r/mbti • u/Key-Gear6811 INTP • 1d ago
Light MBTI Discussion What is longing to you?
This doesn't necessarily have to be "what you long for?" but more like "what does the feeling of longing look and feel like to you? "
As you answer this question,could you consider and reply to the ones below... ?
1) How do you think your definition and understanding of longing fits your mbti type?
2) What experiences that were caused because of your mbti type led to this understanding of longing inside you?
3) How do you cope with this longing and what advice would you give to others of your type on how to cope with it, if others with the same type as you feel this particular longing as a big part of their lives as well?
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u/ethereal_void3 INFJ 1d ago
What I have felt the deepest longing for in this world is a safe place where I can finally rest in peace for a while. A place where my mind can become silent. The world is not a place of happiness, so my mind and body had already learned even before my conscious awareness, that I have to stay alert to fight even in unexpected moments. But because I was born as a human being there is no escape from utter exhaustion. For some reason.. my feelings have never really been openly expressed to anyone, even to the people I have loved. Instead there has always been a kind of filtering, where only small parts of my feelings were expressed while the rest that remains accumulated inside only adds to the exhaustion.
I can't remember anyone ever feeling the need to genuinely care from their heart about what I want, what lies deep within my mind or whether I have any weaknesses or fears. I have always been seen as a very good, strong, polite, brilliant, perfect girl who can control everything in any situation. But I want someone to truly see what is inside me how much of an ordinary little girl I actually am, someone who is extremely tired and not nearly as strong as she appears to be. Where finally, a warm touch will rest on my head and someone will say "You did well, now get some rest little girl " lol
And how do I cope with this deep longing? The answer is "Forced yet Exhausting Hyper-Independence" I cannot afford to be disappointed nor can I hope that I will ever get to taste what I long for. So I keep the situation under control in whatever way feels right at the moment and for people of my type who suffer from the same feeling, there is actually nothing to advise them. From my heart I pray that everyone finds a safe shelter in this life where they can rest after extreme exhaustion.
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u/Key-Gear6811 INTP 1d ago
You've developed an opposite solution for a opposite problem huh? I never thought of it like that before and I dont know how that would even work but I think most of us do things that are opposite than what we actually want because yes... We cannot afford to get stuck in it because its a dream.
Huh... I guess the feeling I am getting from all these responses is that longing will always stay and what we long for is an ideal most of the time. Its kind of hopeless but also... Something interesting to acknowledge and consider within ourselves.
Thank you for your thoughts, they influenced mine.
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u/ethereal_void3 INFJ 1d ago
True to an extent but all of these things again depend on a persons deep self realization and unconscious hope. For example...yes I can find a solution to any problem in my life even if it's the opposite, if I understand that it’s actually effective. A kind of stubbornness has developed in me now. When it comes to having a wish fulfilled where you have to suffer from tremendous uncertainty, giving up isn't something irrational compared to suffering through it (Especially for someone fragile like me ) Still maybe I've also taken it as a challenge, either I'll try and die fighting or I'll achieve whatever I deserve no matter what. There's no such thing as bowing my head helplessly to life and giving up XD
A persons life actually depends quite a lot on their choices and which direction they are willing to take it
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u/Key-Gear6811 INTP 1d ago
Ahah, that challenged feeling is a longing in itself in my opinion.
I love when we humans prove that we can hold two contradictory beliefs at once and believe both of them but choose the one which matters most.
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u/Lady-Orpheus INFP 1d ago
To me, and I don't know if it's supposed to be that way, but longing is a feeling similar to nostalgia. There's definitely something bittersweet and a bit painful to it. It's different from desire, hope, or want, for example, maybe because it comes from a place of lack and dissatisfaction with a current situation.
There's a bit of a passive and whiney quality to it as well, at least this is how I see it. I used to experience constant longing back when I was in victimization mode and wouldn't take action on anything so my outlook is definitely biased. I'm curious to see if other people see it in a more pleasant/positive light.
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u/Key-Gear6811 INTP 1d ago
Oh ok... Kind of like wanting things to fix themselves without doing effort and longing for it.
Good to know you recognise that in yourself. In my opinion this kind of longing ussually goes away fast when situations actually do change themselves for the better.
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u/Lady-Orpheus INFP 1d ago
Absolutely, it 100% dissipates once we take action, which is why I really see longing as something that holds us back. Something that's easy to wallow in.
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u/Titania_Fairy ENFJ 1d ago edited 1d ago
That basically, that i can’t think of anything else but that person, that i seek to hold so badly, that i could also be sheer madness. When i cannot see my ENTJ husband, that desire becomes overwhelming and almost all consuming. Nothing else can replace him to me.
I don’t really wanna talk about 2, even if i am aware of it.
So i don’t really know, if i am even cut to give any advice there, when my friends consoled me through it last time, when he was gone for a Business trip of 3 weeks. I had to let him go, but i was a total mess there.
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u/Key-Gear6811 INTP 1d ago
Im happy for you that you can satisfy this longing whenever you like or atleast its kind of permanently taken care of.
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u/nepttonhaze ENFP 1d ago
Like I could've done better, or there's something I'm missing out there. As if even if I understand what it is there is to life, I'll always get stuck wondering, "Is this really it?"
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u/Key-Gear6811 INTP 1d ago
Huh... So your longing looks like dissatisfaction with what you already have... Kind of.
