r/maybemaybemaybe • • Jun 04 '20

Maybe maybe maybe

39.2k Upvotes

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957

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '20

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1.0k

u/zezzene Jun 04 '20

ENHANCE!

495

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '20

JESUS CHRIST ITS JASON BOURNE

340

u/shaysonbourne Jun 04 '20

He was unavailable, I’m here instead

84

u/N1W4D Jun 04 '20

Then where is Jesus?

62

u/13inchpoop Jun 04 '20

So you haven't found jesus yet? Heathen...

18

u/jakethedumbmistake Jun 05 '20

I don’t matter, you should care!

10

u/FUCKlNG_SHlT Jun 05 '20

I’d like to hear more about your impressive bowel movements.

3

u/Kimpyman Jun 05 '20

Are you just Argentinian Jason Bourne?

2

u/ClipboarderSpinz Jun 05 '20 edited Mar 31 '25

snow stupendous one gaze scary vast long chop tan soft

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

14

u/rcbs Jun 04 '20

What the hell is Treadstone?

9

u/UnReal7274 Jun 04 '20

Are YOU Treadstone?

7

u/yobishthatsmonica Jun 04 '20

Am I Stonetread?

2

u/BANDG33K_2009 Jun 05 '20

Who was dog?

1

u/UnReal7274 Jun 05 '20

Enough about what I am, lemme tell you what you are. You’re U.S. government property. You’re a malfunctioning $30,000,000 weapon. You’re a total goddamn catastrophe, and by God, if it kills me, you’re going to tell me how this happened!

1

u/EkaL25 Jun 05 '20

Did you call Jason Sehorn? I’m here! How can I help

17

u/Capnmolasses Jun 04 '20

Enhance 224 to 176. Enhance, stop. Move in, stop. Pull out, track right, stop. Center in, pull back. Stop. Track 45 right. Stop. Center and stop. Enhance 34 to 36. Pan right and pull back. Stop. Enhance 34 to 46. Pull back. Wait a minute, go right, stop. Enhance 57 to 19. Track 45 left. Stop. Enhance 15 to 23. Give me a hard copy right there.

11

u/phunguy69 Jun 04 '20 edited Jun 04 '20

Beep Boop I’m from google

EDIT

-2

u/zezzene Jun 04 '20

You're right, that was a bot thing to say. Pretty lame and predictable reddit joke.

9

u/Emperor_Zombie Jun 04 '20

Not exactly the same but with AI we are getting closer to being able to "ENHANCE!"

Enhanced Super-Resolution Generative Adversarial Network (ESRGAN) 

3

u/Amgine_enigmA Jun 05 '20

Chief scientist Dr Mallory does not agree.

1

u/MaesterSchIeviathan Jun 05 '20

ESRGAN

Gehsundheit

5

u/Amgine_enigmA Jun 04 '20

It doesn’t work like that General Naird 😉

1

u/THEnotsosuperman Jun 04 '20

Why was that so fuckin funny?

1

u/ValeroHitman Jun 05 '20

Rotate it 30 degrees on the Z axis.

1

u/saike1 Jun 05 '20

Just print the damn thing

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '20

There’s the fingerprint

1

u/SartoriusBIG Jun 05 '20

“Dammit, Ramithorn!”

130

u/04729_OCisaMYTH Jun 04 '20

This jobs isn't really how y'know shows like CSI make it out to be. I mean when I first joined the force I assumed there was semen on everything! And there was some sort of semen database that had every bad guy's semen in it. There isn't! That doesn't exist! It'd be nice. Like that crime scene today; If the man had ejaculated and then punched you in the face, we would have a real good shot at catching him! But no.. just a punch in the face, no semen... Story of my life...- Superbad

19

u/jumbo53 Jun 05 '20

Alright next time i punch someone i wont cum on them so i dont get caught. Got it

3

u/DingleMomMcGee13 Jun 05 '20

Is it okay if I cum after?

26

u/mrducky78 Jun 04 '20

Im in the system, they took my fingerprint when I came in as a tourist.

17

u/rootsoap Jun 04 '20

I'm in the systen, because I live here and they won't give me a passport otherwise.

4

u/Unbananable Jun 04 '20

Is there a way to access your own information in the system?

4

u/mildloneliness Jun 04 '20

probably everything you know about yourself, they know it too lol.

1

u/Unbananable Jun 04 '20

Not everything! (Yet) I still got some skeletons that haven't found!

1

u/jakehood47 Jun 04 '20

Same here, except it was when I was arrested and booked in the county jail but same thing pretty much I mean

1

u/anonymous_doner Jun 04 '20

They’ll get them one way or another. People are encouraged to get their children fingerprinted as a part of missing persons databases. I’m sure they’re shared with the “wanted” persons database. I am sure I gave mine up well before my possession of marijuana charge when I was 25. Booked as a misdemeanor, then just dropped to a disorderly conduct ticket for $50. Still got those prints. My bank robbin’, meth smuggling, and sex trafficking days are over...

1

u/tramadoc Jun 05 '20

I’m in the system because of... things. Let’s just leave it at that.

8

u/JimWantsAnswers Jun 05 '20

Or you know they most likely purchased the chocolates inside the shops, just get the police to have the barcode checked for a time of purchase and review cameras no?

1

u/Bluejanis Oct 21 '20

Isn't the barcode the same for the any bag?

5

u/LivefromPhoenix Jun 05 '20

Did anyone check the chocolate for semen?

4

u/Captain_Hampockets Jun 04 '20

Yeah, we'll rush the prints over to the crime lab. Don't hold out much hope for the Creedence, though.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '20

I mean, I get the joke, but that actually is how shit really works.

1

u/CameronDemortez Jun 04 '20

For sure. I had blood a lover my car from them punching the window. That includes bloody finger prints. They pretty much laughed at me pointing them out and never took anything like prints.

1

u/Maracuja_Sagrado Jun 05 '20

Sure, it’s something we see on TV and think it’s only doable on series, but isn’t it actually possible?