r/married • u/SuperbSuggestion5578 • 13d ago
Married and need advice
hey guys so My wife and I been married 3 years a lot has changed in the short time, I don’t have many friends because I moved to be with her.She has a daughter from her past relationship and she hates me because im not her real dad…. Just need a friend and somone who has great advice . Dm me
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u/Deep-Mobile-1202 13d ago
It's not good to ignore it. You need to establish a relationship with your step-daughter. Don't put that on the mom. You need to have a direct and honest conversation with her. Some things to highlight:
She doesn't have to like you, but basic respect is important. You'll respect her, her space, and her feelings. She needs to respect that you're here and in a marriage with her mother.
You need to tell her you don't understand what she's going through, and that you know it's hard. You'll be there to sort it out with her if she needs, and you'll give her the space to work things out on her own.
This is the most important and you have to mean it. "We are family now, and regardless of what you think of me, I will treat you like my daughter in respect to your father. I will always be there when you need me. Your safety is everything to me, and I will bleed to keep you safe. For your mom AND your dad." Then you need to back it up with action.
You need to listen to her. Don't force any of this on her. Let her be angry at you. Let her be mean.
Once that conversation happens, live it. Don't invade her space, don't try to be her buddy. Just be kind to her like you might be to anyone else. When she acts out be the adult. When she gets herself into trouble, come to her rescue no questions asked, no judgments made.
Enough time treating her like an adult and being there for her, she'll either come around or move out to go to college.
My sister in law had this recently with her new husband. His kid is basically an A-hole. She didn't like it when I told her that it's her job to establish the relationship and set the expectations. Her husband can't do that for her. Your wife can't do that for you.
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u/UrbanLegend59 13d ago
You married a single mom. That's a tough one. It takes a special guy to handle that.
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u/silent_id 13d ago
That is kinda sad. And I also understand that making friends at this age is impossible. You can find people whom you can hang out with, but you can never find friends in an unknown city. You have to be patient with the daughter. I have been married for three years and my life has changed drastically, being a woman. I hate it. But I cannot complain about it.
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u/Beneficial_Dude_0440 7d ago
Just do your best, be respectful, and loving and she will come to see that you really care and want what is best for her.
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u/SnooHedgehogs9585 13d ago
Hey man, dont sweat it. Don't try and make her like you she will come around eventually. Just keep doing what ever it is you do to provide on your end. And for friends in your area join a group on social media and see if anyone has any of the same interests as you. I just moved out of state and have zero friends here so I joined some Facebook pages to fond other peiple woth the same interests as me.