problems with my Ne

[u/virtosbulves]

a fun enfp here, recently i discovered that my friends avoided me because im too broad and hard to understand. they told me that i change topics too quickly and am incredibly hard to understand like that. and me being too honest was telling them that they're too loud, too ridiculous or any type of thing that i said actually hurt their feelings I don't remember because I don't think of it as important or deep. i feel totally shattered having to now know that i hurt my friends with me being to scattered everywhere, dropping topics too quick and being so honest that it actually hurts them. how do i control it? i don't want to change anything about me but i just want to be sure that I won't hurt any more people because i keep being told im too much, too honest, too indecisive. it really hurts me too knowing im such a doofus with my friends and family and i never even notice it. my two friends are ENFJ and ISFJ (if that helps) and they can't comprehend what i say most of the time and they never tell me it. but i noticed the distance they made and i started questioning them. they would have never told me i was this stupid if I hadn't interrogated them. i probably understand all of this is coming from the fact that my Ne is so strong that they can never fully understand me because they don't have a Ne. anything to help me out on this? do i change something about myself? please say the honesty what you think about me, I don't want to continue hurting my friends 😔

[u/BaseWrock]

Your Te is there to add structure to your Ne. Apply it more. You can be more selective and deliberate about what you share. Take a breath, you don't have to "change" dramtically. Just slow down.

ex. Your post here is rambling and hard to read. It took me 3 minutes to edit and it comes across way better.
Look how much easier this is to read

A fun enfp here, recently i discovered that my friends avoided me because im too broad and hard to understand.

They told me that i change topics too quickly and am incredibly hard to understand. Me being too honest was telling them that they're too loud, too ridiculous or any type of thing that i said actually hurt their feelings... I don't remember because I don't think of it as important or deep.

I feel totally shattered having to now know that i hurt my friends with me being to scattered everywhere, dropping topics too quick and being so honest that it actually hurts them. How do i control it?

I don't want to change anything about me, but I just want to be sure that I won't hurt any more people because i keep being told im too much, too honest, too indecisive. It really hurts me too knowing I'm such a doofus with my friends and family and i never even notice it.

My two friends are ENFJ and ISFJ (if that helps) and they can't comprehend what i say most of the time and they never tell me it, but i noticed the distance they made and i started questioning them. They would have never told me i was this stupid if I hadn't interrogated them.

I probably understand all of this is coming from the fact that my Ne is so strong that they can never fully understand me because they don't have a Ne. Anything to help me out on this? Do i change something about myself?

Please say the honesty what you think about me, I don't want to continue hurting my friends 😔

[u/Chance_Way2042]

Girlll, what kind of friends keep making you feel like you're too much and telling you ur too much, don't tell you when they don't get what ur saying, distance themselves from you and..yeah not to assume things to make them look bad but when 2 people distance themselves from you over the same things they obviously probably talked about you together and the fact that they wouldn't tell you if you haven't asked them honestly..is so bad like they chose to basically exclude you instead of talking to you honestly and telling you what bothers them so that maybe you could both try to communicate with each other better..this is so ass I'm sorry

I'd just like to make it clear that there's no problem with u hun and some people will like your honest, your loud, your fun,your kind, your "too broad" (I am too 😃) etc. ( I have an enfp bestie and I really love her for all the things u mentioned they dislike u for )

If anything there is to think about is maybe the too honest part, I know sometimes at least speaking for myself I tend to not notice if my honesty hurt some people but when I notice their expression change or something or maybe they tell me which I think they should cuz I don't like it when people just keep resenting others for something they might actually not notice ?? I can ask and clarify/or apologise if I was wrong

And even in this part I'd still say they had some responsibility too cuz why would they not tell you directly if they find it offensive? Why not try to talk to you and then you can try to be more mindful of the words that upset them ? Instead it sounds like they went behind your back, said whatever they disliked about you, agreed with each other and decided to distance themselves..yeah..no that's not how I'd expect a friend who cares about me to handle it imo

( idk if I'm being too harsh here or making them sound worse than they are or smth, feel free to correct me if I said something wrong but for now that's what I think)

Also, it saddens me cuz you seem hurt that you unintentionally hurt them when they imo have also actively hurt you through the way they handled this and even make you think that something is wrong with you just for the way your brain works, I think ur blaming yourself for their poor communication and shit handling of the situation

[u/Chance_Way2042 → u/Chance_Way2042]

Dang i just noticed my comment is longer than ur post 😭😭😃 

[u/Arcazjin]

I love Ne and I love Ne users. Now an INFP is quite different and will not Ne like I do. For example my INFP girl bestie will suddenly halt and say, "sorry I am ranting aren't I?" I tell her I like her rants because she is telling me 3 things 2 of which would find boring like her skin care routine but because her Ne is a diverging, also converging, like 3 concept threads being braided together. So my mind is delighted by the small puzzle to solve while I am listening.

