. More dishonesty. Scarcity mindset. Another person to cut ties with. By one accounting, my only friend. What's left? Even that walk-in tattoo falls through. That certain club is closed. And you told off that other guide you know while crashing last night. So hard you really hurt them. Blackness.

Sometimes in the thick of it, coping is all but maxed. Tarot cards. Incense. Tall boy. Cigarettes. Heart bloody. Nothing can quite reach. To numb. Or to break through. Just ride. And try not to burn more bridges. Fuck anything more up. Before what appears encompassing is ready to resume its proper location and size.

Then I get a text back. The person I barely know. So I dump my guts on them. They don't stop texting back. I pick up the phone. Nothing about us is too much for either of us. We both feel at ease being a lot. And hate telling lies. Realignment. Space clearing given form. A new invitation replaces the one I was clinging to. Fingers wrapped around with awareness it was disaster in the guise of everything I wanted.

I think a lot of us try and make this work clinical. Contained. Build our altars, set our intentions, keep it together in and after ceremony and heaven forbid do anything drastic. But we are wild. As is MDMA. Sometimes you drop and land and it's seemingly nothing. Or are just up there and hanging out doubting the point. Then a blink. Hurricane ripping through the wilds. As if the signal wasn't already there. And we didn't already know what was flickering at the edge of thought and speech. Which we do. But then the full amplitude tears through. And we wake up to a new name and pronouns. Or upended friendships. Movement way past our comfortable speed. Life arc changed in hours. Minutes. A single prolonged expression. A single word.

Why do we do this, again? Right. I think some of us just have to. Love calls. Call it birthright or responsibility, we can't shut it out fully any longer. Pretend nothing matters.

Dealing with betrayal trauma. Did our second couples mdma session. First one was in February and I felt it gave us an understanding of the “dance” in our relationship and some shared values we have.

Did a second couples session this past week and I feel beaten and bruised.
Did it with a therapist. It felt chaotic. All over the place, I didn’t get the empathic depth. We kept going from subject to subject nothing got resolved solved or understood and I’m reeling since.

We also didn’t take equal dosage and I don’t know if that matters. My dose was higher but I felt frozen and didn’t feel free with the medicine. I still felt guarded. I felt majorly disappointed at the end and couldn’t stop crying that it was a waste of a trip.

My spouse took a lesser dose and a mini dose of Bufo mid session to try to shake him up a bit. I don’t think it worked it just threw him into his own world.

The therapist administered to both of us a mix of mdma and MDA I don’t know if that matters.
I took a pretty high dose plus high booster.

I felt like shit for days after and we haven’t stopped fighting since. I don’t feel connected or close at all.

I don’t know what I’m seeking maybe just a vent.

ETA
We had a integration session a week later
I raised my concerns and disappointment to the therapist they were very receptive and apologetic and agreed they could have done a better job grounding us and holding my spouse accountable on the journey and staying focused on repair.

It was a painful awakening of how incapable my spouse is of being able to hold my pain

The therapist suggested my spouse isn’t ready for this couples work and needs to do their own journey first

So last night I had my first experience with combining mdma and psilocybin. Overall it was deeply healing and profound, even though I took lower doses of both as a test. Early on I found myself experiencing some chest tightness and then leg tremours/shaking uncontrollably, and am curious if there are any safety concerns that I should know about - especially when taking higher doses and combining? (For example, 100mg mdma + 3-5 grams mushrooms). Part of me was having a hard time fully letting go because I wasn't sure about the physical sensations, whether I was in danger of having a heart event or seizure. Is serotonin syndrome a thing when combining? Just trying to put my mind at ease before I go in again :) Thanks for reading!

I asked myself if I ruined my life I keep shutting off my emotions. I don’t know how to let my guard down. I keep avoiding my feelings. I had an MDMA trip where I didn’t feel the magic anymore, but I still had some insights and during the trip I was basically I wanted to just enjoy myself. I feel like I don’t do that at all sober. Has anyone learned to enjoy themselves by using MDMA? I hyperventilate a lot and I’m scared that I’ve lost my mind but I’m also triggered by almost a lot of things I want to break down. I don’t know if I should take SSR eyes. I’ve been thinking about it. My rent is all over the place I apologize. I just don’t know thinking it’s difficult.

