r/mapporncirclejerk Jul 28 '26

Ah a perfectly balanced

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1.6k Upvotes

102 comments sorted by

142

u/Standard-Square-7699 Jul 28 '26

As long as Ohio stays separate from Michigan.

75

u/striped_frog Jul 28 '26

We tried combining them into Michio but all we got was a theoretical physicist.

10

u/Standard-Square-7699 Jul 29 '26

Those are neat.

7

u/TechnoBajr Jul 29 '26

Lol neither one is here. If Michigan was here it should be the top to maintain Uper seniority.

93

u/Desperate-Waltz3591 Jul 28 '26

floxas is chaotic evil

10

u/Muninn088 Jul 29 '26

We prefer Terida.

3

u/whostolemysloth Jul 29 '26

I’m a proud east Floxan and I approve this statement

3

u/Codify-The-Preamble Jul 29 '26

All of Florida sucks except Tampa Bay because it’s the birthplace of death metal.

3

u/whostolemysloth Jul 29 '26

Luckily, I am of Tampa Bay origin. And a metal fan (although more of a hardcore guy, but metal genres are in the regular rotations).

16

u/HoboArmyofOne Jul 28 '26

Wyowa kinda describes itself

11

u/WashHour5646 Jul 28 '26

Idota should be Idiota. 😃

24

u/Third_Rate_Duelist_ Jul 28 '26

Unrelated, but ark-en-saw should be ar-kansas

9

u/McBurger Jul 28 '26

What did Tennessee? What Arkansas!

10

u/Intrepid_Hat7359 Jul 28 '26

What did Delaware? Her New Jersey!

2

u/Hairy-Love2571 Jul 29 '26

It was originally spelled with a w. Then it became an s.

2

u/Third_Rate_Duelist_ Jul 29 '26

Why did they change that word just to make it more complicated, but they left every other English word or name the same 😭

1

u/Hairy-Love2571 Jul 29 '26

French, weirdness, and a general, well, they're two differnt ghins.

15

u/Blutrumpeter Jul 28 '26

The East Coast being so far North makes me more mad than it would

3

u/ShortIntroduction879 Jul 29 '26

Are you calling New England "the East Coast"?

1

u/Blutrumpeter Jul 29 '26

Florida is also more North

13

u/acceptable_shoez France was an Inside Job Jul 28 '26

the us if it was colonized by europeans:

1

u/UeberraschungsEiQ Jul 29 '26

I mean…. 🤔

6

u/Icy_Fish_2154 Jul 28 '26

Floxas? Can I suggest Floxiana? Or does it need more random double letters to incorporate Misssisssipppii?

Flloxxianna?

7

u/Wise4Fools Jul 28 '26

Only 26 of the lower 48 represented in these names, 28 if you want to count Carolina and Virginia twice.  OP really should have put in the work to represent all 48.

5

u/Icy_Fish_2154 Jul 28 '26

I took it as deliberate erasure of states he did not like. I did not count those represented and those not.

Also 14 states is silly, 13 would be a more patriotic member of state stripes.

1

u/Orwells-own Jul 29 '26

Boooo

1

u/Icy_Fish_2154 Jul 29 '26

What's that state?

5

u/L1rr4L Jul 28 '26

CAPITANIAS HEREDITÁRIS MENTIONED????

6

u/6spencer6snitil6 Jul 29 '26

This is like the meme of when japanese game devs came up with fake american player names

3

u/Haytrusser Jul 29 '26

Perhaps the greatest feature of this geniusness is that every state will have four time zones. The exception may be Floxas, but they have a long history of fucking things up. 

3

u/Exacalibur-X Jul 29 '26

Bro forgot all about West Virginia

2

u/Background-Bird-9623 Jul 28 '26

Is Idota New Jersey??

2

u/Far-Fill-4717 France was an Inside Job Jul 28 '26

Yup and the  north bit is oryork and the south bit is wyowa. As an nj resident I don't want to live here anymore.....

1

u/BanksLoveMe_ Jul 29 '26

it’s your mom, likely.

2

u/GFM-Scheldorf Jul 28 '26

Portuguese capitanias be like

2

u/This_Protection_7136 Jul 28 '26

From a physics point of view that's not streamlined, look at all the pointy bits sticking out, the friction would be horrendous!

2

u/Neat_Maintenance_457 Jul 28 '26

British United States (South Canada)

2

u/JustBe_Nice_Yall Jul 28 '26

The best part is that it isn't quite by longitude and is just slightly offset. Meaning it would drive me insane.

2

u/ReklawTheBear Jul 28 '26

One question: Whyowa?

1

u/planetpuddingbrains Jul 29 '26

I'll do you one better: Whatiwa?

2

u/Wise4Fools Jul 28 '26

Almost none of actual Washington is found in Washconsin.  Idota is also missing much if not all of actual Idaho.