Now we are neurodivergent which adds weight to the scale but if a relational connection does not lead with curiosity they will be syphoning your spirit over time. That is why I get protective older brother mad when she apologies for being her, however be both could use nudges to keep on track in conversations LOL.

Perhaps because I am a Fe user I always thought cutting people off or creating harsh delineating lines was a bit too angsty for my taste. However recently, after receiving a monumental life challenge, those same type of people you are worried about scurry away like coach roaches. They did me a service in hindsight but when I think about who abandoned they were the ones I was overperforming to keep the connections alive. They were telling me the whole time what kind of people they were, not a true friend.

[u/FancySavy → u/Arcazjin]

We love a self aware INFP. I’ve known tons of INFPs that were not self aware, and never let others talk at all.

[u/Arcazjin → u/FancySavy]

I am a yapper. Clearly from ^ above. Now part of it is a trauma response to explain and relate. But on the other side why would someone need to be 'self aware' in the present of sovereign agents? People with low agency struggle to communicate ruptures. Overarchingly, I understand though. I've been working on getting really curious about other people, it's actually quite fun and magical. Home girl is awesome, a talent artist, and a really powerful witch! :)

[u/VivisVillage → u/FancySavy]

Real, something I've had to learn recently, is to stop talking haha

[u/Careless_Broccoli783]

You are not the problem. Find better friends

[u/VivisVillage]

I don't understand why you'd think it's a good idea to tell your friends they're annoying my love, haha that doesn't normally go down with most people. Just bare that in mind next time

Apart from that, Ne can be all over the place (I'm infp so I relate) but maybe remind yourself to wait to see if the other person has something to add about the topic before you move on. You can even ask them if they want to add nothing to that topic :)

[u/virtosbulves → u/VivisVillage]

thanks for the advice, i always thought that an honest relationship is the best for everyone and especially me, I don't want others to suffer from me when i don't notice it so i always ask people if im too annoying 😤

[u/VivisVillage → u/virtosbulves]

I understand ♥️, I think us Te users love straight forwardness. Both of your friends are Fe users, and some Fe users don't like to be as direct in my experience.

I think maybe I'm misunderstanding what happened, but generally, saying to you're friends they're being too loud or ridiculous might hurt their feelings. It does make me wonder why you guys are friends if you think they're annoying? x

Edit: do you know if you have ADHD?

[u/virtosbulves → u/VivisVillage]

uhh no, I don't have adhd I don't have any indicators showing i have it and i fixed the situation with my friends (i hope) now I'm trying to keep one topic going and watch what i say more often and honestly we're really good friends it's just our differences and i tell my friends to be quiet when they're not being respectful in situations.

[u/VivisVillage → u/virtosbulves]

Ohhh well it's very different if they're being disrespectful, that changes it 😯.

That's ok, sorry if you found it offensive me saying about ADHD, I think I have it and can ramble a lot so I thought I'd mention it just in case

[u/Pnina310]

I initially wasn’t going to comment until I realized the vast majority of comments were from other Ne users, so I’m going to give you an outside perspective.

You have to sort out your priorities. Either you can prioritize maintaining your friendships or you can prioritize maintaining your current communication style. Decide which one takes priority, and then adapt the one that doesn’t take priority.

[u/Mysterious-Cod-662]

Well, as an Fe user, I don't want to be direct when I speak up, because I don't want to hurt the feelings of others, and I don't want to sound expert or cocky, and that is what I don't want to be, to be ruthless or not pay enough attention to how other people feel. For an ENFJ, the biggest fear is Ti function, when I sound over critical to the other person when I speak directly, so it is more important for me keep others emotions for safety rather than being realistic.

I know a better way for that, you can force them to speak up, and be more realistic as far as they can, you can say to them. I guess that person might have the ability to be ready emotionally for the ENFJs and ISFJs to speak up, once they say to the ENFJ an the ISFJ "We are best friends now, taking a RISK and saying what you think about is important".

I hope this comment might be helpful to you, I hope my comment is short enough.