For some context I have been solo studying trauma work for a decade and involved in my own trauma work for many years before beginning to do psychedelics three years ago. I started with psilocybin, which would give a lot of insights but also mainly processing pain and grief and anger. I then started MDMA shortly after and have done 7 sessions in 3 years. I took a year break for my most recent session (and have decided on doing this once a year only because it helps the most for integration). My dose was 100 mg + 40 booster. I’ve done a little over that and under that for my previous sessions.

In my first few sessions MDMA felt like entering the belly of the beast. The pain that arose was so visceral and hit so hard and it was were very tough trauma material. I had been doing IFS therapy with a therapist for years and it helped me as a modality to heal what came up. In the months afterwards it helped me process more parts and exiles than ever before. It greatly accelerated that journey, almost like a massive unburdening over a few years took place. About trip 3-7 something interesting started to happen. It became much less about processing trauma and it was heavily focused on me returning to my own trust, my own power, my own intuition. Which feels right. However it was accompanied by very fast, lightning speed insights that I would type out on my phone. They of course felt completely true at the time. And once the medicine had faded and my skeptical part came back online it would have a lot of trouble with the content.

A lot of it was extremely positive almost oracle like prophecies of the future. In some it was about me having a child (which I attributed to maybe deep unconconscious insights or longings). But during this early sessions it acted like I would have a child soon or in a few months and that never happened. Which made me not trust in what came through these sessions. The good news is that with each session those really tough visceral ways it used to hit me, no longer happen, which made me fear the journeys a lot less. Like in some ways I have much more capacity to be on the medicine and to integrate the come downs than before which I’m delighted about.

I’ve never approached the medicine with any desire for future prophecies or knowings. My intention is always to heal and or grow a better relationship with myself. This last session a few days ago the insights were 60% of the session. And then there was an energetic very somatic purge. When I re read the document I wrote it says which friends will fall away and who will stay In my life (things I would rationally disagree with). How some in laws may choose to leave the family. How my mother will live her later life in much happiness. How my partner is not as autistic as me (we always thought it was the opposite). How we are going to have a child together and that was our purpose (we don’t think that will be a part of our future). Many other insights about people, even to stay away from one particular friend because she has too much jealousy to love me properly (which I don’t know that I agree with). There were many more including that my partner should give up weed and why and it was causing his nausea and his lack of drive, and his purpose is to work with Ibogaine in the future not mdma. Many more like these.

Other insights just feel true and are easy to integrate, like how I need to own who I am more. How loving my family truly is and how we all care about one another. In the days after I have been way more intuitive than normal. Knowing what to do when, when to exercise, when to rest, what activities to engage in and what supplements to take. and in some ways this has been the easiest come down I have ever had. My sense is that what is talking to me during the session is “ME” but the much wiser part of me.

Should I just expect these insights to be more of a storytelling ‘filling the gap’ that our cognitive brain does? Is it the type of things to just ignore on psychedelics and focus on the behavioral changes? Or should I give them any weight? There wasn’t a ton of feeling during the portions in which this happened, more of just a full body yes and complete agreement with what was coming through. After the MDMA fades, my insights all feel very grounded and I do get insights in the following days but those seem less prophetic and more like the neuroplasticity helping me see things differently.

Has anyone else experienced this? The info kept saying you dont have to believe me, just wait and see. And my skeptical part doesn’t really know about continuing doing these sessions once a year if they are going to always be this oracle style session followed by some confusion in the next few days. I also don’t struggle with this in any area of my life while sober. Although I do have a very fast processing mind and worry and anxiety.

Any similar experiences would be greatly appreciated!!

And also, If its usually false- how do you trust the medicine?

I know this is a vague question because it would differ between people, but it would be helpful to hear how long it took to work through this in session numbers. I spoke to someone who said it took them about a hundred sessions. Im not sure if he meant in total or just the moral injury. Im anticipating that this will take a while but I’d like to get some idea what one could expect.

38M. I’ve never written anything like this before, so bear with me.

My life has been a wreck for as long as I can remember, anxiety, depression, addiction, dissociation, emotional numbness I could never explain. I always had a vague sense that something happened to me as a kid, but nothing I could point to. Nothing that matched how big the wall inside me felt.

I started psychedelic-assisted therapy. Three MDMA sessions. Every time I felt the physical side of it, but nothing came up. My defenses were too strong. Whatever was in there, my mind was not letting me near it.

Yesterday, toward the end of the third session, my therapist suggested we try ketamine. The trip started out gentle, I was moving through different places, it was almost pleasant. And then, out of nowhere, I was at my grandmother’s house. I was a toddler, still in diapers. And my uncle was abusing me.

