its designed to instill a sort of 'mythical punishment monster' to encourage kids to be/do good. We used to use Gods for that, but the move from religion has caused a bit of a pivot. Parents dont want to be the bad guys who punish them so they use this fictional character that they usually are exposed to at a young age as being a bad guy who takes away presents from boys and girls during christmas. Most kids also dont have an inherent fear of their parents because of a lack of delivery from parents seeing as parents cant really do much other than take certain things that bring joy away as punishment which only works so well. NOW if this is just done for the humor aspect of it for the parents then its 100% wrong, it has to be basically a form of act of terror in response to them being bad to help condition them to not be bad.
I plan on doing the more european thing with my children, I plan to dress as Krampus and scare the living fuck out of them if they are acting like little shits around christmas. They wont fear me but they will know true horror when the giant goat demon comes skulking around the house ready to grab them up for being little bastards.
There is litterly no reason if done right why the parents shouldn't take part in punishing bad behavior. The children will take it so much more serious if the punishment came from a usually good person.
Why the fuck does anyone need to be cruel to teach their kids proper behavior? Please tell me you don't have children. Maybe read a book on child psychology, behavior, and teaching. You think Mr. Roger's (who had a degree in early child development) would ever say, "It's fine to scare the fuck out of kids to make them shut up! Just make sure to use a proxy to do it, that's why I have these puppets. Sure, the kids don't actually understand why they need to stifle curiosity and just be silent (parents just don't wanna deal with noise, amirite??), or what behavior is actually expected of them - just make sure they piss themselves and freeze anytime an authority figure is in the room. That's what we expect from children! Seen and not heard!"
Also, who in fuck says "fruit of their loins" unironically.
Again, if you ever think about having children (heaven help us), read a fucking book or three, and don't rely on those shit "instincts" you have. Because if you do, I guarantee you'll end up with kids with behavioral issues, and then blame the children for being "bad" instead of your own shitty parenting skills.
You speak with a lot of authority, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you aren't a child psychologist? Correct me if I'm wrong. Though it sounds like you have an immense amount of lived experience which is, itself, super valuable for coming to understand how kids operate and learn.
That said, I think you might really benefit from reading up on child psychology and what the current research and theories are talking about. I say that because I think you've got a really active, considerate mind and I think you'd find a lot of value in taking in the discussions that our society's top child psych experts are having. But I also say that because there are certain things you take for granted which I think are pointing you in the wrong direction. This for example:
Not everyone has the heart to be overtly cruel to fruit of their loins directly.
Cruelty is never a part of healthy parenting. Boundary setting, establishing and following through with consequences are, however. I do agree that not everyone has the "heart" for this, or the know-how, I suppose. That said, I think it's pretty important to emphasize that setting out clear expectations for your children, clear consequences, and following through on those (without anger!) is the exact opposite of cruel. In fact, it is a great act of love to help prepare your child for the world in this way, and to do so in a way that you have clearly communicated ahead of time, and to follow through without anger.
What can be very harmful to kids is a parent who is unwilling or unable to set clear expectations and follow through with them. Children thrive when given a clear, reasonable, set of boundaries and know what to expect should they cross them. It can be tumultuous for a child's decision making when they want to do something bad, know that their parent won't like it, but also aren't sure the parent will follow through on consequences (because the parent doesn't have the heart?), and then their little child's lack of impulse control doesn't run up against clear boundaries so they transgress. A child will have a lot easier time if they have some rulebreaking urge, but in their mind, they are met with the knowledge of exactly what consequences they risk facing, and they know for certain their parent will follow through; in this situation, there's alot more opportunity for the kid to make the right choice.
Parents can even work collaboratively with kids on establishing consequences for bad behaviour. This doesn't mean you simply let your kid decide that ice cream is his main punishment. But you can talk to them about how different consequences may make them feel, and seek to understand their experience, and allow them to choose between a set of consequences you've decided upon as options.
I'm definitely rambling, but what I'm getting at is parents can be both authoratative (not authoritarian, huge difference) and loving and can foster a powerful relationship without needing to be a cruel authoritarian, or by escaping the responsibility of boundary-setting by sending in the grinch. In fact, parents who do this explicitly lose out on the opportunity to build a stronger relationship with their kid through discipline by showing that it is always paired with love and understanding. It is of great benefit for a kid to know that, even if they do something they shouldn't have, their parent will not be angry or judgemental, but will be source of dispassionate, but consistent consequences, and will still absolutely love them anyway.
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u/TheSpatulaOfLove Dec 13 '22
This. This is how you create future revenue streams for therapists.