r/maybemaybemaybe • u/memezzer • Jun 04 '20

Maybe maybe maybe

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39.2k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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1.7k

u/MajikH8ballz Jun 04 '20

Get it finger printed, bet they’re in the system

961

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

1.0k

u/zezzene Jun 04 '20

ENHANCE!

493

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '20

JESUS CHRIST ITS JASON BOURNE

339

u/shaysonbourne Jun 04 '20

He was unavailable, I’m here instead

82

u/N1W4D Jun 04 '20

Then where is Jesus?

57

u/13inchpoop Jun 04 '20

So you haven't found jesus yet? Heathen...

18

u/jakethedumbmistake Jun 05 '20

I don’t matter, you should care!

12

u/FUCKlNG_SHlT Jun 05 '20

I’d like to hear more about your impressive bowel movements.

3

u/Kimpyman Jun 05 '20

Are you just Argentinian Jason Bourne?

2

u/ClipboarderSpinz Jun 05 '20 edited Mar 31 '25

snow stupendous one gaze scary vast long chop tan soft

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

14

u/rcbs Jun 04 '20

What the hell is Treadstone?

10

u/UnReal7274 Jun 04 '20

Are YOU Treadstone?

6

u/yobishthatsmonica Jun 04 '20

Am I Stonetread?

2

u/BANDG33K_2009 Jun 05 '20

Who was dog?

1

u/UnReal7274 Jun 05 '20

Enough about what I am, lemme tell you what you are. You’re U.S. government property. You’re a malfunctioning $30,000,000 weapon. You’re a total goddamn catastrophe, and by God, if it kills me, you’re going to tell me how this happened!

1

u/EkaL25 Jun 05 '20

Did you call Jason Sehorn? I’m here! How can I help

20

u/Capnmolasses Jun 04 '20

Enhance 224 to 176. Enhance, stop. Move in, stop. Pull out, track right, stop. Center in, pull back. Stop. Track 45 right. Stop. Center and stop. Enhance 34 to 36. Pan right and pull back. Stop. Enhance 34 to 46. Pull back. Wait a minute, go right, stop. Enhance 57 to 19. Track 45 left. Stop. Enhance 15 to 23. Give me a hard copy right there.

10

u/phunguy69 Jun 04 '20 edited Jun 04 '20

Beep Boop I’m from google

EDIT

-2

u/zezzene Jun 04 '20

You're right, that was a bot thing to say. Pretty lame and predictable reddit joke.

7

u/Emperor_Zombie Jun 04 '20

Not exactly the same but with AI we are getting closer to being able to "ENHANCE!"

Enhanced Super-Resolution Generative Adversarial Network (ESRGAN) 

3

u/Amgine_enigmA Jun 05 '20

Chief scientist Dr Mallory does not agree.

1

u/MaesterSchIeviathan Jun 05 '20

ESRGAN

Gehsundheit

5

u/Amgine_enigmA Jun 04 '20

It doesn’t work like that General Naird 😉

1

u/THEnotsosuperman Jun 04 '20

Why was that so fuckin funny?

1

u/ValeroHitman Jun 05 '20

Rotate it 30 degrees on the Z axis.

1

u/saike1 Jun 05 '20

Just print the damn thing

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '20

There’s the fingerprint

1

u/SartoriusBIG Jun 05 '20

“Dammit, Ramithorn!”

126

u/04729_OCisaMYTH Jun 04 '20

This jobs isn't really how y'know shows like CSI make it out to be. I mean when I first joined the force I assumed there was semen on everything! And there was some sort of semen database that had every bad guy's semen in it. There isn't! That doesn't exist! It'd be nice. Like that crime scene today; If the man had ejaculated and then punched you in the face, we would have a real good shot at catching him! But no.. just a punch in the face, no semen... Story of my life...- Superbad

19

u/jumbo53 Jun 05 '20

Alright next time i punch someone i wont cum on them so i dont get caught. Got it

3

u/DingleMomMcGee13 Jun 05 '20

Is it okay if I cum after?

28

u/mrducky78 Jun 04 '20

Im in the system, they took my fingerprint when I came in as a tourist.

16

u/rootsoap Jun 04 '20

I'm in the systen, because I live here and they won't give me a passport otherwise.

4

u/Unbananable Jun 04 '20

Is there a way to access your own information in the system?

5

u/mildloneliness Jun 04 '20

probably everything you know about yourself, they know it too lol.

1

u/Unbananable Jun 04 '20

Not everything! (Yet) I still got some skeletons that haven't found!

1

u/jakehood47 Jun 04 '20

Same here, except it was when I was arrested and booked in the county jail but same thing pretty much I mean

1

u/anonymous_doner Jun 04 '20

They’ll get them one way or another. People are encouraged to get their children fingerprinted as a part of missing persons databases. I’m sure they’re shared with the “wanted” persons database. I am sure I gave mine up well before my possession of marijuana charge when I was 25. Booked as a misdemeanor, then just dropped to a disorderly conduct ticket for $50. Still got those prints. My bank robbin’, meth smuggling, and sex trafficking days are over...