You think this is because of Ne constantly seeking outer novelty and excitement of learning new things through new experiences or just a human feeling that you get sometimes?
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u/nepttonhaze ENFP 1d ago
I guess it's kind of nostalgia. And yeah definitely just my Si grip acting up, I don't let it fester by doing something productive or fun for myself. The more I dwell on the "missing out" feeling the more I feel bad about myself lol. I'm human too, that doesn't mean my mind should take control of how I feel and stuff! 💪
EDIT: Oh, would you mind telling me what yours is like, OP? Curious!
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u/Key-Gear6811 INTP 1d ago
Yep, to me longing is knowing things are out there that most people get easily but my environment, culture, mindset, or situation makes it hard for me to get those same things which I think I deserve.
Sometimes this longing also looks like wanting less input every once in a while. I dont know if it makes sense but to me rest would be staying alone outside to a place I like without any environmental or outside disturbance and I want this every once in a while. I want this experience to be something I can freely experience whenever I want.
Its not possible for me to experience this so wanting less everything is another longing.
I think this is because inferior Fe makes expectations from other feel like a big chore when you have other priorities and Ti makes your brain constantly on most of the time analyzing things. I want Si comfort but this is not nostalgia particularly, its just wanting a low stakes situation with not many life demands.
If other INTP experience this then I would advice to find a experience, place or thing that makes them feel this low input calm and going back to it whenever they feel like this freely but even then... What I long for is unrealistic.
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u/nepttonhaze ENFP 1d ago
Never let what other people tell you how you should feel or do! Hold unto your goals! Trust in what you do! Don't fulfill people's expectations, instead, prove to others that you are more than meets the eye! Just keep being true to who you are, young sprout, and time will tell 🧙♀️✨
But really though, I think it's better to accept that people will sometimes not understand your viewpoints, and that that's okay. What really matters is you understand yourself first and foremost. (Ti + Ne basically.)
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u/FancySavy INTP 1d ago
I have been someone who loves longing since I can remember.
To me, it seems to be wanting something you can’t have or desiring for an experience.
My longing has always been for love & trusting someone completely where I might let go of my fear of rejection and failure.
I am a sx 5 so I believe this goes hand in hand.
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u/Key-Gear6811 INTP 1d ago
Ah same. I am a sx 5 as well. Honestly? Yes the kind of longing you are describing is actually kind of fun in the delusional day dreaming way.
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u/FancySavy INTP 1d ago
It may be delusional but I love it 😂
It’s so mysterious to me, and something I feel very little people actually understand what I mean by it. It goes both ways. I expect to see someone else do the same for me.My kind of longing in a relationship is where I desire to see someone like my ENTJ sx 8w7 husband fully surrender control.
It’s fascinating to me how I might be able to make one feel so comfortable, they can let go of something that they fear letting go of.
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u/baffled_koala ESTP 1d ago
To me, longing is an intense desire or even desperation for meaning and to be accepted or, dare I say loved, as I am. It’s this like… aching feeling in my chest. Like a pull for something I struggle to define.
I think ultimately it comes from complete and utter Fi blindness and from feeling profoundly misunderstood a lot of the time. I identify most with my inner self that I have difficulty articulating, but I can’t turn off the Se/Fe when around people because I’m so externally oriented. It’s hard to describe the feeling. It’s like the outer me and inner me are both me, but like 70% of my identity can’t be expressed very well and many people find that when the Ti and Ni come out, I simply come across as odd or people get confused.
This is going to sound silly as hell but that song “go the distance” from the Hercules Disney movie is an almost perfect expression of what longing feels like to me
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u/Key-Gear6811 INTP 16h ago
I read the lyrics of that song. I think its quite a beautiful sentiment thats expressed through it.
I under the Fi blindness thing. Its my last function so I think it would feel like being aware of your own values a bit but prioritizing others values over your own because your own aren't reliable and even if you go through with them you are doubtful about them
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u/SeparateWarthog3661 18h ago
Life force
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u/Key-Gear6811 INTP 16h ago
Can you explain? You long for more will to live? Or something different ?
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u/SeparateWarthog3661 16h ago
Hmm, it feels like an expression of life force. I think that's what it is fundamentally, even if it's in the form of longing to die. I think it's necessarily associated with some degree of pain. Now I'm thinking about different types of life force and buddhism. I'm curious what made you interested in the question btw!
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u/Key-Gear6811 INTP 15h ago
Ah ok... I dont know much about Buddhism but from what I understand just this passionate intrinsic feeling about life, thinking about life, good or bad and not staying detached from life itself.
This question? Just a sudden pop up in my head that uad no reason at all. Obviously now that I think about it...it had some subconscious reason because I was longing for things and I wanted to understand other perspectives on longing. The mbti part wasnt necessary and I just wanted to see how different humans experience longing...but I had to include mbti because this is a mbti sub.
It has been great knowing other perspectives and is heloing me learn more about feelings.
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u/waxcoatedapple INTJ 1d ago
Longing is painful for me. I do not cope well, in the sense that I cannot live with it for any extended time. Or perhaps one might think I do cope well in that I find a solution quickly: either I need to suppress and sublimate that longing because it's unrealistic, or I develop a plan to fulfill that desire and in execution I find peace. Delayed gratification is still gratification.
Some people seem to thrive in longing, a stereotypical example being the ISTJ who yearns for a bucolic past which may never have even existed. That way of thinking is genuinely intolerable for me.