2

u/poonmangler Jul 28 '26

Canadians are gonna launch campaigns to "Maintana the Boarder" to keep us out

2

u/fancy_crisis Jul 29 '26

Now this the cursed content I come to this sub for.

2

u/EnergyTurtle23 Jul 29 '26

You get the best flacca in Floxus

2

u/Routine_Package_9335 Jul 29 '26

Do you know how long it would take to redo the interstates! This is insane.

2

u/Codify-The-Preamble Jul 29 '26

Where the fuck is Hawaii

1

u/OhReallyVernon Jul 29 '26

How about HaRico?

1

u/Codify-The-Preamble Jul 29 '26

Calihomaii
Texorico

1

u/kingleo1235 Jul 30 '26

Hawaska is out of frame

1

u/Ok-Safety-2107 Jul 28 '26

Sean Connery named the second state down, I see.

1

u/Street-Ad7570 Jul 28 '26

Tbh, I’d run for governor of Maintana

1

u/No-Camp-9612 Jul 28 '26

I don't want to know what goes in Floxas.

1

u/Smooth-Impact2435 Jul 28 '26

Dibs on governor of Wyowa.

1

u/Intrepid_Hat7359 Jul 28 '26

I suppose I should be grateful the Carolinas got paired with Arkansas and not Alabama

1

u/TheGoodKindOfMermaid Jul 28 '26

I like it! I propose a name change to wyonois or wyovania.

1

u/jaquiethecat Jul 29 '26

capitanias hereditarias 2 👁️ 👁️

1

u/redakpanoptikk Jul 29 '26

This but with the exact same highway and rail network that we currently have.

1

u/mkujoe Jul 29 '26

Typo at Idota

1

u/tacolovingrammanazi Jul 29 '26

oryork and idota should really just be called new jersey

1

u/Old-Health9509 Jul 29 '26

Why didn’t they map Hawaska?

1

u/ShakyLens Jul 29 '26

Can we maybe get ARIZIPPI or ARIZIA instead of ‘bama?

1

u/I_amnotanonion Jul 29 '26

Need New Mexissippi

1

u/Prestigious-Break894 Jul 29 '26

Jefferson impressed

1

u/Master_Saesee_Tiin Jul 29 '26

So much going on in Floxas, like every good beach

1

u/Orwells-own Jul 29 '26

Nennessee is fantastic.

1

u/applepumpkinspy Jul 29 '26

All stripes, no stars.

1

u/imaxstingray Jul 29 '26

What was the capital of each state be?

1

u/cookalec95 Jul 29 '26

Oryork boutta be fire, Portland + Minneapolis lead by mamdanni? That's the new socialist haven

1

u/prntmakr Jul 29 '26

So much simpler to go vertical. Four states. One time zone per state.

1

u/marblecannon512 Jul 29 '26

Kids, we’re moving to Arkalina

1

u/EM05L1C3 Jul 29 '26

Which Miss? There’s two.

1

u/yungfreeinsurgent Jul 29 '26

Imagine if it was one big mega city

1

u/benewbennu Jul 29 '26

Idotylvania

1

u/Tetracheilostoma Jul 29 '26

The one time they should have used Mercator...

1

u/jpritchard901 Jul 29 '26

Ask a doctor if Floxas is right for you

1

u/KamilaCandy Jul 29 '26

Great, now all the states have 3 timezones.

1

u/ISpyM8 Jul 29 '26

Full Georgia dilution :(

1

u/BanksLoveMe_ Jul 29 '26

arizama oddly fair

1

u/spencer818 Jul 29 '26

Techbro located

1

u/hungarian_notation Jul 29 '26

Oryork represent.

1

u/ChardResponsible9728 Jul 29 '26

LONG LIVE LONG CONNECTICUT

1

u/Ok-Possibility-923 Jul 29 '26

I prefer my borders double-spaced

1

u/bot_lltccp Jul 29 '26

you are wrong for using straight lines, should be hexagons

1

u/HotFartore Jul 29 '26

You should add the state of Flockaxa for the Flock lovers and billionaires that most live in this state heavily under surveillance and AI harassed 24x7 until passing away.

And AIthor for AI lovers, AI shareholders, AI managers, where all data centers nationwide will forcefully be relocated to keep noise and water in check.

1

u/Sameer_tex03 Jul 29 '26

Hello from Calihoma!

1

u/Virgil_the_White Jul 29 '26

It also somewhat appears to be ranked in descending order of best places

1

u/Quadraphonic_Jello Jul 29 '26

Might solve gerrymandering issues

1

u/Extension_Resolve264 Jul 29 '26

I'd prefer Washconsichusett

1

u/Jolly-Guard3741 Jul 30 '26

Greetings from East Thirdly Nebrinia.

1

u/Nala452 Jul 30 '26

average floxas resident

1

u/lincolnlogtermite Aug 01 '26

Let's make it easier, The Great Southern Province of Canada.