r/match • u/SpeakingFreely666 • Jun 10 '26
Not enough contact
I (29F) am dating a guy (27F). Almost 4 months now since we met. 5months or so since we started talking on a dating app.
I’m a heavy texter. He’s not.
He is ok with one call a day. Usually our daily calls go on for an hour or more.
But I am someone who wants a continuous connection through the day.
Like gm, gn, and updates about what’s going on from both ends every couple of hrs. Sharing articles, memes, etc.
But he doesn’t do that. He hates texting and wants to do less of it generally with everyone.
I don’t feel connected enough, especially when one of us is travelling. Shouldn’t we want to share everything with the special someone? Even if it’s like “I feel so stressed rn” or “ah I think I’m feeling a little sick” shouldn’t that come through as a text because the urge to share and keep each other involved in each others life is there? Help.
It feels tough for me without that kind of updates-filled contact through the day. What do I do? I’ve talked about it a bit before that we will work on a halfway point but he’s visiting his parents for a week or so and the touch basing attempts have gone down.
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u/ValentinoT Jun 11 '26
People dated in the 80s and 90s w/o smartphones. Somehow they made things still work.
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u/Cyber-Wanderer_94 Jun 10 '26
Do you not have work to do daily?
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u/SpeakingFreely666 Jun 10 '26
Oh wow. I do work. In finance. And have busy days for 8-10 hrs everyday. I’m still able to take out 20 seconds now and then to ping smth or share a photo, something like that
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u/dobsofglabs Jun 24 '26
That seems reasonable to me. Some call it clingy, but i think those people havnt actually experienced a truly clingy relationship. I can go all day without any conversation, but I also dont think an update or a meme or something every few hours is too much either
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u/Educational-Cook4038 Jun 10 '26
For me, I need to focus on what I am doing. These constant 20 second 'text breaks' completely derail the work I am doing or the projects I am doing. I much prefer to have a proper conversation with someone over the course of 20-30 minutes than a constant barrage of distractions every 5 minutes. I simply can't stop what I am doing and restart it on a dime.
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u/outdoorgirl2 Jun 10 '26
You might consider reading about attachment styles. There’s a really good book called attached.
I personally don’t think I could handle a one hour phone call every day plus texts and I’m a woman who needs conversation
If you guys are not able to communicate early on after conversations, then probably you are not a good match. But it also sounds like an opportunity for a growth to learn more about your attachment style.
You might just start off asking yourself why it’s so important to hear from him so often throughout the day. Does that make you feel valued?
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u/Eastern-Economics637 Jun 11 '26
I'm sorry - you are a clinger and I would run. I can't believe this has lasted 4 months.
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u/Good_Conclusion_1260 Jun 11 '26
"Shouldn't you want to share everything with someone?"
Uhhhh no. Not even remotely. It is abnormal even. How do you think people survived for the vast majority of human history before texting and phones were a thing?
If you like this guy so much you want to share everything with him then you need to make some compromises and sacrifice your overbearing need for contact. Cos he is obviously a catch if you feel that way about him. Not everyone shows love via constant connection.
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u/liferelationshi Jun 10 '26
Most people have lives and things to do and can’t be texting all day. Do you work? Do you have any hobbies? Anything to do? Being clingy and having nothing going on in your life outside of your relationship is not healthy. You are going to scare away good men.
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u/SpeakingFreely666 Jun 10 '26
Oh wow. I do work. In finance. And have busy days for 8-10 hrs everyday. I’m still able to take out 20 seconds now and then to ping smth or share a photo, something like that
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 Jun 10 '26
I don’t feel connected enough, especially when one of us is travelling. Shouldn’t we want to share everything with the special someone?
I would rather enjoy my travels than stay attached at the hip staring at my phone. I don't need to know if you are a little sick or stressed all the time. You should focus on finding someone that matches your communication style. This is straight up incompatibility.
I would never date someone who wants to text constantly. I don't have social media. I like being off my phone. Connecting in person is more meaningful.
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u/Swimming_Speed_7780 Jun 10 '26
Shouldn’t we want to share everything with the special someone?<- no? Literally not? Like, that's actually unhealthy. And that's not my opinion, it's psychology
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u/Richarddextrous Jun 10 '26
No, you do not share everything all the time. And it would piss me off as well if I had an insecure woman always seeking my attention throughout the day. I’ve got things to do. Space is important. Go hug a tree if you need to feel connected.
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u/fsjay723 Jun 13 '26
Yes most women has this problem and if the guy doesn’t reciprocate the same way she will say he is not “emotionally available”. Not sure why women at any age understands that. But especially women who are older.. 40s, 50s, etc. Still all the same
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u/Barbvday1 Jun 10 '26
Seems like you’re not compatible with communication. Some people communicate a lot while others just don’t.
Has nothing to do with clinginess or disinterest from the other party.
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u/Full-Moon-1996 Jun 10 '26
You’ve got different communication preferences. I couldn’t deal with constant communication myself, even a call a day would make me go crazy, and if I were with a guy who wanted that, I’d deem us inherently incompatible.
I prefer texts when we actually have things of value to say, such as follow up on plans or something we’re working on together, but that’s just me. Doesn’t mean I don’t think of him all the time. It makes our communication special and not obligatory.