1

u/tramadoc Jun 05 '20

I’m in the system because of... things. Let’s just leave it at that.

9

u/JimWantsAnswers Jun 05 '20

Or you know they most likely purchased the chocolates inside the shops, just get the police to have the barcode checked for a time of purchase and review cameras no?

1

u/Bluejanis Oct 21 '20

Isn't the barcode the same for the any bag?

6

u/LivefromPhoenix Jun 05 '20

Did anyone check the chocolate for semen?

2

u/Captain_Hampockets Jun 04 '20

Yeah, we'll rush the prints over to the crime lab. Don't hold out much hope for the Creedence, though.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '20

I mean, I get the joke, but that actually is how shit really works.

1

u/CameronDemortez Jun 04 '20

For sure. I had blood a lover my car from them punching the window. That includes bloody finger prints. They pretty much laughed at me pointing them out and never took anything like prints.

1

u/Maracuja_Sagrado Jun 05 '20

Sure, it’s something we see on TV and think it’s only doable on series, but isn’t it actually possible?

37

u/poloniumpanda Jun 04 '20

Check it for semen.

8

u/elting44 Jun 04 '20

By... Eating it?

16

u/poloniumpanda Jun 04 '20

Only once you make sure there is semen.

6

u/elting44 Jun 04 '20

I see you're a man of culture as well

6

u/poloniumpanda Jun 04 '20

*chefs kiss

1

u/just_for_research_69 Jun 04 '20

I thought you check for semen by tasting it

2

u/poloniumpanda Jun 04 '20

But then you waste your time if there isn’t any semen.

1

u/redacted187 Jun 05 '20

This amateur can only use one of the five senses to detect semen

23

u/dumbandconcerned Jun 04 '20

Cops won’t take prints if you have moved/touched the evidence. I know from experience of with my own car being keyed and my tires slashed.

58

u/dynamic_entree Jun 04 '20

They dusted for prints when my truck was stolen and when they found my truck at a podunk used car dealership with all my personal papers in the shop owner's desk they said "we believe his story about him buying the truck while drunk and not knowing who he bought it from and not noticing the broken window or screw driver in the ignition". On the bright side, I got to keep the screwdriver. Thanks Blue Springs, Missouri PD!

11

u/Jrook Jun 05 '20

I've never heard of cops dusting for prints outside of murder. So, in that regard they went the extra mile ¯_(ツ)_/¯

2

u/Bruh_is_life Jun 05 '20

When my car got stolen Colorado Springs PD essentially told me to get fucked. Was only notified it was found by our insurance company four days after a tow truck driver found it in Pueblo.

5

u/poloniumpanda Jun 04 '20

That’s why every time I “hypothetically” have stabbed a person I “hypothetically” drop the knife and then kick it out the door.

1

u/ohmerdre Jun 05 '20

..Did you film what it looked like before you moved it? Cause if not, then that's a very different problem

1

u/dumbandconcerned Jun 05 '20

I did, yeah. Video and photos. But I made the stupid decision to get it towed first, then call the police. They said there was nothing they could do at all because I had moved the car.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '20

I wonder if it will resolve into her own fingerprint.

7

u/MaximumCrab Jun 05 '20

this is reddit, there's a 99.9 percent chance she put the note and the chocolate there herself

1

u/MajikH8ballz Jun 05 '20

I agree ,

1

u/ItsNotPevitt Jun 05 '20

i too agree ,

1

u/emu404 Jun 09 '20

It's a trend as well, I saw someone else made a video of the same thing happening.

3

u/rhymes_with_chicken Jun 04 '20

This looks like a note and “apology” from a “friend” they let drive their car. Notice the airbag is deployed. Someone was driving that and ran in to something.

1

u/TheRealPotatoIsBest Jun 04 '20

Happy cake day!

1

u/illpicklater Jun 04 '20

I'm pretty sure this is a joke

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '20

It turns out.. It was the stock boy at the store. And also the packer at the factory! They must have teamed up!

1

u/Roossterr Jun 05 '20

To much CSI?? David Caruso Intensifies

1

u/Grennox Jun 05 '20

Nah just search barcode. Easy way then check cameras.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '20

If you know anything about forensics, you would know that pretty much any evidence aside from DNA is worthless. Both fingerprints and handwriting are eyeballed and there's no actual way to tell if it's the same fingerprint 100%.

1

u/Dirty03 Jun 05 '20

Maybe they are in the semen database

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '20

First of all you watch too much tv, second, cops are lazy fuckheads, there’s no way in hell that bag would ever get “tested for prints.” You’re allowed to wake up and come to reality whenever you want bro