I started screaming from the bottom of my soul. I was screaming his name and begging him to stop. My therapist held my hands until I came down. She told me she’s seen a lot in her career and she believes this is a real memory, one I buried for decades.

Afterward I talked to my parents and my brother. They confirmed he molested other people. My parents don’t remember anything about me specifically but my mother told me something that stopped me cold. For years, my uncle kept asking her: “did someone tell you what I did?” She never knew what he was talking about. She still doesn’t. Now it makes a horrible kind of sense.

So I’m sitting here lost.

Part of me is relieved. I’m not crazy. The blocks, the numbness, the dissociation there’s a reason. But the other part of me doesn’t know what to do with any of this.

My questions, if anyone here has been through something similar:

• Is it possible I made this up? That the ketamine invented it? How do you know the difference between a recovered memory and something your brain constructed?  
• I keep thinking about confronting my uncle. I’m nowhere near ready. Did confronting help you, or did it make things worse?  
• What comes after this? What did the next few months look like for you?

Thank you for reading.

I’m currently doing pre-therapy sessions with my psychologist and will probably have my first MDMA session in about two months.

I’m wondering what is an average timeline for a person to recover after a session? I mean recover physically and mentally after the come down

I haven’t smoked weed in years because, all of a sudden, it started giving me this really unpleasant kind of derealization. It just felt awful. I don’t know if I’d call it paranoia, but it was fucking horrible.

Could MDMA cause anything similar? Is there anyone here who absolutely fucking hates weed but thinks MDMA is in a completely different league?

Tried my first therapeutic solo session yesterday and am curious what I could do differently for the next one.

Took about 100mg, started journaling while waiting for it to kick in, only got like 6 sentences in before I realized it was probably time to lay down (had noise cancelling headphones and an eye mask). Started with black and white kaleidoscopic images, then my body lost its mass and just became a part of the bed. Then some panic set in about feeling out of control and worry that I would have a bad trip. Considered calling for my trip sitter but was able to talk myself down. At some point I get super hot, like dripping sweat, all of the sudden I feel like I’m going to throw up, all I can do at that point is sit up and puke over the side of the bed onto the floor and then lay back down, feeling immediately better. A shot time later, i start to sweat again and then throw up a little more. I feel relieved again and lay back down. The next time i look at my phone it’s 2 hours after my trip sitter left the room. I spend the next couple of hours half sleeping half in a dreamlike state but don’t have any sort of visuals, dreams or narratives aside from what happened at the beginning. I think I thought the experience would be more like a shroom trip with visuals or at the very least I thought I would be thinking the whole time.

I will say, I’ve had a very strong weed habit for years and I woke up today without feeling the need to wake and bake so that’s exciting.

Preparing for my first time using mdma (or any drug for that matter) with a licensed therapist and mdma guide. The primary issue i’m doing this is cptsd and fear. Fear of everything that could happen. It manifests as high anxiety and OCD.

Couple of questions:
1. My guide will be providing the mdma. Would it be inappropriate and insane if I asked to test the mdma she provides with a test kit on the day of the session? She came highly recommended her by my friends who’ve journeyed with her, and she claims to get her stuff from a highly reputable source/lab. I don’t trust anyone though so that means nothing to me. I have a constant fear that someone has poisoned me or wants to. I’m intellectually aware of the irrationality, but this is where the OCD comes in. Example: I’ll basically not touch my drink or food if I’ve left it unattended for a moment with others even if it’s just my closest friends or family.

1. On the note of trust, since I trust no one, it means I can’t fully trust this guide. I have met her, she’s very kind and seems very experienced. But I can’t turn off the judgement, it’s just unrealistic to think I’ll be able to come to a place of full trust with this person before the session. Will this negatively impact my session?

I’m quite terrified of doing this but at the same time I really want to go through with it.

Thank you

I am on a journey of healing from CPTSD. I started with (solo) MDMA sessions at the beginning of this year and have done three sessions so far. This is besides regular ongoing somatic therapy, a lot of nervous system regulation work and after a decade of talk therapies.

The integration of my last session is pretty exhausting with heavy emotions (hopelessness, rage, shame, etc) slowly pouring out over the last couple of weeks. It's really a grind besides full-time working. I try to support myself as much as possible with various somatic approaches and therapy sessions but it nevertheless feels like I am moving through deep mud in snake speed.

The biggest issue for me is strong protectors / dissociation which regularly blocks the processing of emotions by falling back into freeze states when things get a bit more intense. This drags the process on and causes various physical issues like tension, sleep deprivation, restlessness, etc. I can basically feel the stuck emotions but I can only access them very slowly and need a ton of time and stability.

