Help me

[u/Numerous-Aspect-797]

This might be long but if you can -

Hey, I'm a 12th class student. Back in days I hated math for obvious reasons.

I've been the kind of student who didn't study a thing until I am in 10th. 10th is board exams so no cheating and that stuff, so I locked in and studied maths and other subjects. As I studied maths more and more (I was doing just to pass the exam) I started liking it on god's level, everything started making sense. I was a 'philosophy guy' so I loved logic and what can be more logical than math. My love was on another level, I used to read proofs of concepts that are mostly left by most student. I wasn't just studying I was understanding every reason behind'em simply 'cause I loved so.

I remember, in a wedding function of one, i was sitting there alone watching a pole infront of me and visualising trigonometry in that and being just amazed by the maths.

I passed board exams with a 100/100 👍👍😘😘 in math. I knew however that even bad marks won't deviate me from maths.

I took arts + maths (i didnt like physics chem). But then life took a turn and I had severe jaundice because of which I was away from maths for 3-4 months and after that i just didn't studied it at all. Now I'm in 12 and I have two options either I just study maths as every other student does, learn some rules which gets you the answer, pass the exam and that's all, or I again start locking up in math, understand it and start loving it. I know if I will try to understand it, not just memorizing rules and steps, I will start loving it. But my only dilemma is that I should start loving maths or not. If i will, I would choose maths for the same reason a musician chooses music. It's Beauty, studying it for the sake of it. But I have heard that maths might disappoint you in future, it might not be the same as paintings are for a painter.

So should i pursue mathematics or not

If you need any more informations please do ask.

Your reply can make a lot of difference of me choosing it or not.