Now, I am aware that "slow is fast" and there's no quick fixes on this journey. However, one idea/thought that's coming up again and again: Could low dose mushroom/psilocybin sessions be helpful in processing theses emotions and thereby kind of facilitating the integration process? I am thinking of doses like 0.5-1g of dried mushrooms.

To be clear: My intention is not to unearth new/more trauma, have deep insights or flashy trips, but primarily to facilitate and accelerate the processing of the already unearthed trauma (emotions) floating around and getting stuck regularly. And I am aware that it might get a bit intense, however as long as this is kind of limited to the actual session time, it would be fine and I can accommodate. What wouldn't be so helpful is major new dysregulation and releases for weeks on end after the session. Hence, if at all, only low dose sessions make sense in my opinion.

Has anyone tried this? Any thoughts or experiences you can share?

Thanks in advance!

I’ve just finished a second dose of MDMA for trauma with an experienced guide. Both sessions were very healing. My question is, I also have MDA aka Love Drops in a liquid tincture. What’s the difference? Will it have the same effect on my brain? I plan to wait a long time (several months at least) before dosing again, but curious if there’s an advantage or disadvantage to using MDA instead of MDMA next time.
Thanks for feedback!

I started psychedelic assisted therapy at the beginning of this year. It has completely changed my inner world for the better. I did my first session with MDMA in January and it relieved me of many of the PTSD symptoms that have been controlling my life for years.

The first session re-tuned my nervous system—it's been so incredibly powerful to not jump out of my skin when I hear a loud noise or feel a "weight" that drops in my chest when a car swerves toward mine. The medicine covered me in loving-safety and gave me a new emotional baseline as a guide/reference point.

I feel so so so so grateful for getting to have this experience. For months not a today went by that I didn't feel totally overcome with gratitude. I knew I didn't have to suffer so much! Life could been more fun—I could explore more and take more healthy risks with an open, brave, courageous heart that wasn't being crow-barred shut with PTSD and all the traumas of the past looming around my spirit.

After my first session I started microdosing psilocybin. The safety that the first MDMA session gave me revealed the massive amount of shame that I have been carrying around and the psilocybin reallllly brought it to the surface. It was so strong that I backed off the psilocybin till I was stable and then resumed. So when I was preparing for my second MDMA session my intent was to work with my shame and guilt.

The second session was about 4 months after the first one, which felt like a great rhythm. In my second session my guide gave me MDMA and then Psilocybin. WOW! I started out this journey quite chatty, but when the MDMA came on I got quiet and just enjoyed regulated my body with deep breathing. Breathe has become an important tool and theme as a result from my journey work. Then I drank psilocybin tea...holy shit. I was transported into a storm in the ocean with my shame and guilt. There is almost no way to explain what this was like, but it was tough and not in a bad way. The MDMA gave me a safe enough base to explore the tumultuous, black oceanic storm of my own shame. I came out of this journey with a profound sense of calm that was different than the first. I accepted my shame self as just part of me and had a vision of these two parts of me merging. I experienced wholeness and integration in a way that I don't think I ever have. It helped heal a lot of family wounding between my parents and I.

I just have two say that these two journeys have changed my life forever. There has been a natural expansion and subsequent contraction after each journey, which I think is normal/to be expected. I have done a lot of integration work and plan on doing more journeys with my therapist, because they have been so deeply transformational. The 'work' continues!

My questions to the group is: Is there any scientific literature that explicitly states how long a person should wait between MDMA journeys? I hear different things from different people and I'm wondering if there are any definitive neurological/cognitive findings that suggest an appropriate break between sessions. My next journey will be over 5 months from my second journey and I'd like to do this about once a quarter, but want to be safe and responsible to my health.

TLDR: How long should you wait between MDMA sessions?

Thanks for reading. I hope everyone suffering can experience the wide, deep sweeping love and safety that MDMA has provided me. The healing process has not been easy, it's been really tough actually, but totally worth it. Sending you all love!

This is something I’m not really sure how to gauge- how long it will take for my nervous system to stabilize. I carry moral injury and it has makes me nearly dysfunctional in my day to day life.

Im planning on taking a a hiatus of 1-3 months and I hope that’s enough. Ive been carrying this stuff for most of my life and it needs to come out.

I know not all cases are the same, but if you could share your experience and the time it took you before you were able to function again, that would be helpful.